When getting married, it’s not just marrying one person. It’s marrying their family too. With that can come, rude in-laws, one cannot stand. People discuss the most deceitful things their MILs tried to get away with. Content has been edited for clarity.
Her Definition Of Lazy
“Within five minutes of being introduced to my MIL-to-be, she told me she had already picked out someone for her son, and I was basically told to go away. Mind you, this was in California and this was a typical Caucasian family.
Several months later, it was Thanksgiving. My doctor had threatened to hospitalize me with pneumonia, but my guy pleaded with him. He promised I would stay on the sofa under a pile of blankets. His mom, however, was very angry at me since I didn’t prepare a full meal for him. She told everyone I was lazy for decades.
We wanted to get married on a cruise but opted for a traditional wedding for her sake. We chose to have it close to where we were living in Arizona. She never forgave me for not having it in California. Sometime after our 15th anniversary, she told us we should have just eloped because it wasn’t what she wanted, where she wanted it and she didn’t like the invite list. Mind you, the girl she had picked out was on her list.
The day we were moving into our first home, she made a surprise visit. She lived several hours away, so it was a huge surprise. We had to stop everything to fix up a guest room for her. She sat down and wanted the tv hooked up. She became indignant when I didn’t immediately offer her something to drink. I think I was moving boxes into a back room. You know, I was being ‘lazy’ again.
Several months later, she was visiting again. My husband had gone to bed, and she wanted to know why I was so quiet around her. I explained to her I was intimidated by her outspoken and loud nature. She pressed on and on until I began crying.
She then exclaimed, ‘What the heck is wrong with you? Are you sick?!’
No, she did not say this with concern. She said this with a face full of malice and disgust.
Those were just a few examples from the very onset of my relationship with her. I’ve been a part of her family for almost 23 years. I’m not as submissive as I used to be, but she still tried to railroad me at every opportunity. My husband has gotten better at interference, but he would rather not deal with her either. At one point, he completely cut off communication with her until she apologized to me and made efforts to fix her behavior. It was a great two years. Slowly she slipped back into her old ways but became better at hiding it.
We have since moved to Florida. Life is so much easier with that great distance between us. I wouldn’t move back for anything.”
A Massive Over-Step
“My daughter hasn’t seen her father since she was two years old, (she’s almost nine now) because she had said some weird things that signaled that he might be starting to cause harm to her. I took her to the doctor, who then called Child Protective Services, but nothing ever came of it because of the lack of evidence. It ended with the CPS worker telling me I should let my ex have visitation again. I did not let him have visitation and told him if he wanted visitation, he better take me to court. There was no previous court order and surprise, he wouldn’t get one because he was afraid I would file for child support.
So, as last year goes, I got a message from my brother telling me my ex was in jail. I messaged my ex’s son’s mother because she already had a court order for visitation, she still had to let him see his son. She informed me he was going to jail because he battered a 10-year-old boy so badly he was in the hospital, and it had come out that he had also caused immense harm to the boy’s eight-year-old sister repeatedly.
A few months later, around Thanksgiving, I get a message from my ex’s mother, wanting to see my daughter for Thanksgiving at their place. This was not unusual. She usually came and picked her up for the day on some holidays somewhere between three-to-six times a year previously. Their family usually has the holiday celebration a few days after or before the holiday so they can make sure everyone can come. I let her come pick up my daughter for their holiday celebration.
I’ve taught my daughter to always be honest with me and tell me everything in these situations, so when she got home, she looked uncomfortable when I asked if she had fun. It took a few times of her telling me it wasn’t a big deal, but then she came out and told me her grandma kept talking to her about her dad and had made it seem like I’m the reason she never saw her dad.
I was the reason, and I made it very clear to my daughter that I did keep her away from him because I thought he would hurt her. She doesn’t remember telling me what her dad had done to her when she was two, but she does remember him being horrible to me when he and I were together. I told my daughter if her grandma tried to talk to her about her dad again and she didn’t want to, she could simply tell her she didn’t want to talk about him.
