It seems like breaking up with a best friend is waaay worse than breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. People share the moment they realized it was over between their BFF and them. Content has been edited for clarity.
BFF Or Homewrecker?
“My best friend and I had been best friends since kindergarten, and in our senior year of high school, she started dating someone. One night, she was working at a local restaurant, and her boyfriend called me and asked if I’d like to go grab a bite and see her at work. I had just broken up with my boyfriend, and I assumed it was a nice gesture – most likely encouraged by my best friend – to get me out of the house on a Friday night, so I accepted.
He picked me up in his family’s extremely conspicuous company truck, and we went to the restaurant. We sat in her section while grabbing a bite (each paying for our own and tipping her generously), and afterward, he asked if I wanted to ‘cruise Main’.
I said, ‘Sure.’
So we did a couple of laps, chatted about my friend/his girlfriend, stopped to say hello to a few people, and then he took me home.
The next morning, my best friend called me, ‘Hey, we need to talk. Let’s meet at my boyfriend’s parents’ place of business.’
Odd, but okay. I got dressed and went right over. When I walked in, they both stood there, wide-stance with their arms crossed over their chests, glaring at me.
‘Why did you try to kiss my boyfriend?’ she asked.
I was confused. First, I’m not the type to kiss someone else’s boyfriend. Second, I didn’t even like her boyfriend. I was good friends with his older brother, but I’d always thought he was kind of a jerk. I tolerated him because my best friend clearly liked him, and I’d only gone out with him the night before to see her – because her job had her working every single Friday and Saturday night and a few other nights most weeks. I missed my friend! But she wouldn’t hear it. Thirteen years of friendship were gone in one accusation.
Her boyfriend said I tried to kiss him, and she believed him over me. She didn’t speak to me for over a year.
When she did speak to me again, we were attending the same college. She sought me out after class (I was easy to find given my major and the size of the college) and apologized in a way. She never apologized to me for believing I’d hit on her boyfriend, but she did say she missed me and told me she was getting married that summer.
She said, ‘The one thing that is making me unhappy is knowing you won’t be there when I’d dreamed of having you beside me as my maid of honor ever since we were kids. Can we start fresh?’
I accepted, and it seemed like we had a fresh start. I stood up with her at her wedding, she and her new husband (whom I still could barely stand) moved out of state, and all was well.
We kept in touch, and a year later, I had saved up enough money to visit her. I spent a week with her, sleeping on the floor in her living room. Her husband was working almost every day, so I barely even saw him. I spent most of my time with my best friend and with her family who had arrived for her brother’s wedding (which I also attended). It was a great week.
It was about a month before I realized something was very, very wrong. After I’d returned home, she stopped answering my calls and e-mails. Letters were returned to the sender. No one in her family would answer my calls or e-mails either, and when I happened to meet them back in my hometown, they’d avert their eyes and pretend not to see me.
Over a decade later, her sister-in-law finally told my mother why. After I’d left, her husband told her I tried to sleep with him. And this time, she hadn’t even given me a chance to deny it. She’d just believed him and told everyone she knew that I was a homewrecker.
They’ve been married for 22 years now and have a couple of kids. Over the years, I’ve heard rumors that her husband hasn’t always been faithful, but I wouldn’t know – nor do I really care beyond the long past and occasional sense of schadenfreude. She sent me a friend request on Facebook several years ago. I accepted it, and I think we exchanged pleasantries a time or two. She never apologized for branding me as a home wrecker to her family or even mentioned it happened, and I have no idea if her relatives still believe it happened.
I’m Facebook friends with a few of her relatives and even chat with her brother occasionally, but I’m not sure if that’s permitted because they’ve all figured out I’m innocent or because they figure that if she can ‘forgive’ me, they can too. It doesn’t make much difference at this point. I live several hours away from my hometown and have little reason to visit, so what people there think is largely irrelevant to my life. And she and I aren’t really friends anymore and never will be. Her husband’s lies and her willingness to believe them killed that.”
The Wedding Party
“I had a close friend who we’ll call, ‘Don.’ Both my husband and I were friends but me more so. We spent weekends together, supported his breakups, job changes, and house purchases, had parties together, and generally had wonderful times through our twenties and thirties. I don’t have many friends, so I valued this friendship greatly.
Fast forward to when he got a new girlfriend which we encouraged. We all got along well. They both used to talk a lot about my husband and me being in the wedding party should they get engaged as we were so important to them. And they were to be godparents to our kids.
Then I got pregnant and my husband got transferred to another city. They promised to look after me. I saw them twice in 6 months. You see they found a replacement couple. A fun, younger couple. And suddenly because I couldn’t go out as much, I was relegated. When my baby was born, Don and the GF got engaged.
My husband and I were so very excited for them. In my limited spare time, I arranged a lunch meet-up with Don and accidentally lost my phone so I was quite late. I didn’t call as I couldn’t remember his mobile number and I could tell Don was upset when I got there. I apologized but I don’t think he forgave me.
