The end of a relationship can come about in a variety of ways, sometimes it's a big bang and sometimes it's a slow, tortuous fizzle. Finding a soul mate is quite a struggle for most, and it takes a lot of trial and error. Usually, splitting up comes about pretty naturally, but sometimes, two people can be in a relationship for a long time before they realize that they're not right for each other. Sometimes, even just one interaction can cause someone to realize that their SO isn't exactly "The One." Keep reading to learn about the moments that these people realized that their partner was NOT who they thought they were.
“My wife of 13 years and the mother of my two children, seemingly out of the blue, claimed she had a ‘spiritual awakening’ and can now see the future, communicate telepathically with animals, and can talk to angels. The angels told her to have an affair with another married man. We’re actually divorced now. We tried to work it out. Saw two different marriage counselors the the year following the affair. She had another affair, divorced me, and used her new found physic powers to manipulate a judge to allow her to move over 3,000 miles away with my children.
I was doing everything I could to save the marriage, for my kids. I was desperate! I researched and considered the possibility of a tumor, mania, or schizophrenia, etc. but she would get offended when I would suggest a doctor and refuse to go. I reached out to her family, and her mom flew out concerned. But my ex put in a show. She told her family I was abusing her, so they excommunicated me. She had me served with divorce papers, but wouldn’t leave. We cohabited for another three months after that. The most painful three months in my life. My youngest at one point told me I’m ‘the saddest man in the world.’ Broke my heart to think my son thought of his father that way.
The day we told the kids, they both started crying. I started crying and they both jump in my lap and we held each other balling. I looked across at her, and nothing. Just staring off in space, aloof. That would be the best way to describe her, aloof. Just removed, gone.
After the divorce, I fought hard for the kids. Over a year of litigation, a motion to reconsider, an appeal, and over $15,000 to my lawyer (and $4,000 to hers, because I make more money I had to pay her lawyer to take my own kids away). She’s new age nuts, not eating her own poop crazy. So she could present well in court. The system is broken.
That was four years ago. I’m doing fine now. The only truly upsetting aspect is the wack custody situation. But I’m trying to work on that.”
It’s Me Or Your Family
“She made me choose between being with her and being there for my grandfather who was diagnosed with Stage 4 Parkinson’s.
We were together for 6 years when I got the call from my grandmother to move a state over (to a beach town no less) to help out at home and take care of my grandfather who had slowly been losing himself. While I was getting up early to cook breakfast and help change him (I just helped roll him over and run his sheets through the laundry, I wouldn’t actually clean any of HIM.. just a line I would not cross with the man I spent the majority of my life looking up to), she would be upstairs all day watching Netflix and complain about being bored like she was forced to stay there all day. Regardless of how many times I told her she could go out to the mall, or take a vacation or go to the beach or get a job, her boredom was somehow my fault. This was exasperated when my grandmother broke her knee one night, so I was now essentially taking care of two children that were over three times my age.
About a year and a half passes and she gives me the ultimatum, she’s leaving and if I don’t go with her, it’s over. I thought about this incredibly hard, she was my high school sweetheart and the only girl I’ve ever really had a meaningful relationship with. In this time, she had already moved back into her parents’ house, and so one day I called her to let her know that it just wasn’t going to work out. If I left my family high and dry like that, I could never live with myself and broke it off.
We both knew what we were signing up for when we left, and she decided to backtrack in her life to go back to what felt safe I guess, can’t say it’s worked out for her considering she’s now unemployed and sitting at home all day again… either way I know I dodged a bullet in leaving her, I could never spend the rest of my life with someone who has no drive or passion to do anything for themselves.
It wasn’t a hard choice.”
“My ex boyfriend had too much to drink. Tall, muscular Island boy. Just about 6ft 110kg, I was 5ft2 60kg.
While he was out of it, I had to walk him home as we went to a friend’s gathering only 10 minutes away from his house. He started seeing and hearing things, became a completely different person and started to become more violent. Walking him home was very difficult, trying to make sure he didn’t walk in front of any cars or try to pee on other people’s properties walking home was also a time.
He turned around and held his hands around my throat for only over 10 seconds (through my tears and fear I thought that was how I was going to die) but luckily a couple inside their house had come outside to check on the commotion and asked if I wanted the cops to be called.
I said no. That I was okay and that I just had to get him home.
