"I was the bartender for my friend's wedding. It was pretty low key, with only close friends and family, which is great because I'm not a pro at making drinks. One guy I didn't know came up and ordered a triple jack and coke, which is odd because it's a small wedding, people usually aren't trying to get smashed on triples. After about three more, he started telling me how he used to sleep with the bride and he was going to try to do it again. After I informed him that the groom was one of my best friends and if he kept talking, I'd knock his teeth out, he asked me for 'one for the road.'
I told him, 'Screw yourself, you're cut off.'"
"Guy was over the line. I don't know if he had gotten into his friend's drinks or if another bartender had served him while I wasn't looking, but he was far gone. Hostile, screaming, poor motor control. We asked him to leave multiple times, but he refused. We tried to gently escort him out, but he resisted physically.
Finally, he said, 'If you just do a shot with me, I'll go. Just a shot. Do a shot with me.'
'All right, I'll do it,' I said.
So I poured us a couple shots of Barcadi 151 (which is 151 proof), toasted him, and threw mine over my shoulder as he shot his. His face contorted in pain and he screamed, 'WHAT DID YOU DO!?' and while he was shuddering and disoriented, we pushed him out the door and locked it behind him."
"It was this guy's 21st birthday and he was going for 21 shots. He and his friends were polite, so the bartender was cool with it. He got somewhere in the teens before he started puking in the bathroom sink while I was in there at the urinal. I followed him back to his friends, I told them what happened and that it was time for him to go. He tried to swing at me when I was explaining but fell in the process, his friends and I caught him.
To break the mood, I said, 'Dude, so many people get kicked out fighting, you can use this opportunity to crowd surf out of the bar.' He and his buddies started laughing and we all carried him out of the bar like he was crowd surfing at a concert."
"It was the night of the Ohio State/Miami National Championship Football game. Michelob Ultra was new to our bar (an Outback Steakhouse). We had a guest who had had a few too many Mich Ultras and when we decided it was time for him to stop drinking, we gave him his receipt. Unfortunately, we hadn't updated our POS system to include Ultra, so all Mich Ultras were listed as Michelob Light. He saw that and screamed out, 'I DIDN'T DRINK NO MICHELOB LIGHT!' and threw his 22 oz glass mug at the other bartender, who immediately turned around (the mug missed) and said, quite calmly, 'You need to get out of my bar!'
Jimmy, our 5'4" server in the room with us, ran over and picked this guy up by the armpits and carried him over to the back door (for To Go orders) and slammed him into the door to open it. Unfortunately, the To Go door had been locked because we were closing. He hit the door with some decent force, let out an audible, 'UNGH!' and then collapsed to the ground in pain. It must have sobered him up slightly, because he very sheepishly came back and apologized and paid for his drinks, but man was it insane for about 20 seconds or so."
"I bartended weddings in a hotel ballroom in a smaller rural town.
One particular wedding the groom and groomsmen went out to the parking lot to shotgun beers that were stashed in the groom's truck. The wedding party had already cashed in 4 kegs by 9:30 pm and the father of the bride, who was paying for it all, declined buying any more.
All of the groomsmen came back in and went back into the reception/dance. The bride storms out to the parking lot when she sees everyone but her new hubby return, then comes back in red in the face, makeup smeared and bawling her eyes out, then screams at her bridesmaids to 'go get her out of that truck!'
Bridesmaids go out and drag another bridesmaid into the hotel bathrooms and help her get back into her dress properly. Groom strolls up to the bar and orders a shot of Jack while tucking his shirt in.
We closed the bar at that exact moment."
"A guy came in one night who seemed already drunk, ordered a few beers to watch a football game, and turned into a belligerent jerk. He was pretty big, about 6' and looked to weigh about 250.
Every time the team he was rooting for made a mistake, he got more and more ticked off, and at one point, started throwing stuff like cup coasters across the room and screaming obscenities. I politely told him to calm down, and he would for a minute or two, but always with some sarcastic answer, or muttering an insult under his breath I could barely hear.
At one point, when the team he was rooting against scored a touchdown, he got up, picked up a cue stick, and chucked it across the room like a javelin. I told him he was cut off, and he started cursing at me and making threatening gestures. I'm pretty small compared to this guy, standing at only 5'9 and weighing a measly 145 lbs. As he was shouting, I just walked away, trying to avoid a physical confrontation, and he returned back to watching the game and sipping his beer.
A friend of mine, who is a Brazilian Jujitsu MMA fighter, was shooting balls around on the pool table behind him while this was going on. He is about 5'10 and weighs around 170, but he is ripped. Every time this guy would act up, my friend would look over at me and gesture towards the guy, asking me if I wanted him to escort him out. I shook my head no, thinking I could control the situation, and since the football game was nearly over, thinking he would hopefully leave once it ended.
Well, he didn't, and when his team lost, he took his beer mug and slammed it onto the bar, very hard, cracking the mug and splashing beer everywhere. At that point, I said 'You're 86'd. Get out of here and don't come back.'
