“What’s The Difference Between Iced And Hot Coffee?”
“I work at Dunkin Donuts. Some lady came in for coffee.
Customer: ‘What’s the difference between ice coffee and hot coffee?’
Me, confused: ‘Uh, iced is cold.’
Customer: ‘How do you make it cold?’
Customer: ‘Do you have French fries?’
Me: ‘No, we don’t sell that.’
Customer: ‘You have hashbrowns.’
Me: ‘Yeah, but those are like, breakfast food.’
Customer: ‘I’ve had French fries for breakfast.’
The worst part is she’s a fairly regular customer. And every time she comes in, she tries to take our tips.”
It’s A Little Harder For Some People To Tell Veggies Apart
“I work at a Wholefoods Market and once had a customer come up with vine tomatoes. I rang her up and she was displeased.
Customer: ‘Those should be cheaper. $1.49 each.’
Me: ‘Well, I can have my bagger check.’
Bagger goes to check.
Bagger: ‘Yeah, those aren’t $1.49. It’s the basil that’s $1.49. It’s next to it.’
Customer: ‘Yeah! That’s basil!’
Me: ‘Uh…no that’s a tomato.’
Customer: ‘Really? What’s the difference?'”
He Asked His Dumb Question A Little Too Late
“I was working at a museum where the main attraction was the dinosaur exhibit, so we’d sell a lot of cheap products aimed at children. And we’d sell a lot of them.
Especially ‘Dino Eggs.’
A grandfather (I presume) and his granddaughter came into the shop, which was always busy, always cramped and he picked up a Dino Egg for her.
He handed it over and paid quickly, telling me, ‘No bag, no need.’ Lovely, a simple transaction.
But just as the till drawer closed and I was pulling out his receipt to hand to him, from the corner of my I, I saw him tear open the packaging of this ‘egg,’ smash open the lovely plastic shell, and take a big shard to his mouth.
He began to chew, turned slowly to me and only then did he think to ask, ‘Is this edible?’
‘No…!’ I gasped. ‘No, sir. That…that’s not edible. You really shouldn’t eat that.’
The little granddaughter’s face sank further watching her grandpa spit out bits of plastic into her broken dinosaur egg, a fake dino-egg designed to be immersed in water so that the rubbery-dino toy on the inside can ‘grow and hatch.’
I gave him another. Well, I gave it to his granddaughter. Best to keep it away from him, he was clearly ravenous.”
“What Do You Call That, Smarty Pants?”
“I work at a supermarket in the dairy department. One day, as I’m stocking eggs on the shelf, a customer asks, ‘Where is the Eggos?’
Me: ‘They are in the frozen department.’
Customer: ‘No, I buy them in this aisle.’
Me: ‘We don’t have waffles in the dairy department.’
Customer: ‘Not the waffles, they are liquid eggs.’
Me: ‘I’ve worked here for years, we don’t sell Eggo brand liquid eggs.’
Customer: ‘What do you call that, smarty pants?’ Pointing to EggBeater brand liquid eggs.
Customer: ‘That’s what I’m looking for.’
Me: ‘You asked for Eggos.’
Customer: ‘That’s what I call them.’
Me: ‘Think carefully before you answer this: how would I know your random liquid egg nickname?’
She complained. I was sent home early for arguing with her.”
He Was Sure The Guy Was Just Messing With Him
“I work in an adult beverage store whose inventory is 80% vino. You literally have to walk past aisles of it to get to the hard stuff near the back. I was in an aisle in the back of the store when a customer approached me, looked me dead in the eyes and asked, ‘Hey, where do you keep the vino at?’
I took a few seconds to react, not sure at first if the guy was messing with me or not, but upon inspecting his sincerely frustrated gaze, I arrived at the conclusion that the man was indeed serious.
I responded by simply pointing behind the gentleman and then sweeping my arm from one side to the other like I was showing my lion cub all of the land that would one day be his to rule.”
Her Simple Question Was Answered With Total Rudeness
“I worked at a coffee shop where we sell two sizes: small and large. I was working the register, ringing up a girl. I asked her what kind of coffee she got, which went fine, but when I asked small or large, she responded with a suspicious, ‘Why do you need to know?’ Are you freaking kidding me? Because one is a larger quantity than the other and you pay for that extra amount. When I told her as much, she scoffed and grudgingly told me. Like, do you think I’m tricking you?
