There's a common rule of thumb when eating out: don't mess with the people making your food unless you want to end up on the receiving end of some justice. One would think that people would heed this bit of common sense, but it's not always the case, as the people in the following stories reveal.
A Reddit thread recently asked people to share the most fulfilling piece of justice they delivered to someone who messed with their food. Fair warning, a lot of these stories shouldn't be read while eating; it's just not advised. All posts have been edited for clarity and readability.
After All Those Years He Finally Got His Revenge
“When I was a freshman in high school, I was on the wrestling team. There was this jerk on the team that would always steal food right out from my hand, chew it all obnoxiously, and laugh in my face.
One night, he was sitting in the row in front of me on the bus on the way back from the tournament, I could tell he was trying to get the timing right to steal a gummy orange candy from me. While he wasn’t looking, I put the gummy in my shorts and rubbed it on my junk. I straight up tea bagged the crap out of that candy. Then I lift it up, say loudly, ‘Dang, this is my last one!’ Then I started to bring the gummy to my mouth.
This is all too much for this idiot, and he snatched it out of my hand and gobbled it up. The guys beside me saw the whole thing and lost their minds. It was the best feeling ever.”
The Chocolate Revenge
“I was in my first year of college and we had communal kitchens with fridges and freezers. Our lock was broken, so everyone from the several floors of the dorms could walk in whenever they wanted. We noticed our food had started going missing, and one night I thought I caught some dude looking in our fridge. I thought not much of it, until my food started going missing. My chocolate, specifically. I kept it in the fridge so it wouldn’t melt.
For my revenge, I went to a specialist shop and bought laxative chocolate. I then took said chocolate, and using a headed knife, smoothed off the ChocoLax logo. I then put the ChocoLax into the normal chocolate packaging. Now, that would have been about 12 doses. The warning label says do not exceed more than two, and no more than eight in 24 hours.
The next morning, I went to the fridge and found that the ChocoLax was missing, but they had left the packaging and a few crumbs. They must have eaten it like the wind. Sure enough, our food never went missing after that. They must have had liquid diarrhea for days. I felt a strange sense of satisfaction knowing the person who stuffed their face with our food, was then stuffing the toilet with the contents of his stomach. Poetic justice.”
She Might Want To Check The Vents
“I had a crazy (we later found out she was a speed freak) landlord in a college town who rented a house to me and three other college guys. It was an older house that was not in great shape, but we didn’t care. She would appear at 5 or 6 in the morning on the weekends, let herself in, and scream at us for the state of the place. She would shut off the power if the rent was one day late and would ‘forget’ to pay the water bill, which would get shut off about every other month.
When we moved out, we made sure that every access panel, switch plate, outlet plate, return air vent, and and attic access had raw chicken and/or trout stuffed behind it. We also left open jars of peanut butter in the void beneath several cabinets to ensure a mouse problem.”
They Served A Hot Plate Of Justice
“I used to work in a restaurant with a guy named Chuck. Chuck was a junkyard dog, he’d eat anything, even food off customers’ plates. Any time the kitchen would make food for the servers, he’d swoop in and eat half of it.
I got sick of it, so one night I went into the back, got a lump of lard and rolled it in coconut, then I stuck a shrimp tail on the end of it. I tossed it in the deep fryer until the coconut toasted. The perfect fake coconut shrimp.
I sat it on a plate told him it was a leftover from a table. He grabbed it and crammed it down his gullet. When he bit down, hot, white fat oozed out of his mouth.
He was incredibly wary about eating food off plates from that day on.”
She Took It A Little Too Far
“This girl’s husband was a real jerk; he cheated on her, abused her, and a whole bunch of other stuff, so she decided to ‘get revenge.’
She worked in the Labor and Delivery department at the local hospital and took care of newborns in the nursery. Over a course of a few weeks or so, she collected the discarded foreskin after each circumcision. Once she had enough collected, she cooked a soup for dinner for her husband. She said it was a Brunswick type stew. He ate two bowls that night and took the rest to work for lunch the next day.
She later described how she could kill him by getting him ‘so wasted he passed out,’ ‘puking into a container, then using a sump tube to pump it back into his lungs — making it appear he aspirated on his own vomit.’ As far as I know, they are divorced now, and he’s still alive.”
Passive Aggression Is A Form Of Revenge, Right?
“My roommate and I have been friends since high school 10 years ago, and we have lived together for the last three. For the most part, things have been great, we get along well and both of us are easy going to not sweat any minor things.
Lately, though, she’s gotten very careless – I’ve gradually had to take over doing almost all the cleaning, dishes, and other housework. I don’t think she’s bought groceries once over the last three or four months.
My first petty revenge was to stop buying groceries myself, letting the fridge gradually empty as we ate through things. I’ve seen her come in, open the fridge and get frustrated when there’s nothing there. But it gets better! On Sunday, when there was nothing left besides milk, I ordered a pizza before she came home. I ate all I wanted and then gave the last couple slices away to a nice homeless man who’s often outside our building. Then I brought the empty box up to our apartment and left the empty box on the stove.
