People have some pretty intimate conversations in restaurants. They break up, they declare love, they talk about all manner of life. People feel comfortable that they are having private conversations, even though they are in very public areas. There is one group that is privy to all these quiet conversations - the servers and bartenders that are serving them.
In these amazing stories, servers and bartenders dish out the craziest things they've overheard while working. Everything from cheating husbands to mean old women getting nasty about their love life. It's all here in these incredible stories that people thought were private!
Getting The Bad Guys
“Bartending, but here ya go.
I had my back to two guys who’d just arrived and were about 3 drinks in. They start talking about a girl and what they’d do to her, nothing I haven’t heard a thousand times until this.
‘Bet if we roofied her, she’d do all of it!’ Followed by laughter.
I just chalk it up to bad humor, until one suggests just dropping it in her next drink.
I stepped out of the bar, had my manager call the cops, and kicked them out when the cops got there. The cops searched and sure as heck they had oxy and roofies on them.”
The Graveyard At Denny’s Is Always Fun
“Here’s a few things that stand out in memory from when I worked at Denny’s when I was 17.
On the weekends, I worked the graveyard shift. There was a club around the corner in a strip mall, so craziness was common after 2 am.
On one occasion, a group of about 4 or 5 people came in and sat in my section. There was a pretty hot chick at the table, and apparently it was her 21st birthday. When I approached the table, she and her boyfriend were kinda of arguing, I think just because she was getting annoyingly wasted. As I walked up to the table she looked at me with a huge smile, yelled, ‘It’s my 21st birthday!’ and yanked her shirt up showing me her bare chest. Her boyfriend yanked the shirt back down, and they went back to arguing. I told them I’d come back in a few minutes for their order.
On another occasion, a guy came in with gold rope chain necklaces, a button up shirt with the top few buttons undone letting his massive bush of chest hair pop out, and a cell phone, back when cell phones required a battery the size of a briefcase. He came in with two hot chicks and was clearly doing everything he could to impress them. I took their drink order, brought them their coffee, and came back to take their food order. When I went back to the kitchen to make their salads, the hostess answered the phone, and told me I had a phone call. When I picked up the phone, it was that guy calling me to ask me to bring him more creamer.
Another time I was working as the host up front. On the weekends we always had an off duty police officer working as security, and he hung out behind the counter with the host/hostess. One night we had a group of people standing near the counter waiting to be seated. As they walked off he said, ‘I think that old guy just stole the toothpick dispenser.’ I looked over and sure enough there was a trail of toothpicks going all the way from the register counter over to the table they sat down at. So the cop went over to the table and asked the guy if he happened to have the toothpick dispenser. The guy got very defensive and very angry that someone would accuse him of something like that. After he finished his tirade, the cop said, ‘Look, I know you have it,’ and pointed out the trail of toothpicks leading to the table and said, ‘If you want, I can wait until you walk out the door and arrest you for petty theft, or you can give it to me now.’ The guy angrily slammed the dispenser on the table, and his party wound up leaving.”
That’s Almost A Buck Tip!
“I served at Olive Garden for a few months during college. One table stands out.
A Nascar redneck wearing a shirt that wouldn’t quite cover his belly, covered in sweat stains, and all amounts of neckbeard, kept calling me sugar bits, sweet lips, candy butt and more during the meal. I am a man.
He then tipped .86 cents.”
Unimpressed Parents
“My Mom and I went to a restaurant in a town we were visiting, and we were seated close by a family just sitting down to dinner.
As soon as they sat down, the waitress asked if they wanted a drink. Dad and mom ordered drinks and the son looks at waitress and then blurts out to his parents: ‘I’m gay!’ The waitress leaves.
The parents look at their son and then look at each other. Mom then asks dad what he is thinking of having to eat. Son again exclaims, ‘I’m gay!’ The parents look at him deadpan and say in unison, ‘We know.’
Then waitress came and took our orders and I didn’t hear what happened next. But they stayed and enjoyed their meal and seemed to be fine with each other.”
You’ll Hear People’s Secrets
“I have two.
