Delivering pizza seems easy enough, right? You grab a pie from the counter, drive to the address on the receipt, knock on the door and hand it over. Then you drive back to the shop to do it all over again. However, every pizza delivery driver has had a delivery route that made them question their sanity. From insane customers to run-ins with wildlife, these pizza delivery drives share their outrageous stories.
All content had been edited for clarity.
Crazy Pizza!
“Back in the 70s, this guy I knew named Tony took several pizzas for delivery and didn’t return within the expected time which was more or less thirty minutes. Meanwhile, our deliveries were backing up and we were desperately trying to keep up. After Tony was missing for an hour, the owners and his girlfriend, who happened to be at the pizza place, were really concerned.
The owner called the last place Tony had delivered to, which was a building at the nearby mental hospital. They confirmed that they received their pizzas over the phone. Nobody knew what to do.
Eventually, we received a call from the security office at the mental hospital, where they were holding Tony captive.
The mental hospital was actually a large campus on the northwest side of Chicago with at least a couple dozen buildings.
We found out that Tony had dropped his keys somewhere between the building where he delivered the pizzas and his car. He was crawling around on his hands and knees, in the dark, around his car, when a security guard spotted him.
When the guard questioned him, Tony explained what happened, but the security guard didn’t believe him and called in reinforcements. They took him into custody while they tried to figure out which building he had escaped from, completely convinced that he was a patient. After about thirty minutes of failing to find any word of a missing patient, they finally decided to indulge Tony, just in case his story was ‘actually true’, and called the restaurant. Once they reached the restaurant, they were genuinely surprised that Tony had been telling them the truth.
Later, several guards with flashlights searched and eventually found Tony’s keys in the grass and sent him back with their sincerest apologies.”
Abracadabra
“This happened to a friend of mine that delivered pizzas for a while.
He had just delivered a pizza before he got back to the store. Suddenly the manager said his last customer called and was extremely angry that they ordered banana peppers on the right side and it was on the left.
He demanded another pizza over the phone, but my friend drove over without a pizza. He knocked and asked the customer to let him see the box. The customer showed him the pizza on the table. My friend re-read his order out loud to him but the customer cut him off and said, ‘that’s correct, but it’s on the wrong side.’
Without saying anything, he spun the pizza box around and told the customer, ‘Now, open it.’
The customer argued at first but my friend insisted that he opened it. Finally, he opened the box, looked up at my friend, and said the craziest thing he ever heard a customer say.
‘How? How did you do that? We ordered a pizza! Not MAGIC TRICKS!’
My friend then said, ‘you think this is a trick?’
The customer replied, ‘what else would it be?’
He said, ‘well, it’s a lack of common sense. Obviously, you ordered one pepperoni pizza with one half banana peppers. The left or right side doesn’t matter because the order is still correct regardless.’
The customer yelled at him and told him to get out of his house. He left, went back to the store, and told the manager what happened. They couldn’t believe a customer could be so dumb.
When they got a notification that he reported my friend to corporate for his ‘magic tricks’ the manager backed him and told them, ‘No. No magic…only customer stupidity.’
They accepted that answer. As far as I know, that customer never ordered from them again.”
Beware Of Dog
“I will never forget my strangest experience as a pizza delivery driver.
It was while driving for Domino’s Pizza in Dayton, Ohio, back in 1980. This was back when Domino’s still had the ‘thirty minutes or free’ guarantee.
It was such a stupid policy. If your Domino’s pizza wasn’t at your door within thirty minutes of placing the order by phone, then the pizza was free. So, the nearby college kids would all call at the same time, ensuring that many if not all of the pizzas would be delivered well beyond the half-hour mark.
Because drivers got no tips on a free pizza, they would drive like maniacs to beat the clock. It was far from safe. That’s why Domino’s modified the policy at some point. However, not before the night of my fateful delivery. It was my last delivery of three different houses and I only had five minutes left before losing my tip.
This was also one really weird pizza that I was delivering. It was double meat on the whole pie and NO cheese. We guessed the customer was lactose intolerant but didn’t mind high cholesterol.
I parked my car, ran up to the address, then stopped abruptly outside a tall wooden fence with a prominent sign that read, ‘Beware of Dog.’ Suddenly, the front door of the house inside the fence opened and an enormous Doberman walked onto the porch. He stood there unmoving. Neither did I. Then the door opened again and an extremely large dude with bulging arms came outside and petted the dog on the head.
‘It’s okay, Little Brother,’ the man said, ‘The doggie won’t hurt you. Come on in.’