She came home shortly thereafter to the room smelling like pizza with an inviting box sitting in the kitchen. Opened it and found two leftover crusts!”
He Might Have Gone To The Hospital But He Got A Week Off
“My cousin’s ex-husband worked at a factory where there was one jerk by the name of Manuel who was notorious for getting into people’s lunches and eating what he wanted out of them. These were big blue-collar guys who often brought two or three sandwiches, so Manuel would eat a sandwich or two out of a couple of lunches every day as what he thought was a joke.
One of his frequent victims didn’t find it so funny. One day, the victim took a couple of slices of bread into the men’s room with him and basically took a dump on one, slapped a piece of lettuce on it, put mustard and mayo on the other, slid the works into a baggie, put it into a brown sack, and stuck it in the fridge in the break room.
Of course, Manuel got ahold of it, and while the guys who were in on the prank could barely keep a straight face as they all sat around the lunch table, he whipped out the sandwich and took a big bite. My cousin’s ex said he never would have believed that a human being could actually turn the color green, but Manuel did. In fact, they had to call an ambulance and rush him to the hospital. So I guess Manuel got the last laugh, a paid sick week off. Unless you take into account his new nickname that stayed with him long after the incident: ‘Manuel Sandwich.'”
All For One And One For All
“I worked the prep line at a major sit down burger restaurant. During a busy Sunday rush, a party came in, which included a complete and total witch of a woman. The server was a very small girl and this woman was treating her like garbage while they all ordered food. The order got placed, food went out, and the woman complained and griped and took it out on the server. The server was crying at this point, full on sobbing, and returned the food to me and said the lady wanted it to-go because we obviously can’t make it correct in time for them to leave for their afternoon movie or whatever. Then the server ran to the back to cry.
I decided to take care of the problem. I remade her food, condiments came from the crusty corners of the mayo/mustard/ketchup pans. Lettuce and tomato were the freeze-dried pieces from the bottoms of their pans. And the fries. Good god the fries. I reached behind the fry drop next to the grease fryers and scraped crusty, old, dehydrated fries that have been there for hours into her to-go box and sealed that up. I drew a smiley face on top and sent it out.
As the woman was leaving, I saw her pop the box open and eat a fry. Afterward, I told the server what I did. She was equal parts furious I did that to her guest and grateful that I cared enough about her to get revenge. I told her we look out for each other, it was a crazy busy Sunday after all.”
He Knows How To Play Head Games
“I walked in on a co-worker eating part of my lunch that was in the fridge. I said, ‘Are you seriously eating my lunch, dude?’ He just gave me a ‘Yea, I guess’ kind of look, so I sat down in front of him and watched him eat it with an evil grin on my face.
When he was finished, I asked him how it was. He said it was ok. I started laughing and said, ‘You’re about to find out why you shouldn’t eat other people’s food. You never really know where it came from.’
Then I left. He never ate my food again.”
Beggars Can’t Be Choosers
“A few years back, my 15-year-old cousin was staying over at my place which I shared with my boyfriend at the time. Her parents were on vacation in Cuba for a few weeks. While she was with us, we had to make ALL of her food. She couldn’t cook and waited for me or my boyfriend to come home, otherwise, she would only eat chips or popcorn. She wouldn’t even make a sandwich.
One day, she updated her Facebook status which was a whiny complaint about how bored she was and how weird I was. I guess she forgot I have her on Facebook. It really made me mad since I made all of her meals and tried my best to keep her company.
That night, when I was making her a turkey sandwich, I took my revenge. I used the end slices of the bread loaf to build the sandwich and the bitter white part of a romaine lettuce leaf. I also put too much mayo on it.
She ate that sandwich. And she had a look of annoyance on her face.
But there was nothing she could do.”
What’s In This Salsa?
“The restaurant I worked at had the bus boys serve water as soon as the customers were seated. A lady and her husband had just been seated and the water arrived and the husband asked if they could have crushed ice. The busboy cleared the water from the table but another busboy saw that they had no water and quickly served them two glasses of water with cubed ice.
The husband became furious, ‘Jesus Christ, you dolt, I said crushed ice!’ The bus boy was frozen and the other arrived with the crushed ice not knowing what just happened. He heard the man calling them ‘idiots’ as his straw rattles the ice against the glass. My mouth dry and my heart pounding with rage, I wanted to slap him or spill a drink on his face I was so mad.
I suffer from severe dysmenorrhea (painful periods) with blood clots, so I came up with a plan. I don’t know what came over me, but I went to the kitchen and in the walk-in cooler I reached under my skirt and seriously stuck two fingers up there hoping for a smear of blood but found a nice quarter size blood clot. I kept it in my hand and walked to where we keep the red salsa for the chips I took the salsa bowl and crushed the clot in there with my thumb then I washed my hands and poured the salsa over it. I gave them complimentary chips and blood salsa. I quit that same night.”
“I Know What You Did”
“My sister and I grew up in Kentucky, and after 20 years of living here, she decided she was ready for something new in life, so she made plans to move to Washington state.
