Mudslide
Mudslide
This milkshake of a tipple will put you on the fast track to diabetes. The heavy cream alone packs a caloric punch that is nicely rounded out with the alcoholic and sugerific addition of Vodka, Kahlua, and Baileys. Order a single one from Applebees, and you'll be set back a whopping 755 calories, 32 grams of fat and 80 grams of sugar.
Long Island Iced Tea
Long Island Iced Tea
Somehow putting all your liquor eggs in one basket tastes just right! However, be prepared for a relatively steep body market crash. The combination of vodka, tequila, rum, gin, triple sec, sweet and sour mix, and cola will most times set you back over 700 calories. On top of that, the crazy amount of liquor will hit you and your liver like a ton of bricks, with a side order of insane dehydration.
Bacon Infused Bourbon
Bacon Infused Bourbon
There is a reason you can't buy bacon infused anything in stores. While we agree bacon makes almost everything better, this exception will literally kill you. An infusion process called "fat washing" is used to drain the fat off the bacon, but what is left behind is a massive dose of sodium and nitrates. While sodium can cause a whole heap of blood pressure and kidney issues, any nitrates transferred to the booze resulting from fat washing are basically concentrated carcinogens.
Tokyo Iced Tea
Tokyo Iced Tea
The Long Island Ice Tea's crown as the surefire way of imbibing efficiency has officially been usurped. A Tokyo Iced tea takes the same formula as the Long Island with a particularly deadly change: Replace the non-alcoholic mixers, coke and sweet and sour mix, with Midori. Midori is a sweet tasting and alcoholic liqeur that when added rounds out a typical (single!) Tokyo to a shocking 8-9 shots.
New Orleans Hand Grenade
New Orleans Hand Grenade
Pour up the first few ingredients in this cocktail, vodka, gin, rum, and melon liquer, and we can only guess you're going hard tonight. Slip in the final listed ingredient, grain alcohol, aaaannd downhill you go. With a legal range that maxes out at nearly 200 proof (almost 100% alcohol), no wonder this insane addition is illegal in many states. Really, this stuff is so potent its basically the ethanol additive in gasoline.
Original Four Loko
Original Four Loko
When something as alcoholic as a bottle of wine comes in essentially wine bottle sized cans that look like energy drinks, what could possibly go wrong? Oh, yeah...The original cans also contained the caffiene in 5 cups of coffee, 12% alcohol and heartstopping energy. So, basically, if you didnt have alcohol poisoning already, your heart gave out from the insane quantity of caffiene that refused your bodies need to, you know, pass out. No wonder it's banned nationwide.
Sweetened Malt Drinks
Sweetened Malt Drinks
Smirnoff, Mikes Hard, and the grandfather Four Loko all sail the same malted boat. Starting as beer, each beverage is sweetened up with incredible amounts of sugar, so much so that most of these drinks taste akin to candy. On top of questionable issues with the particular audience they're targeting, the sugary drinks come with a high caloric price: A single bottle of Mike's Hard contains 220 calories and 30 grams of sugar.
Liquid Cocaine
Liquid Cocaine
For starters, the title itself basically screams hardcore. Throw some Bacardi 151 (75% abv) in with Goldshlager (40% ABV) and everyone's sweet left shoulder devil Jagermeister (40% ABV) to complete your straight shot(s) to dangerous times. Sweet as it tastes, folks are tempted to down a few quickly, only to have their party end on a "things just got real" note.
Moonshine
Moonshine
Although there are reputable legal distillers out there, bootleggers without much in the way of safety concerns can do a number to your health. Bootleg moonshine, especially when stilled in car radiators can infuse your beverage with a toxic dose of lead posioning. Also, if you get much of the distillate's head or tail, the concentrations of congeners and aldehydes can actually cause blindness amongst other serious health problems.
Everclear
Everclear
There is a reason why somehow this terrible abomination of a liquor is purchased (and drunk) at such high volume. You guessed it, alcohol volume. Near 200 proof bottles mean a near 100% alcohol solution that is bound to cause a whole heap of trouble. It's so alcohol heavy even a spilled bottle can be deadly, as it can easily catch fire and burn near invisibly and at incredibly high temperatures.
Pina Colada
Pina Colada
One or two shots of rum may not seem much in such a large and filling drink, but its the filling that makes the real knockout punch here. Coconut cream is an incredibly high calorie and high fat liquid that when poured with sugary pineapple juice nets a single Pina Colada at 650 calories. By comparison, a whole Big Mac at Mcdonalds is a mere 576.
Egg Nog
Egg Nog
Nog may warm and fill your belly with its combination of Brandy, cream, eggs, milk, sugar, and spices, but there's a whole lot of unlealthy that comes with its rich taste. The raw (!) eggs alone in a single cup pile a hefty 367.4 mg of cholestorol into your system, which is 122% of your daily max. Add 13 grams of sugar and fat, and even a single cup will pad on your holiday jelly belly.
Four Horseman
Four Horseman
One might enjoy this warming drink's first cousin, the Three Wise Men: Johnnie Walker, Jim Beam, and Jack Daniels. Add in their evil buddy, Jose Cuervo, and this already shockingly toxic "drink" has essentially become a 4 shot package of insane proportions. This is what happens when Tennesse guys hang with Jose.
Armageddon
Armageddon
Dubbed "The World's Strongest Beer", this brew ain't messin' around in multiple areas. At a whopping 57.7% ABV, this Scottish elixir will knock you and your wallet flat for a cool $127 per bottle. I guess if the occasion calls...you'll quite an unbeereavable evening.
Nightmare
Nightmare
This "cocktail" lies low, secretly ready to completely impale your every liver cell. Mix red wine with vodka, and surprisingly, no matter how much vodka you pour in (almost), the intense taste and body of red wine will cut it eerily well. Mix wine and vodka drunk, and prepare yourself to be overtaken by the spooky nightmarish powers of this ridiculous and dangerous concoction.

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