The first was a couple that sat down directly in front of where I was washing glasses. This was during the NBA finals so I thought it was a bit odd they seemed so sad while everyone else was enjoying the game. They spent at least 4 hours there and from what I was able to hear they were discussing having another kid to fix their relationship. I guess she had cheated on him because she felt ’empty’ but didn’t want to end their relationship as they already had kids together. The guy was clearly very upset but said he’d support her if this is what she wanted.
The other was last week during a huge fundraiser we hosted. A group of 3 or 4 ladies were noticeably uncomfortable and when I asked if they were okay, they told me that one of them had a stalker who constantly shows up at her house, work, etc.. and calls her repeatedly. He just showed up to the bar. She had threatened to call the police if he didn’t leave her alone, so what did he do? Naturally he bought her a drink as an apology.”
This Is Just Awkward For Everybody
“Party of 5 or 6, a group of friends having dinner.
In walks a clown. The clown starts randomly walking around the restaurant doing balloon animals for kids and stuff like that. I have no idea what is going on, we didn’t hire this guy. He walks over to the table of 5 or 6 and selects a man from the table to perform a magic trick for. He did the trick, a small flash of smoke and fire happens and then magically, there is an engagement ring on a rope. The man takes the ring and a woman gets on her knees and asks the man to marry her.
The man says no, tells her to get up and they continue dinner. This table now has the attention of the entire restaurant (like 300-400 people on our busiest night). Everybody just turned away and started awkwardly eating like nothing happened.”
Classic Harvey
“I had a summer job at Gilligan’s, which is a crappy seafood place around the Charleston area. I seat this obese couple, who were actually pretty funny. They reminded me a lot of Chef’s parents from South Park.
I bring them their drinks and ask if they’re ready to order. I can’t remember what the husband ordered, but the wife didn’t like it. So he looks at her and says, ‘Woman, I’ll still eat that booty of yours when you eat chili, so don’t give me no sass for ordering what I want.’
She immediately replied, ‘Harvey, imma just need you to shut up!’
Then they both started laughing. Best table ever. And they tipped me like $20.”
He Wasn’t Letting Her Down Easy
“Shucker at an oyster bar here.
I can say with out a doubt the most messed up thing I’ve ever heard was a man sitting with a woman who was getting more and more distraught and the man looks at her and says, ‘Look, I told you when this whole thing started if I had to choose between you or my wife, I’m picking my wife.'”
Teaching The Wrong Lessons
“I saw a mother take her knife and with the flat part of it, whack the hand of her two-year old child because she was drawing something with her left hand.
The mother yelled at her, ‘No, use your right hand! Good girls don’t write with their left hand.!’
This was as I was standing there taking their order and writing with my left hand.”
Not A Typical Breakfast Conversation
“This was over 10 years ago and I had no idea what swinging and wife-swapping was.
I working breakfast fairly early at a downtown hotel in a big city.
A husband is clearly upset and wife is acting half-sheepish/half-annoyed and they’d instantly get very quiet whenever anyone approached. Their conversation was clearly heated and the restaurant was pretty empty with high ceilings and marble walls, so even slightly raised voices carried.
I’m walking towards the table and they didn’t see me coming and I hear the husband say, ‘How could I not be upset?! You let him do you in the butt! Why did we even talk about rules if they don’t matter?'”
Some Pent Up Anger Comes Out
“I waited tables at the Olive Garden 10 years ago.
A guy and his wife sat down at a table and immediately started arguing. Something about his affair and how a baby from it was costing them money.
Finally it culminated as I was bringing out their salad. As I walked away I heard the wife say, ‘Well maybe if you hadn’t boned our son’s girlfriend and gotten her pregnant, we could afford to eat somewhere nicer than the freaking Olive Garden. Oh look, the highlight of my meals, unlimited freaking bagged salad. Maybe you could save up and we could go to Joe’s Crab Shack for our anniversary. Jerk.'”
The Waiter Really Messes This Guy’s Day Up
“We had a couple who would come in regularly and always asked to be seated in my coworker’s section. They were probably in their 60s and were always really affectionate and cute with each other. My coworker would joke around with them all the time.