She made all the arrangements to move and packed all her things. The only things she didn’t want to take were her two cats (She was just going to be staying in someone’s house until she could get a little money saved after the move), so she left them with one of her co-workers who she had known/worked with for several years, until she could come back and get them. Fast forward six months, my sister is living happily on the west coast. A mutual friend of all of ours saw the co-worker at my sister’s old job. The friend asked how everything was going and asked how the cats were doing. While refusing to make eye contact, he told our friend, ‘One got out about a month ago, the other a week ago. Please don’t say anything.’ Naturally, the first thing our friend did was call my sister to tell her.
My sister called me, super upset, because she loves her cats, and begged me to try and find them. The only option was to try the Humane Society, so I called another friend of ours to take me. We went to the Humane Society, searched the entire lost and found section, to no avail, so we searched the adoption center. It seemed completely hopeless, but by some strange and awesome universal force, I approached THE LAST cage, to find one of her cats. Curious as to how he found his way here, I asked the people working there, and they politely informed me he was an ‘owner give up.’ When I asked the date he was taken in, they told me, and I figured out it was only one month after my sister had moved. So, I re-adopted her cat, called her to tell her, she broke down in tears of joy, and I asked if she wanted me to ‘do anything about it,’ to which she told me, ‘No. Everything will work itself out.’
A few months later, my sister has returned to Kentucky to pick up her cat. While in town, my sister, dad, and I all went out to eat a family breakfast. Halfway through our meal, I looked over and saw her old co-worker sitting in a booth across from an attractive young lady. I told my sister and she instantly became furious. My dad told her not to do anything, but I told her she had to. So, we gave our dad a minute to leave, and as soon as he left, my sister grabbed a plastic ketchup bottle, stood up, walked to his table, flipped the cap open, and sprayed him up and down his face and shirt, giving him only time for his voice to crack, ‘OH MY GOD.’
The entire restaurant stopped what they were doing to watch all this go down, and everyone was completely silent, except the one guy in the back that couldn’t stop laughing. My sister finished spraying the ketchup, threw the bottle in his face and just said, ‘I know what you did.'”
She Made Quite An Exit
“This middle-aged Spanish woman I worked with at a fast food place was a complete witch to me for no reason and got the other women to join in. She would basically shove me, throw stuff at me, and was pretty much an adult bully. Not to mention, she would always call me a stupid American girl. I came home crying constantly. It might have had something to do with the guys in the kitchen getting fired after they constantly harassed me during my first two weeks on the job. Now their ‘man candy’ was gone.
As the months went on, being the bigger person was simply no longer cutting it. That lady had a stupid scarf she kept in her locker, so I stole it. Then I dumped it in the dirty water in the mop bucket that STUNK because of the vomit and men’s bathroom it just cleaned up.
I put on gloves and dunked it like an Oreo in milk, wrung it out, and put it back in her locker. She wore it and tears of glory were shed by me. I quit and flipped people off as I left shortly after.”
What Could Go Wrong At This Nice Lunch?
“I was dating a girl for a while, let’s call her Julie. A couple of months into the relationship, I found out from a mutual friend that Julie was seen with another guy at a party when she had told me she was going back home that weekend.
I tried to be the kind of person who does not assume the worst. I confronted her about it and asked her if it was true. She said it was a lie and just a ploy to break us up. I let it slide and gave her the benefit of the doubt until I saw physical proof of her kissing another guy.
I remember seeing the picture and feeling an instant burst of rage. Her birthday was coming up, so I made plans to get my revenge then. The plan? It was simple, sleep with her best friend on her birthday. The plan went off without a hitch; I got Julie extremely wasted, passed out and began flirting with her best friend (we had hung out quite a lot, the tension had been there for weeks). Finally, she led me into her room and one thing led to another. We ended up making a few videos using my phone.
The next afternoon, we were eating lunch (technically our breakfast) at a local burger joint. I asked her if she could explain what this was as I showed her the photo of her kissing another guy, her face instantly became pale and before she could let out a word I scrolled to the right and said, ‘Oh, wait, I think I figured it out,’ as she saw her best friend bobbing up and down on my junk. I got up and left, and as I began to leave the parking lot, I looked back and saw her throwing up.
I haven’t spoken to her since. I’ve never felt quite as on top of the world as that day.”
The Sweets She Would Never Have
“One of my best friends is one of the sweetest girls you will ever meet. This total bimbo at our school decided she was an easy target to manipulate and torment. She would make digs about her appearance, insult every idea or opinion she had, make fun of her autistic brother; basically, she was rude to her for no good reason.
This continued for the duration of secondary school. A crucial detail in this story is that this girl and I have the same surname, which became a blessing in disguise on one beautiful day near the end of year 11. There was this school art competition where you enter a piece you have made, and the best one was sent $30. Despite her many, many flaws, this girl was decent at art so she happened to win. However, when her prize was being sent, some office mishap cause her prize money to be sent to me instead because of our identical surnames. She never knew she won, and my friend and I ate $30 of junk food and stayed up all night laughing watching Harry Potter and dwelling in our deliciously evil secret.”