Some men are trash, let's face it. These women thought they found their Prince Charming, but he turned out to be a total monster. It didn't take much for these women to reach their breaking point, and letting these garbage men have it must have been beyond satisfying. These reasons may have been petty, but these dudes definitely deserved it. Content has been edited for clarity.
Way Too Close To Death
“I dumped someone today for not bringing me coffee. It sounds awful, I know. I had been casually seeing this guy lately. We’ve known each other and been kind of friends? We had been acquaintances for the past ten years, but we started seeing more of each other in the last few months. He lives pretty close from me, so I think a lot of it was about proximity. A few days ago, I had a cerebrospinal fluid leak. Basically, my brains are leaking out my nose and ears. I probably had one some months ago, and it probably got worse ten days or so ago (because I have different symptoms dating to both those times), but it got confirmed three or four days ago, and my neurologist put me on bed rest for a week. She said we would reassess after that. Apparently, they sometimes resolve themselves with rest?
I’m allowed to get up to pee and brush my teeth, but for the first time in my life I don’t want to get up, because every time I’m not horizontal, I feel like I’ve been hit in the back of my head with a golf club. When I’m lying down, I’m in some degree of pain. I’d call it a moderate headache. When I’m vertical, it’s one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had. The right side of my nose constantly runs, and if I chew anything, it feels like I’m being stabbed in the right eye, so I’m living on soup and rice and soft things like mozzarella and avocado.
I didn’t explain all this to the guy, of course. It’s boring. I told him I have a CSF leak and I’m on bed rest so I don’t get worse. I asked him if he could get me some coffee and maybe a bottle or two of water, because grocery deliveries still have to be booked several days in advance. I made it clear I wasn’t expecting him to do a Starbucks run, just grab a few iced lattes from the fridge in the nearby gas station. There’s a Co-Op less than a minute across the street from him, and a gas station about five minutes up the road. It would take him all of three minutes to drive to the Co-Op, buy coffees, and bring them to me. While there’s no empirical evidence proving that caffeine improves the outcome in CSF leaks, anecdotally it does seem to help a lot of people with the headaches and improve recovery, so doctors still frequently recommend it. Over the last nine months or so, I’ve been noticing that I feel much better on days that I drink coffee. He agreed and told me that he would bring me some that night. When it became that night, he said he would bring me some tomorrow. Then he avoided me for two days.
Today, I gave up and walked to the shop and back. No taxi will drive me such a short distance, and my neighbors were all at work. It took me an hour to get there and back. It took 55 minutes longer than I should have been on my feet. I carried considerably more weight than what I’m allowed to lift for the next 6–8 weeks. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, even when I’m lying down, but I don’t think I’m going to have a stroke or anything. I texted him that I had gone out and gotten it myself, so I didn’t need his help anymore. He said that he checked at the Co-Op and they didn’t have any, and he doesn’t like going to that gas station.
Maybe he was working. Maybe he was busy with other stuff. He said he has a mild cold, so maybe he just didn’t want to go out. Maybe his mom needed help with something. Maybe they genuinely didn’t have any at the Co-Op and he didn’t have the money to drive elsewhere (though I would have paid him for gas if he’d told me, and I was going to pay him for the groceries anyway). He’s not my boyfriend. We made no commitments. He doesn’t owe me anything. Even if he were my boyfriend, you always have the right to say no to a request. It’s not a request if you can’t say no.
But I remembered how, a year or two ago, he said that I did so much for him and he wanted to do more for me, so he’d start driving me to and from yoga and swimming every week, but then he always seemed to be busy the nights that I planned to go, and eventually he said that he didn’t like going into the building because the chlorine wrecked his skin. And I remembered how many times he saw I needed something small – a new hairbrush, a clothes airer, argan oil for my skin – and he told me not to buy any, that he’d get me one that was better than anything I could get locally. Somehow, they never materialized, so after weeks of doing without, I always ended up buying my own. And I remembered how, when I broke my leg back in late March or early April, he was too scared to drive me to the hospital to get an X-Ray. I realized that this isn’t the kind of person I want to be with.
