It's fair to say that food delivery is not always the most rewarding of career options. However, it's an honest way to make a living and most of the time, it's pretty straightforward.
Occasionally, though, your customers just aren't the greatest of people...
(Content edited for clarity.)
A Very Frightening Situation
“Once while delivering pizza on the south side of Chicago, I had a stop in a particularly bad area with an order of like 5 pizzas. I walk up 5 flights of stairs to this horrid housing project and knock on my door. A very large (6’6″+ 300lb) man opens the door to an apartment filled with a dozen gang bangers and smiles and asks me if I’d ever been robbed. I said no and he pulled a weapon on me and said you have now. I started to reach for my wallet, hoping I’d walk out of this with my life when he pulled the trigger and sprayed me in the face with water. He gave me a $20 tip, which I spent on buying new pants.”
When You Deliver Shame
“I deliver organic produce in Ohio. Our clientele is mostly upper-class people because organic food + delivery fees are quite pricey. On my pick sheet, I have an area for each client where they can put special delivery instructions. For example, they may want their box placed out of street view or on their back porch.
One day, I was making my way through route, listening to the Joe Rogan podcast when I looked down at my next customer’s information to see the following special instructions:
‘PLEASE DO NOT MAKE YOUR PRESENCE KNOWN DURING DELIVERY.’
I took this to mean I should be quiet when approaching the house and setting the box down, no big deal. It turns out, what she meant is that I should park down the road and walk to her house so that her neighbors don’t know she receives deliveries ‘from the help.’ I was embarrassed — for her, not me — but I played it cool and tried to leave.
We have communication software we can use on the route, and I let them know to make a note of this customer. Two weeks later, the same thing happened to another driver, but she called the cops and the driver later told me she told him it was due to his race. Crazy world we live in.”
Four Of The Best…Or Worst
“There are too many stories to narrow it down to just one, so here are a couple just off the top of my head.
- This 40-year-old lady we deliver to happens to be paralyzed from the waist down, so she needs help getting the pizza into her room. This wouldn’t be a big deal except she often doesn’t have her pants pulled all the way up when she opens the door. First few times I just assumed it was because her caregiver wasn’t around and she had some issues after using the bathroom. Just keep eyes up and get in and out as fast as possible and everything is all good, right? The problem was her room always had a strange smell that I could never quite pin down. I finally figured it out after she ‘forgot’ to put away her intimate toys. She would start her personal sessions when she’d order her food and got bolder and bolder with the drivers when they arrived. Luckily I was allowed to blacklist her personally after discovering her collection. She wasn’t fully blacklisted until she started touching herself and blocked a driver from leaving with her wheelchair. He freaked out and ended up quitting a few weeks later.
- A different driver had a weapon pulled on him when the guy answered the door. He was wasted and apparently someone had broken into his house the week before and he forgot he ordered delivery.
- Another driver had a guy berate him for his ‘tone of voice’ while at the door. The driver had spent five minutes trying to get the guy to hear his knocking because of the loud music playing and was irritated. Mr. Customer yelled something at the driver as he was leaving and didn’t appreciate the lack of response, so he chased him back to the store in his Lexus. Even in a normal situation that’s terrifying, but this dude was hammered beyond belief and could barely stay on the road. No accidents thankfully, and he couldn’t get inside the store, so he called the store and screamed at the manager and said the driver was yelling racist threats at him the whole delivery. He demanded we let the driver outside to ‘get what he deserves.’ Instead, we called the cops, and he drove off before they got there.
The saddest part about all of this is I delivered to that same guy a couple of months beforehand on New Year’s Eve, and he was about finished with a bottle of Jack and bawling his eyes out. I asked if he was okay, and he went into how his daughter was killed in a car accident and his despair caused him to lose his job at the University and then eventually his marriage after failing to cope. His savings were dwindling, and he said it was his first New Year’s celebration alone. I gave him a hug and offered my condolences. His spiral took him even further down into the abyss.
- Lastly, right around Christmas time, this woman was shopping in the mall and ordered food to be delivered to the food court area. I reluctantly took the order, assuming the lady was on the up and up. When I got there, I called the phone number and a guy answered. I went with my bit about how this was pizza delivery, and I was at the food court, and he said, ‘Oh, hey, this is DudeGuy at the T-Mobile kiosk, that lady’s phone died, and she asked to use ours to place the order.’ After sharing my displeasure with the idiocy of this situation, I decided to just sort of wander around the giant food court hoping someone would pipe up that it was her. After that genius plan didn’t work, I give up and called the store to see if she had tried to contact them at all before leaving, which was a negative.