A month prior to his wedding, he called to say, ‘Sorry, you guys aren’t in the wedding party, but you can make a music playlist for the wedding.’
The younger, thinner, couple had taken our place in the wedding party. I kept asking myself if was I too fat and old for the bridal party. You see I still thought we were close friends. I was hurt but decided he was my friend and I would celebrate the wedding without any drama. It was special.
My husband and I compiled a great playlist for them that took weeks to work through. Then when we brought the playlist along to the wedding, we were told thanks very much but it wasn’t required. They had a DJ. The smile was still there though the heart was starting to just twinge a little.
And then Don made his speech. A fabulous amazing speech for a good 30 minutes, thanking everyone he ever knew, everyone who was there for him by name, and with a personal comment. Everyone except my husband and I. An entire decade of friendship literally evaporated.
My heart shattered. Truly. And worst of all I had to then endure multiple, mutual, friends mentioning it all evening until we could leave.
It has been several years and the replacement couple had kids at the same time they had kids. They probably live in the same neighborhood and still have BBQs and picnics and plan holidays together.
I, however, have never recovered. I go to events at the kid’s school, sports club, etc but I don’t make friends. I’m friendly but I don’t invite people to our house and I don’t socialize very often.
You see I thought that the friendship we had was special. That outside my marriage I was special. And what I discovered was that I wasn’t. And that no matter how much I tried other people just don’t find me that interesting.
I miss the friendship as it was but there is no going back.”
“She Knew My Marriage Wasn’t Good”
“My best friend and I were close for 20+ years. We were pregnant together, we had babies 6 weeks apart, and we got married 6 months apart. I helped with her wedding and she with mine. We often talked about anything and everything and I had confided to her about some of the problems in my marriage throughout the years. She knew my marriage wasn’t good, but we didn’t get into a lot of details. She just knew I wasn’t happy.
I filed for divorce quietly and went through a good bout of depression as one does going through a divorce. I stayed busy with work and my kids. She and I kept in contact, but we weren’t talking as much.
One day she asked me to meet her for cocktails and to catch up, so I told her, ‘Sure, let me know when works for your schedule as I’m free for a few weeks.’
She never texted back.
As the holidays were approaching at that time, she called again and suggested meeting up. I told her, ‘Let’s get together on Thursday night.’
She replied, ‘I’m busy on that night.’
So I suggest other days and she was busy for all of them.
I said, ‘Just give me a call when you’re free as my schedule is really flexible and we will hook up.’
She then asked, ‘What are you doing for the holidays?’
I replied, ‘Not much, I’m gonna see my dad and that’s it.’
She said nothing else and that was the end of the convo.
After all the holidays were done, my daughter came home and said, ‘Your best friend invited dad and his new girlfriend over for Christmas and New Year’s. Dad was a little unnerved by the invite as they aren’t really friends.’
My ex and I talked and concluded she probably just wanted gossip. He thought her invitation was strange.
After that, I knew we were done. I’ve never talked to her again. The last text I got from her was to ask if I was selling my house and how much was I selling it for. I didn’t even reply. She is out of my life after 20+ years.”
“She Hated Me”
“Let’s call my former bestfriend ‘Mary’. We were coursemates at university and became friends because I was that foreign student and she was super smiley. In our second year, she had a falling out with every single housemate, but that did not raise any flags for me. In the third year, we became flatmates. What started as a blossoming friendship soon soured.
Most of us would offer to pick up groceries or bits from town if we were there and one such occasion backfired greatly because Mary decided to pay me back via ‘goods and services’ on Paypal. If you are unsure of the Paypal money sending options, if you send via ‘friends and family,’ they receive the full amount you send. If you send via ‘goods and services,’ an amount is deducted from the ‘seller’ as insurance. Now if you have just carried groceries 30 minutes from town for a friend, obviously you would not want a discounted amount! My labor may be free but the milk is not paying for itself.
I reached out to Mary over this through email since PayPal’s Communication to me was over email. She flipped and in my opinion, overreacted.
There were crying and tantrums. Apparently, I was really rude to forward the email and add ‘Please do not do this again.’ She was crying about how there will never be another time and how I was totally insensitive that she had two exams coming up. I sent it with a note explaining how Paypal deducted the amount for insurance which was a little silly between the two of us, but that totally blew up.
Fast forward, and drunk Mary revealed details one by one. Calling me stupid, for only securing a 2–2 in my course (British university) and telling our friends how she wanted to punch me because she was so annoyed.
Apologies always came the next day, but alcohol makes a person more honest.
The last straw came when I posted a picture of my graduation presents (as I usually do with presents) to thank the people for being so kind and I received a text from Mary, wanting to know why I was such a show off about getting gifts.
All the little things added up and I realized my ‘best friend’ really hates me, my guts, and everything about me.”