I don’t expect a superhero, or even someone who can get wounded and keep standing, but I like people who are smart enough and observant enough to see what needs doing, and strong enough to do it, whatever it is. I want a partner who’s my equal, someone who’ll take care of me when I need it, and who I can take care of when he needs it. I want someone who can be relied on most of the time.So I guess technically I dumped him for not bringing me coffee. And you know what? I’m okay with that.”
Was She Right To Do This?
“Looking back on it, what I did was a little too superficial. But I still support it. My very first boyfriend was a guy that I met through a family friend. We both went to the same high school, but I was a sophomore when he was a senior. He exuded the sort of bad-boy vibe I was very into in high school. We dated for maybe three or four months before he wrote me a card. I wish I had that card today, because it’s pretty baffling how something so minuscule weirded me out to the point that I lost interest in this guy. I wish I could remember the occasion the card was written for, but that was over ten years ago. I assume an anniversary? Or perhaps a ‘just thinking of you’ card. Either way, when I opened the card to read it, I noticed the first line said, ‘I’m so glad are world collided.’
‘Hmm,’ I thought, ‘Maybe that was just a slip-up.’ But then the card continued. It contained phrases like, ‘I’ve loved are adventures,’ and, ‘Are lives coming together.’
My boyfriend at the time legitimately thought ‘are’ was used in place of ‘our’. This opened my eyes and made me think about his life in general. I took honors classes and he was barely passing his. I was motivated, and I already had a job at 15. Meanwhile, he didn’t even have plans for after high school. Our values in life seemed so starkly different, I broke up with him the next day. I told him it was because I found someone else, but maybe it would’ve been better to let him know that ‘our’ isn’t the same as ‘are’. But in the end, his grammatical error ended up only being the tip of are iceberg (pun intended).”
Miss Me With Those Pee Hands
“Many, many years ago, I dated a guy who seemed really nice. He was attractive, affable, a gentleman, and he seemed like an all around nice guy. One day. he came to my home for dinner. We had been on a few dates, but this was the first time I invited him over to my place. We sat down on my couch and proceeded to have a good time talking, laughing, and joking together. Before dinner, he asked to use the bathroom and, of course I obliged. He went into the bathroom to use it, and before he came out, I realized that I didn’t have any soap in the bathroom for him to use. I had just run out of hand soap and I forgot to put the new bottle on the sink in the powder room. I stood up to get the bottle of soap from the linen closet, but that was when came out of the bathroom before I could get the bottle. I got the bottle, turned back toward the bathroom, went into the bathroom, and put the new soap bottle on the sink. I noticed that although the toilet had been flushed, the sink was BONE DRY! I walked out of the bathroom and I don’t know what made me say anything, but I asked him if he washed his hands. He claimed that he did!
What?! A look of surprise crossed my face as I asked him AGAIN, just in case he didn’t understand my question and needed to hear it again. I looked intently into his beautiful eyes and asked him if he washed his hands AGAIN. He looked me in my eyes and with that handsome face said, ‘Of course I washed my hands! Let’s eat! I’m starving!’
I just looked at him with that blank look of surprise, disappointment, and resignation that you get when you realize that whatever the relationship is right now is all it will ever be! His minutes in my presence were NUMBERED, and the clock was ticking down QUICKLY! I couldn’t believe that he was smiling while looking at me after lying about something so trivial! The rest of the conversation went exactly like this:
Me: ‘Really? Where did you wash your hands?’
Him: ‘In the sink! Why?’
Me: ‘Well, there was no soap on the sink.’
Him: ‘Okay, I didn’t use soap! I just used water.’
Me: ‘Well, the sink is also BONE DRY!’
Him: Okay! Oh my god! NO THEN! I didn’t wash my hands, ALRIGHT? Geez! Why are you making a big deal about whether or not I washed my hands? You’re acting CRAZY over nothing!’
Me: ‘OK. Well, let me get you a plate to go! I’m not exactly hungry anymore.’
