Home should be the last place you should be hassled… but then there are HOAs. When it comes to nitpicking they can’t be rivaled. These homeowners share the pettiest complaint they’ve ever received from an HOA.
“Hello, Your House Is On Fire.”
“This incident has been going on for us for the last six months. We unfortunately live next door to the HOA president and her crazy grifter second husband. These people complain about every neighborhood and all the things they do that are wrong and inconsiderate of them and their needs.
Dogs, pools, workmen, street activity, they hate it all. They chose us to lay down their crazy over a fire bowl, for lighting fires on your back porch. First, the crazy HOA lady comes to the door telling me that open burning is not allowed and that she will call the fire department on us. Being understanding neighbors we showed her there is nothing ‘open’ about our burning and that we are using a fireplace self-starting logs in it on the porch. This infuriated her more since we didn’t bow immediately to her request. First lesson — HOA people care nothing for reasoning or understanding, only for control.
Since we have lived in FL for 20 years we have seen it all from HOA losers. We knew this wasn’t the last contact with Mrs. HOA. Best to document and gather proof, so we emailed the fire department for the City and asked if our specific model was against any codes. They replied we were well within legal parameters for burning in said for the bowl. Printed that letter out and put it by the front door. Remember my comment about HOA people’s lack of reason, it escapes them. When it does, be prepared.
A month goes by and guesses who it is…Mrs. HOA is now ready for round two. My wife responds to the door and hears the second unreasonable request to stop lighting fires in our fire bowl. She promptly hands her the letter from the fire department. Most people at this point, if capable of reason, will stop this pointless fight when confronted with evidence of them being wrong and some authority stating so. But if you remember my warning about HOA folks — they joined that club because they had no reasoning skills, to begin with. Furthermore, that part about wanting control, oh boy does it make them mad when you show them the many reasons you legally will not be controlled.
Well that incident right there, only infuriated Mrs. HOA. Now it was time for Mr. HOA, to get involved. We were left wondering, what steps do they have to take next? Now comes the more interesting part, a couple of months and several happy fires on the porch go by…
It’s now 6:30 am on a Sunday morning and Mr. HOA snaps. He shows up at the door at 6:35
Him: ‘Your house is on fire.’
Me: ‘What? Where?’
Him: ‘On your back porch.’
Me: ‘Do you mean my fire bowl has a fire in it?’
Him: ‘Well it’s on your porch so your house is on fire and I’m calling the fire department.’
Me: ‘Seriously? Good luck with that.’
If you recall…that warning about the precursor requirement to being a part of an HOA is you have to leave all ability to reason at the door before you take your post. These people are just proving it all day long.
Fire Department shows up at 6:45 am. Great service. Police show up first, and we give him the letter and discuss the crazy HOA people next door. Show him the fire bowl and explain the situation. Fire Department comes to the door in full regalia, ready to fight the reported house fire. We show them to the fire bowl where they have a good laugh.
My kids are excited and a bit concerned that all these emergency responders are at our house. We chat and say our goodbyes. This should be enough right…nope, lack of reasoning continues on…I pulled the 911 recording of the call he made. Lied the entire time reporting my house on fire just for his own personal vendetta.
Just out of spite, I decided Monday is a great night to have a fire outside…immediate escalation. 9:00 pm and my wife hears someone outside the bedroom window. Guess who it is? Mr. HOA decided to trespass in our backyard, I run outside to see him fleeing to his own yard yelling ‘I’m not on your property, I’m not on your property.’
So, our turn to call the police.
My wife calls about the man seen fleeing our yard and yelling. The police show up pretty quickly while she walks them through the whole situation. The police decide it was probably a good time to clear the air and let Mr. and Mrs. HOA know they are in the wrong and they need to stop harassing us. Even tried to bring them out in the street to discuss. Nope, their lack of control just can’t take it and the guy starts flying off the handle with the police. The police showed back up at our door letting us know they suggest we file a police report and continue the documentation. In their experience, people like this don’t stop escalating until they get some control over their target.
Our response was to get cameras put around our house so Mr. HOA can be arrested the next time he trespasses. In all my experiences with HOAs, this is pretty much the norm and not an exception. I will update my post after the next incident. Hopefully, it doesn’t result in anyone being harmed.”