It took 35 minutes to get him home and then I got to watch him smash things in his room and threaten to hurt his mum, dad and sister before he finally flaked out for a while.. exactly when the police showed up. He was back to his normal self and couldn’t recall any events when police questioned him after he came around. They asked if he had hurt me… and I said no. I don’t know what was going on in my head, I just didn’t understand what was happening and wanted to go home. First time anything like that happened to me, before that I had only heard horror stories about it.
So I left them there that night, returned the next day to him and his family to explain that I forgave him, but that the relationship ended there. His mum said to me, ‘I thought you loved my son! Why would you leave him for one mistake?!’ Yeah, no thanks. I just thanked them for all they did for me, welcoming me into their home and accepting me, but said that this was a dealbreaker and there would be no hard feelings. I admit I still spoke to him every so often but that definitely ended when I just stopped making contact.”
Weight Loss Shaming
“My ex tried to sabotage my weight loss by only buying junk or fast food, knowing full well I wouldn’t be able to get any other type of food for a meal. I think he cheated on me over 50 or so times? It was partially long distance, so imagine my surprise when I took a 5 hour bus trip to see a text from a girl thanking him for watching Lord of the Rings with her and all the kisses, etc they shared while I was on my freaking way to see him. The only reason I saw it was because he asked me to navigate the GPS. Had this girl ‘friend’ who sent me hateful messages about me being too fat for him to love or some bull and would only apologize because he threatened to never talk to her again. Before I lost weight, he told me he’d always love me but would never be in love with me unless I looked like Megan Fox or someone similar, in which case he would ‘worship’ me. He also once told me that two of the girls he cheated with were ‘way hotter but look, I’m with you instead.’
One day, after I had lost about 150 pounds and had (what was expected) some loose skin. I was standing in front of the mirror looking at myself when I was about to shower when he walked in.
The first thing he said was, ‘Ewwwww gross!’ He walked behind me and we were both looking at me the mirror when he took the loose skin in his hands and said, ‘I thought it was hard to make love with you before, how the heck am I ever going to find you attractive now? How will ANYONE find you attractive with this?’ while squeezing the loose skin and moving it with his hands.
I said nothing. But the feeling of completely losing all your love for someone in one moment is a powerful one. Worst freaking 5 years of my life.”
The Grieving Period
“‘God, it’s been more than a week since your mother died. Aren’t you over it YET?’
It was a while ago, and I am in fact over it (now). That wasn’t the only sign it was a toxic relationship, but it was definitely the straw that broke the relationship. She had done some stupid things before, and even in the week she so graciously gave me, her comfort was more in a ‘I’m doing this because it’s my my girlfriend duty’ manner than actual caring. Bonus fun – a few weeks after I broke up with her, she called me to tell me it’s OK she understood I just did it because I was ‘still messed up over your mom’s death’ and she forgave me and was willing to take me back. I was actually so shocked at how self-centered she was, I just laughed in amazement and hung up.
Forget. You. Goodbye.”
Criminally Bad Partner
“I was engaged to a guy and we had just moved into our own home. A few months later, he was supposed to pick me up from work and he met me near the back where I clocked out. As we walked out the door, we were grabbed by security and led into a room. Turns out he had shoplifted and since I was walking with him, they assumed that I was in on it. I was arrested and spent a night in jail and I was fired from my job. While I was fighting the legal issues, I couldn’t get another job since I had a pending theft charge, so I lost the house that I had just fully furnished. It kind of worked out, though, because I ended up moving across the country where I graduated from college with honors and started my music career.
Despite my fiancé shoplifting from my place of employment and getting me arrested and fired from my job, I actually did pretty well. The charges were eventually dropped and I got my job offered back to me, but forget them!”
It’s Like Pulling Teeth
“I had my wisdom teeth out in ’07 when I was with my abusive ex and they prescribed me a pain killer, which I had to keep either on me or hidden at all times as he was an addict and would eat the whole bottle like candy if he got the chance. I also counted the pills every morning and night so he couldn’t sneak any while I was showering or sleeping.
