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The Double Dipper.
The Double Dipper.

"This is the story about the 'double dipper.' This happened in Berkeley, CA. Every few weeks, a man would come in who'd order one of our to-go specials to eat in the sun outside the restaurant. That's cool. We'd pack it all and give him the usual plastic knife and fork, he'd go outside and sit next to the entrance of the place, eating it. We often offered him plates and silverware, but he wanted it to be packed to go.

While sitting outside, he'd take a few bites, then invert the fork and start digging in his ears with the handle, retrieve something, put that in his mouth, and keep eating. He also dug for boogers with his fingers while eating, and once scratched his butt, smelled his hand, and then licked it.

It was also in Berkeley, that a customer took the empty water bottle from the table and relieved himself into it, while still chewing on his last bite. We waited until he was done, then ejected him and called the cops, he'd whipped his member out in front of kids.

I can't count the amount of people who can't eat with fork and knife. Some tables look like a food fight, just because people dripped more on them as got into their mouth.

Finally, my personal pet peeve and a no-no anywhere I work, is Snus/Chew. Customers spitting their crap into water glasses between taking swigs from the other glass (some even manage to eat with a mouth full of chew). Immediate ejection as soon as I see it" (Source).

Good Old Golden Corral.
Good Old Golden Corral.

"Once watched a really massive lady (I mean Hoveround bound, so heavy the chair squealed and groaned when she shifted) take entire PANS from the dessert table, like, you know not a plate full of pie, the whole damn pie, and the ones on either side.. she actually took about half the table herself.

But after the dessert, yes AFTER dessert, she went back and picked all the meat out of the meat and veggie or meat and pasta dishes. like all the meat.

Then she moved to the seafood table, and this is the nasty part, she scooped out the plates full of various seafood type items, did not even go to the table, would just suck the broth off the meat, then pour the stuff back into the heating dish and go to the next hot plate.

And the staff, when they tried to remove her, were threatened with a lawsuit. When the cops came to remove her? They had to call in a freaking TECHNICIAN. She pulled the key to scooter, dropped it into the eternal abyss of her bosom, so they had to actually get forklift type thing to move her scooter and all...and the rest of us were given free drink refills for the WEEK and 50 dollar gift cards. Thank you Golden Corral" (Source).

The Purse Stuffer.

Shutterstock/SunKids

The Purse Stuffer.

"A few years back, we had a family come in, mom, dad, another woman, and six kids. They sat down and started unpacking toys for the kids (that's OK, I'd rather they play on their table than running into my wait staff). We served them appetizers that would have fed a family three times the size, and mom started packing things away, right as we served them. My waiter told them that we'd happily wrap things to go, she just shook her head and started heaping handfuls of food into napkins which she then stuck in her pockets and purse.

The main courses were a little less extensive, but when she started filling the leftover gravy from all plates into one of the younger kids' baby bottle, that was gross and very messy.

We were pretty empty that afternoon, so we simply indulged them. The other diners were more amused than appalled, too, so all was good.

For dessert they ordered eight slices of pie, she wrapped four and put them into her purse, setting her purse on the chair next to her. You know what will happen next... the kid who was sitting next to her ran up from having been running around despite the toys, sat down, and squished the purse. A river of goo runs from it, they barely acknowledge that. When they're done, she takes the purse and leaves, leaving a trail of wet stuff dripping. It took us 20 minutes to clean the table and her egress" (Source).

How To Instantly Ruin Pizza.

Shutterstock/Anton Gepolov

How To Instantly Ruin Pizza.

"This is over 20 years ago, but I was a waitress in college at a trendy pizza place. A family with several children and one baby came in a ordered a large. The whole eating area was tiny, and the tables were tiny too. Every other patron was within 5 to 8 feet of her. After the pizza was put on the table, and everyone had been served, the woman decided to change her baby on the table. Next to the plates of food. The kid's head under the elevated pizza plate. Suffice to say, the owner booted her and the family. It was disgusting" (Source).

Horrendous Behavior.
Horrendous Behavior.

"People certainly can show some rather horrendous behaviour in a restaurant environment. I've seen people: pick spots or pimples at the table, pick dry skin leaving flakes all over the place and then there is just other more general rude behaviour like making a spectacle by belching or farting loudly. What passes as acceptable in the minds of some people is shocking at times.