I could feel my intuition rising as it whispered in my ear, ‘Forget the tip. Tell the guy that company policy forbids you from going inside that gate. Let the guy walk across the yard and retrieve his free pizza and be on your way in one piece.’
But somewhere inside of me, a bolt of bravery made me open the gate and I briskly walked up to the porch, just ahead of my thirty-minute deadline. When I was halfway to the porch, I stopped dead in my tracks again as the door opened again.
I could feel my soul leave my body as a huge shadow appeared behind the man.
This time, another enormous adult Doberman stepped outside onto the porch on the other side of the man. I realized at that moment, what I had felt earlier was not bravery; it was actually colossal ignorance. Before I ruined my pants, the guy said, ‘You’re fine. Just keep walking.’ It was obvious the guy was enjoying the situation far too much.
I slowly climbed the three steps of the porch and handed the pizza box to the man. ‘That will be eighteen dollars, please,’ I managed to speak. I was prepared to hear him claim the pizza was late and should be free. Instead, the guy handed me a twenty-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill.
‘Keep the change, Little Brother,’ the guy said, a smile on his face. I remember thinking it would be a nice tip if I lived to spend it. That was a lot of money in 1980 for both the pizza and the tip.
As I turned and retreated quickly down the steps and across the yard, I noticed the guy had opened the pizza box and placed it on the ground between the two Dobermans. Then he went into the house. Once outside the gate, I turned and looked on the porch. Neither dog had moved an inch. The guy then returned and opened the door carrying a large plate. He bent down and pulled several pieces of pizza onto the plate. As he stood up, he saw me and waved. I waved back and the guy disappeared inside the door. Meanwhile, neither dog had moved. Suddenly, I heard the guy inside the house say something, some kind of command. I didn’t understand it, but the dogs certainly did.
They immediately converged on the pizza box and totally devoured the remaining pizza slices in what seemed like only seconds. The Doberman who finished eating first looked up from the pizza box; he noticed me still standing outside the gate of the house. I decided it was time to leave immediately.
I returned to the Domino’s store in one piece and with clean underwear. Nevertheless, I told the store manager that I would not make further deliveries to that particular address. The one experience had been quite sufficient for a lifetime.”
Pizza Frenzy
“My co-worker had only been working with the company for a month before he went out on a delivery with a pretty standard order. If I remember correctly, the order was just a single pizza and a side or two.
Everything had been going fine for once. Well, the customer who ordered had not paid yet. When he arrived, she claimed to have paid and demanded that she be given the order immediately.
The driver did the right thing and told her that he would be happy to call the store to make sure the order was paid for and then give her the order after he verified. Out of nowhere, the lady snapped. She started yelling and calling the driver all sorts of terrible things. The newbie was only twenty years of age at the time. He quickly went back to the safety of his vehicle because the lady seemed ready to do something even crazier than just yelling at the poor guy.
From his car, he began to call the store to see if the order has been paid for or not.
Of course, it hadn’t.
He realized that it probably wasn’t worth trying to talk some sense into the lady. My coworker then made up his mind and decided to return to the store with the pizza.
The irate lady, however, had other ideas. She jumped onto the hood of my coworker’s car in such a rage that she started ripping out her own hair and tearing up her clothes. The woman continued to climb onto the hood of the car, screaming like a banshee as she did it. Then she did something that would leave a mental scar on my coworker forever.
She ripped off her shirt and stood tall on the hood of the car, the top half of her body completely exposed.
My coworker was horrified.
He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to risk trying to drive away and injuring the woman. After a few moments, he ended up calling the cops. Once they answered, he quickly explained the situation and gave them the address. To his surprise, they responded with, ‘Oh, that lady? Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute.’
My co-worker came back to the store with a pizza, an interesting story, and a lifetime’s worth of horrible images in his head.
His tale beats any pizza delivery adventure that ever happened to me.”
Do You Like What You See?
“I was working in Denver delivering pizza. The manager gave me a run and asked me to drop off his wife at home after. The delivery was for a new place that I had never been to before in a nice neighborhood.
I walk up to the door and the guy opens it. I hardly flinch when I saw that he was only wearing his bathing suit with a towel over his shoulder. He had the money near the door which handed over to me before he grabbed the pizza. I simply turned around and left. The man left me a decent tip.
I got back to the car to find my manager’s wife astounded. ‘Was he?’ Her voice trailed off.
‘Yep, as the day he was born.’ If she had been able to see from the street, there was no telling what the neighbors saw.
