Teenybopper boy bands are made for and commonly composed of, well, teenyboppers. So, if your interest in boy bands fell by the wayside around the same time that butterfly clips went out of style, we can’t say we’d blame you.
Personal opinions of pop music aside, as a grown woman, it’s hard not to feel weird watching ~literal~ teenagers gyrating and singing about romance. Shouldn’t these kids be doing homework or something?
One such youthful musical phenomenon that anyone born before the advent of text messaging might have missed was the One Direction craze of the early aughts.
The flippy-haired, bright-eyed Brits of One Direction fame were first brought together by The X Factor judge Simon Cowell in 2010. Despite the group coming in third place on the British prime time talent show, One Direction would become an international sensation practically overnight.
The band’s debut album sold an outstanding five million copies and reached #1 in 17 countries. Superfans of these five cheeky lads became Directioners, sparking a worldwide obsession that left the rest of us with student loan debt and car insurance payments generally confused. Where were these boys’ parents, anyway?!
After the 2015 departure of 1D member Zayn Malik, all five original bandmates decided to embark on solo careers. Directioners mourned. Millennials mourned the end of Obama’s presidency. Tomato, tomahto, right?
Just as we were about to write off One Direction as one of those fads that came and went long after our time of giving a shit about those things, the 2021 Grammys happened and took us by a watermelon sugar-coated surprise.
Former 1D-er Harry Styles took to the stage at the 2021 Grammys clad in a tight, shirtless leather suit and floor-length green feather boa to perform his 2020 hit, Watermelon Sugar.
Unbeknownst to us, the swoopy-bang-having teen we were introduced to in 2010 had transformed into a 27-year-old stud with Mick Jagger’s strut and Jim Morrison’s sexy rock-and-roll vibe.
The gritty voice! The swagger! The chest tattoos! This sultry, gender-fluid December 2020 editorial from Vogue? Uh, excuse us? Is this what being a cougar feels like?
Self-identifying cougar or not, it’s hard to deny the irresistible allure of a (grown) man so in touch with his sexuality, gender fluidity, and groundbreaking fashion sense. Oh, and the fact that he’s been able to stay so modest about it all? Well, that’s just charmingly British.
Okay, so maybe we’re not going to make poster board signs or iron-on t-shirts blasting our love for Harry in the hopes that he’ll notice us on his next world tour. Come on. We’re adults. We’ll high-pitch-scream with a beer in our hand—the mature way.
After all, rumor has it the British musician has been dating Olivia Wilde (who is nine years Harry’s senior), so he’s not not into older women. We’ll take those odds, thanks. Olivia, congratulations, girl. Harry, call us.