We’ve all heard the saying, ‘They’re your parents; you have to love them.’ But for some, it’s easier said than done, especially when dealing with problematic parents. These individuals grew up to realize just how truly awful their parents can be. Content has been edited for clarity.
Father’s Day Drama
“My father was a very selfish person and I only realized this about 3 months ago. He was an avid alcoholic and that caused my parents’ divorce when I was 5. Whenever I went over to visit or stay the night with my sister, from morning till night he would drink (and smoke weed) with the three of us in the same room. By 8 pm he was black out sleeping and we had to get ourselves to bed.
My oldest sister went to live with him 2 years after the divorce because she didn’t like my then-current stepfather.
Fast forward to this year and my father has since quit drinking for about a year and a half and dedicated himself to being the fastest man to circumnavigate around the world. This sounds good but all of us know he is never going to go through with it and on Father’s Day he posted a status on Facebook bad-mouthing his kids because we didn’t wish him a Happy Father’s Day. The Facebook page is dedicated to his world record attempt.
I messaged him and we began to argue. I went full force and asked him why he was such a bad father. He came out with excuses, but when I asked why we never got so much as a card on our birthdays growing up he replied, ‘How come I didn’t get any for mine?’
Selfish. We were kids. How could we? The cherry on the top is when I straight up asked him, ‘Why were you such a bad father?’
He replied and I quote, ‘I can only work with the children I have.’
I haven’t spoken to him since. Never did anything for me before and I don’t need him now.”
“As a child, I idolized my mom. She saved me from my biological father who had abused me and done other criminal things to my mom. The abuse was described to me in graphic detail. My mom liked to describe other graphic things that could happen to me if I wasn’t careful.
I was not allowed to question her or show any emotion she didn’t approve of. If I got too close to any friends, she made sure to convince me they were on drugs. Therefore I was no longer allowed to spend the night. She always let me know that any move I made against her would come back against me 10 times harder, so it was best for me to be completely submissive, but then she ridiculed me when I couldn’t stand up for myself at school.
All of this, I believed, was my fault. I was confused, brainwashed, unlovable. She died from cancer in my late 20s. Over the next several years of living separate from her influence, being loved by a good man, and raising my own kids with love, my brain underwent a sort of ‘deprogramming’ and I started to realize how abnormal my childhood had been.
I started asking questions about my biological dad and doing some research about him. Turns out, he was a great guy, and everything my mom told me about him was a lie.
I was never abused, and all the gory details my mom described to me (which really screwed me up) were invented by her. I have PTSD from the memories she implanted in my head, and from the constant worry that I’d be kidnapped as a child. I’ve been in therapy for the last few years. It’s been a process of trying to learn that I’m lovable and worthy of love.
It’s been great getting to know my dad, who has been hoping to meet me for all of these years.”
How Could She Do That To Her Own Mother?
“My mom gave my grandmother’s name and social security number when stopped for speeding, pretending she didn’t have her ID on her. She lives in a different state.
When my grandma went to renew her license, lo and behold she couldn’t because there was an unpaid ticket from mom’s state from years ago. Her options were either ‘go to that other state and go to court to prove it’s not you’ or ‘pay it’. She paid $1000 so that she could get her license. When confronted, my mother denied it and didn’t even offer a cent toward the fine.
I hadn’t talked to her for years. We’re a little better now but I will not trust her with anything valuable nor invite her to my home, which is easy since I live very far away now.”