Worst yet is what happens in the toilet. There are two incidents which stand out here. The first was the mess that followed a customer deciding to vomit in the sink instead of the toilet. This was in a small restaurant where there was just the one toilet. Despite the staff member who drew the shortest straw trying their best we had to call a plumber to unblock the drain. Another - and far worse - was a customer who while attempting a number 2 missed and somehow managed to get what should have ended up in the toilet pretty much everywhere else. I don't know if they made such a horrible mess intentionally or if it was done as a result of some bad effort to clean up a horrible accident. It was unimaginably horrific to the point that I would have quit and walked out the door had it been my job to clean.

I think in general one of the more usual and annoying incidents for everyone (staff and customers) involves unsupervised children. I have witnessed kids running around restaurants making massive messes, breaking things, hurting others and themselves, etc. What makes this worse is the often confrontational behaviour of parents who don't seem to understand that the front of house staff are not there to babysit while the parents enjoy their meal. I've even had kids run into and then around the kitchen while we were in the middle of a busy service because no one was paying attention to the them. I would say this is probably the worst thing restaurant workers have to deal with because it happens so frequently" (Source).

The Ketchup Bottle.

Shutterstock/adirekjob

The Ketchup Bottle.

"Working as a waitress in an old school, greasy spoon breakfast joint, I hosted a table of four gentlemen who ordered omelets every Friday morning for a year or so. These were well dressed, well mannered regular customers that I had always enjoyed serving. One morning, I happened to witness one of these men licking the rim of the ketchup bottle after using some on his home fries. I was pretty disgusted. He actually put the mouth of the jar into his mouth and sucked/licked. So gross! Needless to say, I immediately tossed the bottle into the trash as soon as they left. I was never able to view this man in the same light again" (Source).

Food Bath.

Shutterstock/DGLimages

Food Bath.

"First server job was a family owned mini chain of Tex Mex restaurants. Two ladies and a baby arrived in my section back by the ladies restrooms. The baby is placed at the end of the table in the aisle. The baby gets a side of refried beans and a side of rice. Baby proceeds to smear, grind, sling the food on the table and on the floor behind him so that I can barely get around behind the baby to give the woman on that side of the table drink refills. I actually have to hop to do so. This happened a while ago so the high chair he is sitting in has an attached tray which is completely smeared with rice and beans, the baby has smeared the mix all in his hair and face.

Meal ends and the mom takes baby into the ladies room and basically bathed the boy in the bathroom sink as his hair is clean and he has a new set of clothes on. This process took 10 minutes. I make what I think is a point comment about how long it took to clean him up. The mom just laughed and assured me it normally took 15 minutes. Meanwhile the table, high chair, and floor is a disaster area and my bus boy is muttering curses in Spanish I am unfamiliar with and I'm by now fluent in Spanish insults.

It took the bus boy about 30 minutes to restore the area to normal. I also figured out why the ladies room sinks would become clogged" (Source).

Digging For Gold.

Shutterstock/Africa Studio

Digging For Gold.

"About 10 years ago, I was producing a live comedy show at Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas. I was only in town for a few days and was working with a crew that I worked with several times a year. A coworker and video editor friend of mine had heard good stories about the buffet at the MGM Grand, which is pretty close to Mandalay Bay. So, on one of our meal breaks we decided to go and check out what all of the fuss was about.

When we arrived, there was a line of people waiting to get in, so we had to stand there for a few minutes before being admitted. While we were chatting, I hadn't paid much attention to the group of 3--4 young, Korean tourists in front of us. At one point, my friend nudges me and nods toward the group, as if to say, 'Check that out.'

They guy standing directly in front of me was in his early 20's, casually dressed in t-shirt and ball cap... and blue jeans... with his right arm stuffed straight down the back of them. His hand was right down the middle of his ass-crack and so deep that his belt was literally about half way up his forearm. Just casually standing there, almost elbow deep in his own underwear, like it was the most normal thing to do when standing in line at a buffet restaurant.

I'm not known for being shy in social situations, so I tapped Mr. Stinkfingers on the shoulder, motioned to his ongoing spelunking activities and asked, 'So, are you digging for gold back there or something?'

He quickly jerked his hand out and apologized profusely, but I added: 'I hope you're planning on washing your hands before you start handling the utensils at the buffet stations, because everyone else after you has to use the same ones.' He apologized again and said he would.

He did not. My friend and I kept our eyes on him and rushed around to get to the buffet stations that he'd not yet soiled with his most certainly fecal-flecked phalanges. Turns out the MGM Buffet was great, though we never did get to the taco station" (Source).

Mind your Liquor.
Mind your Liquor.

