Thanksgiving is just a recipe for disaster. There are so many things that can go wrong, which often do go wrong. Hilarious and disturbing results will always ensue. These people certainly made some family memories, ones that they wish they could completely erase from their minds! Content has been edited for clarity.
Want A Free Child?
“Oh boy, here we go! When we were younger, our entire family visited one of my uncles for a Thanksgiving dinner. That was where we always hosted our family holiday dinners. This happened after we had finished our meal and were enjoying some dessert and full stomachs. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. We all ran over to the window to see who this could possibly be. It was an aunt and uncle of mine with their five children. These were the family members that the rest of us considered to be absolute nightmares. This uncle was a fireman from Boston, with a heavy accent and an even heavier gambling addiction. My aunt was a hairdresser. They were always looking for more money, and they could barely hold onto their house and car. The good uncle opened the door with the fakest grin on his face that I’ve ever seen. We were all giggling, wondering what this side of the family was looking to grift from us now. We didn’t think they would show up, but we still offered them some dessert and seats at the table. The conversation was cautious at best. The Boston uncle told us, ‘We came all the way from Boston in this terrible cold weather! Actually, my wife and I came over to give you our daughter!’
My uncle started to laugh, and we all followed suit in laughter. My good uncle scolded that side of the family for joking about such things, they couldn’t possibly be serious, right? Well it turns out that the Boston uncle and aunt were not laughing whatsoever. They meant every word of it. Apparently, they didn’t have enough money to raise all of their kids due to gambling debts. They genuinely wanted to give one of their daughters over to the good uncle and aunt. Now my good uncle had three kids, all of which were grown up now. The good uncle laughed and stated about how he was done raising his kids. The Boston uncle and aunt got upset at how this discussion was going, so they huffed, took all of their kids, and left immediately. This must have been such a heartbreaking thing to witness for the daughter they planned to give up. We couldn’t believe what we had just witnessed. No9ne of us were even close to laughing anymore. Several years later, that Boston aunt was killed in a severe car accident. She passed away shortly thereafter, and that daughter ended up being raised by her older siblings. No one ever forgot that one Thanksgiving dinner for a very long time!”
Everything About Him Was Unexpected
“Thanksgiving was always a huge deal in our home. Every year without fail, my mom would get up at four in the morning in order to begin her prep work. She was an amazing cook, who specialized in down home southern cooking. It was all absolutely stunning food. One year, my idiot older brother deiced to show up to visit high as a kite. That was the year that he became a total pot head. My mom made the unfortunate mistake of placing all of her deviled eggs right next to him at the dinner table. We all watched, completely stunned, as he picked up one single egg at a time and popped it in his mouth. He had this completely dopey expression on his face as he did so. One by one, he devoured twenty-two eggs in slow motion. The tray had initially held twenty-four eggs in total. My dad and I were still able to snag the last two eggs before my older brother snatched them up for himself. My older brother also brought along his wife, who was beside herself laughing at her poor, high husband. His wife tried to make him a plate of actual food, and after setting it in front of him, she turned her attention to getting plates set up for the rest of the kids present. Suddenly, the entire room burst out into laughter as this zoned out moron’s face fell right into his mashed potatoes and gravy. My older sister snickered as she grabbed a fistful of this dude’s hair to pull him out of his food. What was his response to this sudden commotion? He fell asleep and began snoring at the dinner table. We tried to clean his face up the best we could and put him on the couch, while the rest of us enjoyed our Thanksgiving meal. His wife eventually collected her idiot husband and went home for the evening. At least he had a ride home!”
Grandma Drops A Truth Bomb
“So there we all were, having a lovely Thanksgiving dinner with my parents, grandparents, and my then-boyfriend. My grandmother, for important context, is four foot ten, incredibly tiny, and is generally exceptionally sweet and innocent. We had all thoroughly enjoyed the dinner, and now it was time for the pie. My dad got up to serve the pie, and as he was doing so, he made a very suggestive innuendo about using the whipped cream. My brother and I both exclaimed in shock. Seriously, who on earth wants to picture their parents getting busy and doing naughty things with the whipped cream?! All of a sudden, out pops my sweet grandma’s voice. She exclaims, ‘Hey, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!’
