"I'm a server/bartender. It's a busy night, and most of my bar is full. I see a group of dudes staggering in, clearly hammered. They're all wearing hockey jerseys, so I assume victory drinks were being had or sorrows were being drowned. I refuse to serve them, which doesn't go down so well. After a few mandatory derogatory comments, the alpha tells me to kindly screw myself and proceeds to grab an almost full pint from the nearest customer. The customer is protesting, alpha's buddies are cheering. Unsurprisingly, alpha starts to chug.
People are beginning to notice the commotion, throwing disdainful looks in every direction, I step out to try and grab the glass. Alpha's almost finished the entire drink as I'm reaching when suddenly his stomach decides to reject his offering. This champ freaking vomits most of the drink back up into the glass, attempts to place it on the bar and smashes it, sending shards of glass and second-hand liquid in every direction.
This does nothing but delight the hockey fans, and they grin and cheer, tell me how to avoid this situation in future, and walk out, exchanging obligatory high fives. I close the bar and start driving home. On the way, I see the alpha handcuffed and bent over a cop car. Karma!"
"A lady once threw a tea-spoon at me because she wanted me to refill her iced tea. However, she didn't notice I had already filled her glass when I walked past her table. She must have been too busy hosing down a veal parmesan the size of a hubcap in front of her.
When I walked up and asked her why she felt the need to throw a hard, metal object at me to get my attention, she said, 'I need you to fill my...' (looks down) '...oh.'
As I was walking to get my manager, I heard her hiss at her husband 'No, I'm not going to apologize to A WAITER!'
"I had a 'gentleman' sit at my table and order the PEANUT CHICKEN. I drop off his dinner, then fast forward 15 minutes, he flags me down obviously in distress clenching his throat. He asks if there were nuts in the dish, I say yes sir you did order the PEANUT CHICKEN. He screams at the top of his lungs 'I AM ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS YOU A-HOLE WAITER!' Then starts choking.
At first, I expected Ashton Kutcher to run out of the back and tell me I just got punked but this guy was serious. Fast forward to the paramedics getting called and him taking a ride to the hospital. It is hard for me to believe that this man has managed to stay alive this long. What kind of jerk orders the peanut chicken with a serious allergy to nuts? He got what he deserved for talking to me the way he did!"
"A mother and daughter came into the restaurant today and sat in my booth. They ordered steaks: one medium-well and the other well done. They both wanted broccoli and mashed potatoes, and I was happy to oblige.
I got a little busy, so my manager ran the steaks to the table. I ran by a minute later as they were eating and made sure that everything was okay. They said it was. Great, everyone's happy. I run the bill, they say everything was fine. I come back to collect the bill and she stops me before I open it, though I see the corner of a dollar bill, so I know they're paying in cash. 'Do you want any change?' I asked, and she smiled and shook her head.
'No, thank you,' she said. 'But you should know, you switched our steaks.' She pointed at the single, bite-sized piece of steak left and scowled. It had the slightest hint of pink.
'That is raw. I know there's nothing to be done about it now, just thought you should know.'
'Oh, I'm sorry.' What else could I say? They had cut into their steaks when I checked on them earlier. They were eating them. They were too stupid to switch their plates. 'Can I do anything for you?'
'No thank you. Have a nice day!'
So I walked away and went back to process the payment as they walked out the door. She left me 15 cents on $25 because they were too stupid to switch their plates. They left me 15 cents. I paid to wait on their stupid butts. I thought that I had hit the low for customers, but this industry never ceases to shock and amaze."
"I was sat a table of three girls and one guy who seemed to be in their early 20s. I came up to the table introduced myself as I always do, and started to take their drink orders when one of the girls asked me to list off every type of lemonade we have, once I was done she informed me she didn't like our lemonade and just wanted a coke. I smiled and came back with their drinks.
From then on, every time I came to the table she had something rude to say. I believe that she was showing off to her friends. She, unfortunately, was the one who paid, and left me a nice little note along with a 10 percent tip on $50 saying 'Better service will get you a better tip! Smile. Don't judge a table by their age, we work in a rest (she crossed out the end of restaurant I'm assuming because she didn't know how to spell it) and we would have left you a GREAT tip!'
When she and her friends left, she smacked the book right next to the guest I was assisting and said 'Here ya go.'
If she really is a server, and I really doubt it by the way she treated me, I'm sure karma will come back and get her. I've never treated any server of mine with such hostility and hatefulness."
"Woman: I'd like the grilled salmon.
Me: 'I'm sorry, unfortunately, we're out of salmon for tonight but we...' At this point, I'm cut off as the woman looks up from her menu and says 'What do you expect vegetarians to eat then?'
The look in her eye told me she wasn't joking when she asked the question. I almost just gave the woman a 'What?' but caught me and directed her to the middle top portion of our menu where the fish and shellfish selections are located, thinking that maybe she thinks pescatarian and vegetarian are synonymous.
'I don't eat fish or shellfish.'
