"I had a nightmare six-top tonight. They sent everything back, spilled three drinks, and were incredibly rude. At the end of the ordeal, they tipped $3.24 on a $176 tab. $3.24! Then they camped at the table for an hour. As I walked past their table, one of the women asked if I could take a picture with her phone...ugh. I still said yes and she handed me the phone. Instead of the camera coming up on her screen, her galley came up and there were tons of dirty pictures. So I pretended to take a few pictures, but instead I was actually uploading the pictures straight to Facebook, oooops."
"I'm a hostess at a restaurant and we only take reservations for parties of eight or larger. A lady walks in and tells me she has a reservation for six. I tell her that we didn't have the reservation taken, but I am more than happy to get her a table immediately. Her husband decides to make a little joke, and she turns to him and shouts, 'Hunny! Don't make smart jokes in front of them. They are hostesses, they don't understand smart things.' After that, I'm already very annoyed, and I take her to a table. As a rule in our restaurant, we have to wait for the guest to take the menus from us, and we can't set them down on the table. So I am holding out the menu for this witch and she looks at me, scoffs, and says, 'Jiminy Crickets, do you know how to do your SIMPLE job?! Put the menu on the dang table.' So I set it on the table and leave.
My manager comes over to see me fuming after what this lady said.
So he approached the table and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am? We are going to have to ask you to leave our restaurant and never return. We don't allow people to harass our employees in such a way. Thank you.'
Gave her a big 'Have a FABULOUS day ma'am,' with a smirk."
"Guy was eating alone late one weeknight. Finished his meal, then spent the next two hours reading magazines and ordering one drink after another. The bartender finally came out and had a look at him, then instructed the waitress to cut him off. He reacted poorly, as in: called the waitress every name he could think of, composed himself, walked around to the bar and motioned the bartender over, then took a swing at her.
At this point, the cooks had been called to the front of the house, and the manager told the man to pay his bill and take off. He went back, put cash on the table, and left. And here's where it gets awesome. He continued shouting biologically-specific profanities as he walked to his car. Finally, he lurched into the landscaped area beneath the restaurant's windows and tried to pull a miniature palm tree up by the roots, failed, and then stood screaming and staring in horror as his shredded hands spurted blood.
In the meantime, one of the waitresses had called her cop boyfriend, who showed up just as the guy had gotten in his car and was driving out of the parking lot. DUI. Sometimes karma is instant."
"I had just made the rounds and was in the staff area, tidying and making sure my water pitchers were filled, when one of my coworkers (JB) came flying through the kitchen and collapsed on one of the extra chairs we kept stacked there.
Now, JB was only seventeen at the time. He was pretty new at waiting tables and, in this moment, he was absolutely terrified. Eyes wide and shaking like a leaf. I poured him a glass of water and asked him what happened.
'I was getting table B-7's drink order from the bar, and one of the guests backed her chair right into me, and I dropped the whole thing on her and her fur coat.' he said.
'Please tell me it was white wine.'
'All red. God, the floor manager is going to kill me. Can I hide here for a bit?'
I told him to catch his breath and keep an eye on the lodge room for me, and I went to scope out the scene of the crime. I got halfway through the kitchen and I started to hear the screaming. Fur coat lady was kicking up such a fuss that the entire back of house had emptied and they were furtively taking a look at the scene unfolding before them.
The floor manager was trying to calm her down and figure out what to do. She was screaming at him about how we were going to have to pay for the cleaning, and she was going to sue, and yadda yadda.
'I'm terribly sorry this happened, but we are particularly busy tonight. Did our hostess not give you the option to check your coat?' the floor manager asked.
Fur coat lady answered, 'Are you freaking stupid? I'm not going to trust my fur coat to a freaking (insert racial slur).'
'Look lady, I saw you back your chair into JB, and now you're admitting that you refused to check your coat. You can take your crap and get out of my dining room.'
The fur coat lady then threw her glass at the floor manager and stomped out, screaming. JB was forgiven, and we never saw her again. From what I heard through the rumor mill, her club account got canceled and she's forever blacklisted from the establishment."
"I worked at a Chili's while in college, then I joined National Guard, in ROTC, and so forth...so basically, I still had my name on the books in order to show up and take a shift when I had free time.
So there I am, working a weekend shift when this guy comes in and orders a burger with no mustard -- We're slammed, and the kitchen made a mistake -- he's got mustard on his burger. He calls me over. 'You are an idiot. I said no mustard -- there's mustard on this burger. How hard is it not to put mustard on a burger?'