And that was it! I gave him a plate of food wrapped up, since it was late and I didn’t want to send him away hungry, but I sent him on his way after that! We never saw each other on a personal level again! I don’t play those kinds of games. I pay CAREFUL ATTENTION to warning signs and take action based on them! If a guy will lie about washing his hands, he will lie about ANYTHING!Some people may consider the repeated lies to be a small thing, but when people SHOW YOU that they don’t consider small lies to be a big issue, that tells you that lying is how they navigate issues in their lives. Also, if you would lie about small, insignificant things, you will UNDOUBTEDLY LIE about much bigger things! In this situation, not only did he lie, but then he called ME crazy for calling him out! That is a sign that he thinks nothing of devaluing and gaslighting me to support his lies! Not washing your hands after using the bathroom AND BEFORE YOU ARE GETTING READY TO EAT is just plain unsanitary and DISGUSTING! He called me later to tell me that I overreacted. I’ll accept that, but a man who doesn’t wash his hands after visiting the bathroom, feels the need to LIE about washing his hands with a smile, devalues me after the lie is exposed, AND then tries to make it seem like I was wrong for questioning him isn’t the man for me! You don’t get to call me CRAZY when you were going to eat with your pee hands! He was a liar and a non-hand-washer! Either way, he had to go! Heed the warning you have been given and MOVE ON!”
“Cave of Filth”
“He was a sweet, kind, intelligent, confident, and good-looking young man newly embarking on his post-masters career with well-thought-out ambitions, financial awareness and responsibility, a similarly progressive set of values to my own, and was proactive in making positive changes to his life and the lives of others. He was also a complete and utter slob. The first time I visited his home and entered his bedroom I was floored by the smell of old food that sat molding in plates and tupperware and takeaway containers. The parts of the floor that weren’t covered in rubbish and clothing were sticky and filthy. All previous amorous feelings vanished as I took one look at his dirty, crumb ridden bedsheets and wondered when they had last been changed. There was a visible head shaped sweat mark printed on his pillow, and the stains of various fluids patterned the sheets. I told him right then that his hygiene level was completely unacceptable, and I was leaving.
He promised to sort it out. On the next visit, the room was impeccable. I later found he had paid a housemate to deal with it. Ever so quickly, it degraded again to its previous filth. Combined with the constant stench of clothes left in the washing machine too long, and finding out the oven had never been cleaned in seven years, I realized that it just was not worth it. He may have been great and compatible with me in every other way, but I have never once regretted walking away from his cave of filth that, had I stayed, I knew I would spend the rest of my life cleaning. The great irony of this was that he was a toxicologist. Perhaps this pit he chose to live in was actually just an extension of his lab?”
Victim Was His Middle Name
“I didn’t realize the flaw for what it was at the time, since it stressed me out to the point of near constant panic attacks. I left because I couldn’t deal with the stress anymore. I like helping people. I go above and beyond to do things for others. So when I met him, with all his problems, I thought I could help. This lead to a relationship a few weeks later.
The thing is, for every problem of his I fixed, there were another three in tow. It was a never-ending list of constant, life-and-death problems. He was dealing with so many issues, like how his ex was holding all his possessions hostage interstate. He had no job because the boss was prejudiced against him. He had no money to cover the rent because he was paying off a power bill his ex housemates ran up in his name. He was addicted to smoking weed because he was too stressed about trying to make it as a musician. The welfare system periodically cut him off because he failed to appear at mandated meetings. He couldn’t get a driver’s license or car because no one would drive with him. I should have realized he was just someone who loved to be the victim. He self-diagnosed himself with PTSD, claiming it was caused by an event with his parents, but no one could confirm the validity of what he said.
He constantly blamed the real estate agent for the poor condition of the house. despite doing nothing for it himself. I turned that garden around from being an overgrown jungle into a respectable, suburban backyard single-handedly. I did all of this in the heat of an Australian summer, too! I did all of that while he watched me from the veranda, smoking. Finally, it was when he started beating himself around the head while I had a panic attack, that I finally left. I couldn’t deal anymore. I couldn’t be with someone who just wanted to always have someone or something else to blame his lot in life on. He was an overgrown child, with a serious victim mentality. And I stopped thinking I could fix that.”
