Lost In Translation

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Lost In Translation

"A Spanish guy I work with (who is an excellent server) stopped by a table immediately as they sat and said, 'I'll be with you in just a moment.'

To which the woman replied, 'Water.'

He repeated, 'Sure, but it'll just be a moment.'

And she said very drawn out, 'Agua-Por-Favore.'"

Teaching Them Young How To Treat

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Teaching Them Young How To Treat "The Help"

"When I brought the food out, the little girl said, 'Thank you.'

Her mother responded, 'You don't have to thank him, honey, that's his job.'"

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"I Don't Know How I Resisted Such A Class Act"

"I work bottle service at a high-end club and some of the crap I hear is so offensive I can't even believe people say it.

I was working a party for a bunch of investment banker/hedge fund types and this guy comes up to me and asks me to dinner. I politely decline and say no, that I have a boyfriend. He then looks at me and says, 'I don't give a crap about your boyfriend. And you shouldn't either. We're young and I just like to screw. Interested?' He spent the rest of the night being this charming. I don't know how I resisted such a class act.

Another time, I had a guy leave a $200 tip and then ask me for my number. When I said I had a boyfriend, he grabbed my arm and said, 'I just left you a $200 tip sweetie, you're giving me your number.' Security escorted him out."

The Waiter Got The Last Laugh And A Great Tip

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The Waiter Got The Last Laugh And A Great Tip

"I once had a guy at a big table stop me to use me as an example of a loser who wasn't doing anything with his life...I suppose he was trying to make a point to his kid/nephew/whatever. 'Look at this guy. Do you want to be like him, fetching and carrying for minimum wage? He's going to be doing this for his whole life, but you could do better.'

Honestly didn't bother me. I was making obscene tip money (during tourist season, I could clear $1,800 a week) and picking up hot tourist girls, while he was a fat middle management type for some corporation.

He didn't tip, but almost everyone else put a couple of bills under their plate, and I think the total tip came out to around $60, which was close to 20%."

He Tried To Clear Up Any Confusion, But It Didn't Do Much Good

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He Tried To Clear Up Any Confusion, But It Didn't Do Much Good

"Asked a customer how he wanted his White River BBQ Burger. We had about 3-4 different types of BBQ related entrees so it was easy to mix it up unless you are clear to the consumer. He looked at me kind of funny and said, 'Well done I guess?' I don't like to deal with questioning remarks, especially when it comes to food (food allergies, really picky eaters such as myself) so I proceeded to repeat the order back to him. He said it was correct, but I still had my doubts. Brought the food back to the table, he looked at me like I was the dumbest thing on the planet. 'I definitely said BBQ Chicken...'

I apologized, said 'Oh! I'm sorry about that, I thought for sure you had said the burger. That's why I asked you how you'd like it cooked.'

Next thing that came out of his mouth was this, 'Oh I just thought you were mentally challenged so I didn't really question it.' I was never so mad in my life over something that stupid..."

Rosé Can Make A Woman Lose Her Cool

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Rosé Can Make A Woman Lose Her Cool

"I was working at a hotel bar last summer. The hotel had four bars. I worked on the rooftop one. This woman was sitting down on a chair and I approached, nicely asking her if she would like anything to drink. She ordered a glass of rosé. I went to my bar and the bartender told me they didn't have any and that one of the barbacks was going to go run down to the storage room (18 floors down in the slowest service elevator possible) and bring some up. I went up to the woman and explained the situation and told her that if she wanted to wait for the rosé, it would be a little bit of time. She looked at me with the most disgusted face and just shrugged me away with a, 'Fine, whatever,' gesture. A couple minutes later I see her get up and leave with a huff.

Maybe like thirty minutes go by and I get a tap on my shoulder. I turn around and it's the woman all up in my personal space. She takes the biggest, slurpiest gulp of her glass of rosé wine and goes, 'MmmMMmmm. So good. Looks like you do have rosé.' She gives me this disgustingly smug little smile and storms off.

The fact that this woman left, went to a different bar in the hotel, got her rosé, then intentionally went back up 18 floors to rub it in my face and make me feel like crap (after I had been really nice) was so appalling to me. I was in a horrid mood for the rest of the night. Luckily I work at a bar so I ordered my own drink."

He Told Her She Needed To Go Back To Kindergarten

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He Told Her She Needed To Go Back To Kindergarten

"I work at Hooters. A guy orders a Blue Moon seasonal beer, so I bring it to him. I don't pour the beer myself, so I have to trust it's correct. I know what Blue Moon draft looks like, so I just thought the seasonal looks a lot like it (same color).

