Tee has been with her husband for five years and married for about a year and a half. She's never once doubted her husband's fidelity. She describes him as super smart, funny, handsome, and loyal (so she thought). Tee explains that her husband has never given her any reason to doubt him or be suspicious.
Although, she thought it was kind of odd when he downloaded Snapchat. She explains that her husband wasn't big on social media. Tee has Snapchat but is not very active on the app. She and her husband rarely snap each other. Her husband shared with her that his friends were really active and he liked it better than Facebook. But again, he had given her no reason not to trust him, so she thought nothing of his new Snapchat account.
Then one morning, Tee's husband was in the shower and left his phone on her nightstand. She was half-asleep when his phone started chirping and woke her up. They both had the same phone and ringtone for text messages. Not knowing that he had put his phone on her nightstand for whatever reason, she thought it was her phone in her half-asleep state. Despite her husband's black phone case (hers was green), she didn't even notice and looked at who had texted - it said 'Mom'. Okay, she thought. Her mom texted her, so she could ignore that text until she was actually awake. But under that was a Snapchat notification. A snap from someone named "Roxy." Tee thought, "who the heck is Roxy and why is she snap-chatting me?" She opened it and bam, it's an intimate picture of a woman. The caption read, "I want to see you again".
At this point, Tee immediately thought it was a mistake. But she was alert now after being awoken by this photo. She then quickly realized that it was her husband's phone. She felt like she was going to crap the bed and started to sweat. She looked at his contacts on Snapchat and Roxy had a yellow heart next to her name. She looked up what a yellow heart meant in the context of Snapchat and later found out that it meant that her husband and this woman were "best friends" - what the heck.
Tee felt like she going to be sick. She didn't do any other snooping because honestly, she believed that she knew what she'd find. She just didn't understand how her husband could do such a thing. She thought they were happy and they were intimate at least four times a week, so she didn't think he needed to go look for anything elsewhere.
And here's the real kicker, Tee was almost 12 weeks pregnant with their first child when she found out.
Afterwards, Tee's husband was sitting in the recliner about 20 feet from her and she just couldn't find the words to confront him. She thought to herself, "how do I say what I need to say? There is no way I am somehow overreacting or misreading this situation, is there? I'm heartbroken and don't know what to do."
Days afterward, Tee could tell that her husband knew something was up but the way she was acting. She didn't know if he saw that she had opened the snapchat from Roxy and was afraid of what he saw (and was afraid to bring it up), or if he was clueless and could just tell that she was upset about something. Tee's husband had been asking her if she was okay or if something was wrong about every hour. She told him that her sister was having a hard time today (ironically, her sister just broke up with her boyfriend. Why? He cheated) and that she was going to go over to her place for dinner to spend the night with her.
Tee's sister was young and a whiz at the social media. She 'stalked' Tee's husband's Facebook to see if this Roxy person popped up anywhere. She looked through his friend's friends and bingo - they found her. Well, at least they were pretty sure they found her. Tee didn't see her face in the snapshot. The screen was too full of her crotch.
Anyway, Roxy was Facebook friends with one of Tee's husband's good friends. She was listed as a receptionist at her husband's friend's law firm. Tee's husband worked a couple blocks from the law firm and would stop by often to grab lunch with his friend. That would explain how they met. Still formulating a plan on confrontation, trying to get as much information as possible first, Tee's sister wanted to burn her brother-in-law life to the ground. As did Tee, but she was choosing to address it in the most adult way possible so that she could walk away from him with her head held high and be a deserving role model to her baby girl (although at the time she wasn't sure if her baby was a girl - she just had a feeling).
The good news was that Tee's uncle was a lawyer and most of what he dealt with were divorces. At the time, she had already contacted him and asked if they could discuss some potential legal issues (she didn't specify what because she felt like it was something she should do in person during their meeting). Tee told her uncle that it was an urgent matter and they scheduled a meeting for the next morning.
So, after all of that snooping around, it turns out Tee's husband cheated. He had been cheating since "maybe two weeks before last Christmas," according to him.
Tee was very calm when confronting him and just kindly asked him to explain who Roxy was and why she was his "best friend" on Snapchat. His face gave him away immediately but he still tried to lie to her at first.
He said that she worked with his friend and that they had met when his friend invited her out to lunch with the two of them. At first, he claimed he only met her about two months ago. He said that they were "best friends" because he didn't receive many snapchat messages from others and that she was extremely active on the app. He also said she just send random snaps and was really into fitness, so she would send a lot of "inspirational" snaps on being healthy and living a better life. He said that every once in a while, he'll send her something back, like a picture of a cheeseburger or something just to tease her about her level of health-consciousness.