These People Truly Are Idiots
“A couple of years ago the idiots at the HOA sent me a letter informing me to remove a dying tree in my front yard and replant a similar tree ASAP or I will be heavily fined. I have three small trees in my front yard and all 3 look fine, so I call them.
I spoke to the ‘manager’ of the community and she read the notice back to me verbatim. I said I understand the letter, but was unsure which tree she was speaking about. She gets mad and said she’ll schedule someone to come over and show me.
Fast forward a couple of days and I happen to be WFH. I see someone poking around my yard for a few mins before I go out there.
Me – ‘Can I help you?’
HOA Guy – ‘Uh I’m here to inform you to remove and replace the dying tree.
Me – ‘Okay which one is dying?’
HOA Guy – ‘That one (points to a tree w/ yellow leaves)’
Me – ‘That tree is not dying.’
HOA Guy – ‘Yes it is, the leaves are yellow and leaves are falling off.’
Me – ‘Uh… it’s Fall, and trees do that.’
HOA Guy – ‘The other tree’s leaves are not yellow.’
Me – ‘They’ll get yellow eventually, this happens every year. It’s called f’n Nature.’
HOA Guy doesn’t say another word and walks off. I never heard another word from them about the ‘dying tree.’”
“Oh, The Owner? Yeah, That Would Be Me.”
“I bought a townhouse in an HOA when I was 19. I had issues with the HOA from the get-go. Moving day comes and like most college-age people I had a bunch of friends with pickup trucks helping me move. We were polite and waited until after 9 am on a weekday to start moving.
At about 1:30 my sister and I stayed behind while our friends went to get the last load so that we could start organizing the disaster of boxes and doing some cleaning before the big furniture arrived. We had the stereo on probably classic rock or country, not excessively loud but enough that we could hear it throughout the two-story empty townhouse.
All of a sudden there was frantic pounding on the front door. Thinking it was one of the guys helping us move or something I rushed to open the door only to find a creepy old man in slacks and a wife-beater tank top with his belly hanging out standing on my front steps. I asked him if there was a problem or if I could help him with something.
He demanded to talk to my parents. As I mentioned before I bought the townhouse BY MYSELF. My parents had nothing to do with it. I had a great job and a small trust fund and a townhouse seemed like a great investment. My sister happened to come down the stairs with the phone in her hand. It was our dad calling to ask if he could bring us lunch and see the new place. The creepy guy (who I later found out was the HOA president) demanded again loudly to speak to our parents, so my sister handed him the phone. He proceeds to berate my father for us being loud and disrespectful so early in the morning, playing loud music, and having a ‘teenage’ party at his (my father’s) house when we should be in school.
My dad has a very BIG laugh and after he stopped laughing he suggested the gentleman ask to see the mortgage agreement as the house was mine and any issues he has would best be directed to me the homeowner. Needless to say, the HOA president was TICKED! The condo I bought had been sitting empty for almost 18 months and his son was trying to purchase it. I was quicker or had a better credit score or something. He voiced his complaints to me and I responded politely that we had not started moving until after 9 am and that any music we had on was no louder than it was at this very moment. I had read through the HOA handbook to make sure there weren’t so-called quiet hours and we were well outside of them.
He was not happy and spent the better part of the next year attempting to make my life miserable, trying to fine me for a broken window that was broken by his grandson throwing a tennis ball against it. ( I was upstairs and watched him do it from an upstairs window and my neighbors on either side had also witnessed it.) My homeowner’s insurance was going to cover it but because it happened at 4.30 pm on a Saturday of a three-day weekend it was Tuesday before they could get it replaced. The fine was issued at 9 am Tuesday morning. The window was fixed before noon.
I was harassed because I was remodeling the townhouse on the inside (I made sure nothing I was doing needed HOA approval according to their handbook)and according to the nosy neighbor across the courtyard, I must be a floozy to pay for it. I had more male visitors than she thought was proper. I have four older brothers and my boyfriend at the time was in the military and would sometimes bring friends home with him on leave. The HOA president went as far as to call the police and tell them that I was running a ‘house of ill repute’ out of my home. Imagine the officer’s surprise when they came to the door to find me, my two sisters, three brothers, my boyfriend, and three or four of his Marine friends having dinner and playing Trivial Pursuit.
