These pizza place workers tell the stories of their most insane customers.
He Had To Deliver To This Customer’s Window, And That’s Not The Worst Part…
“Basically, this man is morbidly obese and doesn’t bother to move, so he does his business in a jar that he pours out the window, which his chair is next to. He places an order from our store every month or so, and we deliver. To. The. Window. I’ve cleaned outhouses that smelled more sanitary than Window Guy’s driveway.”
“I Made A Note On His Account That He Could Be Violent”
“I went to a middle-class home in a nice enough area on the outskirts of our delivery area. I got a $5 tip, awesome. Just as I’m about to leave the customer informs me he received an 8-piece wing when he ordered 16-piece, an easy enough fix so I called the store and had another order put in. I brought more wings back and JUST as I’m about to get in my car I hear the most threatening, ‘What about my five dollars?’
‘…Your five dollars?’
‘Yeah, I’m gonna need that back.’
What a jerk, but ok fine. I gave him his $5 back and I’m about halfway to my car when – ‘RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! SCREW THIS DAY!’ This dude bellows at the sky at the top of his LUNGS and I just book it out of there. If you’re having a bad day then fine, be a little less cheerful I don’t care, but don’t take it out on other people. It seriously shook me enough that I made a note on his account that he could be violent.”
Waiting Five Minutes Is Impossible For This Customer
“We had a customer that was absolutely terrible – would always complain that it was late about 5 minutes after he ordered (carryout, so he stayed in the lobby and whined the whole time). Once he complained these girls got their’s first and he’s been there for 45 minutes. The assistant manager physically shows his order and shows it was placed 5 minutes ago. When he gets his food he complains that we were racist for putting his pizza in a black box (I kid you not, our pan pizzas only come in black boxes). He’s Latino and so is the manager so that was doubly stupid. He then demands to see a manager and my manager walks away, turns his hat around (he wears it facing backward) walked back out and said, ‘What do you want.’
Not only did the customer leave without another word but his friend apologized for his behavior.”
A Pizza Brawl
“I had a delivery and an older guy, maybe 50 or 60, answered the door and he was confused. He said, ‘We didn’t order pizza!’ Looked back at his wife and asked her if she ordered pizza and she said no. Now I start to get concerned but it wouldn’t be the first time I went to the wrong house so I checked my delivery info. I confirmed I was at the right address and his name was on the order, but he was adamant that he didn’t order the pizza.
Usually, at about this time I would try to deduce what the problem is. Is there anyone else in the house who might have ordered? Did we get the address wrong? What is going on? But this guy knew exactly what the problem was. He stepped out of his house and said, ‘Follow me,’ and we started walking over to the neighbor’s house across the street. In my head, I’m thinking, ‘Oh, maybe his son ordered pizza and is hanging out across the street.’
But then the guy says, ‘This jerk is playing games,’ which really threw me. And then he said, ‘This guy keeps messing with me. He stole my wife’s social security check out of my mailbox, and now he’s ordering pizzas to my house. We had a Pizza Hut guy and a Hungry Howies guy already.’ Right then I knew this was not going to end well, but I was too curious to not see where this was going.
We start walking over and if I can set the scene real quick: it’s a cold day in Michigan with maybe a foot of snow covering the grass and the sidewalks are a little slippery from a little snow/rain from the previous day. And I’m also in a neighborhood where people aren’t as diligent about picking up snow / mowing their lawns (speaks to the character of the people involved in what’s about to happen).
So I follow this guy over to the door and this tall skinny dude, maybe 19 or 20 years old, answers the door. Immediately I could sense the tension and knew the situation was not going to be pleasant. The old guy starts screaming and saying, ‘You better stop ordering pizza to my house,’ and, ‘I know you stole my check!’ The kid is just yelling back things like, ‘You’re crazy!’ and ‘Get off my property!’
At this point, I realized that I’m probably not going to get paid for this pizza, so I start backing up and out of this conflict but I couldn’t look away. Things were heating up and I wanted to hang out and see what happened.
That’s when the magic words every man recognizes were uttered. ‘I’ll kick your butt right here,’ said the old man. The kid stepped out from behind his screen door and did the ol’ ‘yea what are you gonna do’ move and stuck out his chest and got his face right into the old mans. Then the old man threw a sort of halfhearted punch/push and this kid dodged it and starts wailing on the old man. He threw a quick one-two and the old man started stumbling backward and lost his balance in the snow but he got back up and rushed him. Probably not a good move, because the kid caught him with a couple more, but I admired the old man’s tenacity.