First, Tee asked her husband why he didn't just tell her about Roxy. He said he didn't even think about it because she was just an acquaintance, not even a friend. Then Tee asked if he'd ever received anything even remotely inappropriate from her.
He answered with, "Not on purpose." Tee assumed he went with that because he knew I opened that snapchat and he probably knew it was a bad one.
Then Tee asked what "not on purpose" meant and her husband got very defensive. He started raising his voice and saying he didn't need to explain what that meant but did anyway, "sometimes people accidentally send the wrong snapchats to the wrong people." Then, while speaking to Tee, he had the nerve to say "I feel like I'm on trial here. People warned me that you'd get crazy when you're pregnant but I never thought it'd be this bad."
You may think that it seems amazing that Tee was able to keep such a level-head during all of this. That was because she was raised by a mother who always told her that you never accomplish anything with anger. That you can be emotional, passionate, upset, etc. without ever raising your voice. Messages received quietly and concisely are just as loud and clear as messages received through yelling and screaming. That is how Tee lived life for 26 years, with the exception of just a few blow ups here and there (cause she was human, of course).
But that very moment was an exception. Tee didn't exactly yell or scream, but she became furious. She couldn't believe that her husband would try to blame her reaction on the fact that she was pregnant. How unoriginal and offensive. Long story short, Tee's husband said he had never seen her that "crazy" and she told him that she'd never seen a picture of another girl's private on her husband's snapchat before. Her husband combated that statement claiming that Tee shouldn't have been looking at his snapchat. To which Tee explained that looking at his snapchat was an accident, but even if it hadn't been, there shouldn't be any reason he was receiving snapchats like that for her to even see (accidentally or not) in the first place. She told him that even though she may have been pregnant, that she was also an intelligent person and his wife, so she knew he was lying and she deserved to know the truth. Later, Tee asked if she could see his text messages to see if he's been texting Roxy. He said sure. There were no messages. Then she asked to see his Facebook messages and he looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He told her no and she asked why.
He finally broke and started to cry. He told her that he couldn't let me see the messages because they would hurt me because they were inappropriate.
Then it all came out. They got it on in the back seat of her car the very first night they met.
Tee's husband had been having an ongoing affair with another woman for months and they had not always used protection. Although, Tee was recently screened for transmitted diseases she was sure to be getting checked again in light of hearing the new information.
Tee's uncle already assured her that if her husband was unfaithful that they would win in court. Really the only thing she was willing to fight him tooth and nail for was their home because she had put a lot of effort and money into making that home her dream space. She also knew she wouldn't be seeking spousal support but would seek child support.
Tee explained that she was obviously heartbroken and told her husband to go stay in a hotel or with Roxy for all she cared. Her mother and sister stayed with her that night and let her sob all over them for hours. Tee was very numb but also thinking very clearly. She knew what her next 10 moves were, and felt supported and secure in her decision to leave him and keep the baby.
Tee explains that perhaps if she was in a different financial position and lacked a support system, she would consider other options for her baby. But she worked as a marketing manager for a large company, and not only did this allow her the privilege of working from home about 50% of the time, but it also granted her financial independence. She did not rely on her husband for money, and never really did. Her husband worked in technology so, while he made a good salary, Tee would have no need for spousal support.
Tee had a phenomenal support system and believed that her baby would be loved so dearly by so many. She understood that she would have to deal with her husband for the rest of her life and it would potentially make future relationships for her more difficult, but she believed it was all worth it. Tee wanted a baby forever and she was her mother, which she believed meant that she was strong enough to raise her alone.
Tee was just hoping for a speedy divorce and was ready to be done with her marriage. Which was absurd because just a few days prior to this incident, she thought her life was as close to perfect as it could get.
Tee was aware that there was a long road ahead of her and that reality of her new life will all probably really hit her soon. When it does, she claims that she'll mourn and grieve the end of what she thought was a happy union. But as for right now, she's in self-preservation mode and much more focused on how to come out of this situation in the best position possible.
Tee also mentioned that she was going to share some details about on what happened during the confrontation with her husband, etc., but then decided against it. She believed that she should keep some details private (as one day her husband might see this story).
Tee and her father were up late talking one night and he had the perfect thing to say to her. He told her that weak people are afraid of strong people and to keep on terrifying the weak ones. That way, the only people who wouldn't fear her would be the bravest, strongest of people and those are the people who were worthy of her.
Then her father told her that her husband was a spineless turd who couldn't kick it with the strongest woman in the world.
Tee thought she'd leave us all with that and encourage everyone to "be terrifying" by being strong and not standing for any nonsense whatsoever.