We all shouted at my grandma in surprise. Needless to say, my brother and I were completely speechless, with our jaws practically dropped to the floor. My grandma continued to drop more truth bombs. She stated, ‘It’s not like we do that sort of thing anymore, Your Grandpa and I. But it can certainly be a fun time!’
I was completely mortified. My boyfriend was right there! For the love of all things right in the world, please Grandma, stop talking! I thought she wanted my boyfriend to stick around for dessert! believe it or not, everything really did work out well in the end. I ended up getting married to that boyfriend, and we have just celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary. The whipped cream story is one of our favorite stories to tell to people who don’t understand my crazy family. We all still like to laugh about it together all these years later.”
One Giggle Sets It All Off
“It made my jaw drop as far as it could do. This one is my absolute favorite dysfunctional family memory. It involved my favorite cousin during Thanksgiving. We were all at her mom and stepdad’s house. Her mom cannot cook anything, so her stepdad was in charge of the entire meal preparation. Unfortunately, her mom took that as her signal to let forth all of her attitudes and expectations. Her mom quickly began to complain about her husband’s timing on everything. The two of them started arguing. It wasn’t anything new, as we were all used to this couple’s bickering. Normally, it was entertaining, and that day certainly did not disappoint. The rest of us were trying our hardest not to burst out in fits of giggles, so we kept trying to look away from the kerfuffle. Now we were all sitting close enough together to whisper comments under our breaths about every belittling insult they tossed at each other. it was impossible for all of us to keep it together. Unfortunately, we eventually got reprimanded that this wasn’t very funny. But telling a bunch of giggling people that something isn’t funny only makes it exceptionally more funny. Stifling laughter only made it worse. It was then that the stepdad had finally had enough.
Now, I want to add some context about my cousin’s distinct parents. Her stepdad permanently wore dad jeans and played in the church band. He was extremely uptight about practically everything. His signature catchphrase was always, ‘I think that is really inappropriate!’ Unfortunately, the mom was a narcissist who had survived domestic abuse with a previous spouse. She also had borderline personality disorder, so the two of them made for quite an interesting combination. my cousin’s mom wouldn’t let up on this poor stepdad. He was really trying his best to provide our entire extended family a decent Thanksgiving meal. He finally slammed down some pots and exclaimed, ‘Should I just leave?!’
The mom replied with some sort of snotty and ungrateful remark. By this time, my cousin and I and many other family members nearby are literally crying from laughing. The stepdad shouted, ‘Fine then! I’ll just go to Denny’s!’
That was all it took. We all exploded into boisterous laughter. We tried so hard to lie and cover it up and say that we were laughing about something that was totally unrelated. But come on, it was pretty obvious what we were all up to. And the stepdad ended up getting some dinner at Denny’s, but he eventually came back home and made up with his wife. At every family gathering now, whenever the two of them start to argue again, I like to offer the stepdad a gift card to Denny’s, just in case. He takes it in stride and we all have a good laugh about it.”
Nasty Wake-Up Call
“So my husband and I had not been married for too long, less than five years at the time of this story. We were on our way to my mother-in-law’s house for the holidays. Now for context, my husband was a marine who had come home from active duty. Once home, he decided to resume his former party boy lifestyle. What he didn’t realize is that while he was away, I got hooked on speed. He loved me, but he hated what I had done to myself. I abused this substance for a couple of years. On our way to Thanksgiving dinner, I was tweaked out of my mind. He was pretty bitter (and hung over, he was a heavy drinker), so we started to have a pretty nasty argument. The whole thing got so bad that we ended up pulling over to the side of the road, in order to have an honest to goodness fist fight. Well after that had finally subsided, we got back into the vehicle and drove off without a word. We were obviously a mess by the time we got to my mother-in-law’s house. She had dinner ready, but we were allowed in without being ripped to shreds by her harsh words.
Fortunately, that evening was a bit of a wake-up call for me and my husband. we did get better from that point on, and we are doing so much better now. That fateful night occurred twenty years ago now, and after that night I stopped using speed. I quit it cold turkey. It was immensely difficult, but I haven’t touched the stuff once in those twenty years since! I never told my kids about my former past, I don’t know what they would think of me if I fully confided in them. I mostly quit for my husband at the time, and he held off on the drinking to better support me as well. Thank god for a happy ending!”
Watch Out!