I also got confirmation that she was talking bad about me to make me look like a bad person to my daughter. Her kids told her to stop talking about my ex, and one of them contacted my stepdad and told him what happened to make sure he would tell me.
So yeah, my ex-mother-in-law tried to make my daughter mad at me for keeping her away from her horrible father, without realizing it would get back to me by way of my daughter.”
Not A Happy Camper
“We went through a time when my husband was unemployed, and he had worked for his parents. In the state we lived in if you are employed by the family, they are not required to pay unemployment. At the time, we had a camper trailer with his parents. Our name was on the loan, not theirs; which I wasn’t happy about it, to begin with. They were very inconsistent with giving us half of the payment. It finally reached a point where we told them we had more important bills to pay and they would need to take over the whole payment. They stopped giving us money for the payment, and the camper got repossessed.
About two years later, our daughter had surgery on her ear. They practically cut off the ear, repaired the eardrum, and sewed her ear back on. His parents didn’t come to see her that day, or the day after, not until the following week. One of my husband’s cousins sent an email checking in on our daughter. I called her, and she let slip that MIL had told all the family in Pennsylvania she was giving us money for the camper, and we used it to pay other bills and let the camper go to the bank on purpose.
I saw red. Between that and not seeing their granddaughter after surgery, I was hot. I managed to calmly contact my husband’s grandmother and aunt to confirm if they had been told this, and they had. I was livid but waited a few days until I composed an email calling MIL out on her lies and sent it to most of the family in Pennsylvania. My MIL didn’t speak to me for several years, but it was worth it. She finally started treating my husband and kids right. I couldn’t care less what she thought of me.”
“On the day of my first wedding, we were having a small family-only reception at my parent’s house after the ceremony. While we were eating cake, my MIL said she had an announcement to make. She told us, without a hint of concern about how her announcement would be received, that as she had just retired from her job and her lease on the house she had lived in for years had expired. She then said she would be moving into the house my husband and I had just finished building as soon as possible.
To the rest of the family, including my husband, it was a bombshell. My traditional mother immediately remarked that surely it was not fair to move in with the newlyweds. Then my MIL responded that she had no choice as she only had her government pension to live on. My husband just sat there gobsmacked and speechless.
Ten minutes later, my MIL left the house. She had been there for no more than 30 minutes and had not attended the wedding. It was obvious she only came to make her announcement.
Months earlier, when I got engaged, my father, knowing what my future MIL was like and that she and I did not have a good relationship, had done some digging. He knew her lease was expiring, and he knew the date of her impending retirement.
During the building of my husband’s and my house, which my husband completely left up to me to oversee, I made sure that there was a fully outfitted one-bedroom apartment in the walkout basement. I had told my husband it was for his mother, as I knew what was coming, but I don’t think he believed me.
He viewed it as a way to make extra money as a rental unit and that ‘yeah, sure, Mom can move in and pay rent someday when she’s too old to take care of herself’.
Well, she moved in the same day we did, and for the next two years until, for other reasons, I made her move out, she never paid a penny of rent.”
“My husband and I have been married for several years now and there’s been so much, that I don’t know where to start. When I first met his family, I told him I was pretty sure they didn’t like me and I usually have a good sense of these things. He thought I was wrong, but I was proved correct. The first time I met my MIL was at a birthday party for one of his uncles. It was the first time I had met most of the family, and we sat with her and his father. She honestly disregarded me completely.
She never spoke to me, only spoke to my husband about how amazing it was for his golden brother, his wife, and their two kids to have spent the night with them the night before this due to the heat being out or something. My MIL bragged about them and only spoke about how great that was (again never talking to me). Everyone had already eaten and was leaving by the time we got there because I had to work and the place wasn’t close to us. Another time that comes to mind is she worked at a major department store that sold clothing. She mentioned to my husband they had cheap big brand rain jackets and asked if he wanted one. Unbeknownst to me, he said yes and asked if could she also get me one.