I was struggling with whether or not to jump in and break it up because I felt bad for the old guy but there were a couple things stopping me: 1) I’m not much of a break it up kind of guy, I’m more of an egg-on and watch guy, 2) Neither of these guys were actually my customer, so I didn’t really have a dog in the fight. The one guy didn’t really order and the other guy’s order was fake, so in my pizza delivery mind I was thinking ‘screw em both,’ 3) I didn’t want to risk my job or criminal charges if I got involved and ended up hurting someone by accident or not and 4) At this point I had backed up pretty far and it was really slippery so I was not about to run back over there.
Luckily for my conscience, the kid’s dad had heard the commotion and came out to break it up. The dad was clearly a person who let his son get away with murder because after it was over, instead of apologizing to his neighbor for the crazy behavior of his son, he was like, ‘You better get out of here before it gets worse.’ And the son was like ‘Yea I messed you up you wimp,’ to an old man. Loser kid stealing from his neighbors and acting like a king all while still living at home – screw this guy. I felt bad for the old man, but he probably shouldn’t have started stuff with a way younger kid like that.
I got in my car and went back to the store with a great story to tell. The old man ended up calling the store later and asking me if I would back him up that the kid threw the first punch. I wasn’t going to lie to the cops if I was questioned, but I told him I would back him up because I felt bad for him. Luckily nothing ever came of it.”
A Bizarre Proposition
“I was 20 years old at the time, engaged and this was the first job I had ever gotten in my life. This incident happened nearly 2 months after working at the store.
It’s 10:30 at night and I was on my last delivery run, which happened to be a double delivery. I took my first delivery with no problems at all, and once I get done there, I realize that the next delivery is an apartment complex in a rather wealthy part of town and I was hopeful it was going be good with the tip.
So I get there, and since they are enclosed apartment buildings (meaning you have to go inside to find the apartment), I had to call the woman to come get her food due to our store policy. So I call and it goes to voicemail which isn’t a surprise given the fact I have an out-of-area area code. So I call again and the woman answers and I can instantly tell she had been crying. I ask her to come outside and she comes out to sign the receipt. She has eye-liner streaking down her face from all her tears and it’s obvious something was REALLY bothering her and had been for awhile.
I freeze because I instantly knew that something seriously wrong was going on. So being the caring person I am, I say, ‘Hey, I know it may not be my place, but is everything alright? It’s OK if you don’t want to tell me, but I’m just concerned.’ She looks at me with a thousand yard stare, breaks down a little more and says, ‘About 30 minutes ago I found out my husband is cheating on me with some 18-year-old and I am a little distraught right now.’
I didn’t know what to do, so I told her the usual, ‘It’ll be alright. He seems like a jerk and he doesn’t deserve you anyway,’ and other things to kind of make her feel better. She asks for a hug and thanked me very much and ended up giving me a $7 tip. Here’s where things get weird: I turn around and start walking towards my car and I hear her ask, ‘Do you want to fool around with me?’
Instantly, a lot of thoughts go through my head. 1) I’m engaged, 2) Nobody would ever know about it, 3) This is literally the epitome of most online adult video openings and many other 20 year old’s thoughts. Considering she was one of the hottest girls to have ever offered to fool around with me before, it took all I had to turn around and say as sincerely as possible, ‘Look, given any other circumstance I would say yes in a heartbeat, but as of right now, you are not in the right state of mind and I would rather you not make any decisions you would regret later after you calm down. Plus, I am engaged right now and the last thing I would want to do is put my girl in the same situation. So I am going to have to say no and I hope you respect my decision.’
She looked at me and motioned me to come over and to hand her the receipt back. I handed it to her and she said, ‘There aren’t too many more guys out there like you anymore and I really do appreciate it. I admire you for saying no, so here you go.’ That $7 tip ended up turning into $30 and I tried to convince her to bring it down but she refused and walked right back into her building. I was befuddled the entire drive back and had both the angel and devil shoulders arguing back and forth, but I was proud of what I did.”
He Is Haunted By One Customer’s Feet
“His feet. My god. I have seen ashy, I have seen crusty, but they looked like concrete growing mold. On top of ordering a ton of food for himself, every time I delivered, he never tipped, took forever to answer the door, AND had the audacity to present his nasty godforsaken dust busters in my presence.”
