Cold As Ice
These leaves need to spend some time behind salad bars.
A New Kind Of Coffee Break
When you just don't have the time for both, now you can take your pee and coffee breaks together in stride!
Down to the texture and even scented like her perfume, there's nothing like a dollop of Grandma on your favorite slice of bread!
What's stopping these popsicles from being proud of themselves? I'd buy one! They're fabulous!
I'm not even sure what this "translator" was even going for here.
Hair Of The Dog
The best hangover remedy tonic finally hits store shelves!
That's Some Direct Advertising
Wow. This may be the first example of heavily targeted advertising on a physical product.
For Children, By Children
It's a horror movie in a bottle!
Nuclear Almond Joys
This is clearly the choice snack of Imagine Dragons. I think I can hear the lead singer crunching in between RADIOACTIVE *crunch* RADIO-ACTIIIVE!
A New Kind Of Noodle
The translator here clearly was not using his own noodle.
The Assonance Is Real
Victoria's secret is trying out a new brand to put on the back of their pants.
100% Real Meat
Who knew a missing "G" was all it took to properly advertise the taste of a fast food burger?
A Little Brown On The Edges Never Hurts
This time, a little brown most certainly hurt. A lot.
End Of A Bad Night Munchies
Wash down your last beer with these puppies, wait a few minutes--and then all of your beers will wash back up. Perfect snack for a night full of otherwise poor choices!
That Special Shrimp
This shrimp is sure to jazz you up, addictively so.
Huh. Cola That Tastes Like Light Beer!
All you need is a few of the usual buzzwords: Superior drinkability, long-lasting refreshment, only premium ingredients, etc. and these colas may as well sell like light beer!
This Is Sausage. Nothing Else To See Here.
Perfect For Sausage Parties!