Just as I decided to give up, my phone rang, and it was DudeGuy from T-Mobile. ‘Hey man, that lady was walking by and I flagged her down and explained that you were here with her food, here she is.’ ‘Hi, they said it wouldn’t be here until 8:30, so I’m on my way, can you wait by the movie theater?’ I, of course, remained as professional as possible and said, ‘Yeah, well it’s currently 8:38 and I’ve been here for almost 15 minutes at this point, but as long as it won’t be too long, then yes, I’ll be by the theater.’ After another five minutes, she came walking by with a huge frown on her face and explained that she had a long day and was exhausted and that her food better be hot. I said it was as warm as could be expected after deciding to order to a place with thousands of people, no way to contact her, not being at the discussed delivery location even 10 minutes after said delivery time, and that any other driver would’ve left 10 minutes ago but I’m stubborn like that. She then sighed and said, ‘Well, it is Christmas time, so I won’t complain to your manager, but next time, try to keep the food hot,’ and then gave me $2 on her $60 order and wished me well.”
Her Plan Was Savage
“I was delivering a mobile order for Papa Johns and it was really late. When she answered the door she was incredibly hot and was only wearing panties and a jacket with no zipper (horrible design flaw in my opinion). She had to hold it closed to not expose herself, and she seemed very confused. I said, ‘Hello Ms.[name on order]! Sorry about the wait, here’s your pizza.’
That was when she said, ‘Oh… she’s not supposed to be home for another four hours…’
She could tell that I was wondering why her roommate would order a pizza four hours early and she said ‘…my girlfriend…’ Then another incredibly attractive woman sits up from the couch in the living room completely naked and stretches.
Her girlfriend knew that she was cheating on her and ordered her (and her mistress) a pizza as a passive-aggressive way to show that she knew. I had to deliver that kind of poison. I had her sign her girlfriend’s credit card receipt so that we could both be rid of that situation (for the time being).”
The Shocking Reason It Took Them A While To Answer The Door
“I was delivering a pizza and after I knocked on the door, I heard a faraway voice yell ‘coming!’ So I waited. After about a minute, I hear the same voice a little closer yell ‘almost there just wait!’ This continues for several minutes, with the voice coming closer and closer until the person finally reaches the door and opens it. I’m expecting to see someone at eye level, however, instead I’m greeted by a smiling person on the floor who had no legs and dragged themselves across the house to answer the door. I offered to put the pizza inside for them in the kitchen and they were pretty appreciative.”
His Outfit Wasn’t The Strangest Part
“I was a Chinese food delivery girl back in high school.
A mid to late fifty-year-old man cames to the door in an opened towel robe wearing Spider-Man undies.
He opened the door very casually and honestly, I didn’t think much of his undies.
What was really funny was from the other room I hear what I assumed to be his wife call out, ‘Is that Chinese or Pizza? Did I win?!’
The man saw the white plastic bag and sighed. ‘You won.’
As he was closing the door after giving a generous tip, all I could hear was a celebratory ‘WOOOO’ from the woman.”
He Had To Convince The Customer That He Was Delivering PIZZA
“Years ago, I delivered for a place that tried to bill themselves as gourmet pizza. Since they were so ‘classy,’ the drivers’ uniforms were a tuxedo shirt and bow tie. I had the misfortune of delivering to two separate bachelorette parties in my time at this company, and on both occasions, the middle-aged ladies refused to believe I was not the exotic dancer. When I handed them the pizzas, they still tried to pay me to take my clothes off.
I know it sounds like it would be awesome, but it was beyond awkward. Mortifying. I could not get out of there fast enough.”
His True Intentions
“Before I even got the delivery, my manager told me something was weird about it because the guy wanted us to call before I delivered the food.
I arrived at the house and called the number, and the guy told me to come to the door and ring the bell. Okay fine. An elderly woman answered the door and he told me to hand the phone to her, so I did. She started yelling and screaming at the guy on the phone telling him she had a restraining order and she changed her phone number and everything. She was upset and crying. She hung up and told me how he lived in another state and was insane. I guess this was the only way he could think of getting to talk to her. Weirdest delivery I have ever made.”
