Bad parkers beware! The days of getting away with a terrible parking job are long gone. Here’s a roundup of our favorite entitled parker stories from this year. Take notes, you don’t want to end up like these drivers! Content has been edited for clarity.
“I Just Played Dumb”
“I lived in a high-rise apartment building and my truck wouldn’t fit in the underground parking garage. It didn’t have a lift kit, but it was a 2500 Heavy Duty with slightly larger tires and a headache rack. The apartment had a very limited number of outdoor stalls at the rear of the building, one of which I was assigned.
One Saturday afternoon, I was going out with some buds from work and when I exited the building, there was a large trailer backed up to the building with four guys moving furniture in. The truck was kind of jack-knifed in, and the trailer was less than a foot from my front bumper. My truck was also backed in with another vehicle behind it. I was trapped. Oof! I hate when this happens!
I asked the first guy I saw if they could move the truck, and he said I had to ask his boss. I asked who his boss was, and then waited for the described person. After waiting fifteen minutes, I asked a different guy where the boss was, and I was told he was upstairs, supervising. Thanks! What a pain to deal with!
I went in search of the guy and asked him to move his truck so I could get out. Truth be told, he only needed to straighten out his backup job and I could’ve snuck by, but he flat-out refused, and frankly was quite rude about it. Seriously? What was his problem?
The guy told me tough luck, get bent, and I needed to wait for him to finish up. He went back downstairs to finish working, and as I was sitting in my truck listening to tunes, I noticed there was a padlock hanging off the side door of the trailer and there was a huge ring of keys stuck in it. What a rookie mistake!
I waited until there were none of the movers around and I took the ring of keys, put them inside my jacket, and threw them into some bushes some distance away. Then I went back up to my apartment and called my buddies to tell them I wouldn’t be joining them. About four hours later, the building manager called me about the keys being missing, because the movers were done and wanted to leave. I told them I didn’t know what he was talking about. He asked me to meet him in the back lot, which I did. Boss mover was all up in my face saying he knew I took his ring, and there were over seventy-five keys on it and most were one of a kind. I just played dumb. Then, the building management suggested we look at the surveillance video to solve the problem. I was a little scared, I didn’t realize there were cameras back there, but I played it cool.
We all went to the office and watched the footage, but the cockeyed way he parked the trailer blocked most of the camera’s field of view. You could see me get out of my truck and walk towards the trailer, but couldn’t see me touch the keys. The footage proved nothing. Score! I would have been so nervous, too!
The boss man called the cops and they watched the surveillance footage. They asked me if I had the keys, which I didn’t, so I said no. The cops then said there was nothing further to be done.
I asked, ‘Are we done here? When will I be able to move my truck?’
I was told to rent a car and submit my receipts, which I did. The truck moved the next day, but the trailer was left, perhaps out of spite, at the same angle, blocking me in, until Wednesday. When I was finally able to move my truck, I noted the side was scratched up and the driver’s mirror was hanging down. If I were him, I would have been so angry! Blocking me in, then vandalizing my truck? Not!
We went back to the videotape and saw the boss man walking back and forth beside my truck before taking the mirror in both hands and breaking it off. Now, it was my turn to call the cops. The moving company ended up paying my car rental tab, three hundred seventy-five bucks, plus another fifty-five hundred bucks worth of bodywork, paint, decals, and a new mirror. Nice! I would have held them accountable, too!
I hoped it also cost a bundle to replace all those keys.
I hope it was expensive, too! They deserved it!
I lived there for two more years afterward, and I would check on the key ring from time to time. They were still there the day I moved out.”
Read The Signs, Please
“A little backstory: one of the jobs I had was working for a city as a recreational aide. I handled light paperwork and paid registrations for classes the city offered. One of the classes to take was Zumba. We also had a nearby football field so people who attended games also shared parking with Zumba class goers who had specially reserved parking.
I also put up plenty of signage showing the reserved Zumba parking. So one day, this lady parked in a Zumba spot and got out of the car. Usually, I waited to see if it was a Zumba lady, but she seemed very obviously there for the football game since her daughter was dressed as a cheerleader. I walked out and asked her if she was there for football.
This is how the conversation went:
Me: ‘Hi there..so are you here for the football game?’
Her: ‘Yes?’
Me: ‘Well this parking lot is reserved for a Zumba class. I have a sign right over there saying no football parking. So I’m gonna have to ask you to park somewhere else, please.’
Her: ‘Well I’m not from around here so I didn’t know where to park, and I’m not going to park far away and make my kids walk in this heat, buster!’