Later, the same guy orders another one, and the beer the bartender gives me is a dark beer instead of the orange colored beer I gave him earlier. So I figured the bartender accidentally poured a regular Blue Moon earlier. I bring the correct beer to the table and am about to explain the guy he had gotten the wrong beer earlier, that here was the correct one now, and I would have the charge for the first beer gotten rid of.

Before I can say anything, the guy holds up his first glass (with a little bit of the orange colored beer in it) and says, 'Excuse me miss, but do you really think these are really the same drink? Do you need to learn your colors? Let's go back to Kindergarten. This color is ORANGE and that color is BROWN!'

He went on like that, I let him embarrass his 14-year-old daughter as much as possible."

Finger Snapping Is Never Acceptable

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Finger Snapping Is Never Acceptable

"I work at a very high-end sushi restaurant and a guy at one of my coworker's tables started snapping his fingers at the waiter from across the dining room. Unfortunately for the customer, the server had a short fuse and had already been dealing with this douche all night. So he walked over to the guy snapping his fingers, and said, I kid you not, 'Do I look like a freaking dog to you? Don't you dare snap your fingers at me, you prick,' then walked away. The whole table starting laughing at this guy who was in shock. The guy was too embarrassed to say anything to a manager."

Her Name Isn't

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Her Name Isn't "Waitress"

"Had a man yell 'waitress' across the room at me. The room goes dead silent and all angry eyes are on him as I walk over to his table. He's completely oblivious to the dirty looks from other customers and I say, 'My name's Jen, sir.'

He responds, 'Jane, Joe, Susanne... I don't care what your name is. Bring me the dang check.' It was a business meeting and I can only assume he was trying to assert his dominance or some bullcrap like that."

Mr. Double Screwdriver Was Taught A Lesson He'll Never Forget

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Mr. Double Screwdriver Was Taught A Lesson He'll Never Forget

"I worked at a private club, once. One guy, in his mid-20s, came in with the rest of his family-about 10 people. Despite his young age, he was obviously taking up alcoholism as a hobby and he wasn't a nice drunk, either. In fact, I'd waited on him previously and he was a pretty insufferable piece of crap.

The last time he came in, this guy ordered double screwdrivers and tried to pound them as fast as possible. Unfortunately for both of us, the club was starting to be big on moderating liquor service, which means that you have to slow service to people who seem intent on killing all their brain cells, and cut them off if they're visibly intoxicated. Real fun stuff when you work in a club full of entitled jerks as it is. I had my work cut out for me.

I'd hoped that this guy would be on better behavior this time since he was with his family. Nope. He ordered a double screwdriver, sucked it down in minutes and ordered another, which I also brought. After that, I took their lunch order and then explained the moderated service policy to the table so they would understand, and everyone else thought it was reasonable. Not him. He started calling me stupid, then mentally challenged, then a stupid beeyotch because he had to wait 15 minutes until he could have another drink. His family was mortified, but silent on the subject. They basically tried to be endlessly gracious to make up for his behavior.

Right before their order was up, he demanded his drink and I said I would bring it after I served the meal. He called me a stupid woman. I went back to the kitchen, doing a slow burn. Something biological definitely might have made it into his sandwich and was then cleverly hidden.

I calmly brought out and delivered the meal. Everyone was thankful, except for the verbal abuser. He demanded his drink, and I calmly brought that to him. 'FINALLY,' he said. 'I can't believe someone so stupid can even work here.'

He was still going on about how stupid I was when I looked him right in the eyeball and said, with an ever so slight suggestion of irony,'How's your sandwich?'

He was surprised at the drastic change of subject. He looked down at his half-eaten French Dip. 'Uh, it's good. Real good.'

Still looking him right in the eye, I smiled and said, with just a bare hint of satisfaction in my voice, 'Good.'

Then I went around to the rest of the table and politely inquired as to their meals, if I could get them anything, anything at all. Everyone loved their meals. They loved me. I solicitously fulfilled every request.

Double Screwdriver did not say one word for the rest of the meal, and he did not take another bite of his sandwich. He just stared at it, horrified. He knew. There was nothing he could do to prove it or even make the accusation. But he knew. When I went around to offer boxes for leftovers, his dad wondered aloud why he didn't want one. 'You sure?'

'NO, THANK YOU!'

Eventually, I quit working at that club and started at a restaurant down the street. Wouldn't you know it, that guy came in and started the same jerk crap AGAIN. 'I want a screwdriver, and be quick about it, etc.'

I looked at him with a grin. 'Sure, I remember. A double screwdriver and a French Dip, right?' He looked at me, did a double-take when he saw who I was, then got up and left.