Well, one day a few days post-surgery, I was sitting at work and the aching got to be really bad, so I took one. An hour passed and it should have kicked in, but my mouth still hurt SO bad. Confused and a little worried, all I could do was suffer through it and keep taking more every few hours in the hopes that they’d maybe build up a bit in my system and start working. No such luck, I spent the whole day feeling like I’d been kicked in the face by a horse. I got home that night and told my boyfriend what happened, scared that I had maybe developed an opiate tolerance or somehow gotten addicted myself even though I’d only been taking 2-3 pills a day since the surgery. He immediately looked nervous and guilty so I knew something was up, and after a bit of grilling he finally came clean.
The night before, that freaking prick waited till I fell asleep then spent several hours tearing the house apart looking for my pills. Once he finally found them he painstakingly opened up each one, emptied the powder into another container, then refilled the capsules with crushed ibuprofen and put everything back the way he found it. THAT’S why my medicine had never kicked in. I was beyond irate. Amazingly though, he didn’t understand why I was so mad, because, ‘Ibuprofen is still a painkiller so you should be fine.’ He ‘needed’ my meds more than I did, because all I had was pain but he had withdrawals and that was somehow worse.
Never underestimate the creativity, selfishness, persistence, and awfulness of addicts. This still makes me SO freaking angry to think about. The worst part is, if he would have just ASKED I probably would have shared. I know withdrawals are horrible and I didn’t even need the entire bottle, I would have gladly given him a couple if he hadn’t acted so entitled to them.”
A Dozen Roses, No Less
“Got her a dozen roses for some occasion. She proceeds to call me about an hour later, asking what the meaning behind me buying her eleven roses. I explained it must have been a mistake at the florists, and she says ‘That’s ok, local town florist has single roses, you can buy so just go get one of those and bring it by to make an even dozen.’
I asked her how she realized it had eleven. She told me that her and her mother counted to make sure I had got enough.
At that moment, her whole family came into perspective for me. Her dad was a lawyer who had a ‘trophy wife,’ just a little past her trophy years. He frequently went on surprise, overnight ‘business trips.’ Her 22 year old sister was getting picked up from the police station at least weekly which somehow never led to charges. Her mother (who was all but ignored by her father) would shower any guy brought home over the age of 15 with affection. The s/o in question had ‘jokingly’ told me of her plan to go to college, find a rich guy, and marry him.
A couple months earlier, she had gotten mad that I hadn’t bought a ticket for her homecoming (different schools), because I had been scheduled to work then. My work schedule changed, so I was available. When she found out, she demanded that I go to the dance. Since I didn’t have a ticket, I had to literally break into her school via climbing the 30 foot tall back gate. She then decided that it wasn’t fair to the date she had brought (friend zoned dude) if she danced with me more than half of the time instead of him. I left early, and she got angry I didn’t drive her home after. I was 16 and not very bright, so it took a bit to process.
Thank god I got 11 roses once.”
“My SO worked for an airline loading luggage and my grandpa did something similar when he was younger. I can’t remember the exact conversation, but my SO stood up and yelled at my grandfather that he was stupid and didn’t know what he was talking about when he asked something about her job that related to what he did when he was a little kid. She proceeded to just be rude and tell him how he was losing his mind. A quick Google search answered his question and showed how she was wrong. I was ‘the bad guy’ at that point. On the way to her house, we broke up. Never disrespect your or someone else’s grandparents. Especially when they ask a basic question.”
Going On A Trip To The Local Jail
“We were going to go traveling on a trip I had been planning since I can remember. I planned 4 years of my life around this trip to make it work and told myself it was okay to drop things for over a year. It was my dream trip of traveling around New Zealand for a year in a van, I just want to hike loads. It looks stunning! He got himself into a car accident, because he was driving under the influence, days before our leaving date. So instead I lived with his parents and cared for him while he was in hospital for 6 months. When he became rational again, he told me he deserved to go traveling after what happened to him, but he wanted something more exotic than what I had planned.
I’d dated him for years and gave up the only life dream I have ever really had and he didn’t even care or seem to have ever listened enough to realize what it meant to me. Made me look back and realize he only ever cared about himself and had been emotionally guilt tripping me for years into staying with him. Waited till he was released and got out of it, never felt more relieved.”
I Just Wanna Listen To My Podcast
“I just dumped my girlfriend over the weekend because of this:
She went to Miami for a few days on a work trip, asked me if I could pick her up when she arrives Saturday night at Newark Airport (I live in Brooklyn, so this is far from convenient for me) and I agree. She lands at 11pm so I plan to arrive at 11:20, giving time for taxi’ing to the gate and getting her luggage. I account for tolls and traffic and nail my arrival. I see her waiting at the curbside pickup area and wave and pullover.