Too Toxic To Be Around
“He was too masculine. In the Latino culture, we call it ‘machismo’, where a man is overly aggressive about his masculinity. This ideology can have certain characteristics, such as the idea that a woman should act a certain way that pleases her man. It gets overboard to the point of toxicity. I broke up with him because he thought that I, a woman, needed to schedule my entire life around his. I remember him saying to me once, ‘You look good, but you could look better.’
I couldn’t quite understand why he acted this way. Every time we would go out to eat, when it was a female server or even a female restaurant owner, he would get uncomfortable. He wouldn’t have the ability to look the woman in the eye, and he would be rude in the way he talked to her. He would be very entitled, thinking that she was expected to know exactly who he was and what he wanted. One time, he started snapping his fingers and knocking on the window separator at the cash register for his check. It made me so uncomfortable that I went back later and sincerely apologized to the owner because she was always such a kind lady to me. He would tell me things that I didn’t particularly agree with, and every time it would end with, ‘You have to do this because you’re a woman.’
You’re telling me I have to cook for you because I’m a woman, but you don’t have to cook for me because you’re a man?! I would work 12-hour days, 6 days a week sometimes, and I didn’t even have enough time to even get enough sleep, yet I’m expected to do things the way you want them simply because I was born a certain gender?! That doesn’t make sense to me! It got to the point where I was working so much that I didn’t have time to wash my laundry. I still had some clean clothes I could wear, but when I told him that I was super stressed and there was so much I needed to get done, he refused to help me. The first thing that comes out of his mouth is, ‘I’m a man and I work hard too, but I still find time to get my laundry done. So you’re telling me that a man is cleaner than you, a woman?!’
I immediately broke up with him. I don’t need someone in my life who is going to make it harder. If you’re in my life, then it should be for the better and needless to say, that was the best decision I ever made for myself.”
He Gets More And More Appalling
“I dated the nicest guy for three years, starting when I was nineteen. Mark adored me. He gave me gifts, and he told me he loved me several times an hour. He was always up for an adventure. He listened to me rattle on and on about whatever I wanted to talk about. He really listened, too, not just that listening while waiting for his turn to speak thing that lots of people do. But Mark had one horrible character flaw: he could not commit to anything. Not a single thing. He couldn’t commit to a job. In the three years we were together, Mark must have had at least 15–20 different jobs. If he didn’t get fired for being late all the time, or not showing up, or stealing money, he would quit after a few months because he felt unappreciated, or was bored, or felt he should be making more money.
He couldn’t commit to his pets. One of Mark’s roommates had a cat who had kittens. Mark fell in love with two of the kittens and adopted them. Both kittens were females, and his roommates and I bugged him constantly to have them spayed, but Mark always had a reason why he couldn’t. He wanted to let them each have a litter of kittens so they could participate in the circle of life. Yeah, I am still scratching my head over that one. He would also tell us that he didn’t have enough money, he didn’t have enough time, or he forgot to call to make an appointment. Eventually, the house was crawling with cats and kittens, and since Mark rarely cleaned the litter boxes, the house stank. One day, one of his roommates packed the cats up and took them to a shelter while Mark was at work. Mark was mad, but I think he was also relieved. But then a few months later, he started talking about how nice it would be to get a puppy. Seriously, guy? A puppy?! I talked him out of that super quickly.