He Had To Get A Tetanus Shot
“So I used to work as a driver for a chain that is well known for its deep dish pizza. I worked there for about half a year and had no real incidents happen until I took this horrible delivery on a slow day. So, I’m driving to this house that’s in a pretty nice suburb – nice cars and big houses. I go up to the door and give it a solid knock (people have issues hearing in their huge houses). Next thing I know this huge boxer runs up and hits the door and scares the daylights out of me. I laugh it off and just wait for the owner while this dog barks his head off at me. The customer opens the door and I had him the receipt.
As soon as he hands it back to me signed the dog slowly circled behind him and bites my arm! I just try to protect the pizza and keep this dog from biting my crotch. The guy then pushes the dog down. I stand there dumbfounded when he tells the dog to go inside and guess what? IT ATTACKS ME AGAIN! He then pushes the dog inside.
Here’s our talk afterward:
Customer: ‘I’m sorry he’s never done that before.’
Me: ‘Yeah that was a little crazy huh. Well here’s your pizza, I hope it’s okay.’
He gives me a couple extra bucks ‘for the trouble’ even though his dog ripped into my arm. I head back to store and explain to my manager who is just shocked about what happened as I was. I ended up going to the doctors to get the bite looked and a tetanus shot for good measure (heck yeah workers comp).”
She Gave The Vaguest Directions
“I had one customer who didn’t know her (home) address but tried to give me directions. Except her directions were something like, ‘You just go by the gas station, turn right, drive a few blocks, turn left, and then it’s like a mile down and you turn left again, then right, and then it’s a blue house.’ No street names, no specific number of blocks, not even the name of the gas station (there’s at least 10 in town).”
He Delivered To A Mini Evil Genius
“This happened probably eight or nine months ago when I was relatively new to my job. I delivered to a house where it was obvious that the parents weren’t home. So the kid opens the door and if I have to make a guess he’s around 9 years old. He hands me like $17 for a $16 order and then stops me and pulls $5 out of his back pocket. I was relieved because that meant the parents actually left him a tip. But as he’s pulling it out, I can see him thinking super hard, like very, very hard. He slowly reaches his hand out to me before the bill is literally an inch from my hand, then audibly goes, ‘Hmmmmmm. Nah.’ And puts it back into his pocket at light speed. After getting over the fact the kid played me, I thought it was kind of funny.”
The Most Difficult Transaction
“I have a double going to the dorms. Luckily though the first one went as fine as it could. I called while entering the parking lot, they came down within like a minute, signed for the pizza, stiffed me, business as usual.
This second one, though… First off, the parking for this place is horrible. Mind you these buildings are, like, 20 stories tall so there’s a LOT of people living here. However, there’s like, no parking. It’s a decent enough walk to go from the road to the dorm and I don’t even see a parking lot anywhere. Somehow they make it work, but whatever.
I actually called these people right when I finished the first delivery, so that bought me some more time. However, as always, when I get there, the people aren’t there. That’s fine, I don’t care anymore, I’ve accepted that life is awful.
So after like three minutes, these two girls walk down and walk towards me. Nobody really says hi to me when they’re in the dorms, they just kind of walk towards me and stare at me. No, ‘Are you here for [name]’ or ‘Hi this is probably for us,’ just this weird sort of, ‘You should somehow know that it’s me.’
So this is about average. I pull the food out and then I give them the total, it is something like $22.44.
This is when the world decides to show me its true wrath.
I’ll try to accurately explain this.
So the first girl hands me a wad of change. She says something to the extent of, ‘This is $2.44.’
Preparing to get ‘pranked,’ I simply say, ‘You’re gonna need to give me more than that.’
The second girl enters the game. She hands me another wad of quarters, not saying anything. I’m hoping at some point that someone pulls out some bills or something, or I can just go home and take the pizza with me.
Another moment of silence. I look obviously annoyed, so this one is slightly shorter.
Then the first girl hands me a $10 bill.
Then the second girl hands me a $20 bill.
I’m befuddled. I have no clue what to do at this point, I’m handling like a ton of change and crumpled up bills, but I’m not really in the mood to try to piece things together.
‘Do you guys need any change today?’
The classic, ‘What the heck?’ look came from both of them as if I was stupid for asking them for change, and I should just automatically give it to them. Decent enough.
‘How much change do you need today?’
Another look of confusion before they look at each other, and look back at me.
‘Okay, so I need $9 and she needs $3’ one of the girls says.
I look at them. Then I look at the pile of change, then I look at them again while they stand there, expressionless.