“It was Thanksgiving of 2016, and a majority of my extended family and I met up at a cousin’s home for dinner. To my complete and utter shock, everyone was at the very least cordial with one another. Now we practically celebrate every single holiday there usually, but someone inevitably ruins it by saying or doing something completely outlandish. This particular night, we were all eating and drinking and laughing and conversing, and everything was seemingly fine for once. Two of my closer cousins decided to head to the gas station for smokes and snacks, and I tagged along as well. My cousins hop in the front seats, and I climb into the back seat, and we all get buckled up. Unfortunately, we didn’t make it very far, or even out of the driveway. The cousin who was driving rammed into the back of my other cousin’s BRAND-NEW car, which added a horrific dent to the front of it. The worst part of this whole thing? That cousin with the brand-new car didn’t have any car insurance on it! My cousin who was driving attempted to still get out of the driveway, but too many family members had witnessed the entire event unfold! It didn’t help that the crash made a horribly loud screeching noise. I decided right then and there that it was my sign to leave immediately. I didn’t want to stick around for the aftermath. I ran over to my car to make a speedy exit. As I was backing out, I could clearly see the rest of my family coming out and attacking the cousin who backed up into the car. It looked ugly. I am so relieved that I got to miss it.”
Turkey With A Side Of Headache
“This story concerns the appalling behavior of my brother’s kids at the table during our huge Thanksgiving family dinner. The two of these little cretins crawled into some seats that was set out for adults, they got their grubby little hands all over the plates and utensils, and they wouldn’t get down, despite much scolding from numerous adults. The two of them complained that the food wasn’t ready at that exact moment, and they tried to be as big of nuisances as they possibly could. They made my sisters quite nervous while they all tried to wrap up the cooking. The boys’ mother wouldn’t say anything to these tiny goblins, and she always looked totally scandalized if someone yelled at her precious little angels. I actually felt sorry for those two kids to have to live with those sorts of parents. Frankly, I just wanted to tell that mother off for how incompetent she was acting. When I was a kid, my father would put the fear of God into me if I didn’t anything remotely out of line. These two kids were driving all of us adults completely insane, and their nasty grins only made everything worse. I couldn’t understand how this behavior was tolerated, it would not have gone over well in my own home! Needless to say, I tried to leave as quickly as I could after that dinner. I had such a wicked headache after that evening!”
Heartbreaking Tradition
“For every Thanksgiving holiday, the entire family would celebrate it over at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. This was the site of a bizarre and nasty holiday tradition. My sibling-in-law’s family members would all bring their particular Christmas lists and draw names to determine who would buy a present for whom. Unfortunately, neither me nor anyone else on my own family’s side was included in this ritual. We would simply and awkwardly finish our cake and coffee. While we would attend Thanksgiving celebrations, we were never actually invited to the Christmas celebrations. We all desperately wanted to get along with the in-law family, but this activity would destroy our hope sand make everything painfully awkward for the rest of us! One year, as we were all dutifully getting into the car to drive over to visit the in-laws, my mother had a bold solution. She stated that if our family would continue to be separated this time, she would get up and leave immediately, and she recommended that we all follow suit. Naturally, we were once again excluded in this holiday tradition. All of us decided right then and there to stand up and leave the in-laws to their own devices. That year, we made our own unique Thanksgiving tradition of leaving the in-laws before we could feel any more hurt from them. What a strange and rude custom that was!”
“You Were Supposed To Get Down From There, Not Kill Them!”
“Believe it or not, this is all absolutely true. There are no exaggerations needed. I still can’t believe it all happened like this. This event happened one Thanksgiving night, when I was around eleven or twelve. My sister, cousins, and I were all outside, playing hide-and-seek. Now that all sounds innocent enough, but there is some important context. We were all at my grandparents’ house, which had a ton of small buildings and tall trees around the property, all ready for some kids to use for mischief. My cousin was also the same age as me, and he was a real piece of work! I was seeking during one round, and everyone else had been found already. I was beginning to worry about my other cousin, who still had not been found yet. All of a sudden, I heard someone whisper above me, ‘Hey, look up here!’