Me: ‘I understand! Okay, but for future reference please don’t park here next time.’
Her: ‘Well, like I just said, I’m not going to park far away and make my kids walk in this heat buster! So let me just walk over and drop my kids off and I’ll move my car.’
Me: ‘Okay. Yes, I heard you. Thanks!’
Then we parted ways and walked off. During my entire shift, I looked outside the building to see if she left yet. She hadn’t. An hour passed by, which was how long the Zumba class was. This lady said she would move her car after dropping her kids off! But nope, she didn’t. Whatever.
Then, I came up with a genius plan.
I walked outside and placed the sign smack dab in the middle of the parking lot entrance. It was a bit close to her car so when she tried to leave, she would either have to get out and physically move the sign herself or do a three-point turn.
I cackled to myself with delight.
I love a petty revenge story!
I sat and wait patiently for her to come back. And lo and behold, she did, around the time the class ended. I watched as she placed her child in the backseat and got in the driver’s seat.
She backed up, but oh no! The sign was in her way! Bummer.
I wish I could have seen this! How hilarious, she deserved it!
She parked her car again, got out of her car very angrily, and moved the sign over to the curb. I’m watching this all unfold and just laughing my butt off. It was truly satisfying.”
“Fun While It Lasted”
“I lived in an apartment complex, all uncovered parking was free for all, while all covered parking was assigned. Our spot had one spot between ours and the garage building. The neighbors had kept their car there since before we had moved in, and it had stayed there for a few months. When they finally moved their car, my husband moved his truck into our spot and when I got home I parked in the now open free spot. The next morning, I came out to a note on my car saying I was rude and inconsiderate for taking their assigned parking spot, and it was their spot and not to park there again. Excuse me? I thought the parking spots were open to everyone, Karen!
I called the managers and the maintenance man came down and confirmed it was an open free for all spot and we were okay to park there. Thus starting the parking war. They were in their 30s and I was in my 20s. I had two children, one of which had a wheelchair, and our building had no handicapped parking within 200 yards of the entrance. They would run out to their car if they saw me open a door on my car. I could be going out there to get a forgotten stuffed animal from the back seat and they would be running to their car to wait for me to move while hiding behind their steering wheel acting like they aren’t in their car. Seriously? The neighbor was going through that much trouble for a parking spot? Couldn’t have been me!
If my kids were asleep in the car, I would park in another free spot and wait there for up to three hours while they slept soundly in their seats. If they came out to their car to leave, I would swipe into the spot before their wheels even hit the road outside the complex. This went on for two years before we moved. It was fun while it lasted.”
HOA’s Dumping Ground
“A few years back when New Jersey was hit with three huge snowstorms in like ten days, our son was renting our condo from us.
All of the tenants and owners had assigned parking spots. His spot just happened to be on the end and next to a double spot where the dumpsters were, so when the first major snowstorm hit, he went out and cleared his car to get to work. When he came home and the plow company plowed the lot, they put the dumpsters in front of the piles, so people could throw garbage out.
He pulled in to go to his spot, and all of the plowed snow was in his spot and behind the dumpsters.
So, my son had to park two blocks away at the bank parking lot, but he knew he would be up early to move his car before they opened. So a couple of days later, there was more snow, and the same thing with his spot, a few days later, more snow, but still no spot. So, when the annual spring meeting came for the owners, my wife and I arrived with bells on.
Good for them! I would have made a scene, too.
The leader of the association started talking about a special assessment because the budget for snowplowing went way over what was expected. There were twenty-six units in the complex, and they wanted five hundred bucks from each unit! Not just for snowplowing, but for snow removal!
I raised my hand and said we were not paying one dime for any special assessment.
Another owner said, ‘Why do you feel you don’t have to pay?’
So I showed the owner the pictures of my son’s spot, and I had him take a picture every day for a month of the twenty-foot-high pile of snow where his car would have been parked. I showed the leader the photos and then I asked him if he was able to park in the lot. He said yes, then I ask everybody if anyone here was not able to park in the lot, to please raise their hand. Not one hand went up.
Then I said to him, ‘And why snow removal? The snow was never removed, it was there until it melted!’
The leader didn’t reply. He should have been embarrassed!
Then I looked at the leader and told him, ‘You better rethink this assessment and whatever the new cost is, divide it between twenty-five units, because like I said, we are not paying a dime for this.’
Then I told them my son had to park two blocks away in a bank parking lot for a month! Not one person in here was without a spot, it was just my son!