He stood up and said, 'I'll stay as long as I want. What are you gonna do?' At that point, I told him to leave or I'd call the cops. That set him off, and he started walking towards me, telling me he'd break my hands before I would get the chance to dial. I took a step back right when he took a swing, which thankfully missed. Out of nowhere, I saw a fist connect with the guy's jaw, and he dropped like a sack of potatoes. My friend knocked him out cold in one swing.
The cops came, as did an ambulance, and it turned out the guy had a warrant out for his arrest for domestic violence. When the police reviewed the videotape of the incident, they patted my friend on the back and said, 'Nice punch, man.'
After that incident, I convinced my boss to hire my friend, who was jobless, as a bouncer."
"I had to cut off a Marine because he bit a woman's butt who was dancing on the bar. The bouncers escorted him outside (he was extremely intoxicated, but compliant and apologetic) and a police officer chatted with him for a few minutes before sending him off in a cab. Later the officer told us the Marine just got back from serving his second tour in Iraq, which is why he didn't get arrested."
"I worked in a bar with a concrete floor with some sort of finish over the top to make it shiny. Well, three guys walked in who were already pretty drunk. My boss came to me and said to watch out for those guys since they were already wasted. I didn't think much of it. The waitress said they wanted three mojitos. Well, three mojitos is way different than three shots of tequila, so I thought no harm in that order. Here you go. Well, I saw one guy get up and start walking towards the bathroom, which is right next to my bar. About three steps from the bathroom door, he started throwing up mid-stride. He continued walking, slipped in his own throw-up and smacked his head on the cement floor so loud that half of the bar heard it and cringed. He actually crawled through his own puke to get to the bathroom and closed the door. So I thought the logical thing to do was to go to his friends let them know their friend likely had a concussion and they should keep their eyes on him. Well as I approached the table, I noticed one of the guys had a large mint leaf on his cheek from the mojito, so all I said was, 'Your buddy threw up, slipped in it, hit his head on the concrete floor, crawled into the bathroom, likely with a concussion, and you have mint on your face, you guys are now cut off.'
His only response was to look across the table to his friend and say, 'You're buying this round because you're the jerk that did not tell me I had mint on my face.'"
"I cut off an extremely drunk guy who was supporting himself on the bar. He pulled out $30 and put it on the bar. I explained that I cannot serve him alcohol, but that I will get him some water. I pushed the money toward him so no one could take it. I came back with a glass of water. The money on the bar was now $60. He took the water, drank half, looked at it, slammed it down, and just stared at me as if I was the devil. I explained to him that the money in front of him was his. He looked at it, then at me, swore, then walked off, and didn't come back. I put the money into my pocket to return to him if he came back. He didn't."
"Back in the late '90s/early '00s, I worked at a bar and a club over a period of time. In the club, I was a DJ and thank goodness I could just shut the window to my booth whenever someone was being an idiot. But when I worked in the bar, I was a cocktail waitress/bartender/bar back (basically whatever was needed that night).
In 2005, I was working and my boyfriend came into the bar to wait for me to get off of work. This very, very drunk cougar woman kept hitting on him and trying to pull him off his stool to go dance, no matter how many times he said he wasn't interested. She was sloppy and I'd stopped serving her about an hour prior, but hadn't realized she was getting drinks from the other bartender on duty. Finally, my boyfriend told her that I was his girlfriend and he really, really wasn't interested.
She, no joke, broke her glass on the counter and tried to come at me. I picked up the first thing close by which was a cocktail tray and just slapped her in the face with it. She fell right over and we threw her out.
She wasn't just cut off, she was 86'd. Don't attack your bartender."
"I was a line cook at a restaurant that closes the kitchen an hour before the bar. My fellow kitchen mates and I were out on the deck enjoying some beers, just scanning the crowd, when we saw this huge kid, must have been on a college football team, yelling at the woman bartender about being cut off. It was a Tuesday night in the summer, so we didn't have our A-Team on as far as bouncers go, so our meek little bouncer went up and asked him to leave, which he said was not happening. The bartender covertly called the police and the restaurant manager was nowhere to be found. The guy refused to leave unless someone beats him at arm wrestling. Three guys tried, nobody beats him. The fourth guy, a tall thin kid, beat him. I guess there's a trick to arm wrestling. Anyway, the meathead stood up and pushed the kid and sent him and a bunch of plastic chairs flying in the air like the courtroom scene in Ghostbusters 2, and leaves. The cops showed up about three minutes after he left."
"It's been about ten years now since I've tended bar.
I once had a group of big guys in there one night. They had been there about 3 hours, but one of the guys hadn't got up in a while, so I didn't realize how drunk he had gotten. Anyway, it must have been his turn to buy, because he came stumbling up to the bar, almost knocking over a table on the way. He ordered a round for the table. I told him, 'I think you've probably had enough.'
He said, 'What?'
I said, 'You've had enough, you're drunk.'
His reply, and I'll never forget this, 'I'm not drunk, I work for the railroad!' Completely serious. I just stared at him for about 10 seconds. He said it again. I just walked away and his friends came up to the bar at this point and led him out the door.
It's often made me wonder what kind of training program the railroads have."
