“My best friend and I took a long weekend trip to Florida to visit a resort. It was just a five-day jaunt. I packed a carry-on, and my friend packed a massive soft-sided sort of trunk and it was overflowing. I think she actually packed bedding!
Anyway, we enjoyed ourselves and when it was time to go my friend didn’t want to leave. She refused to get her stuff together. It got ugly between us because I absolutely positively had to be on the flight and she was jeopardizing my timetable. Finally, I got her in the car she had rented for us and headed to the airport. Her ridiculous satchel thing was overflowing and wasn’t even zipped closed in the trunk of the car.
Her passive-aggressive nature kicked in and she missed the exit and just, in general, was making me crazy.
Now I’m totally against the clock to be on the plane. I insisted she take me directly to the terminal and drop me and my little Betsey Johnson bag off. She would have to deal with the rental and her ginormous bag on her own.
I had seen this coming and had dressed appropriately. I have several metal plates in my arm, legs, and head. I also have an insulin pump with a metal needle attached to my body. I always get pulled for a hand wand search, a pat-down, and a request to remove outer clothing. With this in mind, under my Levi jeans and t-shirt, I wore a sports bra, men’s boxer shorts, and slip-on tennis shoes. In line at the TSA checkpoint, I stripped down to the sports bra and boxers. I got through the TSA inspection reasonably fast. Semi-clad, I ran to my gate. I heard the last call for boarding my flight as I was running. I did make the flight and the agents held it while I slipped my jeans and shirt back on.
Breathing heavily and sweating profusely, I took my seat and waited and waited longer. A full twenty minutes went by. Amongst the copious grumbling of the other passengers, the pilot announced that we were waiting for one more person. My stomach rolled and a splitting spear of pain shot through my head. I knew exactly who we were waiting for.
Finally, she entered the plane completely serene and cool. She took her seat next to me as I was trying to figure out how I could convince everyone I had no part of this and didn’t even know this person! Sadly, she chose to give me a big hug and excitedly tell me how she just parked the rental at the loading dock and left the keys in it. She had taken the full insurance coverage and figured if it was stolen the insurance would cover it.
One would think this is then the end of it but the best was yet to come.
After another fifteen minutes of waiting, the TSA came to her and asked her to accompany them to the front of the plane. They talked for a few minutes and then sent her back to her seat. The pilot thankfully announced we were to prepare for departure. People were clapping and cheering.
The hold was because my friend had packed a couple of adult toys in her huge bag and they had gotten turned on. Everyone handling the luggage could hear the whirring and had to dig through that monstrosity of a bag to find the source.
We made it home and it will be a long time before I’ll travel with her again!”