He couldn’t commit to his responsibilities. Mark was in a massive amount of credit card debt. He loved to buy things. Big things, small things, medium things, he was all about material possessions. But he was always broke, so he would apply for a credit card, max it out after being approved, and then never pay the bill. Then he would do it again and again. He also didn’t have health insurance due to his job jumping, so if he needed to go to the doctor or dentist, he would ‘set up a payment plan’ with them and then just never pay. He had a lot of parking tickets, all for nominal fees, but he wouldn’t pay them. He also lapsed on paying for his car insurance. In the three years I was with him, he was black listed from just about every doctor and dentist in town, completely trashed his credit score, and lost his license and car. He also couldn’t commit to me. Mark treated me like I was made of gold. I had never had a boyfriend who told me he loved me constantly, or at all. I was young and needy, and he made me feel so special. Then I found out about the other girl. He told me not to worry, that they were just good friends and she was gay. Well she wasn’t! They were sleeping together. That was the final straw for me. I broke up with him. He was devastated. Told me he wanted to marry me. Told me he would jump in front of a train, take a bullet, die in any number of horrible ways for me. I told him that what I needed him to do was keep a job, take care of his responsibilities, get out of debt, stop sleeping around, and grow up. Dying for me was not practical or necessary. Commitment to me and to himself was what was needed to save our relationship. He couldn’t do that. Commitment was not something he could handle. He preferred jumping in front of trains. So I said goodbye. Twenty-five years later, he and I are still friends. He is married to a patient, nice woman and has two children. He is a wonderful father to his kids. So I guess he found the one thing he could commit to: fatherhood. I’m happy for him. He’s a great guy, but he was not the guy for me.”
Suffocated With Love
“My new boyfriend quickly began to smother me with attention. When I first met Gary, I was newly divorced form a man who had treated me like I was just another piece of furniture in our house. I was just someone who cleaned the house and looked after our children and occasionally rode in the car with him. Gary was VERY attentive from the moment we met. He actually made eye contact as we talked and got to know each other. That first night when we danced, he whispered in my ear that I was FANTASTIC! He also told me he would like to take me to Hawaii, and three months later, we did go. In the three months prior to going, we went out every weekend. I soon met his best friends, a couple named Donna and Brad. They were fun, and we spent much of our time with them. Gary literally worshiped Donna, and he often went on about how FANTASTIC she was. She was very nice and I liked her, but Gary seemed to think she walked on water, and his ‘worship’ was over the top. It was getting to be a bit annoying, actually. Brad was a funny guy, and I liked him well enough. Gary appeared to worship him also, but to a lesser degree than Donna. I was beginning to wish not EVERY date included them.
We spent a weekend with them at the ocean. Donna made a delicious crab salad. Gary thought that it was absolutely fantastic. As Gary finalized plans for our trip to Hawaii, I was longing to spend just one day with my best friend, whom I hadn’t seen since meeting Gary. Gary did not take it well and pouted. He asked me, ‘Why would you want to do that?! Why can’t I go?! Donna wouldn’t do that!’
I NEEDED time apart from him, so I stuck with my gut instinct. He survived our brief time apart, and days later we were seated on the plane. Gary lovingly gazed into my eyes and called me FANTASTIC. I was so tired of hearing that word constantly. My annoyance was mixed with an equal amount of guilt. After all, he was paying for the entire trip. I told myself I was being ungrateful, and I silently vowed to be a better girlfriend. Late that night, after a long evening of sightseeing, we were settling down to sleep, but I was feeling thirsty. Gary hopped out of bed and wanted to fetch me ice water ten floors down. I said I would just get some from the bathroom faucet. He absolutely insisted, and he pulled on his clothes and was off and running. I was asleep when he got back, but I thanked him eventually. We spent five nights there, and Gary wanted to wait on me hand and foot. It was terribly annoying and smothering. One day we were on the beach for hours. Without thinking, I mentioned I was thirsty. He jumped up and bolted. I called after him, ‘I can get it myself!’
Forty minutes later, his body covered in sweat, Gary’s back with a cup of water for me. This time I felt no guilt. On our flight home, Gary raved about the FANTASTIC trip the next six hours and happily talked about us moving in together. Dropping me off at my house, he told me we just had to get together with Donna and Brad the next day and tell them about our FANTASTIC trip! I couldn’t take it anymore! As he drove off, I made a decision. I was DONE, and it felt FANTASTIC to realize that.”
