What do lobster roll potato chips, ranch dressing soda, and rotisserie chicken candy canes all have in common? They should never be produced. And yet, as a joke or an assault to our olfactory senses and palette, some geniuses decided “grosser IS better”. The Rotisserie Chicken Candy Canes get the barf award because, not only are they personally offensive to anyone who can smell or taste, but they’re trying to hijack a beloved holiday treat.
Archie McPhee is the evil confectioner who created these “My-Dog-Wouldn’t-Even-Eat-Them” candy canes. Known for his gross, obtuse and inane gag gifts, it should come to no surprise that Rotisserie Chicken Candy Canes are being manufactured from the guy who came up with Mac N’ Cheese Candy Canes.
And let’s talk about the depth of Archie’s perverted culinary concoction: he specifically flavored them as ROTISSERIE chicken. Like, why do chicken candy canes need an extra adjective? Is Archie trying to convince us that the sweet meat treats are also moist? Double barf.
These fat and crispy skin colored candy is so gross that it’s categorized in the “toys and games” section of Amazon. Sure, it’s edible but even Jeff Bezos and his empire don’t want to promote them as “food” (hello lawsuit). I guess it makes sense because, if you get Rotisserie Chicken Candy Canes, you can also order the Gravy Candy which is in the same section. That’s practically an entire meal.
You may purchase them from Amazon for $9.99/box. But, if you purchase your meat sticks from Archie’s website directly, they are only $5.95/box (6 canes included). That’s quite a deal considering Archie is only allowing customers to purchase 5 boxes at a time because SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED. That’s right. These treats, that I can only assume smell like sweaty feet in a litter box, are flying off the shelves. Who are you?
One reviewer from Amazon, NEngelman was very descriptive about the Rotisserie Chicken Candy Canes. “Hahahahaha! Omg they taste exactly like they smell and that was god awful! We just kept passing them around- ‘gross! you try!’ and the next guy would try… ugh.”
Well said, lad, well said. So if this gag-inducing gift is the kind of stocking stuffer you’re looking for, then Archie McPhee well may be this year’s new Santa as he skips to the bank with a jolly Ho! Ho! Ho!