A few weeks later, we went to their house to visit and give our wedding invitations and she gave him the jackets which were black and red, showed the ones she got for herself and her husband (pretty blue and green) and proceeded to say the uglier colors are all that come in XL then, she said whichever color he doesn’t want, I guess you can have. I don’t know when your birthday is, but whenever it is happy birthday. It’s worth mentioning here the entire family has always made me feel uncomfortable, but we hand-delivered some invitations and mailed the rest after we left. His dad demanded to know why the rest of the family wasn’t invited. We explained they were, but he made a big deal we didn’t deliver them all.
Another time, I was driving my husband’s truck to work and I’d drop him off and pick him up since we only had one vehicle, and my work schedule allowed for that. He was fine with it, I was fine with it, we knew it was temporary until we saved up for a new vehicle. His family despised me driving his vehicle that again was his and we both paid for the gas and upkeep. At this point we were engaged and shared our money, anyways the truck kept having issues, we would take it to the mechanic and something else would go wrong. It’s an older truck so it wasn’t unexpected, just unwelcome.
We moved into our new home two days before and wanted to get unpacked as quickly as possible and enjoy having our meal in this new home. He declined the offer to go to the aunt’s new house to which she replied she hopes he enjoys his ‘family and house.’ A few days later all heck broke loose. He received texts from both aunts and his brother about how he is not a man because he lets his wife control him and they didn’t get their stuff and now the people that bought the house won’t let them have it, etc. they had plenty of time, and how was that my fault?
They were all crazy, but my MIL was one for the books too. She thought he should listen to only them and not care what I think or say when I am his family. They are messed up.”
Doctor Or Grandmother
“My MIL would typically keep two kids at a time to visit her (we have four kids total). About two weeks ago, she had my oldest son (eight) and youngest daughter (two). There had been some very minor medical things going on with my oldest son, which we’ve brought him to his doctor, and had him tested for. Even though it was not her business at all, we told her about the results. All tests came back negative, and nothing serious was going on. She watched them throughout that weekend, and when it was time for them to come home, not only did he come home with a bad haircut.
Hours later, he told me, ‘MiMi got me to pee on a stick.’
After questioning him and researching what it was he was describing, I found out she gave him a medical test. I guess she felt obligated to do so since she has access to certain tests from her work as a Pediatrics Nurse. There was a reason our children saw a different Pediatrician in a completely different office with different nurses. But regardless of profession, certifications, or familial entitlement, she shouldn’t have given a minor a medical test without her parents’ knowledge or consent. I’m not sure if it’s fully a legal issue, but it’s an ethical issue where I live.
Other things MIL thought would go unnoticed and/or unannounced:
She got another one of my son’s hair trimmed.
My MIL asked my husband why I’m taking certain medications, and what my doctor appointments are for.
Then she brought one of our kids in public during unprecedented times without asking. We told them specifically we weren’t taking our kids out in public for any reason; not even church or school.
She bought things for our kids and our home, knowing we didn’t want anything expensive from them. She did this before we know about it so we have to accept it; more unannounced and surprising than unnoticed, though.”
Hey That’s My Cup
“There were so many times my MIL was rude to me; it was hard pinpointing one.
When I was pregnant, in my third trimester, one morning I went to the kitchen to get water so I could take my medicine. My MIL was making a scene there. She saw me and started yelling at me because of some cup. I should mention that my MIL and I spoke different languages. I burst into tears, and I tried to walk away from the kitchen, but she was blocking my way no matter where I would go.
During this time, she was demanding a high pitch from me to explain why I was crying. From that moment, I had a panic attack. This was not my first one, so I understood that it was a panic attack, and I knew what I needed to do. But, she still wouldn’t let me go. She freaked out because she knew that if my husband or FIL would find out about it, she would be in a lot of trouble. I managed to take water and sit down near the window, she started crying.