This is my favorite story of waiter revenge from my personal history, but at the same time, it's a cautionary tale. It takes a lot to push most people over the edge and make them do things they normally pride themselves on not doing, like food tampering. But it can be done. So the next time you call someone a nasty name because they didn't serve you fast enough, keep it in mind."

That Adds Up Quite Nicely

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That Adds Up Quite Nicely

"I used to spend my summers waiting tables while I was in high school and college.

Once, a group walked in to be seated. As is customary, I asked how many were in the party. I could easily see that there were six of them, but I always asked the total in case more people were on the way.

One woman said, 'Four adults and two children.'

A man, I assume her husband, then sputtered, 'That makes six total.' I didn't really think anything of it until I heard him turn to his wife and say quietly (but not so quietly that I couldn't hear), 'You have to make it clear for the waitress, she might not be able to add them.'

I turned to him and with the sweetest smile said, 'Oh don't worry. I just wait tables over the summer. During the school year, I attend the Oregon Institute of Technology where I'm double majoring in Civil Engineering and Applied Mathematics. I know that 2 and 4 make 6.'

I kindly showed them to their seats and they ended up giving a very generous tip."

He Got Extra Attention On The Busiest Day, But He STILL Wasn't Happy

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He Got Extra Attention On The Busiest Day, But He STILL Wasn't Happy

"The owner of a coffee shop I worked at came in during a particularly busy rush on a Sunday, which was one of our busiest days. After serving him, he told me he wished he could go back in time and break my parents up so I was never born because it was the worst service he had ever had.

Mind you, I paid extra attention to his table because he's the owner. After telling him that he needed to be a little more patient because I was the only server and it was very busy, he said that if he was a paying customer, he'd make me pay for the meal and then said something like he couldn't believe I could tie my shoes in the morning considering how bad I was at serving. I told him to fire me then and he balked. I worked there for another year without a word from him."

When Old Men Throw Tantrums

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When Old Men Throw Tantrums

"I work in a hotel restaurant and bar. The bar is open later than the restaurant, the kitchen closes at 9 at which time both the server and the cook go home. I happened to be bartending that night and was running a pretty full bar, full enough that people were sitting at regular tables to drink.

Well, this gentleman strolled in at 9:15, I tried to greet him upon entry, but he blew past the bar and sat down at one of the tables. I assumed he just didn't want to wade through people for his drink, so once I had a second, I went over and asked what he wanted to drink. He looked at me with this confused look and asked where his menu was.

I politely explained to him that the kitchen was closed and I would gladly get him a drink, but there was no food to be had. He proceeded to argue with me, saying he had gotten food the day before at the same time and how dare I try and lie to him and 'be lazy.' Now I knew for a fact this is untrue, there was no way he had any food past 9. I again tried to explain that I couldn't feed him, there was no food to be had. He then yelled at me for a good 15 minutes about how wrong it is to lie...

He demanded that I go back to the kitchen and see if someone would make him food, shock and surprise...there was no cook, the kitchen was empty, and all the lights were off. I came back and told him there was no cook and I couldn't personally cook any food. He got huffy, stormed out, knocking over the chalkboard sign on his way out.

Not even 10 minutes later I got a call from the front desk...apparently yelling at me wasn't good enough, he needed to go and yell at them too. The front desk girl said I HAD to serve him food. Here I am again, explaining that while I would love to shut him up and stuff food in his face, THERE IS NO COOK. She asked me, 'Well what are we going to do about this?' I had no words, I hung up the phone and tried to compose myself as I still had work to do.

I called and explained the whole situation to my manager, who was very understanding and even mildly amused by the whole thing. The guy showed up a few times after that, always before 9. He strikes me as the kind of man who never remembers those he deems lower than him so he doesn't seem to remember me, but I won't soon forget his face..."

Let This Be A Lesson, Put Down Your Phones!

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Let This Be A Lesson, Put Down Your Phones!

"I worked at a busy hotel restaurant in downtown Tampa, FL. Once, I had two businessmen come in for lunch. One guy was on his phone, and I tried to wait until he got off the phone, but he was taking too long with his conversation, so I went over to the table. I asked them what they'd like to drink, they both ordered. I came back with their drinks and asked what they'd like to eat. The one guy was still on the phone, and it's getting really frustrating trying to communicate with him when he's obviously having an important conversation and doesn't want me to interrupt him.

