Unless you're a master chef, cooking Thanksgiving dinner can be a very daunting task. Butterball Turkey knows it frightens most people so they employed the Turkey Talk-Line. For years, 1-800-BUTTERBALL has been answering the calls of many desperate and clueless individuals with expert advice and tips. However, some people are more clueless than others. Here are 15 of the most bewildering and hilarious questions the Turkey Talk-Line has ever received.
“I carved my turkey with a chainsaw. Is the chain grease going to adversely affect the turkey?”
The Talk-Line does not recommend carving your turkey with a chain saw.
“How do I get my turkey to stop sudsing? Is soapy turkey recoverable?”
A turkey novice washed it with dish soap.
“How do I roast my turkey so it gets golden brown tan lines in the shape of a turkey bikini?”
The Turkey experts helped create bikini tan lines by putting aluminum foil in strategic places.
“My turkey doesn’t have any breast meat!”
After much deliberation the caller and the Turkey Talk-Line experts came to the conclusion that the turkey was lying on the table upside down.
“I have a tiny apartment-sized oven, how much will my turkey expand when cooking?”
Don't worry, apartment people. The turkeys do not expand in the oven.
“Is if OK to quickly thaw my turkey using a heated blanket?”
That is not very safe or sanitary. The best way to thaw your turkey is in the fridge. It take one day for every four pounds.
“I live in Florida and I left my turkey in the car overnight. Is it still OK to eat?”
The Talk-Line experts recommend thawing your turkey in the fridge. It can be unsafe to eat turkey that has been thawed at a warmer temperature.
“I left the bird in the snowbank to thaw and now I can’t find it. Now what?”
A Talk-Line expert asked the caller what state her turkey was in, referring to how thawed it was. The caller responded with "Florida."
“Is it okay to quickly thaw my turkey using a bathtub?”
No, it's not. Use a fridge.
“How do I carve a turkey when all of its bones have been broken?”
The caller had wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it so it would fit in the pan.
“How do I baste a pre-basted turkey?”
There is no need. It has already been basted.
“How do I roast a turkey for a vegetarian meal?”
May we suggest tofu instead?
“How do I clean bleach off my turkey?”
Worried about germs, the caller washed her turkey with bleach. She was told by the Talk-Line expert to dispose of the turkey.
“How do you thaw a fresh turkey?”
Since it is fresh, not frozen, there is no need to thaw it.