The Grocery Store Grump
Entitled? Check. Self-centered? Check. Annoying and argumentative? Check and check.
Wait, who are we describing again?
These qualities belong to nobody other than a trusty “Karen,” of course!
Karens can be found nearly everywhere. From sinisterly lurking in online comment sections to throwing outrageous and embarrassing public meltdowns, Karens are sure to make their presence known. Of course, one of Karen’s favorite spots to heckle and harass others is, you guessed it, the grocery store. In fact, nobody knows about an awful run-in with a Karen better than our good friend, “Adam.”
Adam previously worked in retail and had his fair share of Karen encounters. As he grocery-shopped one evening, Adam felt a dark presence looming nearby. Uh-oh. This was a feeling Adam knew all too well.
All of a sudden, Adam heard someone sharply screech, “Ex-CUSE-me?”
Adam sighed before turning around to meet the perpetrator in question. He already knew what his night was shaping up to be from the snarky tone of the woman’s voice. Adam glanced over his shoulder, and lo and behold, Karen was behind him and making direct eye contact. Visibly shaking and eyes searing into Adam’s soul, Karen made her first mistake.
Karen thought Adam was an employee at the grocery store.
Seriously, Karen? You just assumed he worked at the store? Get real!
Adam smirked as he tried to hold back laughter. If Karen wanted to play games, Adam could play them, too. One lesson about entitled behavior coming right up, Karen!
~
The Newest Store Employee
After work one evening, Adam went to the grocery store to pick up a few items for his wife and child. As he browsed through the aisle, Adam heard a noise behind him. He pulled his shopping cart in to ensure he wasn’t blocking the aisle, but he still felt someone standing behind him.
Only seconds passed before realization struck Adam.
Just as Adam was about to turn around, he heard the person cry, “Ex-CUSE me!”
Adam knew that voice from anywhere. It was the ear-piercing call of, “Karen.”
When Adam finally turned around, he came face-to-face with Karen. In her uniform of yoga pants, furry boots, and sunglasses sitting atop her perfectly coiffed bob haircut, she angrily stared at Adam.
“Sorry. I didn’t know I was blocking you,” Adam kindly replied as he pushed his cart further away to make way for Queen Karen.
Karen then rolled her eyes and impatiently stated, “No. I need you to help me find something in the food aisles.”
Suddenly, realization struck Adam. Karen thought he was an employee at the grocery store!
However, Adam didn’t understand how Karen mistook him for an employee. The employee’s uniforms were red and khaki at this particular grocery store. Adam was wearing a blue and white button-down shirt, dress pants, and a jacket with his company logo. He had a cart full of groceries and appeared as if he were shopping. Maybe the fluorescent lights blinded Karen’s judgment, or maybe she was just ignorant.
Either way, Adam smiled and politely replied, “Oh, I’m sorry for the misunderstanding. I don’t work here.”
Karen’s eyes narrowed into microscopic slits as Adam motioned at his clothing that wasn’t an employee’s uniform. Adam awkwardly smiled and waited for Karen’s reply.
She screamed, “You are wearing a uniform, don’t give me a load of lies! You can put the garbage in your cart away when you’re done doing your job. That is, helping me! Now hurry up!”
Dang, Karen! Attitude problem, much?
Adam’s eyebrow raised slightly. Of course, he knew the perfect way to make Karen regret ever asking for help.
~
“Silence Fell Among The Spectating Customers”
Adam then proceeded to flash a smile at Karen and ask, “What was it you needed help finding, ma’am?”
Karen flinched and recoiled at Adam’s kindness. If there is something Karen didn’t enjoy, it was being called “ma’am.”
She condescendingly wailed, “I can’t find this item! I need you to show me to it, now!”
Adam then nodded and pushed his cart with him as he guided Karen to the back of the store. If Karen wanted him to be an employee, Adam would act as one for the evening.
He passed the aisle where Karen’s item was located and heard Karen grumble, “Why is the item so hidden away? Why are we walking so far?”
Thankfully, Karen was behind Adam, so she couldn’t see the devilish grin on his face.
Finally, Adam reached the book section of the store. He turned his cart down the aisle and heard Karen’s dramatic and childish complaints behind him.
Karen angrily questioned, “Where do you think you are going? This isn’t where the item is! If you’re too stupid to find what I need, maybe I should be talking to your manager instead!”
Karen’s voice echoed to the electronics section, and other customers began to gather to see what the noise was about.
“Well, this is working better than I thought it would,” Adam mused as he looked at the small crowd forming.
As Karen continued to fuss, Adam stopped in front of the children’s book section and picked up a copy of a toddler’s spelling book. The cover featured a small child learning the first letters of the alphabet.
“Perfect,” Adam thought.
Then, Adam walked back to Karen, offered her the book, and didn’t say one word. When Karen looked at the cover, her face turned bright red. Adam could practically see the steam coming out of her ears.