When I bought the townhouse I was the youngest homeowner, but within about nine months of me moving in several others were purchased by young families, and we ‘younger’ folks eventually filed suit against the HOA and forced them to allow it to be run by a management company instead of the good old boys club. After the changes, it was a great little community to live in and I made a fantastic profit when I sold the house. With one exception, however, I have refused to live in an HOA of any sort since.”
Yeah, Don’t Think That’s Considered A Vehicle.
“They attempted to fine me for an abandoned vehicle. The ‘vehicle’ in question was a squirrel feeder tray. It sat atop a broomstick-sized pole, at about waist high. In my backyard. Out of sight of them driving or walking by. It kept the critters out of my birdfeeder, and my neighbor’s plants, and I got some great photos.
In going through the homeowner’s booklet they issued me, I saw nothing regarding a feeder. Not for birds, deer, heck, I wasn’t prevented from putting rat or bear food out if I wanted to. So I wrote back.
I assured them that the squirrel feeder was not drivable, heck, it wasn’t even street-legal and I’d never had it licensed. And since it was within my own property lines and not on the street, I wondered how they came up with ‘abandoned’. ‘Are your lawn chairs on your deck abandoned?’ I cautioned them about walking on the lawn in the future (which they are not allowed to do per their own rules) because I was worried they would track fertilizer into their homes and poison their pets.
And then I told them that since it was pretty obvious that someone there was looking for excuses to fine me, I’d remove it. (and now I pour the squirrel food on the ground) And I sent that email to the person who wrote the fine, their boss, the head of my local community management, and the highest person I could find at the corporate level. When I was assured they were not looking for excuses to fine me, I asked them to explain this fine plus the one a month earlier where they tried to ding me for not mowing my grass twice a week. I’m sorry it grew fast I guess? And then I sent them the mowing guidelines from my lawn company which they so thoughtfully provided (when I asked) in an easy-to-copy/paste format. The HOA Devils had no reply after that.”
Parking Pains
“I was living with my sister and her husband in their townhouse. One of the board members walked the property every day to look for infractions. She walked along the street but she also walked behind every townhouse.
The board was aware I was living there. When I bought a new car I parked my old car (1978 Datsun 280Z) in the ‘extra’ parking spaces, which were out of the way; not near the townhomes. Plus, there were spaces for 15 to 20 other cars that went unused.
My brother-in-law received a letter that my car was unregistered. My car was still registered out of state and it still had a valid registration. The license plate was under a car cover so miss walk-the-property was touching my car too. My brother-in-law went to the next meeting to let them know he was going to file a police report in case whoever lifted the car cover might have also vandalized my car (it wasn’t vandalized and he wasn’t going to file a report).
A week or so later the board came up with a rule that all vehicles in ‘community’ parking spaces (not in garages) must be moved every 24 hours. Several homeowners complained but the board ignored them. My brother-in-law was the only person to receive a warning letter and fine from the board.
He went to the next meeting to explain I did move my old car every day but parked it back in the same spot. He then said he would happily pay any fee when the board produced the 24-hour video that proved my vehicle had not been moved. When they said there was no video, he smiled and then offered to pay the fine if they could produce the log and people who watched the vehicle 24 hours.
Of course, they couldn’t. They insisted the rule was valid and I was guilty of not moving my vehicle. I started reversing the car when I moved it… in the same spot. Head in one day. Backed in the next. Still not good enough for them. So I moved it between two spaces; left, right, left, right. Still not good enough.
Now my brother-in-law was angry since this was clearly targeting one person. The board lawyer was also not happy with the board by this point. He didn’t say anything but his tone was not pleased.
So, every evening my brother-in-law would drive my car to the house of each board member, beep the horn several times, then move on to the next one. He did this for a week before he received a letter to stop. No fine. Just stop.
He had his lawyer reply indicating he was on a public road and making sure the board members were aware the vehicle had been moved since they had not designated anyone to monitor the vehicles or have a video covering all parking spaces. He continued making the board members aware my car had been moved every day.
A week later, he got a letter saying they would waive the fine if he would stop. He replied that he would continue as long as the ‘unfair and targeted’ rule could ever be used again. So, he continued.
Another few days went by before the board announced the rule had been repealed. They never bothered us again.”