I look up and I find my cousin. He is on the roof of our grandparents’ house, just laughing at the rest of us still on the ground. He told me to come and find him on the trailer at the other side of the house. Apparently, he used the concrete wall separating the grandparents’ house from their neighbors to get onto the trailer roof, where my cousin then could get onto the roof. He helped me up onto the roof too. Another cousin came outside and found the two of us, so he ratted us out to the rest of the cousins. They both decided that being on the roof looked like a whole lot of fun, and they wanted to get up there and join us. My sister came up and brought a foam football, so the four of us up on the roof could play with it. The adults were all still inside and socializing. My oldest cousin was yelling at all of us to get down from there before we all fell down and broke our necks. Eventually, my oldest cousin had enough of our behavior, so he went inside to get the adults to come yell at us to get down. So what you’re probably assuming is that we all got scolded and told to get down before we all fell and died, right? That’s absolutely WRONG!
My actual mother looked up at all of us and stated, ‘Hey, that looks like fun! I want to go up there too!’
My cousin legitimately face palmed. His mother, my aunt, exclaimed, ‘Good idea, I think that I’ll join you too!’
It only took a few more minutes for my grandma to come outside and exclaim, ‘What is all of that thumping about! I expected this from My own children, but you two should be ashamed of yourselves for letting your own children go along with all of this!’
Meanwhile, my father and uncle were on the floor laughing their heads off, calling for all of us to try out tackle football, just to see what would happen. My grandpa and oldest cousin looked up at all of us and just looked so worn out by everything. But they did start to giggle after my mother tried really hard to defend her actions. She exclaimed, ‘It’s fine, they all have parental supervision! This is totally safe!’
My favorite part of the whole night was when my grandmother yelled so loudly that even our neighbors peered outside to see what was going on. My grandma shouted, ‘YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET THEM DOWN FROM THERE, NOT TRY TO KILL THEM!’
It took us a little while longer to finally get everyone off of the roof. From that day forward, we would refer to that event as the ‘Roofball Thanksgiving’. That was definitely the one family gathering with the most jaw drops easily. We achieved this feat without any actual family drama, which I consider to be a huge achievement!”
Kind Heart From The Strangest Place
“My oldest son, who is almost forty years old at this point, used to be a huge punk rocker. He was into this genre before it got as popular as it is today. He played guitar for several bands, wore his hair in huge liberty spikes, never took off his combat boots, and he got tattoos and piercing all over himself. He really committed to that aesthetic. He would hang out with a pretty rough looking characters, which honestly did make me pretty nervous. When I would comment about that, he would always remind me that it was me who taught him to never judge a person on the outside. One unforgettable Thanksgiving, he asked me if he could bring a friend of his over to eat with the rest of us, because this friend had no family, and my son didn’t want him to be totally alone. I told my son that his friend was more than welcome to come over. Thanksgiving Day arrived, and as usual, I was rushing around to get all the food ready and onto the table. My sisters were setting the table, when I remembered that my son would be bringing his guest! I made sure to set another place for my son’s friend when I heard a commotion in the front room. It sounded like my son was introducing his friend to everyone, so I ran out to meet them both. My son introduced his friend to me as ‘Mouse’, who had long dark hair, muscular arms covered in tattoos, and an actual swastika tattooed between his eyes. To say that I was taken aback was a complete understatement.
It took me a couple of seconds to get myself together, but I still told Mouse that it was nice to meet him, and we were all glad that he could come. My son gave me a smile, patted Mouse on the back and found a place to sit for him. Mouse was pretty shy at first, but our loudmouth family was able to help him feel right at home. After dinner ended and everyone had left, my son called me. He told me that Mouse said he never had such a wonderful Thanksgiving. Apparently Mouse had grown up on the streets and had fallen in with a group of nasty skinheads. When Mouse became a part of that group, one of the other members had tattooed the swastika on Mouse’s forehead. By the time that my son had met Mouse, Mouse realized he didn’t want to be a skinhead. He didn’t have anyone close in his life, and he really just wanted to feel like he belonged. Mouse came over to our house with my son on several more occasions, and we always enjoyed having him over. He was definitely an oddball, but he was a real sweetheart underneath all those tattoos. When I think about Mouse, he always reminds me that people can always change for the better if they really want to. My son still loves to play punk rock. He now has a seventeen-year-old who is really getting into punk rock also. Like father, like son. My son hasn’t seen Mouse in a few years, so no word on whether or not Mouse tried to get that swastika removed from his forehead or not.”