The leader lowered the assessment to two hundred fifty bucks. We never paid the assessment. Since then, if there was any accumulation over ten inches, the snow was put into dump trucks and dumped at the reservoir down the street.”
“What A Stupid Fool”
“I had to park my motorcycle on the street. I locked it with a big chain to a dedicated motorcycle street anchor. It happened to be close enough to the house where I could point a CCTV camera right at it from my porch.
Well, I caught on CCTV a neighbor reversing into my bike, then trying to move it out of the motorcycle bay, reversing into it again, knocking it over, panicking, and backing up onto it. Then he got out of his car, put my bike back up as if nothing happened, and left.
Yikes! Sounds like a lot of damage!
The next morning I went out and saw my bike scratched and the mirror broke off. I saw the neighbor’s car right next to it and checked my camera, and sure enough, I saw him doing all of this.
I went to his house and said, ‘Hey James, I saw you hitting my bike over and I need to take your insurance details because you damaged it,’ and he got super aggravated and confrontational.
Now, I didn’t care too much, it wasn’t a nice bike it wasn’t expensive, but I had to make sure it is road-worthy because I commuted on it. I told him to calm down, which set him off.
So I said, ‘Ok, dude, I don’t want to fall out over this, but it is on camera, it is a crime, and I will tell the police,’ and he got extremely mad and started threatening me and saying he was going to move his car, I had no evidence, and motorcycles were for losers.
And then I got a bit dumb.
I unlocked my bike and wrapped the chain carefully around his car wheel and locked it, then went back to his house (after phoning the police to report it).
Sheepishly, my neighbor then said, ‘No, no ok I will give you my insurance.’
Nope, too late! The police already knew you didn’t report it, and I didn’t give them any of your contact details. So if he was too dumb to call it into the police separately, he would be charged with failing to report a motor vehicle collision as well as damage and trying to hide a collision.
What a stupid fool.”
A Disgusting Revenge
“On a very hot Saturday morning, my neighbor from across the road came to ask me if I had a visitor in a blue 5-series BMW who had parked in front of his garage door, blocking him in.
I said, ‘Nope.’
The neighbor was a dentist and had to get to his practice to urgently treat a kid from a rugby injury so I let him use my car. What a good neighbor!
After he left, I asked the rest of the neighbors in our little street if it was their visitor’s car. Nope again. Shortly thereafter, a jogger returned from his run and unlocked the BMW with his remote. I asked him why he parked where he did.
He looked at me like I was stupid and said, ‘It’s in the shade!’
Seriously? I’m sure there was shade somewhere else, too!
I replied, ‘The shade? How stupid!’
He started getting an attitude with me so I told him, ‘My girlfriend said I’m not allowed to fight anymore, but I will be more than willing to beat the living out of you if you don’t leave, pronto.’
No jokes, exactly two weeks later, I opened my garage door to go shopping when I saw I was parked in. By the same blue 5-series BMW. So, I called my dentist neighbor who suggested we pop all four tires.
‘Bad idea,’ I said, ‘His car will be there all day long then.’
Then, I called my friend who owned a towing company asking if he could come and tow the BMW and leave it in a bad area of town a couple of miles away.
He said, ‘We should get my bus recovery vehicle and winch the car up the nearest electricity pylon.’
I replied, ‘No, too incriminating for me.’
Taking a break from scheming, I went to the bathroom in the pool room toilet, and guess what I found?
A nice two-day-old, stinky, hot sloppy ploppy floater, left by the gardener. Cool, I got the egg-lifter and smeared a nice millimeter serving under each BMW door handle (the kind you use four fingers to pull up). Then I open a cold drink, watched, and waited.
How disgusting! Though I have to admit, the dedication to revenge was real!
Finally, the dim wit jogger returned nice and sweaty. He opened the door, got in, closed the door, started the car, slid his fingers through his sweaty hair, and drove off.
I yelled out, ‘Have a nice day!’”
“I Decided To Take Matters Into My Own Hands”
“I went to a gym near my house, and over the past six months, it exploded in popularity. There were two parking lots, one close to the door and another behind the building.
Around this time, it was very cold outside, and the close parking in the front filled up quickly. People would wait around for a spot since the turnover for a closer one was usually quick. However, some people were impatient and began to park wherever they could stick their car. People parked on the sidewalk, in grass areas, and even on a crosswalk area leading to the ramp entrance.
I can’t believe people couldn’t just walk in the cold for a minute!
The last offense especially annoyed me because I had a quadriplegic uncle, and accessibility was always an issue without some idiot parking his car somewhere he shouldn’t because he can’t walk a short distance. It started here and there, and now consistently, there was always someone blocking the ramp entrance.