"I was in San Francesco at the time of the incident. We were an open kitchen. New, trendy and hip. It was the place to be and it was loud, really loud. Lots of dot comers whom we were more than happy to party with their money. It was a Friday night and the front of the house manager looked flustered, like really flustered. Flustered like he threw little Timmy down the well and kicked Lasie for barking flustered. He told me after work what happened as he didn't want other guests to hear during service. A four top (table of four) left one of their drunk friends unsupervised as they all went to the bathroom. This idiot whilst left alone, rose from his table to join another four top within the restaurant. He walked up to said patrons and began to eat their food on the table. Did I mention that nobody at the table knew this drunk? Chefs want food to bring people together, well this dear reader, is not what they had in mind. Even in his intoxicated state he still retained exceptional taste as he selected the pin bone steak. This behemoth weighs in at 72 ounces and goes for a whopping $125 a pop. In case you were wondering, it's a shared plate. The table was aghast. It was one of those moments where no-one could believe something like this could happen, and then there's this drunk idiot proving them wrong. The man continued to eat until he had his fill and stumbled back to his table. The manager had to toss him and his table who hadn't paid for their meal. He also comped the poor pin bone table. We lost well over $700 that night.

Drunk people, mind your liquor" (Source).

Back Away From The Sugar Spoon.

Shutterstock/Ben Harding

Back Away From The Sugar Spoon.

"You know those sugar mason jars that open at the top, the ones you can put your spoon into, don't use them.

I once witnessed a man take a spoonful of sugar, eat it, lick the spoon and then go back in for seconds and thirds.

I've seen plenty of people absentmindedly dipping their spoons back in after having put the damn things in their mouths, but actually actively eating out the sugar bowl and licking the spoon like his life depended on it was definitely a first (and thankfully a last)" (Source).

The Pee Bucket.

Shutterstock/k r e f

The Pee Bucket.

"I once worked with a senior chef that was nearing retirement in Australia while I was still in training who thought it necessary to implement a pee bucket that he would use during service in the dry store for his convenience. The bucket happened to be an old instant gravy container.

Not a very nice thought having a Chef flopping out his John in the storeroom to take a tinkle mid service with a full rack of dockets on the fly. I once cleaned the walls of that dry store during routine cleaning. I realized to my horror after completing the task that the horrid marks just happened to be 'spashback' from the piss bucket.

Mortified" (Source).

Kids Do The Grossest Things.

Shutterstock/swissmacky

Kids Do The Grossest Things.

"This was technically done by a child, so I guess I shouldn't say she's a 'slob,' but it was disgusting all the same.

There was a Chinese buffet I used to visit frequently when I was in school. It had a soft-serve ice cream machine in the dessert area. A man was holding a young child on his hip nearby. As I watched, she stuck her finger up her nose, pulled it out, reached over and stuck it up the nozzle of the ice cream machine, pulled it out, stuck it in her mouth, then stuck it back in the nozzle. The process was repeated several times, and the dad never noticed.

Of course, this was the same place that once served up noodles with the rubber bands that had bunched them still attached, so it's not like the overall tone of the establishment really suffered" (Source).

All In One Week.
All In One Week.

"As a waitress I'll tell you of some examples of slob-iness I witnessed this past week. This Sunday I had an older Asian woman, with a party of 6, blow her nose into a tissue, and put it down on the menu while ordering. She then finished ordering, closed the menu, and processes to hand it back to me. So many high pitched ewws came out of me in the back. I had another table of two 20 something girls who cleaned their ears out with q-tips at the tables after finishing, got up & just left them on the table. Both of these acts of extreme ickyness happened in the same day. I had someone order with her mouth full, while being fully aware that she was actually spitting chip pieces onto me. And as all waiters have seen, you will get a large party, for some reason it always happens with large parties of like 7 or more, change a baby at the table. But you won't know until you're cleaning up the table after they and their slob selves have left, that you see a dirty diaper. This happens WAY more than you think. I've seen the typical slobs who make a mess, or let their toddler throw everything and then some on the floor for someone else to clean, but it's the smaller acts of rudeness that scream slob to me" (Source).

It's Not Always The Customer.
It's Not Always The Customer.

"The nastiest slob I have ever seen was the owner of this place I briefly worked at as a Chef de Partie in Melbourne, Australia. He was a really horrible piece of work... a bad human being.

He was mid-fifties, fat, unshaven, sleazy, messy and aggressive. Everyone hated him and he managed to single handedly run his restaurant to the ground.

He used to force the waitresses to spend their lunch hour with him and they would eat. I remember looking out from the pass and seeing him dribbling wine down himself and bits of food flying out of his mouth and sticking to his gut. He was an embarrassment to everyone who worked there as well as himself. Someone would always have to sweep up after him.

He ended up running the restaurant into the ground and ripping off all the staff for outstanding wages. He was the biggest slob I have ever known" (Source).

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