1. An Armed Crab
“A crab with a knife maybe…”
What’s your game plan for this?
“Realistically, probably a coyote, they’re vicious but small, I mean even without a stick I think I could take one down.”
“The first time I saw a coyote I was surprised by how small it was. My first thought was ‘I could f*ck this thing up if it came at me.’ Might suffer one initial bite but after that, it would be done for.”
“A single coyote. It wouldn’t be an easy fight. I’d probably look like mince meat by the end but I would probably win.”
Lmao these people are so wrong.
3. Great White Shark (On Land)
“A great white shark. Considering we are on land.”
Ah, home field advantage! I still think the shark wins.
4. Small Grizzly Bear
“I always have this daydream where I beat a small grizzly bear.”
I’m sorry but you would still lose.
5. Step Below A House Cat
“It would have to be smaller than a house cat.
My sister had a cat who’d have psychotic breaks due to being brain-damaged as a malnourished street kitten. One time she was sitting in my lap nicely and suddenly started attacking me full-on with teeth and claws. I pushed her off my lap, but she kept coming at me like a wild animal so I pushed her away again and she flew at me, I had to throw her across the room away from the door and make a run for it. I had scratches up and down my arms and a deep one on my leg, when my sister came home and I told her what happened she rolled up her sleeves and her arms had a bunch of cat scratches in various states of healing.
That cat lived to be 23, I never let her sit on my lap again. Her loss.”
“A housecat but I would probably sustain grievous wounds in the process. Indoor cats only, wouldn’t want to risk taking on a battle-hardened outdoor cat.”
Finally, some self-aware people!
6. Blue Ring Octopus
“Blue ring octopus. Super deadly. Also, small enough that I could squash that MFer without even trying.”
Underestimating your opponent. A tale as old as time.
7. T-Rex (In A Boxing Match)
“A t-rex, as long as it’s a boxing match.” – the first and only person to lose to a dinosaur in a boxing match.
8. A Moderately Sized Dog
“Honestly mate, I reckon I could take on a moderately sized dog.”
They might distract you with cuteness and sneak up on you though.
9. One Rat, Flea, and Mosquito
“Rats, fleas, and mosquitoes are among the deadliest animals. I could probably take on all three at once. It would need to be in a closed space so I could catch them. Unless the mosquito gives me malaria or something, I’m pretty sure I would win.”
This is the most realistic fight someone has had a chance of winning.
“Maybe a cougar if I had a stick.”
I wouldn’t feel confident fighting a cougar with a bazooka.
“A mud crab.”
I’m sorry you’re going to have to at least give us a game plan for that one because you’re losing.
“A few people have killed bears by strangling them and/or shoving their hand down the bear’s throat and ripping it out. I think if I got lucky I could. Maybe even live through it, but it would have to be a dumb bear that let me get close without smashing me with his paw. But yeah that’s about the most dangerous animal it’s possible to kill barehanded.”
– future handless and lifeless person
“Probably an alligator. I would have the height advantage, so to speak.”
Remember that cop that got knocked out by an alligator? He probably thought the same thing.
“I think I could take on one wolf.”
On behalf of humans, I apologize.
“A venomous scorpion.”
If you have a Birkenstock within reach that thing is toast.
“Emu. Those things kick too. Before you laugh, go look up the emu war that Australia fought.”
The Emu war in Australia is exactly why I think you don’t win this.
“Kangaroo hands down. I’d do almost anything to get a real boxing match with one.”
I’m sorry I think it would be a kickboxing match whether you like it or not.