I spoke to the manager of the gym and they said ‘They would look into it,’ with a nonchalant tone.
Yeah, I’m sure it will get taken care of, buddy.
I decided to take matters into my own hands. I bought some window markers (the ones you could easily wipe off) and every time I came and saw someone park there, I’d write on their driver-side window ‘Thank you for parking like an idiot.’
I kept this up for nearly three weeks. Now amazingly, eventually people stopped parking there, and clearly, it was a hot topic because I heard people occasionally mentioning the window markers.
The gym posted a sign asking whoever was vandalizing cars to cease. I got my point across so I stopped. A week later, I was in the free weight area and I heard the guy beside me complaining about how his car got hit.
I looked over and said, ‘Shouldn’t have parked like an idiot then.’”
“Best Forty Bucks I Ever Spent”
“One night, I took the family out to eat at Applebee’s. The lot was full and I saw a customer come out to leave, so I waited for him to pull out and take the spot. The customer pulled out, and a car full of young girls just pulled into my spot.
Well, I rolled down my window and told them I was waiting for the parking space and the driver replied, ‘Too bad, your name wasn’t on it.’
Sure, his name wasn’t on the spot, but it’s a common driving courtesy!
I was livid but just waited for another space, went inside, and ate dinner. The girls were at their table having drinks and getting wasted. We enjoyed our meal and paid the waiter.
As my waiter walked by, I stopped him and asked, ‘Hey, do you want to make an extra twenty bucks?’
I asked him to go up to the girls, ten minutes after we left and tell them they got a call from someone saying that their card had been keyed. By the way, I didn’t key the car. I called him about an hour later to ask how it went. He said they all went nuts, screaming and stuff, and even called the police.
I later found out the cops came and found no damage to the car, but noticed the girls were too wasted to drive. The cops left and circled back and watched the car. The girls came out, got in the car, started the car, and the parking lot exploded in blue light. Busted! Tickets for all.
I did not know about the extra details until a week later when I went back for a few drinks. The waiter recognized me and told me the bonus story, laughing the whole time. Another twenty bucks to the waiter. Best forty bucks I ever spent.”
Employee Of The Month Problems
“This was long ago when I was young and dumb.
Our software company shared a floor with a construction firm. We had an ‘employee of the month’ spot near the door, and one month it was mine.
We had problems with folks from the construction firm parking there, even though it was marked as reserved. Sure enough, I came back from lunch and there was a strange car parked there. Our company was small enough to where I knew everyone’s cars, and nobody would have snaked my spot.
As it happened, I was driving my wife’s beater car, so I wasn’t really worried about anything happening to it. So, I parked it two inches behind the bumper of the car and left a note on the windshield saying ‘Suite 200, ask for Phil’.
Then I went back to my office after warning the receptionist.
At about five-thirty in the evening, I got buzzed and the receptionist explained, ‘I think there’s someone here to see you’.
I went to the front door and opened it, and there was a guy in work clothes standing there and he was steaming mad.
‘Is this your car?’ he started.
‘Yes’, I replied, ‘Are you unable to read, or not sure which company you work for?’
He said something smart, so I shrugged and let the door close. Big, heavy, solid metal door, convincing click. Then I started counting. I got to maybe six and there was a polite knock on the door. I opened it.
I asked, ‘Yes?’
The guy replied, ‘If you move it, I won’t park there again.’
‘Right,’ I replied.
So I moved my car. Problem solved! The moral of the story, people should never give me several hours to plan my response. I might be ready, as opposed to kicking myself with ‘I should have said…’ later!”
“It Was Impossible To Repair”
“One time, I came out of a club only to find a brand new Celica double parked behind me.
I went back inside and informed a server. He said knew the car. It was the assistant manager who for some reason had decided to stop by at one in the morning. He paged her and she came over, holding her drink, and said she would be right out. I went out and waited.
Ten minutes later, I went back inside and complained. The server paged her. Again, she said she would be right out. I waited. After five minutes, I lit a smoke, took a few hits, then dropped it through the cracked open sunroof onto a beautiful leather seat.
With each passing minute, I dropped another lit smoke through the roof onto the seats. Do you know what a lit cig does to tan leather seats? It was ugly and impossible to repair.
Yikes! I can’t imagine what kind of damage that would cause to the interior of a car!
There were at least fifteen smokes in there before she finally came out and moved the car. Since it was so dark out and she had had a few drinks, I don’t think she noticed.
I wish I could have seen her reaction the next morning.”