Bad Customers Come In So Many Different Forms
- “I had someone order the ‘Extravaganza’ (basically every topping ever) from Dominos with triple toppings. I told him it wouldn’t cook, and the manager told him it wouldn’t cook. He said it was fine. We put it through the oven two times, the crust was burnt. I dropped it off, came back, and got a call. Apparently, it didn’t cook and he wanted a refund. The manager just had him banned from all Dominos locations in our area instead.
- I had a wasted lady try and put the change in my pocket herself, in front of her family.
- I went to a house that had a prank call for three extra large pizzas. Three drivers from other restaurants showed up, and the owner was confused as they hadn’t ordered food. I took my pizzas back to the store, took a call from a lady throwing a kid’s birthday party at a nearby swimming pool, and sold her the three pizzas at a hefty discount.
- I took three calls from a guy looking for a girl who had clearly given him our number instead of hers the night before. Gave him a discount ‘heartbreaker’ deal I came up with on the spot.
- I took multiple school lunch deliveries to elementary schools, sometimes in other towns that don’t have a pizza place, would haul a couple hundred personal pizzas in, never got tipped once, and the volunteers would just stare at me like I should have moved it all from my car in to the gym in one trip and serve it for them.”
There Are No Perks Of The Job For Women Drivers
“This one guy ordered from us a few times a week and always wanted me to deliver, and he knew how long it usually took to get there. He decided to jump in the shower while he waited, getting all soaped up. I pulled up to the apartment building and saw him glance out the window. When I knocked on the door, a 75-year-old man answered with nothing on but the suds from his shower and an open robe. I needed so much mind bleach after that.”
Apparently, It Doesn’t Pay To Be Early
“I delivered pizza to a house, the instructions said to open the gate and go into the backyard and knock on the back door. Now, I was really early. I showed up at their door probably about 12-15 minutes after they had placed the order as we were very slow. As I entered the backyard, I heard really loud moaning coming from the open window and realized the customers were getting it on. I’m not the one to ruin a good time, so I decided to wait until they finish before I knock on the door. I just stood there in their backyard with a pizza in my hand for a good 10 minutes. One of their neighbors heard what was going on and saw me in there and decided to pop outside and just stand there staring at me the whole time, maybe making sure that I’m not stealing anything? Anyway, most awkward 10 minutes of my life.”
The Tip Nobody Ever Asked For
“I had this delivery once to a hospital. Some guy bought a bunch of pizzas for his family who I’m guessing was visiting a patient. He ordered eight larges, which came out to exactly $100.
I pulled up and there were four men, one very hefty and waving around a $100 bill as I drove into the loading area of the hospital. Before I could open my trunk to get the pizzas, they started crowding around me like vultures. I said to the large man, ‘Do you want me to unload all these pizzas to these guys?’
He stammered for a bit and said, ‘No, take them to the cafeteria.’ His minions scattered like roaches.
At this point, I assumed he would just meet me in the cafeteria, but he handed me the $100 and said, ‘I’ll show you how to get there’ and went to my passenger door, opened it and got inside.
Me being a non-confrontational dude, I thought maybe he would tip me well for going through hoops for him. Well, as we went around the building, I noticed him shift his weight in his seat and then he ripped a HUGE juicy fart.
The large man didn’t even have the decency to shoot it away from me, he just launched it in my general direction without thinking. I remember slowing down and turning to him in shock. He just kept his eyes forward the whole time, acting like he didn’t just rip one up in a stranger’s car. Thank god I had my windows open that day.
He ends up making me haul all eight pizzas by myself into this crowded cafeteria. When I was finished unloading, I knew deep down he wasn’t going to tip, but I stood there looking at him as he was looking down/away from me. I grew a little mini-pair at that moment and politely asked, ‘Do you maybe have one or two dollars you could give to me for helping you out?’
He just sat there not making eye contact with me, shook his head and said, ‘Nah.’ I remember a security guard was sitting right there and I looked at him and he had this shocked look on his face as well. I just shrugged and left. Cheapskates will be cheapskates.”
A Very Strange 15 Minutes
“This was in my first month of delivering pizzas. I pull up to a 4 plex (2 floors, 2 apartments per floor) and knock on the correct door. After a minute, an old scruffy Russian sounding guy answers the door and says ‘How much?’ I told him the total and he walks off to get money.