I'm just dumbfounded at this point and can only manage to say 'Oh.'
At which point, she throws her hands up into a fit and exasperates 'I'll just take the spinach dip.'
Crown gem after all of that was her question of 'Can you just put a rush on that?' as she looks at the packed restaurant in the background.
I'm still not sure what she thinks salmon is - if she thinks it's grown from the ground, picked from a tree or is just a conglomeration of other vegetables in the shape of a piece of fish.
Best five bucks on a $70 check I ever earned."
"I worked at an all-night diner next to a string of bars. Once, I had a wasted guy throw a hot plate of spaghetti at me, and it hit its target, my face.
I looked over at the manager, and he just shot me one of those 'screw it' looks. So I chased the guy out of the joint and down the street where he stumbled and fell to the ground face first knocking out a few of his front teeth and messing up his lip pretty good. I wanted so badly to just beat the crap out of him, but several of the regulars had followed us out into the street and stopped me before I could touch him. Definitely for the best.
The guy ended up getting booked for whatever the label attached to being wasted and throwing hot spaghetti sauce onto a server and then running out on your check. Not to mention the medical bills that followed."
"I work as a host at TGI Fridays. Sometimes during really busy shifts, I'll help servers out by taking initial drink orders when I seat tables. Well, it's Friday night, we're almost at full capacity, and I seat a group of five or six extremely loud people. I see the server for that section busy with a 10-top, so I'm like 'I'll get these guys drinks.'
Well, all is going okay and then this probably 8 or 9-year-old girl tells me 'I want juice.' I ask her what kind and she says, seemingly dumbfounded at my question, 'juice.'
I'm totally lost so I just ask again and her mother says to me 'Dang boy, just get her the juice.'
I ask 'What kind does she like?'
And she says back 'What do you mean what kind? It's juice.'
At this point, I'm just done, so I guess apple juice. I bring it back and she says 'No, JUICE,' and nobody at the table seems to think there is anything wrong with this request, so I just apologize and get the manager to work it out."
"I used to work at a quaint, family-owned seafood restaurant when I was a teenager. We sold fried corn, three pieces per order. If you wanted more, you better mention it, and it's going to cost you extra.
Had a woman get a take-out order and then drive back, screeching how she didn't get all of her corn. I open her bag, there are three pieces. I explain that it's all there, no mistakes at all, and even offer to give her a free drink for her drive home. She proceeds to go absolutely crazy inside the restaurant, demanding that we give her extra food for free because she thought the order came with more. Being extremely tiny and young, I was terrified.
My managers are willing to work with misunderstandings, but they threw that crazy lady out."
"I had a customer order a dish that comes with vegetables and mashed potatoes. He asked if he could have an extra side of mashed potatoes, and I informed him it would be $2.50 extra. With a heavy sigh, he agreed. Anyway, the kitchen informs me that we are out of mashed potatoes, and have cubed ones instead. I inform the man and he goes BERZERK!
Man: WHAT! Are you serious? You seriously don't have mashed potatoes? How do you run out of mashed potatoes? Is this serious?
Me: Well sir, there are only two dishes on the menu that come with mashed potatoes, so they don't prepare that much in the morning. If you like though we have the cubed potatoes, or you could do extra vegetables or pasta.
Man: But I want mashed potatoes!
Me: I'm really sorry sir. Is there anything we can substitute instead?
Man: No, I want mashed potatoes, and I won't be happy unless I get them.
Me: I'm sorry, sir.
He then gets up and walks out. After he and his wife already drank all their drink and ate their salads.
"At the first nightclub I worked at:
Someone took a crap on the dance floor. People just danced around it for about 15 minutes before the staff was notified.
A French couple was doing the deed at a table that was literally in the only part of the establishment that was lit, about five feet away from the bar. Not even subtly; her skirt was on the floor his pants were around his ankles, and she was riding him hard.
People frequently took craps in the urinals. I don't even know why we had a ton of stalls.
A guy started throwing glasses against the wall and breaking them. We notified the two main bouncers who were giant polish boxers. This skinny guy decided it was a good idea to take a swing at Marius. I've never seen someone literally open doors with a guy's head as he carries him, but the brothers managed to do it four times before literally hurling him into the alley out back. This club was next door to a police station, and this idiot decided to start kicking their cars. Arrested on the spot."
Two older couples came in. For the sake of clarity, I will call the two women Nice Wife and Witch Wife.
Witch wife proceeded to drink until she was extremely hammered. When she ordered her steak, she asked me to have it cooked 'blue.' She flipped out when I told her we didn't do blue steaks, and she instead ordered a very rare steak. Her husband ordered salmon. I was given very specific instructions on how to cook both entrees. Nice Husband and Nice Wife look mortified. Witch Wife gets her food and promptly flips out because it's not 'blue,' even though she was totally clear on the fact that we didn't do that at the restaurant. My manager, an experienced chef, goes out of his way to make the woman a freaking blue steak and serves it to her himself. It is the third steak we have cooked for her. Witch Wife lectures me for 10 minutes on what a terrible server I am, how the restaurant is a piece of crap, etc. She eats all of her steak and half of her husband's salmon and complains that their food was inedible. She demands that their entrees be taken off their bill.