He’s The Opposite Of Price Charming
“I was a freshman in college back then. I had never been on a date and was itching to find out exactly what going on a date was all about, as my friends made it sound like tons of fun. So I said yes to the very first date I was asked on. He was cute and I liked him. Oh, and he was a senior. In my head, I believed I would be going out with a very mature man. Boy was I wrong! That entire night, I was jittery and excited over our date the next day. He said he had made BIG PLANS. And sadly, I am a sucker for surprises, so I just couldn’t wait. Our long day date, which was meant to woo me, was supposed to have begun with a breakfast and walk on campus. Well that didn’t happen. He called three hours later and said he wouldn’t make it because he had to study for a quiz.
I just assumed he was a really good student, so I wasn’t too upset. I had already turned down the chance to explore the new city with my roommates, so now I had nothing to do. He promised to make it up to me later in the day. After all, our date was in the evening. I waited and waited and waited. I slept, watched movies, went for a walk, waited some more, took a shower, and just when I was about to go to bed, he arrived. He was two hours later than expected. No calls, no text, and no apologies. He then rushed me into clothes and accused me of being unprepared. Surprisingly, I was so stunned I couldn’t form any witty retorts. I couldn’t even get angry. Mind you, I was thinking maybe this is what dates are all about. I guess the girls failed to give me a detailed scoop.
Now here is where it gets real bad. I tolerated the lateness, the lack of communication, and no apologies, but I certainly didn’t think my cute date had it in him to be near hostile to the cab driver. He was also absolutely rude to the receptionist and the waiter, whom I thought were very kind and accommodating to us for all the nuisance we must have caused. He kept complaining all through dinner. He complained about the menu, the cutlery, my lack of table manners (because I moved to pull a seat for myself), my choice in drinks, and basically everything and everyone. At the end of the date, he told me it was too late to head back to campus. Apparently, he had booked a room in a nearby hotel to pass the night. Now by this point, I had had it up to HERE with his nonsense. I stared him squarely in the face and told him, ‘I would rather walk back to campus and risk getting mugged or attacked than spend another second in your presence!’
And that’s exactly what I did. I actually hitched a ride along the way. Thankfully, the guy who drove me wasn’t a total psychopath. And that is how I ended up going on a long hiatus from dates. On a serious note though, I always look out for how people treat waiters, drivers, and other service people. There’s the door man, the janitor, the poor waiter who is just doing their job, the stranger who bumps into you and apologizes, heck even the hobo or homeless person on the sidewalk! You don’t know their story and you have no right to treat them any less. If you can’t treat them with some decency and respect, I have no business being with you.”
One Glaring Flaw
“I mean he was nice, but he was a total freeloader. So this was a time when I was single and not particularly serious about seeing anyone. One day, an ex-colleague of mine asked me out, and I didn’t have anything else to do that evening, so I said yes. We went out, and the date seemed to be going fine. He was smart, funny, and behaved like a true gentleman. I always pay my share of the bill whenever I go out on a date, so I insisted, but he didn’t let me do it at any cost. Because the date had gone well, I knew I will get my chance to pay him back. We went out a few more times, but our entire time together merely lasted for about thirteen days. After the first date, this guy never paid for anything ever. He wouldn’t pay for me food or drinks, and he wouldn’t even pay for his own stuff! At first, I didn’t mind paying for the both of us, but he would attempt to be so cunning and cheap about it. It really ticked me off.
For example, he would ask me where I wanted to eat, and I told him I would be fine anywhere. He would keep asking me and suggesting some really expensive, fancy places. I would say that I didn’t mind more simple restaurants, but he would insist that he wanted to take me out to a fancy dinner. When the date would actually happen, I was worn down enough that we would end up going to one of these fancy places. The circumstances would be such that he either didn’t have the change, or he forgot his wallet in the car. I would end up paying for the both of us. He thought that I couldn’t see through it, but it was so clear how he would manipulate me into paying for the both of us every single time. We had just met a week ago, and I couldn’t quite figure out what kind of person this guy truly was. Could he not afford to date someone? Or was he just being a cheapskate and wanted me to pay for everything? It was his mischievous planning behind all of this that really irritated me.
