Dating can be fun for some, others should probably just stay home and not waste time...
Dating His Mom?
“Young kid/teen brings his girl on a date. They are young enough that they need his mom to bring them. His mom is cool and offers to go sit at the bar so they can have privacy. He tells her no. He then proceeds to talk only to his mom the whole time they were there” (Source).
Stood Up And Fell Down
“A guy got stood up. He then drank a magnum bottle of red wine (8 glasses of wine) and ate 3 apps out of depression. His date called him and he started cussing her out. He asked for more wine and then I had to cut him off. So he got up and tried to run out of the restaurant with a bottle he grabbed from a rack. An off duty cop tackled him in the lobby and then he s–t his pants in front of everyone waiting for a table. He lied there screaming with the guy holding him down until the cops arrived and arrested him. This is my fondest memory of being a bartender at Olive Garden” (Source).
Cheap Tool
“I’m a waitress at a mid-range priced bar/grill. Just yesterday, a younger couple came in, and as I greet them I ask if they want anything besides water. Conversation is as follows- Girl: May I have a Coke? Or Pepsi? Boy: God, Erin. I’m paying. Girl: Water will be fine actually. My heart immediately sank, because you bet that he tipped less than 10% too” (Source).
Tinder Fail Leads To Love?
“I was a waiter as a first job. It was an attractive young woman and an average-looking man. First off, these people were 30 and I have no clue why they decided to go to Applebee’s for dinner. The guy was wearing plaid sleep pants and a oversized red zip-up Columbia. The woman was dressed more nicely, but it was still casual. All goes well until it comes time for entrées. This guy orders a f–k ton of ribs (a few full racks) and refuses the girl her original order of a house sirloin, which was only about $6 less, than a fifth of his order. The man orders a four dollar salad and a water for her. The woman stops talking completely while the man talks about some crazy party he went to. The man guzzles a few Strawberry Quencher iced teas, says ‘See ya Friday, b—h,’ and leaves her with the bill. She said the guy seemed nice when they talked on Tinder, but was very uncomfortable with him in real life, and afraid to say something. A co-worker and I paid for her meal, and later she and the same co-worker starting dating, and they are engaged now” (Source).
The ‘Extra’ Storyteller
“I was eating dinner at the table next to a first date where the guy spent almost an hour giving a scene by scene retelling of an episode of ‘Aqua Teen Hunger Force’. This was amazing and terrible for several reasons. His retelling was like three times as long as an episode of the show. The show is so weird that explaining it, even coherently to someone who hasn’t it seen it, let alone clearly has no interest in cartoons, would be an impossible task. Several times throughout his retelling the girl asked him to ‘please stop’. My wife and I still reference this incident nearly 10 years later. If the conversation ever has a lull in it one of us will just start giving a recap of the most f—ed up movie/show we can think, preferably half-way through and without any context” (Source).
That’s What You Get For A Tinder Date
“I’m not a waiter, but I do work customer service at a movie theater and as I was giving someone tickets, I saw this couple who were on their first date. The conversation goes something like this- Guy: We’re seeing Triple X. One ticket. Girl: (as sweetly as can be) I drove all the way from Orlando and you’re not even going to buy my ticket? (note: Orlando is an hour and a half away from where we are) Guy: Well that’s what happens when you get a date on tinder. My coworker and I both just looked at each other and went WTF” (Source)?
Bringing Up The EX And Others
“My fiance and I go to get some dinner Sunday night and end up in a Chili’s-esque establishment. We are seated across from what was obviously a first date (all the awkward body language, dressed a bit better than the establishment really requires etc). The girl was a bit of a loud talker and so we were occasionally, accidentally, eavesdropping. At first we just kinda chuckled and made a note that it was obviously a 1st date. It eventually escalated to us hiding our laughter at what we were hearing. She had mentioned her ex-boyfriend like 5 times, humble bragged about all the guys who tried to hook up with her, and spoke at length about the intricacies of all of her cats and their dietary needs. We started losing it when we noticed that the guy hadn’t said anything more than ‘oh…’ and ‘hmmm’ in like 15 minutes. He was just being barraged by every single ‘don’t say this stuff on a 1st date’ subject there was. If anyone cares, they were both average looking; The female maybe 1/10 higher than the guy. Also I’m well aware that my fiance and I are horrible people” (Source).
He Talks, She Texts…
“A guy and a girl came in our coffee shop. The guy was a regular, and the girl was someone I saw for the first time; And the last time. Things looking good, they talk and they both seem interested in each other, so I really don’t know when everything went bad. After a hour and half I noticed that only the guy is talking. And every time the girl tried to say something, he just cut her off. At that time they were still on their first beverage, so I go and offer more, but they decline. The guy is still talking like there would be the end of the world if he stops; The girl starts to look really bored. After two hours of him talking and her being bored out of her mind, I went to their table, and asked them if they want anything: Another drink? Bill maybe? And he dismiss me, saying that they don’t need anything. At this point the girl looked a little scared. So after, I just went to their table every 15 minutes, bringing them water and asking if they need anything. After another hour of him talking, the girl got so bored she took her phone out of the purse and start texting or whatever in front of him, and he didn’t even notice it. Well, another hour later he finally decided that he talked more than enough and wanted to go. I think that was the happiest moment in girl’s life” (Source).
