He’s Only Looking Out For Himself
“My wife and I were hosting dinner for extended family during the Christmas holiday. We were hosting a total of 15 people. When my father asked what he needed to bring, we told him to bring drinks. When he showed up with his wife and her little snot of a grandson, we found that my father had brought 3 cans of off-brand soda. One for him, one for his wife and one for her grandson. I guess forget everyone else! My wife found this so ridiculous that she took a picture of the three cans on the counter so that she could send it to her sister to show her how cheap my dad was.
Also, when my mother was still alive, my parents would go to a Mexican restaurant and at the end of the meal, they would ask for more chips and salsa, then ask for a to-go box to put them in.”
If It’s Good Enough For The Goats, It’s Good Enough For You
“Back when my brother and I were young kids, we took a trip to the zoo with my grandma. When my brother and I got hungry, we asked her to buy us food. Since everything at places like these is extremely inflated, my cheap grandma refused to buy us normal food. She proceeded to walk up to the stand where you can buy crackers to feed the goats, and bought my brother and I a handful or crackers for $2.
I was starving and didn’t know any better, so I ate them.
Grazing At The Table
“A friend of mine would join us for dinner at, let’s say Applebee’s. He’d order a side dish/or nothing at all, then wait until everyone is done eating, and say, ‘hey you going to finish that burger/fries/chicken?’ to everyone who had leftovers. Then he would make himself a full plate with everyone’s leftovers and eat it. Not having the money is one thing, but he did and is/was just cheap, then and now. Everyone knows it, including his family. Eventually we knew it was the norm, and eventually, most of us stopped hanging out with him cause of his cheapness. The low point was when we asked him to drive and he said oh sorry my car’s not good in the wind and it’s a bit windy today. We just left him home.”
Splitting The Check Brings Out The Real Cheapskates
“On my 21st birthday, me and 3 friends went out for pizza and drinks. We all got probably 2 domestic draughts and split a large pizza. One friend also ordered fries. That same friend after we eat asks, ‘What’s the nicest bottle of spirits you have?’ The bartender tells him and he scoffs, ‘That’s your nicest?’ Come bill time, another friend says he’ll put it on his card, and everyone else can give him cash. Neglecting the guy who ordered the fries and the extra drink, it’s about $16/person, so with an $8 Jameson and $5 fries, the other friend owes $30ish. He gave the paying friend a $20 and asked for change…
Same friend, a few days later insisted on buying me a mixed drink, insisting on Ketel One, so a $12 drink at a bar that has $2.50 bud lights. End of the night, his card gets declined. Me and a few friends agreed to split his ~$50 tab and then he had the audacity to request that one person cover it so it’s easier for him to pay them back instead of giving us all money later. Shocker – he never paid anyone back.”
Leftovers Can Last For Years
“My mom is terrible about throwing out old food. She made a curry once that tasted odd and when I asked what was up she said ‘oh, some of the peppers and tomatoes were turned but I cut the mold off them so they’re fine.’
I clean out her fridge every now and then and one time I found a moldy block of cheddar 2 years past its sell-by date…a month after I last cleaned it.
Where the heck did she buy already 2-year-old cheese? Did she already have it and hid it when I last cleaned?”
Cheap On Lunch, Expensive For His Roommate
“I had a roommate that ate a lot of Raman, which is no big deal on its own. He was pretty proud of his $0.25 or less meals.
However, he ate it raw because it was quicker that way. Oh, and he completely smothered the uncooked Raman in whatever condiments he could find in the fridge. His favorite was my ranch dressing. Took me a couple of weeks to figure out why I was going through a bottle of ranch so quickly.
It wasn’t until one day when I was sitting down at the table for lunch between classes, and this jerko is making his super cheap lunch. He goes to the fridge, pulls out the ranch clearly marked with my name, and pours about a $1.50 worth of ranch on his raw Raman. All while bragging about how cheap his lunch is again. He was making at least twice the money that I was at this time too.
There were only two of us in the apartment. I’m all for sharing condiments, but man, ranch ain’t cheap!
When I confronted him about it, he rambled on about how we agreed that condiments should always be shared/free use (which I’m generally ok with). But he never bought any. Ever. Even after I locked them away he never bought any.
Finally, I bought a mini fridge, put it in my room, and put anything I’d ever caught him using without asking me in it. This is after I confronted him about it at least 3 times.
He did stuff like this all the time. He also lost 3 of my cups by pouring my Soda into a cup, walk out the door, then leaving it somewhere. Broke a couple plates/bowls. Again, after multiple times confronting him, all of that stuff disappeared, mysteriously. He started eating everything off of paper towels.
It was crazy. I couldn’t leave or kick him out because of rental leases. Luckily I got married a couple months later and moved in with my wife, leaving him alone to an empty fridge without any real food and his dry Raman.”