‘Oh, okay, so I can probably give you back this change then…’
I attempt to hand them the change. Their hands do not accept. I was tempted to just kind of force it into their hands on the side of their body, but I don’t feel like getting screamed at.
So I pull out my bank, divvy out their change, and just kinda stand there looking at this mess of change and bills.
I’ve never screamed in my car, but I’m sure the entire campus heard a relatively muffled cursing as I sat in my car, trying to process this entire situation
Why do people do this? Why do people stare at me like I’m stupid when I can’t figure out their payment system that makes no sense. Why can’t people figure this out BEFORE I get there?
I don’t know if this is just a new thing. When I was in my undergrad and people wanted pizza, we usually would all sit down, go online, look at the price, group all the money together, and give it to one person and either tell them how much change we need or give a decent tip.
I hate to use cliches but honestly how do people get into college like this?”
This Annoying Customer Ordered All The Time
“There’s this guy who used to order from us nearly every day. He was a hoarder, took forever to get to the door because he has knee problems, was rather fat, had stains all over his clothes, stank of piss, never tipped, and while he was never angry, he always seemed to be in a bad mood. He ordered so frequently that at one point, one of the managers noticed he hadn’t ordered in a while, so he took a free order to him just to check on him, and when he didn’t answer, he had the police check on him a while later.
Eventually, he started ordering again, but less frequently and with less food per order. He had lost a noticeable amount of weight, and he was nicer and more talkative, and he started tipping some, but he still smelled like piss and took forever to get to the door. A lot of the other drivers say he is still mean to them and doesn’t tip though, so maybe he just likes me as I try to be nice to him. I just wish that I didn’t have to put roll-on perfume under my nose each time I deliver to him (I highly recommend all drivers get something that smells nice to counter those stinky houses).”
Three Strikes, The Pizza Is Out
“It was really busy, with calls just coming in. My coworker picked up the phone and got probably the weirdest/funniest call of the night.
Coworker: ‘Thank you for calling [pizza place], this is CW how can I help you?’
Weird Lady: ‘Hey, I’d like a calzone.’
CW: ‘Unfortunately, we’re actually out of calzone skins.’ And this is where things start getting weird.
WL: (Makes buzzing sound) ‘THATS STRIKE ONE! Do ya got any sandwiches?’
CW: ‘We actually stop serving them after 3 pm.’
WL: (Buzzes once again” ‘STRIKE TWO!!! Do ya got any specials tonight?’
CW: ‘Since it’s a Saturday, we actually don’t.’
WL: (Buzzes AGAIN) ‘THATS STRIKE THREE AND YOU’RE OUT!’ Then she hangs up. It was a bit odd “
Guess Why This Guy’s Location No Longer Delivers
“We used to deliver at our location, we unfortunately/fortunately do not deliver anymore due to a variety of circumstances. So this customer would order online. Eventually, I knew the name and the address as the guy ordered once a week or every other week. But with this guy, whenever I saw the address I got upset, not because he tipped like garbage, he wasn’t rude, actually a really nice guy, but whenever I delivered to him, all he had on were boxers. And this man was probably 6′ tall, 400 pounds. Just a massive wall of a man, just hanging out with his underwear. Like I understand that it’s your house, and you can literally do whatever you want when you want, but c’mon man, just put clothes on for the 30 seconds that I’m at the door.”
One Small Detail Set This Customer Off
“So Dominos has been selling this new line of garlic, parmesan, and cinnamon sugar bread twists lately. They’re all made the same way with the same dough, they just put different seasoning on them after they’re done baking.
So I had an order for delivery of a large pie and one parmesan and one cinnamon sugar bread twists. I show up to the door and give the guy his food, which he brings to his table and glances over. I hear some subtle ‘What the…’ then he comes back with a face as red as a tomato and the Cinnamon sugar bread twists in his hand. ‘This is the same exact thing as the parmesan ones! What am I paying for?!’
Me: ‘Sir these have icing dipping and the other ones have tomato sauce.’
Him: ‘Yea, but they’re basically the same bread. You can’t just make them sweet and call it a different thing!’
Me: ‘I don’t know what u want me to say…’
Him: ‘Would you eat sliced bread with icing?’
Me: ‘No but the Cinnamon sug-‘
Him: ‘Cut the crap, I’m not paying for this. You tried to rob me.’
He then hands me $25 and shuts the door. Jokes on you man, I didn’t have time to give you the receipt before you yelled in my face. The twists were $2 each so the receipt read $22. Didn’t think he meant to tip me but oh well.”