I had another lady at a different coffee shop who was very upset that her Starbucks gift card was not valid, despite the fact that we were very much not a Starbucks.”
There Was No Way She Was Going To Run To The Store For Him
“The customer I’m serving orders a burger: ‘Hey do you guys have those burger buns like they sell at the grocery store across the street? You know the ones with the swan on the bag?’
Me: ‘No sir, we get our buns shipped to us from our supplier, they’re a different brand.’
Customer: ‘Do you think you could run across the street and buy a bun for me? I really want that one for my burger.’
He genuinely expected the restaurant to pay for it, too. And he didn’t even know the name of the brand of buns, not like that matters, but still.”
Something Seems A Bit Fishy…
“I work at a restaurant and we deal with annoying complaints from customers all the time. But this one is my favorite.
I had a customer come up to me and asked me why her husband’s meal smelled like fish. I asked her what did her husband order, to which she replied that he ordered fisherman’s platter which, as you may have guessed, has fish as part of the meal on the plate.
For a few seconds, I didn’t respond. I was thinking this has to be a joke. But she was serious.
When I said I could get the manager for her to go over her complaint, she said it’s not a complaint as everything was okay with their meals. She added that her husband loves fish but she can’t handle the smell.
All I could say to her was I will inform management about the issue. This happened about three years ago, and I still can’t wrap my head around what happened.”
She Had No Idea Her Suggestion Would Come Back To Bite Her
“I used to work at a Taco Bell. Once, a super nice guy came in. I must stress that he was not a bad customer at all. He asked me what I would recommend. I listed off some items and he decided to get the Mexican pizza. I told him what came on it and he was all, ‘Yeah, yeah, it’s all good my man.’
He got his food, sat down with his family, and within about a minute, he came back up to the counter with a mad look on his face. He went, ‘Hey, what the heck is this?!’
‘That’s the pizza you ordered…’
‘Oh.’ He casually walked back to his seat and ate his food.
Customers are so freaking stupid…”
Her Explanation Went Totally Over His Head
“I worked at Wendy’s through high school and part of college. One day, a man in his 50s and wearing a bright magenta suit walked in and ordered a burger. I asked him, ‘Do you want a combo or just the sandwich?’
He asked, ‘What is a combo?’ I explained to him that it was a sandwich with fries and a drink, but somehow he didn’t understand. He looked at me blankly and asked, ‘I want fries and a drink, but what is the combo?’
We went back and forth on this for like FIVE MINUTES. I don’t even remember if he ever got what a combo was, or if he ended up getting it. I do remember, however, that I saw him two weeks later in a different city at my other job training political canvassers. He was wearing the same magenta suit. I was in such shock that I just stared at him, saying nothing, thinking, ‘It’s the combo guy.'”
This Lady Clearly Had Some Spatial Issues
“‘Does this room go all the way to the back wall over there?’
She pointed a finger out towards the end of the shop-floor, past all the shelves and merchandise.
‘That white wall?’ I asked, ‘The one furthest away at the end of the room?’
‘That is part of the room, too?’
‘Yes, this room contains all of itself.’
‘Thank you.’ Then she walked away
‘…What the heck just happened?’ I asked myself.”
What A Fancy Way To Say “Stir”
“‘Can you aerate that for me?’
He wanted me to stir his apple juice. Technically, his word choice was applicable, I guess, but what the heck, dude? He had a straw ready in his hand and he could darn well have aerated that juice himself. I admit, it took me two seconds of staring at his serious face before I reached for a straw, unwrapped it, and stirred his drink. I did it all without breaking eye contact with him, and he was satisfied.
Also, I think about him now every time I stir or shake my chocolate milk to make it frothy.”
What Are The Chances Both Parts Of The Couple Are Stupid?
“I worked at a very well known golf restaurant that is known as a nightlife spot. A new site just got built on top of a hotel in Las Vegas.
Guest: ‘Can you move the net back farther?’
Me laughing: ‘No, no I can’t.’
I have never laughed at a guest before but I did that day. The net is held up by about 20 metal poles that reach 200-500 feet in the air and who knows how far down into the ground. They probably weigh tens of thousands of pounds.