"I tended at my grandma's bar on Sundays the summer after I graduated high school. It was a run of the mill hick bar. Sundays were quiet, just a couple regulars, mostly truck drivers, drinking their bud lights and watching Monk.
One Saturday night, my grandma called and told me I had to come out and work, the regular bartender was out sick. Just so happened it was a bike night. The place was slammed. I was running around like a crazy person, probably forgetting to charge people, making a mess, freaking out. A couple of regulars were helping me here and there, mostly just telling people to calm down, they'd get their drinks when I got to them. Luckily, it was mostly just pouring drafts and opening bottles. I got a half a second and I noticed one of my Sunday regulars was wasted and being a douche, so I told him he was done. I walked away to go help someone else, and when I turned around, this guy was standing on his stool, leaning over the bar, attempting to reach in the cooler and get himself another beer. I flipped out. A guy pulled him down and took him outside, and apparently drove the guy home.
Half an hour later, we were almost completely cleared out, the guy called and asked if someone could come get him and bring him back, he's sober now. I didn't work another Saturday ever, and he and I did not have a civil relationship during the rest of my Sundays."
"One time, this group of young 20-somethings came into my bar. One of them was obviously very drunk. He couldn't make direct eye-contact and he had a severe case of the wobbles, let's call him 'Keg-Stand.' I made the whole group of people their drinks, and told Keg-Stand all I could give him was water. He complained and grudgingly took the water over to a table with his friends.
Soon after, one of the others in the group ordered two more brews, and when I wasn't paying attention, gave one of them K-Stand. After some time, I spotted him drinking and calmly walked over and took his drink away. The guy, almost by gut reaction, took a swing at me. That was a first for me, and I've been at this gig for a while.
His ended up hitting a barstool and injured his hand. Fortunately, one of my regulars grabbed him by the back of his upper-arm and we took Keg-Stand and his drink-buying friend outside.
"I was guest bartending during a university residence party at a bar when a girl comes up to me and orders a highball. We were serving a variety of $3 highballs for all the students living in residence, so I asked her exactly what kind of highball she wanted. She repeated again that she just wanted a highball in an irritated voice and gave me a look like I was the one who was stupid. I realized that she was probably a 18-year-old freshman (Alberta, Canada if you're curious), figured she didn't know much about the different types of liquors, and besides, I was busy. So I poured her a highball of tequila and milk and served it up to her with a bit of Tabasco sauce. She threw exactly $3 at me, took a few sips, and exclaimed, 'EWWWW!! YUUUUCK! I DON'T LIKE HIGHBALLSSSSS!!' Then some guy stumbles up to her, took it from her, slammed it (ice and everything), paused, and then proceeded to puke most of it back into the cup while the rest of it splattered all over her legs. He tried to brush it off as if it happened because he was 'dancing too much' and asked for a new one. I cut him off after that and the bouncers took him outside."
"I work in DC as a banquet bartender for hire. I was at a very prestigious hotel downtown that hosts many large galas that entertain celebrities and politicians alike. At these events, banquet bars are, of course, open bars so people can have as much as they like, free of charge. I was working one event that had several senators and, needless to say, some of them can drink. One senator in particular was really knocking back some Maker's Mark and was getting a bit rowdy. You could tell people were getting uncomfortable with his behavior, but it wasn't until he slapped one of the servers on the rear that I had to come out from behind my bar (which is a huge no-no in the business), grab the drink out of his hand, and sternly said, 'No more!' You could tell he felt totally emasculated and he behaved himself after that. It definitely felt great having power over one of the guys that runs our nation."
"The funniest one I saw was at our campus pub. It was one of the student organization's Boys Night Out. The theme was sailors, so we had a bar full of dudes in full sailor outfits. It was part of our job to do bathroom checks to make sure no one was passed out or puking.
So my bar manager came up to me and said he saw some dude run to the bathroom and he was pretty sure he yacked. When I went to check, I saw a closed bathroom stall that looked like somebody had murdered Barney the Dinosaur.
I knocked on the door and this sailor opened the door with a massive look of shame, red wine puke all over his chest and legs, red wine puke COVERING the toilet (tank and all), and red wine puke all over the floor.
He looked at me with big puppy dog eyes and held out his hands to get X'd (we put X's on people's hands that were cut off, we didn't kick them out unless they tried to order again). I told him he was clearly out of commission and had to go, which he was a good sport about."
"I was bartending a party on the second floor and there was a guy who showed up drunk. The family warned me to watch out for him. I gave him one drink and cut him off, telling him it was obvious he drank before he came. He then told me he was a black belt and he said, 'Who do you think you are, I have been studying martial arts for 30 years, don't mess with me.' He would walk away and come back several times with similar comments. The family told me he was indeed an instructor, but he was not 'martial arting' anyone as drunk as he was. I told him I was going to call the cops if he threatened me one more time and then he told me some choice words. He went out the side door and fell down the stairs. I saw people help him up and he was bleeding from the head. They tried to get his keys from him, but he overpowered the men downstairs, got in his car, and drove off. We called the cops and just hope nobody was hurt. So, that was fun."
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