One day the man came in with a different woman than usual, and my coworker jokingly told him, ‘Ooooh, you’re in trouble. I’m going to tell your wife you were here with another woman.’
The woman said, ‘Excuse me? I am his wife. Who has he been coming here with?’
Dead awkward silence while she death-glares at her extremely uncomfortable-looking husband.
My coworker just turned around and walked away.”
Fat-Shaming A Ten-Year-Old
“A little girl’s dad’s wasted girlfriend calling her fat piece of crap and saying she was not pretty enough. When they ordered, the little girl asked for a baked potato and the girlfriend said, ‘Really? Do you really need that potato, Hailey?’ The poor girl could not have been more than 10-years-old. The girl was holding back tears all night.
I messed up her order and brought her the potato. Then I brought her a free dessert to make up for the mistake. Just to tick off the wasted girlfriend.”
Cheating Jerk
“This one Sunday night, a guy and his wife come in. He is here a lot with her, too. They always had Red Label and sodas and try different things on the menu. The hotel bar is right next to the dining room, but I’m the only person that works in the bar, so I have to serve food, too. About halfway through their meal, I check on them and tell them I like it when they come in because it helps me learn the menu, since they try many different things. She looks at him and says, ‘You’ve been here before?’
He says, ‘No!! Never!’
A little while later he catches me in the hallway and yells at me for mentioning he’s been here before. I say, ‘You two always come here.’
He says, ‘You idiot, that’s my wife! The other girl I bring is my girlfriend!’
He dates a girl that look like his wife and drinks the same Red Label and sodas as his wife, AND brings his wife to the same hotel bar as he brings his girlfriend and I’m the idiot. Ok.”
Mean Old Girls
“I was waiting a table a couple days ago for a group of older ladies. While I was walking back to the kitchen, I overheard one of them say, ‘You don’t know what it’s like to be married to such a freaking ugly man,’ and then said something about waiting for him to die so she’ll gain his money.
It shook me up inside.”
Billy Bob Is Pretty Weird Too
“I waited tables for 10 years at this small family owned restaurant in rural Ohio that had a ‘famous’ sandwich. It was on a few Food Network shows and stuff like that.
A family comes in – mom, dad, two little kids. I take their drink orders and as I am getting the drinks, the dad pulls me aside.
Dad: ‘My son is obsessed with Billy Bob Thornton. We told him that Billy Bob comes here and eats from time to time, so could you just play along.’
Me: ‘Yeah, of course, no problem.’
I return with the drinks and the son, who is about 5 years old, starts asking me questions about Billy Bob Thornton. Like what he orders, if he is nice, stuff like that. I make stuff up, because I want a good tip and don’t want to ruin this little kid’s life. He is so excited to hear that Billy Bob comes to the same place he is.
I can only imagine other scenarios where Billy Bob Thornton has appeared in this kid’s life.”
Trading Elbows
“A family of like 8 or so and grandpa is paying.
He has the check and credit card in hand, and is trying to insert the card into the little plastic sleeve inside the check presenter. As I walk up he says, ‘It’s too tight, I can’t get it in,’ and then smiles and elbows his wife, ‘Sure haven’t said that in a while.’
She turned bright red, said his name in that ‘you’re in trouble’ tone and gave him a much harder elbow.”
Airports Have The Most Interesting People
“I worked at an airport and I was cleaning the tables while I overheard a man and his high class ‘lady of the night’ he had flown in, talk about terms and conditions of their arrangement, as well as ordinary things. Apparently it was the first time he’d done It and he was nervous his wife would somehow find out.
They discussed dos and don’ts and well, you get the idea. But in all honesty, the bloke seemed like a shy guy, didn’t look bad, and the pro was exemplary in the way she treated him.
And the money she earned was more than my monthly salary!”
Hiding Something
“While I was bartending, a man once told me he was going to kill his boss because an accident at the cement plant killed his friend, and nothing was done to fix the problem.
I also had a guy come to the bar order a bottle of O’Doul’s and a shot of Absolute.