About a week later, we get a call from the same house and the guy specifically requests me to deliver his pizza. This time when he answered the door with no clothes, he didn’t have the money nearby and asked if I can bring the pizza in. He wanted me and leave it on the dining room table which was the first room just to the side of the entryway. Without hesitation, I walked right in. I was twenty-two, fearless, and I had been taking Aikido. This creep looked like he could not lift weights to save his life.
He brought me the money but before I turned to leave he calmly looked at me and said, ‘May I ask you a question before you go?’
‘Sure,’ I humored him.
‘Twice, when you’ve delivered pizza here I’ve answered the door this way and you haven’t even batted an eyelash at the fact. Why is that?’
‘Prior to delivering pizza, I went to school to become a massage therapist. I worked on bare bodies all the time. You realize a body is a body, and you sir, don’t have one that’s all that to look at. Good night.’ I walked out.
The third time he called asking for me again, they sent a guy from the store that was NOT as comfortable as me. Apparently, when confronted by the creepy man, the driver flipped out, dropped the pizza, and started screaming at the guy, who quickly closed the door and would not open it again.
We didn’t hear from the creepy guy for weeks after that. The next time he called the manager took the call, saw the address, and told the guy that if he answered the door inappropriately for any of the drivers, the police would be called and he would be reported as a flasher.
The store would not put up with the harassment of their drivers. He chose not to order pizza and we never heard from him again while I worked there.”
Good Music, Good Times
“It was mid-afternoon on a Saturday in the summer when I was on my way to a house on the opposite side of town. I was running late because of a mishap in the kitchen, so out of courtesy, I gave the customer a call to let them know.
Over the phone, a man asked, ‘Hey are you twenty-one?’
‘Yes,’ I said ‘I am.’
‘Okay, great! Would you grab us a case of Miller Lite? We’re a little too messed up to go get it ourselves. Don’t worry we’ll pay you when you get here.’
I told them I would and grabbed a 24-pack of Miller Lite and delivered them and the pizza to their house.
When I arrived and rang the doorbell, no one answered. I began to get worried when. I rang it again and still didn’t get a response.
Then I heard a, ‘HEY! HEY PISHA DUUUUDE!’
I looked down their driveway. There was a group of men in the garage which had been converted into some sort of makeshift man cave. It screamed Midwestern. It had old rugs, wood paneling sides, a huge box fifty-six-inch screen TV, an old stereo, and guys with long grey hair and mustaches inhibiting. They even had 80’s music on.
Like a pack of wolves preying on a baby fawn, they swarmed around me and immediately took the case of Miller Lite and broke open the box. Oh yeah, the pizza too which they completely forgot about before one guy said, ‘This is my favorite song! Pizza dude, do you know this one? Or is this before your time?’
‘Uh yeah, I know ‘Africa’ by Toto’, I said. But I must have given off some sort of snobbish tone as I was beginning to wonder who the heck was going to pay me.
‘Oh do you, now?’ The guy said cracking a laugh and a new can open. The foam from the can got on his hand. ‘All right,’ he said licking his hand, ‘if you can sing this song, I’ll give you an extra twenty-dollar tip.’
It was in that moment right there, between a symphony of Miller Lite cans opening and Toto’s smash 1982 hit, that my musical career kicked off. I jumped on one of their stools, used my phone as a makeshift microphone, and belted every note with high sensation like I was headlining a music festival because I knew, in a few short minutes, my singing career would be as good as dead.
They all roared with laughter and clapped when I was done. They gave me one of the best tips I’d ever received and nicknamed me “Toto”. I thanked them and walked back to my car, returning to my pizza delivery life.”
The Pizza That Grew Feet
“Late one night, I was delivering a pizza to a dormitory after a football game. When I arrived at the dorm, I called the customer to arrange a meet-up in the dorm’s main lobby. They told me they would already be there. So I walked into the building to find the whole place crowded and loud. Not a minute went by when two girls walked past me staring at me with what I thought were dazed eyes.
I figured they were under the influence so I didn’t think much of it until they turned around and asked me if this was their pizza.
This is where my stupidity kicked in.
Instead of asking them for the name on the order, I gave them the name to which they replied with a vivacious yes. I give them the credit card receipt to sign and one of the girls scribbled something illegible. As soon as I gave them the pizza, they took it and literally sprinted out of the dorm.
Strange, I thought.
Then I hear another girl behind me say, ‘Hey I ordered a pizza too.’
Uh, oh. I got duped.
I dashed outside and yelled for the two girls to stop. Amazingly, they did. Not only that but they placed the pizza to rest on the pavement while both of them sat a few feet away, whistling and pretending like nothing happened.
I walked over and picked up the pizza while telling the girls how immature they are.