This was her normal scene. She loved playing a victim. She was telling me that she loves me like her daughter and asked if I needed a doctor. All I wanted at that moment was for her to leave me alone. After all, I did tell my husband about the situation. Not so long after this happened, my husband, MIL, and I went to vote. While we were waiting in line, she started pushing me away from my husband. She was shoving my pregnant belly. She thought that because there were a lot of people around, my husband wouldn’t pay attention. But he did and protected me.”
Wicked MIL Of The West
“My ex-mother-in-law was an awful woman. She was selfish and mean. she was always chasing her family away because of how bad she treated all of them.
When my ex-husband and I were on our honeymoon, his younger brother fought with their mother. He ran away and broke into our apartment while we were away traveling. We, as newlyweds, came home to chaos and found ourselves in the middle of this family mess the day after our return. And mind you, I was a very young girl in a very new situation. This woman came to my house screaming at me, accusing me of coming between her and both of her sons.
I was naive and no one has spoken to me like this or been so disrespected. The fact I had nothing to do with her younger son showing up uninvited in our home but there she was blaming me and starting out badly with a new family member.
I ran to the table where a large pile of change lay and gathered some up. This was 1969, so we had no cell phones. We did not yet get a house phone, and I meant to run to a phone booth to call my mom.
She sensed that’s what I was doing and started mocking me saying, ‘Go on and call your Mommy, you baby.’
I was in her family for 13 years, but we never had the loving, trusting relationship that I would have hoped for. She was a wicked, wicked woman.”
Not A Holly Jolly Christmas
“My monster-in-law from my first marriage tried to pull off a doozy.
My then-wife and I married in our hometown of St Louis, Missouri. Two days later, we headed west for Colorful, Colorado where I was to begin law school the following week. Although my monster-in-law genuinely loved and respected me, there was a not-so-subtle resentment that I was taking her baby away from her.
When our first Christmas arrived, my former wife and I did not have the money to fly home. So her mother shipped our Christmas presents to us, as did my parents. We opened up our presents on Christmas morning. After we finished exchanging our gifts, we began to open up the presents from our families. First were the gifts from my folks. They were fun gifts and practical gifts that we sorely needed, and lots of them.
Then, we turned to the presents that her mother had sent us, both of them. My gift was one of those umbrellas you got for free at the time when you purchased a bottle of Armani cologne. My former wife’s gift was two pairs of ugly socks and a belt. Bad enough. But the coup de grace was a videotape of her family exchanging their presents, which they did a week before Christmas. The tape showed my wife’s mother showering the rest of her family. Which, included her son-in-law, with every present under the sun.
In a blatant attempt that she tried to pull off as being sincere, my former wife’s mother and oldest sister kept staring at the camera, saying things like: ‘See what you’re missing, Carol. You’ve got to talk David into moving back home.’
My former wife cried for hours, spoiling our first Christmas together. It was disgusting.
Her mother never expressed one ounce of support for us, nor did she acknowledge that we were starting a new life of our own. Five years later, her not-so-sneaky tactics worked. My former wife left me and moved back to St Louis to live with her overbearing and dominating mother.”
“This was about thirty years ago, but it still riles me up. My mother-in-law never seemed to like my daughter. She had told me she was a spoiled child because no one ever said ‘no’ to her. On another occasion, grandma was visiting, riding in the back next to my daughter in her car seat. The daughter said something to us, in the front seat, which we chose to ignore.
So, my MIL smacked her. She tried to hide it, being in the backseat, but we knew, and our daughter confirmed it. I wish I could say I slugged her, but it would be a lie. We stopped driving five hours to get her for the holidays, and of course, five hours back. I will add that I can’t remember her holding her granddaughter on her lap, telling her stories, or even speaking kindly to her.
Although an accomplished knitter, she never made anything for my daughter. The homemade sweater came from my brother’s mother-in-law. After that, we adopted her into my family as the loving grandmother she was, very grateful for her loving attention and beautiful soul.”