Not noticing the crowd forming around her, Karen roared, “What is this? Are you stupid? Where is your manager? You are an awful employee!”
Karen’s cries caused two employees to rush over to the book aisle. One of the employees used their radio to page a manager, and the other had a look of dread in her eyes only an entitled Karen with an attitude could cause.
Adam smiled and gestured to the children’s book Karen continued to contemptuously grasp. Finally, Adam put on his best customer service voice and stated, “Actually, ma’am. I thought since you couldn’t tell the difference between a customer and an employee, you must not be able to read. So, I figured this book could help.”
Afterward, silence fell among the spectating customers and Karen’s mouth fell agape. Adam knew it was only a matter of time before Karen had a total breakdown.
~
Karen’s Bizarre Breakdown
Luckily, an employee approached Karen and broke the silence by asking, “Hello. Is there something I can help you with tonight?”
The employee’s kind demeanor set Karen off. She threw the book at Adam and screamed, “How dare you speak to me this way! I want this man’s manager right now. He needs to be fired!”
Adam couldn’t help but laugh. Of course, Karen still didn’t get the point! She continued to rant, rave, and throw strings of expletives at Adam and the employee. Feet away, the other employee continued trying to desperately reach a manager on their radio.
As Karen whined and flailed, Adam stepped back for a moment to text his wife.
Adam typed, “Sorry, I’m held up here at the store. Expect a good story when I get home.”
His wife replied, “What did you do now?”
Adam’s wife knew him too well.
A few minutes later, the manager arrived, flustered by the scene he walked into. He pulled Karen to the side, and one of the employees asked Adam, “So, what happened?”
Adam jokingly whispered, “Didn’t her haircut clue you in?”
Dang, Adam is savage!
The employee busted out laughing but quickly stopped when Karen shot him an evil glare. Calm down, Karen. It was just a joke!
A few minutes later, the manager approached Adam with Karen’s embellished story. The manager then asked, “Why did you curse at her? She claimed you threw a book at her, did you? Were you following her around the store?”
Adam shook his head and calmly explained how Karen thought he was a store employee, and how she essentially kidnapped him to find something for her. Then, a look of realization spread across the manager’s face. Adam could tell the manager had seen this type of behavior before.
Adam continued to explain, “I figured since Karen can’t read and might be colorblind, I got her an alphabet book instead. She threw the book at me, cursed like a sailor, and wants you to fire me.”
The employee lingering nearby began to laugh hysterically and retreated to the backroom to shelter himself from Karen’s wrath. Little did Adam and the manager know, Karen’s tirade was far from over.
~
Store Manager Misery
When Karen heard the employee laugh, she finally realized she was the punchline of Adam’s joke. Afterward, she scrunched up her face and heatedly stomped over to Adam and the manager. As the manager watched Karen approach, his face twisted in defeat.
Karen then pointed at the manager and protested, “You know what? I’m calling corporate! The behavior of your employees is unacceptable. I know executives at this company!”
I don’t think you’re telling the truth, Karen! You know company executives? Yeah, right!
The manager looked at Karen, held up his hand, and patiently replied, “Ma’am.”
Karen subsequently flinched again. The word “ma’am,” was like kryptonite to Karen.
The manager emphatically continued, “I’m going to have to ask you to stop harassing other shoppers and keep your volume down. You’re being a disruption to other customers.”
Suddenly, a vein in Karen’s forehead popped. Karen? Harassing other shoppers? She would never!
Straightaway, Karen shrieked, “You’ve got it all wrong, buddy! I’m not bothering anyone! He was the one harassing me!”
Karen proceeded to jab her long manicured nails at the manager as she continued blubbering about having done nothing wrong. Then, she reached around the manager in an attempt to physically grab Adam.
Unfortunately for Karen, this was the manager’s final straw.
~
Justice Is Served
The manager, obviously not pleased with Karen’s behavior, explicitly told Karen, “Ma’am. You need to calm down. If you can’t, then I will have to ask you to leave the store.”
Immediately, Karen’s blubbering began to intensify. She screamed, swore, protested, and threatened the manager. As Karen thrashed her arms and screamed like a child, one of her arms grazed a nearby shelf, subsequently knocking all of the products to the floor.
Karen then cried, “Oh no, I will NOT be asked to leave!” as an audience formed around her.
Come on, Karen. Aren’t you embarrassed?
During Karen’s fit, the manager paged two other employees over to the scene on his radio. Suddenly, two other employees walked over and managed to wrangle Karen into submission. Then, the two employees walked her to the front doors and led her outside.
At long last, justice has been served!
After Karen was led out of the store, an employee excitedly told Adam, “She is going to be detained and barred from the store. I can’t believe it!”
Adam joked with the employee as he walked to the checkout counter to purchase his groceries. As Adam walked out of the store, he spotted two annoyed police officers walking inside. Score!
Adam walked to his car with a smile on his face. He wasn’t a bad “employee” after all.
~