Ok, he's a little hot headed, but we did make a mistake. So I apologize, bring it back, tell the cooks I need one without mustard. A minute later they put it up, and I bring it back. I'm just walking away, when he stands up and yells, 'Get back here, you stupid moron!'
Everyone stops and looks. I turned around with a look on my face that probably ought to have been a warning to any reasonable person- but then a reasonable person wouldn't have hollered at a server for a kitchen's mistake. We are not dealing with a reasonable individual. He starts to shout, gesticulating furiously, putting his finger in my face. 'You freaking idiot, all you did was scrape the mustard off, and there's still mustard on my burger! What is wrong with you? Are you an actual idiot? You're a moron, you dumb piece of crap!'
For a second, I'm stunned. And then it comes to me -- I literally do not have to take this. So I look him in the eye and I say, 'Sir, I don't know who you think you are, but you sure as heck can't talk to me like that. You sit down, pipe down, and act like a civilized human being. And if you raise your voice again, or curse again, or insult me one more time, I'm going to graphically demonstrate how ill-advised it is to abuse an Army Ranger who the government has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars teaching how to do a vast array of truly nasty things to people less deserving and more capable of defending themselves than you, you pasty, pudgy, piece of crap.' Not another word from this jerk the rest of the meal."
"My sister used to work at a Wing Place in a college town and a girl came in once to pick up an order of wings. A few minutes later, the girl came back in and slammed the bag down on the counter. 'There's feathers on my wings.' My sister opens the box, and lo and behold, there were feathers in the box of wings.
Now, as nearly everyone alive knows or can guess, wings don't come into the restaurant with feathers still on them. No part of the chicken does, even whole chickens are pre-plucked. This girl had added feathers from God knows where to her order, probably in some ill thought out attempt to get her money back and her order replaced.
The story does have an amusing ending. She didn't get a refund, and the guys in the kitchen threw her returned wings --- added feathers and all --- back into the frier, added more sauce, and served it to her. You wanna mess with your own food? Fine, you have to eat it."
Space Monkey Pics/Shutterstock
"Worked at a Mexican place that gave free chips and salsa out. Lady's meal arrived after she plowed through three bowls of salsa and four baskets of chips. She ordered cheese enchiladas. She saw a piece of onion in the cheese and demanded we remake it.
I said no problem and had the chef remake it. When I dropped it off, she started yelling about how she's allergic to onions, and how stupid I am, and she's also not paying. Once she shut up, I asked if I should call an ambulance because she just ate a ton of onions via the three bowls of salsa she had eaten. Backpedaling, she says she didn't see any onions in there. I stand firm and ask her again if I should call 911 for an allergic reaction. I think she knew she was caught lying, and suddenly got quiet and was a little nicer."
"Had a dine and dash table of three teens when I was working one night. Our host recognized one kid from school, said his dad is a firefighter. My manager called the fire department and 30 minutes later, a fire truck rolls up with lights on. The kid and his dad walked in. The dad made his son apologize to the server, management, and pay. I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life."
"Recently, the pub I work at has a new policy about not allowing dogs on the patio, all because of one major jerk in particular. It was a busy Sunday, serving mimosas to all of the drunks who wander up and down Belmont Shore, California, when this fool's dog just throws up, twice, on the patio. I came out with my hands full with four schooners when this guy said, 'Hey my dog just threw up and you should clean it up before someone steps in it.'
...Sure, sir, let me get right on that for you... NOT. So I came out with a pitcher of water and handed it to the guy. He scoffed and said, 'You want me to clean this up? YOU work here.' Just as I was about to body slam him (I wish), some meat head stepped in the throw up and started getting heated. Lucky for me, this meat head is a regular and also a bartender at another place on the street, and he made sure the guy cleaned up the puke on the ground AND his feet."
"My absolute favorite customer smack down has to be between a former boss lady and a crotchety fart stain of a customer who tried to make a reservation a few weeks after leaving a $5 gratuity on a check for $102.
Boss: 'I'm surprised you're calling to make a reservation. I thought you'd be calling to complain.'
Jerk: 'No. Why would I complain? Everything was fantastic last time. I'm really excited to try your blah blah blah.'
Boss: 'Well, in that case, I'm sorry but you are no longer welcome at our dinner service.'
Jerk: 'What? Why?'
Boss: 'Because you did not pay your bill in full last time.'