Dave Is No Longer Welcomed
“We had a friend that would pay for his bar tab using all of our tips.
He was caught after our regular waitress got fed up with not getting much of a tip after having a full table all night and having a chat with us. We were all good tippers so it made no sense to us. The next time we went to the bar we all threw our money on the table as usual, all except one. Dave. We had never really watched before because we didn’t think we had to. His excuse was that our tips always more than covered his bill as well as leaving some extra for the waitress. Honestly, if he had asked to be covered because he was going through some hard times or something we would have helped out, but stealing from the waitress is an absolute no go. We stopped inviting Dave out.
That was almost twenty years ago and it is still referred to as ‘pulling the Dave’ when someone is cheap with the tips.
Though he is now the living example of karma – lives in a crappy apartment complex, wife left him, kid hates him, and has a drinking problem.”
This Is Super Cheesy
“My girlfriend’s ex would bring a slice of cheese to work to put on the hamburger’s he’d buy for lunch. He thought paying extra for cheese was crazy when he could buy a huge package from Costco for a few cents per slice. He wasn’t wrong, just cheap.”
43 Cents To Charity Is Going Too Far!
“I once worked as a host at a restaurant specializing in pizza in a sort of Californian/fusion style. I very quickly learned the difference between someone coming to the host stand for things the host could control and someone coming to the host stand to complain.
We’re about to close and have stopped seating tables. I’m wiping down the menus and finishing my side work so I can get ready to collect my tips and go home. Suddenly this absolutely massive, probably 50ish-year-old woman waddles aggressively over to the host stand. I’m standing there, bracing myself for the verbal deluge of which I’m expecting to be on the receiving end. This woman raises her voice at me and DEMANDS to know why 43 cents was added to her bill for the RoundUpForCharity thing. I am dumbfounded and immediately jump to the classic, ‘Oh my. Unfortunately, that’s not something I can help you with. May I get my manager for you?’
I grab Gio, my manager (and a really great guy) from the kitchen, and tell him to brace himself. This woman goes on a tirade, absolutely losing her mind. Some notable quotes include ‘I pay my taxes and give THOUSANDS of dollars to charity each year,’ and ‘MY money shouldn’t go towards the RESTAURANT getting credit for giving to charity.’
Reminder: this is over less than half a dollar.
At this point, her waitress is on the verge of tears, and Gio offers to give her 43 cents in change. She yells at him and DEMANDS that the charge is canceled so the restaurant doesn’t get credit for her charity, and the money is put back on her card. This goes on for 20 minutes after our official close time and I’m stuck there the entire time. I was and still, honestly, am most baffled by the fact that a woman that gives ‘thousands of dollars to charity’ couldn’t stand to give 43 cents by accident. Top tier cheapness all around.”
The Ultimate Cheapskate Jerk
“I worked as a waiter in college.
One time, I had a table of 12 people. They decide to pay separately. I offer to split up the check for them. I honestly don’t mind splitting checks. The system we used made it super easy to do it The dude at the head of the table tells me one check is fine, then announces to the table: ‘Alright it’s $500 bucks, we got 12 people, everyone throw in $50.’
I figured they were a workgroup on per diem. My mind goes, ’12 times 50, that’s $600, not bad 20% tip.’ The guy at the head of the table scoops up the cash and drops his credit card. I drop off the credit card for him to sign. The jerk leaves me 0 bucks on $497. He made 50 bucks off me! So to recap, the guy essential got a free dinner, an extra 50 bucks and airline miles from his card! I couldn’t believe it! I gave them good service, but the restaurant didn’t add auto gratuity to large parties and I would have gotten in trouble if I tried to call him out on it.”
“My evil stepmother owns a restaurant and attached convenience store. I will give a few examples of her cheapness.
If she eats breakfast at a restaurant with my dad, she will steal all of the little jams and jellies that she can get. Also sugar packets. These get tossed in her purse and used at her restaurant.
I have seen her eat leftovers from her customer’s plates when she is clearing the tables.
She has charged more for soft drinks if they are taken from the restaurant. This is because she loses the deposit ($0.10).
She is diabetic. Usually, when you get a new blood glucose meter, it is free because you have to buy the strips. She found out that the glucometer comes with ten free lancets to poke your finger for the blood sample. She tried to get another glucometer just to get more free lancets. If you buy the lancets, they are about $10 for 100.
She is originally from another country and still has family there. A couple of times a year she sends a box of stuff over for her family. She always sends clothing over. This is clothing that she has worn, but she leaves the price tags on so that her sisters think she is sending new clothes. Her last box wasn’t quite full enough, so she took the half-empty bags of cereal from the restaurant (think Corn Flakes and Rice Krispies) that will definitely be stale when they arrive.