I am fuming at this point, but the manager still comps their meals. I take the check to the table for Nice Wife and Nice Husband to pay. I am lectured again about what terrible service I offered. After another 10 minutes of being scolded, I calmly told her that I understood she was upset, but that I didn't prepare her food and had served her exactly what she ordered. Witch Wife demands to see the manager who cooked her food. She also lectures him and says that she is a professional chef and is appalled at our inability to prepare a blue steak. Manager offers her a job at the restaurant since we obviously don't know what I'm doing. Witch Wife flies off the handle and storms out. Her husband follows meekly in her wake.
Nice Wife and Nice Husband leave me an immense tip. They're so embarrassed by their friend's behavior that they can barely look me in the eye. They leave and I start cleaning their table. Nice Wife comes back, presses an additional $20 into my hand, and whispers 'I'm so sorry about the way she acted. If I'd known she would be that way I would have just fed her at my home - but she's a chef and I don't know how to cook.' She gives me a hug and leaves.
A few weeks later, Witch Wife came back and got super wasted again. She ended up standing on her tiptoes screaming into the manager's face in the middle of a packed dining room because there wasn't cottage cheese on the salad bar. She was banned from the restaurant."
"I work at a diner nearby a retirement home, so we get a lot of sweet older couples. One of my first shifts ever I had this sweet older gentleman come in and explains he is waiting for his wife, gets coffee, waits.
She shows up and is absolutely the WORST to her poor husband, who just sits there and takes it. Anyways, they both order some generic breakfast platter, food arrives, I take it to them. There was no delay, they were the first and only people in that morning.
So, I always go back to check on how my tables are doing, but I see that only the older man has been eating, the wife is just throwing her arms up at him and complaining. Finally, I come up a few minutes later anyway, ask how everything is going, the man's plate is almost gone.
The woman looks at me, looks at her full plate, tries a bite of her egg (SURPRISE, hot food actually cools down if you don't touch it for ten minutes), and absolutely loses her mind at me, starts GRINDING her claws into the egg yolks, hashbrowns, toast, bacon and tells me how COLD IT IS. Her decrepit talons covered in her breakfast, how can anyone be this angry?! But you know they're always right, right? So I apologize, leave to go comp her meal, and she gets up and just leaves. And her poor husband just sits there staring. Like...
Yup. Should have left her 60 years ago, bud."
"I am a host. At the host stand, we have a bucket with crayons for little kids. On the way out of my restaurant, a woman stopped at the host stand and started shoveling crayons into her purse. I said 'Ma'am those are for children please stop stealing our crayons.'
She replied 'Listen here missy, don't be telling me what to do! Besides, you can afford to let me steal crayons.'
Then she zipped up her giant purse and ran out of the restaurant. I was speechless."
"A party of seven high schoolers come in and take a high-top table. I was the person to take their table. I get sodas and breadsticks for them, nothing weird.
Fast forward five minutes, several of our cooks start coughing uncontrollably. I walk out front and the entire front-of-house is in coughing fits. People are leaving. Still unaware of what was going on, I walk up to my table and my throat starts on fire and my eyes and nose start running uncontrollably.
Turns out, one of the girls was given pepper spray by her parents. One of the guys, thinking it was funny, sprayed it under the table for a lengthy period of time. It cleared the restaurant, it went through the ventilation into the back, EVERYWHERE. Police were called and took both the kid and the girl away and I was sent to the hospital as my face would not stop leaking.
We didn't press charges but it could have been serious if we did, that is considered food tampering with a poisonous substance. Use of a weapon in public, and much more."
"I had a woman at my table order a cappuccino with no foam. I say 'Okay one latte.' She yells back 'NO DID YOU HEAR ME!? I want a cappuccino with no foam!'
I tried to explain the difference and she tried to explain to me about how when she was in Italy that's what she would order. So I said fine one cappuccino no foam and went in the back and made her a latte. She drank it and said it was delicious and exactly what she wanted. Ugh."
"Every time this regular comes in, he rustles my dang jimmies by just flat out refusing to speak to me until he absolutely must. He'll walk in and I'll give him a big smile and say something friendly like 'Afternoon, sir, good to see you again.' He'll sort of glance at me, walk past me, and start looking around the restaurant, checking for his friends or deciding what table he wants. I'll go, 'Joining us for lunch? How many in your party today?' And he'll shrug without looking at me and wander towards his favorite table.
If I'm really lucky, sometimes he'll hold up a number of fingers to indicate how many friends he's expecting. If he's getting takeout, he'll ignore my greeting and stick his head over the counter to where we have the specials posted at the wait station. Not a word from him until he's ready to order. And he never acts particularly cranky, the vibe is very clearly just 'You're beneath me, I don't need to talk to you.' So rude."