But I honestly didn’t care. I was dying of laughter inside.”
Who Let The Dogs Out?
“It was a typical night and I had a delivery to make to a guy who lived off a two-lane highway.
He had a long driveway with a big front yard that faced the street. As soon as the man opened the door for me, his dog launched out of the house at the speed of sound.
The guy immediately responded, ‘Oh, no!’ He jumped into action and started chasing the dog through the trees barefoot.
I watched in horror as the dog ran straight onto the road. He sat there for a couple of seconds before staring innocently at an oncoming car that was screeching to a halt.
The man was still running towards his dog as fast as he could.
It was too late.
*BAM!*
The driver got out of the car and swore at the owner who had a few choice words himself. The owner then got to the dog, picked him up, and ran back up to the house.
The man’s wife and kids were standing at the door where the man left me. They were crying as I just stood there not knowing what to do. I decided to just leave the pizza and go, not wanting to interrupt their mourning by asking them to sign the receipt.
I delivered there again a couple of months later. When the man answered the door, I received yet another surprise. It turned out the dog was actually okay after the accident. He just had a broken leg which was mostly healed by the time I made the next delivery.
I was really glad I didn’t witness the death of someone’s dog, but it was probably the most memorable experience I had while delivering pizza.”
An Unusual Delivery
“I once had a delivery to an apartment where it said under customer comments to ‘knock loud.’ I didn’t see the note at first as usually nothing is in that space on the ticket and I was used to just reading the address and getting to the door.
I knocked normally and waited, but no one came to the door. I then saw the comment and knocked really loud. There was still no answer. I then knocked as hard as I could and finally, someone yelled, ‘WHO IS IT?’ really loud.
I replied back that I was from the food delivery service she ordered. Then the same voice yelled back, ‘HOLD ON A MINUTE!’
I waited and waited until she finally opened the door. In front of me was a woman who I estimated to be about forty-five years old wearing nothing but an unzipped black leather jacket and her undergarments. I immediately noticed her hands stood out completely from the rest of her body. Her hands had a thick and scaley texture that made them look like they belonged to someone of at least sixty-five years of age.
She told me to step in because she was having a hard time finding the money to pay for the food. Once I stepped in, she immediately holds a gallon-sized ziplock bag with men’s watches in it. Out of nowhere, she asked me if I wanted to buy a watch.
I assured her I didn’t and explained that I already had a watch. She said, ‘You sure?’ and I said, ‘Yeah, I’m sure!’ She then walked to the dining room table and lightly tosses the bag on the table. I noticed there was another gallon-sized ziplock bag on the same table that had a bunch of rings on it but she didn’t say anything about it. She said she was still having a hard time finding the money before she disappeared back to the bedroom area.
She left me standing in the living room by the front door so I started looking at the decorations on her walls like pictures and whatnot. I noticed something that looked very official looking like a diploma of some kind. I looked very hard at it to see what it was.
This is where it gets super weird.
It was a mortician’s license!
It didn’t take me very long to put two and two together and figure out why her hands looked the way they did. It had to be from embalming fluids. I couldn’t bring myself to ponder where all the watches and rings came from. At that point, I could not wait to get the heck out of that apartment!
I’ve been a delivery driver for twenty-three years now and I’ve seen a lot of things. The only customer I’ve ever called the cops on was her. I didn’t tell them who I was but I sure told them what I saw.
I don’t think I will ever come across anything weirder than that.”
Here, Kitty Kitty!
“This one delivery I did started off pretty normal. I worked the five to twelve shift on Friday nights. I remember wearing a jacket at the time because this delivery happened sometime during the fall.
As I pulled my 1980s crummy four-door in front of the customer’s driveway, I took note of the dim lighting outside due to the sun beginning to set. I got out of my car, and walked around to open the passenger side front door where the pizza was sitting on the seat.
I grabbed it and started heading up the driveway which was longer than most being in a nice part of town. I remember the house being fairly larger than the other ones in the neighborhood. As I started hurrying up the driveway, I noticed what appeared to be a dog running to the gate. The dog wasn’t barking or making any noises.
Then I realized…
It turned out that it wasn’t a dog. I was shocked to witness a huge mountain lion looking right at me through the gate. Okay, it wasn’t all that huge. I could tell it was still a baby mountain lion. At least I think. The owner walked up to the gate right behind it the beast still watching my every move.
‘Uhh, that’s kind of nuts.’ I said this slightly shaken. I had never seen a cat that big and outside of a cage or my television set.
‘Ah, he just visiting. I’m taking him back to the zoo tomorrow,’ the customer replied cheerfully.”