84 Complaints In ONE Year.
“This lady that I caught using her car to try to run over a couple of kids because they were drawing on the sidewalk in chalk was a real piece of work. I confronted her and promised to have her arrested and jailed if she ever did that again. I did report her to the police and she got some very stern warnings. I made an enemy for life and she did her best to try and get back at me, never having a clue that I was a prior HOA president and ran the police organization she kept calling to report my misbehaviors. The police finally cited her and said if she filed another bad complaint against me she was going to be charged and put in jail. No longer able to intimidate the police she tried to use our HOA.
Meanwhile, I had the questionable honor and record for most complaints in a single year. All 84 complaints against me were from this same lady who lived three homes away on the other side of our large court.
At first, they took her complaints seriously, particularly her complaints about my making noise with my tools as another neighbor had complained previously. The only problem with that is I destroyed my left ankle and no longer could do any of that kind of work, so had not turned on my power tools in years.
Regardless, anytime anyone near her fired up a mower, blower, or power tool she formally complained. At first, they ignored me when I told them I did not even own a mower or gas blower. The HOA really tired of her mower complaints and finally realized this was nothing but harassment. My small electric leaf blower did not sound like a jet engine on steroids to wake her up at all hours of the day and night.
What finished off her credibility was complaining that my dog’s barking kept waking her up at night. I explained that we had no doggie door and only had an inside dog except when we walked him, but since he had died before her complaints started her credibility was shot. Clearly, he arose from the dead, went through the walls or doors, then woke her up repeatedly by barking at night. Yes, it is kind of hard to charge someone for dog barking when their dog is dead. The HOA finally also tired of her and said any more complaints and they were going to ask her to be taken in for a psych evaluation.”
No Fines For Me.
“My HOA used to be very reasonable and efficient. Over the years, changes to the board have turned this completely around. They will decline to do repairs and maintenance to areas of their responsibility, claiming a lack of funds.
So, we each have a patio enclosed by a wooden fence. The fence falls under the responsibilities of the HOA, residents are not to mess with them. Wear and tear is to be paid for by the HOA. Any pet damage is to be repaired by the HOA but billed to the homeowner.
Most of these fences are dry-rotted and a bit crumbly. This is normal; they’ve been baking in the Arizona sun for a couple of decades. Mine was sort of disintegrating. Now, I have a large dog. As dogs will do, he’ll go to the fence to bark at strangers. He’ll kind of put his head against the fence and see through the slats. One day, he does this, and a whole section of fence comes loose, falling out into the parking lot. This scared the dog, he ran inside crying.
I went out to nail the fence back into place and found the supports too dry-rotted to really take a nail. I was glad for Gorilla Glue, I glued the fallen slats back in place. I took a close look at the rest of the fence and found it to be awfully rotted out too. I contacted the HOA.
Without coming to look at the fence, they declared that this was certainly damage caused by a pet. They’d replace my fence at a cost to me of $1500. I found this to be a bit much. I went to Home Depot and spent about $200 on supplies. I completely replaced the fence myself in about two hours. I had the right paint color and everything, it was identical to the other new fences in the complex.
I was fined $200 for replacing the fence myself. I sure did not pay for it. They’d not inspected the fence before I did it, so they could not show the difference.”
How Is That His Fault?
“A friend in Florida once had his mailbox hit by a vehicle and knocked over. He righted it to the best of his ability until a few days later a notice showed up about needing to fix his mailbox. He complained that he had fixed it; a subsequent letter indicated that an inspector had taken a level and found that it was too far out of plumb and would need to be repaired.
The same friend got another notice that his house was not an approved color. Confused, as his house had always been the same color and there had never been an issue before, he contacted the association to challenge the complaint. They responded that a routine check – using paint swatches as comparisons – had determined that weathering and sunlight had caused the shade to go out of compliance.
One time while out of town, I got a notification about vehicles being parked in front of my home overnight. I explained we had been out of town and asked for a vehicle description. Turns out it was my brother-in-law who was stopping by to feed the cats while we were away. In the ten minutes he had been parked there, an enforcement officer determined the car had been parked there overnight in violation of the rules.
Lastly, the same association once sent me multiple letters about putting up foil or reflective insulation in the windows visible from the street, which I continually challenged as I had never done such a thing. When I demanded photographic evidence, it turned out it was because the enforcement guy, who lived down the street, was getting irritated at reflections of the sun during a particular season. Off the glass.
Needless to say, I now refuse to buy in an area with an HOA.”
