Family drama can be a nightmare to deal with. For most, blood doesn’t mean anything when it comes to setting boundaries and expecting people to follow them. There are often times when children are even caught up in the midst of things. Like any protective parent, some people have had to learn when it was time to put their foot down. Even if it means hurting someone’s feelings. With that being said, some relatives just can’t be trusted around kids. Here, parents share their stories that led to banning a family member from babysitting roles.
All stories are edited for clarity.
Mama Knows Best
“My mother-in-law and I have never gotten along. Ever since I gave birth last August, things have gotten worse between us.
When I first came home from the hospital, we stayed with my parents. My MIL pouted and insisted that she stay there too because it wouldn’t be ‘fair’ for my parents to get all the time with the baby and not her.
My MIL has had boundary issues before the baby was born, but after? Her behavior was and still is awful. After my baby was born, she wouldn’t listen to any rule we put into place. My MIL was constantly kissing on my 4-day-old baby. She never gave me time alone to even breastfeed or pump. It had gotten so bad that I wasn’t eating and crying constantly. My parents and my husband constantly tried to get her to stop, but eventually, we had to just kick her out and send her back home.
Fast forwarding a little bit, my dad usually watches the baby during the week. This irritated my MIL to no end because again it wasn’t ‘fair’ even though she lived an hour and a half away from us.
So, after harassing my husband and I for months, we finally broke down and allowed my MIL to watch our baby every Wednesday at our apartment.
One day when I was about halfway through my shift, I got a phone call from my brother-in-law. He NEVER called me, so I knew something was up immediately. Apparently, my MIL called him in a panic because she dropped our baby!
She was scared our baby was seriously hurt. Instead of calling me, my MIL called my BIL who who lived AN HOUR AND A HALF AWAY.
I quickly hung up with him and tried to call her several times with no answer. I called my mom and frantically told her what happened. My mom showed up at the apartment in a heartbeat.
At that point, I was desperate and running to grab my coat. I called my husband and explained the situation. He was LIVID. Thankfully his shift was ending much sooner than mine, so he was able to leave an hour early and speed home.
He finally got my MIL on the phone, but when he did she was completely undone and he couldn’t understand a word that was being said. My husband and my mother got there at the same time to find my MIL sobbing on my couch. Other than a bruise and a cut under her eye, our baby was fine. She was in her bouncer laughing at her grandmother’s tears. After we took her to the doctor to be examined, we sent my MIL home.
A few days later, my MIL called me to try and explain, but I cut her off and told her she could no longer watch my child. I had already discussed the matter with my husband and even he agreed. I told her if she could not handle an emergency, she could not handle my infant alone.
After saying this, my MIL became inconsolable. Then she started telling everyone who would listen that my husband and I were not allowing her to see her grandchild anymore.
We never said that she wasn’t allowed to see her grandchild. She just can’t be with our daughter alone anymore. There was no excuse for what happened. My MIL had my daughter’s pediatrician’s number and the direct phone number to the local fire department both saved in her phone and on the fridge.
Sometimes I feel bad about it, but mama knows best.
To this day, my MIL is not allowed to be with my daughter alone.”
On Our Own
“My mother and I had been living in a small apartment with my very young daughter. One day my mother was angry with me for leaving to go to work after she offered to watch my daughter just the day before.
After I got home, my mother started to berate and belittle me in front of my child because I worked a little overtime. The only reason why I stayed over so late was because we needed the money and I was assured my kid was being watched.
A few days later, I noticed she was being very short with me. When I finally asked her why she was so upset with me, she blew up.
‘I know you’re making me watch your child because you’re sleeping around with men!’ My mother then said, ‘That’s why nobody wants you or your child because you can’t keep your legs closed.’
I just couldn’t believe my own mother said those horrible things to me. Hearing what she had to say kicked my anxiety into overdrive. I shut down. I couldn’t bring myself to eat or sleep.
Even after she said those things to me, my mother refused to apologize. It made things difficult because she was my only ride to get to and from work. After weeks of struggling to make it to work, my mother approached me and told me she wanted my daughter and me out of her apartment.
On a quick side note, that wouldn’t have been the first time I moved out. Every time I was able to move out, my mother claimed that being away from her grandchild hurt their relationship. Yet whenever my daughter wants to interact with her, she shoos her away. She accused my grandchild of not loving her because she is closer to me and has always shown me more affection.
I gave up trying to please my mother and moved in with a friend. Unfortunately, I could not afford childcare, so I had to quit my minimum-wage job. I could never bring my child around my mother knowing the things I do now.
Things are still rocky between my mother and I, but at least I have independence.”
No Chance
“My boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant shortly after my brother and his girlfriend had my niece. We told my boyfriend’s family, my mom, and my sister. Everything seemed fine until we told my dad.
His only response was: ‘You’re gonna have to tell Susan’. Susan was my dad’s new wife. After we told her I was pregnant, she told me I was going to be a terrible mother and didn’t know anything about the ‘real world’.
She then decided to point out everything wrong with my boyfriend, who she barely cared enough to get to know after three years of being married to my dad. The whole time she berated us, my dad sat there saying absolutely nothing.
A few weeks later, my sister went to my dad’s house for the weekend. She called me that Sunday because apparently Susan kept telling everybody that I was extremely immature, wouldn’t be able to care for a child and the only reason I was pregnant was because my brother had a kid.
Seeing my dad defend Susan as she talked crap about me, his own daughter, I cut them out of my life because the stress wasn’t healthy for me or the baby.
Long after I had my baby, my dad started messaging me randomly to check in. I slowly started speaking with him again because I felt like my son know his grandfather.
I did, however, tell my dad that no matter what, Susan would not be a part of my life or my son’s life because I couldn’t bring myself to forgive her for what she did.
Months later, my dad asked if he could watch my son while my boyfriend and I went out to dinner. We told him we already had a babysitter but suggested the idea another time. Well to my surprise, later that night, my sister called me to let me know that my dad hoped I would let him babysit because he was planning on introducing him to Susan so she could spend time with him.
Part of me thinks I’m cruel for not giving him a chance, but I just couldn’t forgive him for not defending me and for trying to disobey my wishes.
So my dad isn’t allowed to be alone with our son.”