I look over to my right and can see the top of his wife’s head poking over the back of a recliner. She is gabbing away with a friend on the phone going on and on. After a minute or two of listening to her wondering what is taking this guy so long, I hear a change jar being emptied on the counter. ‘This guy seriously is about to pay me with all change and doesn’t even have it counted? CRAP!’ I sighed hard.
So here I am, listening to this old lady blabbing on, not understanding pretty much anything she is saying, while I can hear the old man scooting change around as he counts it. Finally, after a solid 5+ minutes of standing there, the man walks out and says something to his wife in a foreign language. She rotates the chair around so I can clearly see her and there is no phone. I immediately stuck my head inside looking for a phone. I can see the table by the chair is empty, and there is nothing in her hands, on her lap, on the floor. I looked everywhere for this phone. There wasn’t one. She was literally talking to herself/the wall.
I started going crazy in my head wondering what was going on. She starts talking to the air again and turns her chair back towards the wall. The guy goes and grabs the money, and hands me a bag. It was filled with nickles and dimes. There was not one quarter or silver dollar or anything. I just looked at him, bewildered, then to her, mouth slightly agape wondering what was happening. ‘Is 20 cents for you.’
I said nothing. I turned around with my bag of changed and walked back to my car. The whole thing took about 15 minutes, most of which was spent with me standing in a wide open door in the middle of summer listening to a crazy old lady talk to the wall.”
The Unexpected Changes Almost Ruined A Family Meal
“I make deliveries for Red Rooster, a chicken shop in Australia. We had an order come through for one of our family meals: chips, chicken, gravy, and a soft drink. The order was paid through PayPal, and as soon as the order came through, we got a call from a man saying he just placed his order and wanted to change the order to two chickens and three family chips. We told him that because he paid online, he would have to pay the difference in cash when we got there. He said that was fine, and we confirmed the order.
I got to the door and asked for the money first, and the customer had no idea what was going on. It was a little unit on a subdivided lot with a couple of kids, a mom in her mid-20s, and a middle-aged man. I asked where the man was that called up the store and they had no idea. I explained that someone called up and changed the order. It turns out the wife had recently divorced her ex-husband who lived across the city and still had access to her emails, and when he saw the delivery receipt email, he decided to call up the store and change it to mess with her.
I gave them the option to either take the food or I would go back and make their original order; they decided to accept it and gave me the difference. I felt bad for them, so I told them I would make a note at the store about calling the number on the delivery receipt before accepting any changes to orders.”
His Boss Wanted To Make It Special For A Reason
“One of our semi-regulars called to place an order of eggplant parmesan right before closing. My boss was a little worse for wear and bored, so he decided to make this meal look fabulous while I was cleaning in the back. I took the delivery to the guy and came back. No big deal, except I saw my boss on the phone, crying.
Apparently, the dude had ordered this as his possible last meal before going in for bone marrow transplant surgery the next morning. He had called to thank us for receiving a meal that looked just like the way his grandmother used to make it.
The guy did make it! He called us back two weeks later and ordered the same thing and we gave it to him for free. He tipped the dude who delivered with the $20 he was going to pay for it as well.”
Some Things Are Best Kept Private
“One of my first deliveries as a driver was to this guy’s house who all the other drivers were laughing about when I was handed his order and the ticket.
I got there and knock on the door and I heard a raspy ‘come in.’ I pretended I didn’t hear it and knocked a few more times but he just kept saying come in.
I finally opened the door, and I didn’t see him anywhere, so I just said, ‘Hello?’
He pushed the door at me trying to close it. He was sitting at a desk that was hidden behind his door when it was open. It was a man, probably in his 50s but looked much older due to smoking, which his house reeked of.
He told me to put the food on his desk, instead of handing it to him. So I did just that. He then slid his payment, with exact change, towards me. When I went to grab it, I noticed his desk was a wooden desk with a glass pane over it. Between the wood and the glass, he had a bunch of pictures of Disney Channel girls, like Miley Cyrus, the girls from ‘iCarly,’ and the like. I told him thanks and turned to leave when I saw that he was watching ‘iCarly.’ I froze and looked around and noticed a few pictures of him with teenage girls around his entertainment center.
I left and went back to the store and they asked me if he was watching Disney. I’ve never felt that creeped out by a person before. After that, he’d always request a female driver bring him his food, and reasonably so, they’d always send me (male) instead. He was always watching Disney. He died about a year or two ago, and all I could think about was I wonder what they did with all his creepy teenage girl stuff.”