1. As a poor university student I decided to spend the remainder of my money for the term on a Chinese takeaway. The hour came when the delivery driver came to my house and handed me my order. With much excitement I took the delivery and ran upstairs and sat in my darkened room. After opening the bag I realized they delivered the wrong order. Much to my delight there was copious amounts of food. I started to eat the wide selection of items in the order until I received a phone call from the Chinese. They had realized they had delivered the wrong order. I started to ignore the phone calls until there was a loud banging at the front door. They had come to collect the food. I shamelessly spend the next 20 minutes hiding in my house with the lights turned off eating my way through a buffet selection for 6 people whilst the banging became louder and more erratic. Hiding in fear from a delivery man in shame is not how i envisaged spending my Friday night.
2. I ate half of a cake once when I should have only one piece. I was horrified and didn't want anyone to know, so I finished the cake, baked a whole new one, forced myself to eat the one allowed piece.
Then I barfed in the middle of dinner.
3. Ever heard of a Scotch egg? I make a dessert version using spice cake wrapped around a Cadburry egg and deep fried. Served with butter cream frosting as "gravy". It's absolutely delicious, but everyone within a 10 meter radius gets diabetes
4. I told my wife I was going to the gym, but somehow I ended up going to McDonald’s instead. I ate my cheeseburgers in a parking lot, and waited a little while until it seemed long enough for a workout. When I got home, I poured water on my head and shirt to look like I had been sweating. That is the absolute saddest and fattest thing I have ever done.
5. I ate two pans of brownies in less than an hour. I didn't even realize that I'd eaten that much until I saw the two empty pans. I regret nothing.
6. Bought a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Parked somewhere where there was no one around (didn't want to go home for my girlfriend to see). Ate in silence…well there was some soft moaning.
7. Got the wrong order from a southern chicken restaurant called Zaxby's, ate it angrily, then drove to the adjacent city and went to THAT Zaxby's, ordered it again, got the right order, and then ate that angrily, too. It cost me about $17, not counting gas. It wasn't even good. I must be descended from some fat, spoiled noble who couldn't handle an unsatisfying meal and tormented his poor cooks.
8. Anniversary time. Wife and I walk four blocks down the hill to the House of Prime Rib. We gorge on meat meat meat meat meat meat meat. Oh yeah, there's a salad and we eat that too. Groaning with pleasure, we waddle out of the restaurant. Look up the hill. We can see our apartment. I look at her. She looks at me. We hail a cab.
9. A double hamburger, with the ends made of grilled cheese sandwiches. Grilled Cheese Patty Bun Patty Grilled Cheese I could literally feel my arteries clogging.
10. When the Double-Down from KFC came to Canada, I bought two. I ate the first one and felt disgusted with myself. So then I bought a steak quesadilla from Taco Bell and wrapped it around the other one and hatefully consumed it.
11. I ate a ham. A whole f**king ham.
12. I once ate almost an entire bucket of those cheese balls then I sat there in my orange shame reflecting on the choices I've made. To keep my fingers from getting orange and gross, I eat them with a shame spoon.
13. I did what's called a bang-bang. I ate at two completely separate restaurants, and had two full meals, back to back. I'll never do it again. I gained eight pounds that day.
14. At McDonald’s I get 6 McDoubles with no bun and stack two together so I am eating three 4 patty sandwiches.
15. There was a shitty movie on the TV and I wanted to change the channel but the remote wasn't anywhere near me. I watched the movie.
16. I once ordered a 20 piece McNugget from McDonald's, and realized there were actually only 19 nuggets. I was in a pissy mood already, so I went back and made a big deal out of it, and they gave me a whole new 20 piece, leaving me with 39 total nuggets, all of which I ate in one sitting.
17. My ex-boyfriend and I decided to celebrate our 4 year anniversary by staying in bed all day while eating pizza. It was perfect.
18. It might not count because I was massively pregnant but I woke up in the middle of the night, poured an entire box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch into a big glass bowl, threw in a bag of marshmallows, drizzled it with melted butter and then put it in the microwave to melt the marshmallows. I then watched Dexter for 2 hours and ate the whole thing while crying.
19. Phoning for pizza delivery. "It’s buy one get one free today, sir." So naturally, I pretend to shout up to non-existent housemates to ask them if they want one, before telling the guy on the end of the phone that, yes, "we" will take two. Ate both in one sitting.
20. I bought a 2L carton of milk and a box of double stuff Oreos, drank enough milk to put the entire package of Oreos into the carton. Then I proceeded to walk around the mall eating/drinking Oreo sludge.