She tosses her bags in the back, gets in the front seat and slams the door, puts headphones in her ears, and throws up her hoodie. I’m like ‘…Uh. Hi?’ She didn’t give me a hug or kiss, not a ‘I missed you’ or a ‘Thanks again for the ride’ or even a freaking hello. She says she just wants to listen to her podcast and I’m like, ‘Fine, whatever,’ and turn on my car radio only to be met by a loud ‘ugh’ from my right. I turn to her and ask what her issue is and she tells me the radio is affecting her ability to hear her podcast. That’s when I knew. Dumped her right there and then.”
It’s Complicated With Kids
“She was unemployed, flunked cooking school (twice), badgered me constantly to marry her after dating/living together for 2 years because her ‘calling was to be a housewife for 4-6 children.’ She was super manipulative and emotionally abusive which is why I stayed with her for so long. I regret every day of it. She didn’t have OCD or any other mental condition (or at least was never diagnosed) she was so self absorbed and such a hypochondriac that she was getting evaluated by psychologists and doctors all the time for mental and physical conditions she thought she had.
She was a little on the thick side when I met her but had a part time job and was in school and had hopes and dreams of being a great chef. After six months, I noticed she gained a little weight. By the time we broke up, she weighed around 250lbs. But appearance doesn’t mean anything if the other person has a nice personality. She didn’t. She watched all the Harry Potter movies on a loop on her phone (with no headphones) or slept all day. And she ate a can of chocolate cake frosting. No joke. No cake but the can is empty. Evidence? Yes I have it. An unwashed but licked spoon with chocolate frosting sitting in the sink
But this line made me dump her instantly:
‘When we have kids, I can’t change them or bathe them because I’m afraid of getting turned on by them or touching them inappropriately.’
Be Kind To Your SOs!
“I was nearly married to a woman that I now realize was part of one of the most abusive relationships that I’ve ever been in. I loved her, or so I thought, and justified her reactions and the way she treated me in my head.
Looking back, there were red flags all over. She didn’t have a job, didn’t get me anything for either my birthday or Christmas and one time called me a butter face which, even for a guy, is a bit hurtful to say to a lover.
She walked into my apartment one time and started screaming at me to go on a walk with her whilst I was playing a video game and started cursing at me that I was a loser. I blinked and came to the realization that people who love one another don’t say these sorts of things. I kicked her out and hadn’t talked to her since.
I’m now engaged to be married to an absolutely wonderful woman who is truly one of the best people I have ever met. She’s incredibly loving, we have a ton in common from games to painting miniatures and stuff, and we even have relatively similar jobs so we can complain and vent about stuff and understand it.
She’s great. I’m so glad I didn’t marry Adrienne. Good riddance, Adrienne.”
Don’t Mess With The Protection
“My ex used to poke holes in our protection trying to get me pregnant so I wouldn’t leave.
I only found out because his roommate suspected something, because my ex kept saying things like ‘what if she gets pregnant’ and saying if I did he’d have to move out and get a place with me to raise a kid. His roommate asked if we were being safe, I said yeah, and he told me I might wanna take a test. It’s really common for me to skip period, so I hadn’t thought anything of it.
Turns out, I was pregnant. Thing is, I’m very sick with chronic illnesses, and in not knowing I was pregnant, I wasn’t able to get the medical help I needed for the baby to survive and ended up miscarrying shortly after I even found out. So while it’s kind of sad, it’s probably also a good thing that happened since I was only 20 (he was 25 with a career and ‘ready to settle down’ even after I said I wasn’t). He was also abusive looking back, but didn’t realize that until the whole debacle happened.”
Emotional Vampires, Man
“When I realized that I had a knot in my stomach every time I got a text, call, or was going to see him, and I was restless and wanted to go home when we were together, I realized that he was not the one. Which lead to the realization that our conversations had gone from talking about things we liked and things that intrigued us, to me nodding through so many monologues about everything he disliked about everything.
I didn’t really know how it got there without me noticing, but when I did I also noticed how bleak everything looked from the crook of his arm.
It was reinforced when I broke up, and he said, ‘You’re throwing all the positive things we have away for one bad week?’ One week? What positive things?!
Emotional vampires, man.”