I would have really appreciated him being honest and transparent about his financial troubles, if he really did have any. I was able to pay for the both of us, but every date would end with his making a feeble attempt at some excuse. It was beyond lame. I made up my mind not to go out with him. I was trying ot avoid him for a bit before I broke the news to him. The final nail in the coffin was when he showed up at my house one time unannounced. I was already irritated, but I was willing to see what this was about. He came inside and noticed the take out that I had ordered for myself. I didn’t offer him any, but that didn’t stop him from eating most of it! He turned to me and said, ‘Baby, you should have the last one! Why won’t you try the last one!’
That was when I completely lost it. I yelled at him, ‘What the heck, what last one?! I ordered take out because I wanted to eat all of it you idiot!’
I threw him out of my house that night. I had been holding in this anger that had been slowly building up for the past ten days, but this event was my absolute final dealbreaker. You don’t get to eat my special takeout boy!”
Get Out Of There Now!
“It was his traditional mindset about women that turned me away. It wasn’t something stated before, as we used to be close friends since we were kids, and we knew everything about each other. He is only three years older than me. It was a dreamy relationship at the very beginning. Honestly speaking, I always felt there was something more between us and probably always used to see us together whenever I have been thinking about my future. I had been deeply in love with him for years at that point. I am an open-minded person, I like talking a lot, traveling, and trying new things. I’m definitely an extrovert. He acted like this too, until we became a couple. At that point, my life completely changed.
I couldn’t meet my friends because he was getting enormously jealous, and he didn’t want to go with me anywhere either. Some other guy liked my new profile picture? Instant headaches, stomachaches, even fever on his part. It was this vindictive, ‘Look what you’ve done to me!’ attitude that really made me feel guilty. His attitude also covered any family meetings. He really liked my mother’s side of the family because they are clearly traditional too. They were unlike my father’s family, who would always speak their progressive opinions and were educated. They don’t praise getting married in your twenties. I guess my ex didn’t like it. He met them a few times in our four-year-long relationship because he, obviously, always had something else to do. It got to the point where I didn’t even want him to go with me to see them. We were seriously conflicted after every single gathering. I was supposed to stay in all the time and wait until the evening to see him. He had a well-paying job and I was a student. He was a workaholic who would fall asleep every time we were seeing each other at my place. My mom thought he was a great man to be with.
When I started going to the gym again, he was doing everything to stop me. Suddenly, he wasn’t feeling well and needed me. I felt guilty again. He was good-looking, masculine, and had a lot of money. I, on the other hand, gained a lot of weight. At that time, I was so addicted to him that I didn’t want to meet any other people. My friends were partying and having fun. We went on a holiday to Spain where he proposed to me in a hotel room. Would I expect something bigger? Yes. At least he wanted me and it was the only thing that counted. I was 19 at the time, so of course, I said yes, but it didn’t feel right. Okay, so being engaged doesn’t mean you’re going to get married next year, at least, for me. It was all happening so fast and I got scared. I told him that we should think about it in a few years.
I decided to get a stable full time job and graduate from university, so it was not the best time for me to start a family. I got a job at travel agency and got to travel a lot as well. It was actually the main thing we kept arguing about. He was upset that I was talking to people and had a full time job of my own. He kept asking me how I would raise our children? He pressured me to quit, or else he would break up with me. He told me that I would have to change my mind about that job as soon as I was pregnant. I was beyond scared. He asked me if I wanted to move in with him at his parent’s house. That’s the next mistake I’ve made. We were splitting bills, although I was earning half of what he could make in a month. It was fine until he started controlling my finances. I packed my stuff. I lost a childhood friend. And I got a lot of tattoos in retaliation, none of which we would have approved of. Now I am living a happy life full of traveling, positive people. Don’t let people destroy your energy. If you don’t feel like you’re going to be a housewife, you probably won’t be happy if somebody forces you to be one. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t meet someone else’s expectations when they don’t meet yours.”