This all followed the second stupidest questioner I’ve ever met while working, who was this guest’s wife. She asked about seven times if we had lemon pepper wings, which essentially went like this:
Wife: ‘Do you have lemon pepper wings?’
Me: ‘No, ma’am.’
W: ‘So, no lemon pepper wings?’
Me: ‘No, ma’am.’
W: ‘But you can probably make lemon pepper wings right?’
Me: ‘No, ma’am.’
W: ‘But you probably have the ingredients for lemon pepper wings?’
Me: ‘No, we do not.’
W: ‘Could you ask the chef to figure out how to make some lemon pepper wings for me?’
What Else Could She Was She Expecting
“I used to work at an ice cream parlor.
A woman walked in. She leaned on the ice-cream freezer, the sort with glass to see the ice cream.
Her: ‘I’m just wondering, if um, you sell ice-cream here.’
Me: ‘Uh, why yes we do.’
When A Half Dozen Doesn’t Mean Six
“I used to work the fish counter at a grocery store.
Customer: ‘Can I have half a dozen of the smallest size shrimp you sell?’
Me: ‘Sure!’ (Picks out six small shrimp and puts them on a scale)
Customer: (Looks at me like I’m stupid) ‘That’s half a dozen?!’
Me: ‘Yes, ma’am. Six is half of 12.
Customer: ‘I meant half a pound.'”
“Do You Live Here?”
“I once had a lady walk up to me while I worked in a pizza restaurant who asked, ‘Do you live here?’
I simply replied, ‘Yeah, just like a teacher, I don’t live outside of my job.’
She then responded, ‘That’s not true! I’m a teacher and I don’t stay at school all day.’
I never felt so bad for kids before that day.”
He Was Blinded By The Blinds
“‘Can you go close the blinds, the sun is too bright?’ asked a customer through a mouth full of shrimp.
I said, ‘Sure thing, sir,’ then noticed the blinds were already down. ‘Sorry sir, but the blinds are already down.’
‘Well, would you mind turning the sun off? I can’t enjoy my food like this,’ said the customer who would soon get his meal comped because he complained to management about how I didn’t fulfill his request.”
She Knew Something Was Missing From Her Bag…
“I work at Jimmy Johns. All Jimmy Johns have a sign that says ‘Free Smells.’ I once had a lady come through the drive-thru one day while my manager and I were running it. She asked about the free smells after her order and my manager told her okay you can pull up. She got to the window, got her food, then proceeded to look through the bag. She eventually looked up, all confused, and asked where her free smells were? My manager jokingly said, ‘Oh yeah! Come inside and you can smell all you want for free!’ She then said, ‘Ok butthole!’ And then sped off.
To this day, I have no freaking clue what she thought would be in that bag.”
He Needs To Brush Up On His Italian
“I work at an Italian place right now. We call our Italian menu items by Italian names with English descriptions. I get a lot of questions, but I don’t mind a hair because I get paid to talk about food.
Not too long ago, though, it sort of went slapstick. It’s not just that they asked a dumb question, but that they kept asking it.
Customer: ‘Pollo e penne?’
Me: ‘Oh, that’s chicken and pasta with-‘
Customer: ‘Does it have meat in it?’
Me: ‘The chicken pasta? Yes, pollo is Italian for chicken.’
Customer: ‘Can I get the chicken but not the pollo?’
Me: ‘Pollo is just Italian for chicken. If you want chicken, it’s really good-‘
Customer: ‘No, I like chicken but I don’t want pollo.’
I kind of lost it for a split second.”
She Was Totally Polite, But Still Absurdly Stupid
“I used to work at a grocery store deli. My coworker, for some reason, got more stupid questions than anyone else, but one went a little like this:
Coworker: ‘Hi, what can I get you?’
Customer: ‘The eight-piece chicken…how many pieces are in it?’
Coworker: ‘How…how many pieces are in the eight-piece chicken? Um. There are eight pieces in the eight-piece chicken…’
Customer: ‘Ok, I’ll have that, please!’
To be fair, the lady was awfully polite but, ‘How many pieces are in the 8 piece chicken,’ is still a stupid question.”