So I took the guy's order who is not on the phone and then turned to the guy, who was still chatting away. He gestured at me to come closer with his free hand, so I assumed he's going to whisper it to me or something, but instead, he took my pen right out of my hand and started writing something down...from his phone call, NOT to give me his order. I was so over it at this point, I was like, screw that guy, and left. It was the rudest thing anyone had ever done to me. Like, I've been called names and told I'm a bad server, but that just pissed me off. I wasn't even WORTH that guy's time. The other guy at his table looked beside himself, he was so embarrassed at this jerk's behavior. So I put in the other guy's order, and I didn't go back to the table after I took the order. So, when I bring the non-phone guy's food, the phone guy is FINALLY off the phone and asked, 'Well when are you going to take MY order?'

And I said, with the sweetest smile, 'I'm sorry sir, I don't have anything to write it down with.' He gave me my pen back and I took his order, but I made sure to take a looooong time to bring his food and refill his drinks. I don't remember if I got a tip, but I didn't care. What a jerk."

Apparently, He Ruined Her Whole Night Out With One Little Mistake

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Apparently, He Ruined Her Whole Night Out With One Little Mistake

"Honestly, the money I make trumps the bad experiences, but probably the one that stands out was during my first week. A priss girl and her friend came in. They ordered and the girl said it's her 'usual.' I happened to switch the dishes when putting them in front of them. I quickly realized and switched. I get a note from her on the receipt when she left which said, 'I usually leave 20%, but you were incapable of doing anything right, you ruined my night out.'"

The Water Just Wasn't Hot Enough For Him

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The Water Just Wasn't Hot Enough For Him

"This guy ordered a hot tea. The coffee machine makes the hot water from a separate spigot and it comes out, like, boiling hot. I don't make the water hot myself, it comes out hot. I filled up a teapot and brought it to him. He said it's not hot enough. So I apologized and checked the machine to make sure it's working right (it was) and got him another pot of hot water and went about my business. He called me over and had his finger inside the water, and went, 'This water is NOT hot. I ordered a hot tea yesterday, and the server last night was able to bring me hot water. Is there something wrong with you?' I apologized again, but this time I'm pissed.

So I get hot water from the coffee machine, and I put it in the microwave for like ten minutes. It's hot as HECK. I put it in a teapot and gave it to him, smiled and said, 'I made sure it's hot this time.' He then called my manager over, screaming that I gave him this boiling hot water, and I can't do anything right, and blah blah, and it's hilarious.

My manager is like, 'Sir, what temperature would you like this water at? Just give me the exact temperature and I will get it there because I'm not sure how else to make you happy.' She later told me not to do that again, but she honestly didn't give a eff because that guy was being a total douche."

She Just Got Angrier And Meaner As The Meal Went On

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She Just Got Angrier And Meaner As The Meal Went On

"I was a waitress at a chain restaurant about 8 years ago. I was dealing with an adult couple. They were friendly as can be until I started taking their order. The lady ordered something that was served on a bed of mashed potatoes, but you also could pick a side of rice/veggies/kind of potato. She said, 'Mashed potatoes.' I just wanted to clarify that the meal already came with mashed potatoes, so was she asking for a double side of that??

She got confused, which made her mad. 'Ma'am, you can pick anything you want, rice, veggies, baked potato, fries, or an extra scoop of mashed potatoes in addition to the one it already comes with. I'm just making sure you're ordering extra mashed potatoes.' I said it as plainly as I could.

She got embarrassed or something, who knows, and just started screaming at me, 'I just want mashed potatoes!!' I repeated their order back to them, ending with her BBQ chicken with mashed potatoes as the side. This was still confusing for some freaking reason and I was starting to get nervous. Her date tried explaining it the same way, and she started yelling at him too.

The rest of the meal went terrible. She snipped every word that came out, even thanks when I refilled a drink or something. And of course, she paid the bill. She handed me the signed credit card slip and said, 'Try not to be such a freaking witch to your next table.' Her date was mortified. She wrote 'freaking witch' next to the tip line and completely stiffed me. Luckily, she left both receipt slips, so I could at least forge the other one to not get me in trouble when the manager checked my receipts at the end of the night. Just clarifying, NO, I didn't alter it to add me a tip, just to write 'cash' on the tip line so I didn't get in trouble for nothing."

Some People Just Don't Like To Wait

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Some People Just Don't Like To Wait

"Some people are mind-blowingly ignorant about things I thought were common knowledge. Like when I had this woman come in. It was the opening shift at an Italian restaurant. We got shockingly busy almost immediately, but only had two servers because normally it was slow. I had to put people on a wait list.

The lady said, 'UM, I don't get why I have to wait when there are obviously tables.' Okay, yes, there are tables. We just want you to have good service, and we don't want to overwhelm our servers. 'Seat me now. If your servers can't handle their job here, then they're too stupid to work at all.' Ma'am, there are guests in front of you. We can't skip them. 'I want to speak with a manager!'

Ugh. People like that, all the time."

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