Boss: 'Leaving my girls $5 on a $102 tab is disgraceful.' [hangs up]"
"I got fed up! Today this pompous prick came in again, sat in my section again, and was a jerk again. So when he paid with his credit card, I came back to the table and said, 'Sorry sir, but your card was declined.' He demanded that I try it again. To which I replied, 'Sorry, but I ran it three times.' He got super flustered and one of his associates picked up the tab. I hope he learned a lesson!"
"One night when I was a waitress at Texas Roadhouse, a guy at my table of 20 people decided to start throwing peanuts at me while I was taking orders. One of the peanuts hit me in my chest and everyone at the table noticed it. Everyone got real quiet. I looked at the guy and said, 'I've got something really special for your food order,' and the whole table erupted with laughter. The guy turned bright red and had a look on his face that said he had just lost his appetite. I'm sure he thought twice before drinking his lemonade and biting into his steak."
"It was a slow Tuesday afternoon. There were only two tables in the restaurant that day. One of my tables is an overweight solo diner and he orders a well-done steak. I put the order in and seven minutes later, he calls me back over and says, 'Um excuse me...WHERE is my steak? I am like the only person here, how could my food take so long!?'
I couldn't believe the attitude this jerk threw my way! I only had four more shifts at this restaurant because I had another job lined up, so I said, 'You ordered a well-done steak seven minutes ago, and a well-done steak takes 18 to 20 minutes to cook all the way. Would you like me to walk my happy butt back to the kitchen and change the laws of physics to get your charcoal-dusted brick that used to be a delicious piece of meat? I mean, I wouldn't expect you to understand, you clearly have extensive experience at McDonald's where 'food' magically takes two minutes to prepare, but here where we actually make food that doesn't automatically give you diabetes, it's going to take a little bit longer.'
I walked out, never looked back."
"Had a woman shouting over the entire restaurant over how her bbq chicken wings were crap after she ate all 12 of them, leaving nothing but the bones. She also commented on the bad smell of the sauce (it's full of blue cheese you idiot, what did you expect). She also didn't like the pasta carbonara that her date was eating, though he gestured it was good but he clearly didn't want to add to the scene.
Luckily, there were only 4 other customers present. She was a semi regular, claimed to know the owner and what not. That made it all the more fun when she was demanding a discount, the waiters refused to take her money and she was, instead, permanently banned from the restaurant."
"I used to expedite for an upper-scale restaurant, serving coastal Spanish food, whatever that means. On this particular night, we had a special of chicken fried steak served with sweet potato hash and topped with Chorizo gravy. It was a load of slop on an impressively small plate. We also had a not-so-special 16-top seated right behind our open kitchen. I could barely send an order out without having to move these jerks back into their seats and out of my way. When their order came up, I started sending things out and grabbed the orders for the two positions right in front of me, one of which was the gravy-topped hash. I whipped around with the plates right as this dude pushed his chair to stand up. Fortunately, he couldn't because I dumped that hash right down his popped-collared butt. Two words, one hyphen: night-ender."
"When I was 8 months pregnant, I was graceful as a hippo and hustling around a truck stop dining room usually served by 3 waitresses, by myself, because a blizzard had closed the highways my relief shift took to get to work -- I was confronted by a group of 6 who wanted to change their order every time I went by the table to freshen their coffees.
The cook I worked with was really hard nosed -- he figured if a ticket got changed a lot, it was because the waitress had messed up -- and he was fierce -- I trembled, putting the changed ticket back up and said, 'I'm so sorry -- but they keep changing it every time I walk by.'
He paused from slicing steaks, did not lay down the knife and growled, 'What table is it?' I told him and he disappeared in the back dining room.
The meal was served, customers happy and I clear the table after they leave to find a total of $154 dollars in tip scattered around the table -- to this day, 22 years later, I don't know what he said, or how much he waved the knife while he said it, but his protective spirit bought my baby's first car seat.
God bless cooks who aren't afraid to stick up for the wait staff!"
Brian A Jackson/Shutterstock
"This kid set me off. I was walking by with my hands full of dishes when this kid shouted, 'Hey waiter!' and shook his only half empty lemonade at me, all while giving me these looks like I was an idiot, while his mom just smiled. So I set the dirty dishes on their table (I was already having the worst waiting day ever), smiled at the kid, and said, 'Look dude, waiters really hate it when you shake your cup at them, or yell at them. You see, I've got five other tables, two of which haven't even gotten their drinks yet. I've got orders to put in, food to run, and I am perfectly capable of seeing the bright yellow liquid, or lack there of, in your cup. But let me drop everything and go grab your lemonade real quick.' I left the armful of dirty dishes on the table and ran and got the little man a lemonade."
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