When my son was little, he accidentally left his wallet in my dad’s car. She was the only person who could have had access. When he got the wallet back it was empty. It had his name written on the wallet in marker, so it’s not like she didn’t know it was her step-grandson’s.
She got access to my gasoline rewards card. Basically, you get points for every liter of fuel and can redeem them for convenience store items. She used up about $500 worth of points on stuff for her own store. She didn’t tell me that she had done it. Next time I used the card and saw it was cleaned out, I asked the gas station staff what had happened. I was told that she told them it was okay with me and no problem at all.
When my sister was growing up with this step monster, my sister had a leather jacket she wanted to sell. Step monster wanted to give it to her sister. A deal was negotiated for $50. Step monster never paid and sister got my dad involved. Step monster claimed the deal was for $5 and my dad got mad at my sister for lying, so step monster never had to pay a penny.
Multiply all of the above for the last 27 years and you have a real contender for the cheapest person in North America.”
Marrying The Drinks!
“I went over a friends house for dinner in elementary school and at the end of the meal, the dad told everyone to dump whatever juice or milk they didn’t finish back in the original jug to put back in the fridge.
I felt like gagging after having had their Sunny D.”
Stocking Up At The Buffet
“Used to bartend at a venue that did a lot of events (wedding receptions, company holiday parties, etc) that included buffets rather than plated dinners. Almost every buffet has someone (usually not the person paying for it) who would get outraged because we wouldn’t load them up like a pack mule with the leftover food to take home. We couldn’t do this because of the health code and it’s unlawful, at least where I live. Forget getting in trouble with the health department because someone’s cheap middle-class aunt feels entitled to something she didn’t even pay for.
The number of people I saw stuff food into disposable beverage cups they requested from the bar (topping them with scrunched up napkins) to smuggle out was not insignificant.”
His Reason For Leaving The Grape Jelly Is Ridiculous
“My cousins didn’t know that ketchup & mustard came in bottles because my uncle would just steal packets from McDonald’s to use at home.
They were by no means struggling. He was just very, very cheap. So cheap it was an art form. He also drank creamers at diners and took all the jam on the table, except for grape because he found out somewhere that grape was the least expensive of the jams, so he left it to be spiteful. He was always going to make sure that he got more than he paid for.
Though he was in WWII and had grown up very poor before the war, so I could see why he did it.”
Ripping Off Restaurants
“My ex-girlfriend would complain about the food at restaurants, just to get the manager to come over and offer a discount. Then she’d eat the food anyway since there never was anything wrong with it to begin with.
And this was on top of leaving crappy tips, stealing silverware/glasses, and other stuff like that. Sometimes I would insist on leaving a larger tip, and then we’d argue about it all the way home because she said I was being irresponsible with money.
Don’t ask me why I was ever with her in the first place. I’ve been scratching my head trying to figure that one out for years.”
His Signature Move
“I was a waitress for a minor league baseball team where one guy left early, leaving his $70 tab open. I actually figured out who the Team Captain was. I ask him what I should do and the team agrees to split his bill across them all – but he demands the receipt ‘so that d-bag can pay us all back IN FULL.’
This was, apparently, not the first time he’d done this.”
Thanks For Buying Lunch! Wanna But It Back?
“I paid for shawarma for me and a friend. Think of the Middle-Eastern cousin of the gyro. Thin slices of seasoned lamb, chicken, goat sliced off of a roasting hunk of meat on a spit, served on flatbread, with sauce and veggies. Basically, delicious. But after he eats half of it, he offers tosell me the remainder. Seriously?”
Free Steak For The Dog!
“I had a friend that complained that their steak wasn’t good quality, too fatty he said. The manager provided another steak for him free of charge, but as he was taking away the original steak, my friend stopped the manager and asked if he could box it up for him so he could take it home for his dog.
He does have a dog and I believe he really was planning on giving it to the dog instead of eating it later, but the manager had this incredulous look in his eyes. I don’t blame him.”
“The wife of one of our ‘couples group’ would sneakily leave her jacket or scarp or such at the serving table, and remember it just as we left the table, run back, and cut $5-$10 out a tip as left and pocket it. She continued to attempt to do this after even after she got caught.
If she did the inviting we discovered she would hustle people away from the table, about the same time another group would leave, and cut back and take a share of the tip they had left!”
Goes Cheap On The Brewskies
“An old roommate would go out with me and some friends and watch football games. We would always do rounds. There were five of us and it would work out that if we got three rounds one night with three different people paying, then the next game the other two would buy the rounds and so on.
The roommate in question would always be like, ‘oh can I get Wednesday’s round’ whenever it was his turn. It didn’t really occur to us at first, but it turned out it was due to the fact that Wednesday’s usually had promos on drink specials while Saturdays/ Sundays did not. If it worked out that he had to get the rounds on a weekend, he’d always get Fosters because it was the cheapest and then claim ‘oh I specifically asked for Coors.'”