He did this several times and would stand between the bar and his table and pour the Absolute into the O’Doul’s, then go back to his table.”
Not Your Usual Love Triangle
“By far the best conversation I have ever overheard was a table of three, a Russian woman and two gay men.
They happened to be seated at the table closest to the serving station, allowing me to hear everything between taking care of my other tables. One of the men was introducing the other man, his fiancé to the Russian, who was his ex wife that he had ‘mail ordered.’
Apparently, he found during this first serious relationship with a woman that he he was gay. They parted amicably after she was awarded citizenship. He began to date men and she started a career.
More of a what the heck moment than a messed up one.”
It Never Hurts To Ask
“I work in a pretty big tourist beach town, an older couple comes in one night, super nice. They were there for a while, pretty much until close. I come by to ask if they need anything.
‘Actually, my wife and I were talking, and since its our last night here, we wanted to know if you would be interested in joining us back at our hotel room?’
I smiled, told them thanks but no thanks, but have a nice rest of your trip. They left me a hefty tip and went on their way.”
He Got His Comeuppance
“I am a part-time waiter for a restaurant in a football stadium, and my boss is a literal piece of human garbage.
He’s a chauvinistic jerk who, if you’re male or an unattractive female, will give you the worst jobs, whilst giving VIP treatment to the barely legal blondes working tables.
He made a friend of mine help reset the buffet station, which included carrying a large tray of something (I didn’t really see what). She was obviously struggling and as she wobbled across the room, I hear a yell and a crash. She’s dropped the tray and worse her arm had dislocated from her shoulder. Obviously the first thing she does is shout, ‘OW!’ like any normal person would had they just dislocated their arm.
Cue jerkoff boss storming over. He starts having a massive rant about how incompetent she is and how she’s got to clean up the mess, all while her arm is still clearly swinging free. What he didn’t account for, is that her family was actually eating at the restaurant that day.
Watching a whole group of people go up to him and chew him out in front of the whole restaurant was one of the highlights of my time there.”
Maybe He Was Into A Different Kind Of Swinging
“I overheard a guy on a date, at the table next to ours, trying to impress the girl by saying that he loved swing dancing, and that maybe they should check out that ‘Swinging Richards’ place sometime.
Their waitress was in earshot and quickly explained to him that Swinging Richards was not that kind of dance club. It’s of the male nudity variety.”
Not Very Zen
“A nice looking family with with two parents and a child walked into the vegetarian restaurant that I volunteered for.
These restaurants in my country are often set up by pagodas, run by monks for the purpose of charity, most of the time the proceeds come from devout Buddhists who come to cleanse their souls by paying big money and eating vegetarian food. The parents of this family were devout Buddhist, so they chose to be vegetarian, but the kid was forced to. I could see the pain in his face as he was asked to eat tofu. He refused to eat, as you may guessed.
The father then slapped the kid with a slap so hard fifty people in the room could hear the kid’s teeth flying out of his mouth. The kid hit the floor hard before his mother held him by the ear and forced him to apologize to the Buddha for ‘disrespecting him.’ The father told him ‘You better respect the Buddha or you will eat from the floor again tonight!’
Yes sir, it turns out that some Buddhists think that beating your child and feeding them food scrapes on the ground is ok, but not becoming a vegetarian is a sin.”
Maybe He Was Dying, Maybe He Wasn’t
“Late one night I had this couple who were maybe in their late 30s. The guy looked a little like a roid-head and had a lot of tattoos. Tough looking guy.
From the moment they came in, the woman was crying the whole time. Not like, a little bit crying but straight up bawling. She hadn’t talked to me the entire time, but the guy was very chatty. He explained to me how he had just found out that he only had a few months left to live and how she, his ‘angel’ was gonna take care of his boy for him and all this stuff. Anyway, I felt pretty genuinely bad cause that’s a pretty messed up thing to hear.
Then I saw them come in again over a year and a half later, acting totally normal. They didn’t remember me, but how do you forget the face of someone that told you they were dying.
My theory is that he was abusive and was making up some cover story as to why she was crying that night. Either that or he miraculously survived without looking sickly at all, which in that case good on him.”