He Hates Kids…Little Does He Know…
“I once had a guy come sit at my bar, who was waiting for his blind date. He orders a couple of drinks to calm his nerves. Well, he probably should have slowed it down to keep his mouth from working faster than his brain. Eventually the woman shows up and is way out of his league; She is absolutely beautiful! She orders a drink and they start talking. I come back to check on them and I hear him talking about how much he hates children. He was saying things like how he hopes he never has any, and that he will never be stuck taking care of them, and how he wishes that kids couldn’t be taken into public places so that he wouldn’t have to be around them. She looked him dead in the eye and said, “Well I have a daughter, and I love her very much.” She grabbed her purse and walked out on him. The look on his face was absolutely priceless” (Source).
From Concert-Goers To Parents
“When I was in high school, my college-aged sister took me to a concert. While we were waiting for the show to start, we noticed a guy and girl in front of us who were clearly on a first date. Their conversation was so awkward that it literally devolved into talking about the weather. Brutal. Because we’re terrible people, my sister and I decided to make fun of the couple by mimicking their embarrassing conversation. After a few minutes of our antics, the guy half-turned his head toward us with a look of pure desperation on his face, as if to say, ‘For the love of god, please don’t make this nightmare worse than it already is. I’m begging you’. So then we stopped making jokes. A few weeks later, my sister came home from a party and told me:’Remember that guy we made fun of at the concert? I just met him. We’re going out on a date’! They are now married with 4 children” (Source).
The Escape
“I worked at Applebee’s and this woman was the WORST WOMAN I’ve ever waited on. She was needy and slurped down her iced tea, like there was a world wide shortage. The guy was silent and didn’t talk once, except to order his quesadilla burger, and she just kept going and going, prattling on. And she was mean too! She was talking down about how people were losers to be servers, and how much better it was to work in a shop. At the end, he went to the bathroom and just never came back. He apparently jetted out the side door where the to-go girls worked and gave them a twenty to give to me. ‘Worst Woman’ was just sitting there and waiting for him to come back. I stood there at the servers station just waiting for her to realize he wasn’t coming back. So after ten minutes, she just started crying, pushes her chair over, and flounced out. I didn’t get a tip, but it made my night” (Source).
Shocking Exit
“It happened at Olive Garden, around 2014 or so, from like 7:30pm – close on a weeknight. Middle-aged man of sub-average attractiveness was sitting alone at a table with a glass of water, insisting that his date would be ‘just a few minutes, there’s traffic’. At around 9:15pm, the manager had to come out and let him know that the restaurant would close at 10, and if he’d like to place a food order, he should probably do it now. He ordered a bruschetta appetizer, and said again that his date was on her way and they would order when she got there. FINALLY at 9:45pm, this BEAUTIFUL woman walks in and awkwardly stands by his table. I couldn’t hear the conversation they had, but the man then asked for a box for the appetizer and they wound up leaving together without her even sitting down” (Source).
The Suspecting Psycho
“I was bartending in New York and watched this couple that had met on Tinder, have their first date sitting at my bar. The girl was a complete maniac. She kept bringing up the fact that the dude she was with could be a psychopath and could murder her (he had given no indication of this). She also went on tinder while he was still sitting beside her at the bar. She kept telling him he was ‘lucky’ that she agreed to meet him at all and she didn’t think he’d be this boring. She ordered about 5 or 6 LITs and several shots, while he literally just had 2 beers. She made him pay for everything! My favorite part of this s–t show was that he excused himself to go to the bathroom and left through the fire escape. Absolutely brilliant! To be clear, there was only one official entrance and exit. This dude escaped out the back and she went searching for him. Straight up thought he had disappeared out of the bar” (Source).
No Interest Whatsoever
“I served a couple a few months ago. Every single time I walked over, he would always be the one talking, and she would just be sitting there not having a good time. At the end I asked if it was one bill or separate and she immediately piped up “SEPARATE”. I go and take his payment, and as I hand over the debit machine to the girl, I see the guy take his phone out and start swiping through tinder” (Source).
The Confrontation
“This man and woman were together, cozy in a booth. Then a different woman storms in through the front door literally dragging two kids behind her, right past the hostess station to stand defiantly in front of the couple and proceeds to B—H. The dude was NAILED” (Source).
Post-Surgery Date
“I work in an Italian restaurant. A few years ago I waited on a guy and girl who met for the first time upon arriving at the restaurant. There were awkward pleasantries exchanged at the door and then they were seated. When I was taking their order the guy asked if we had soup, because he had mouth surgery a few days prior and chewing food was still a little rough. We didn’t have soup, so I explained that the ‘softest’ food on the menu was gnocchi. He ordered the house gnocchi and proceeded to cut each tiny dumpling into four or more pieces and slowly chew each piece. He ate that entire dish over a 3-hour period and the girl stuck it out for the whole thing. She looked miserable and I’m pretty sure they never saw each other again” (Source).
New Crew Rollin’ Out
“I was actually the one on the horrible date. We went to Teppan-yaki (after he REFUSED I have any say as to where we go) and the first thing he ordered was a round of tequila shots for himself…he got drunk within the first 15 minutes. Then he refused to order teppan-yaki because he was ‘too sophisticated’, so he instead got 4 rounds of sushi (California rolls). When the server brought us the soup, it almost spilled on me and he screamed like a little girl. The whole restaurant looked at him and he proclaimed ‘I got everyone’s attention to save you’. A guy in the group sitting next to us, stopped the bowl from falling on my lap (the seating is family-style). He disappeared to complain about the menu setup to the manager, and I hit the ground running. The group sitting next to me would joke around with me the whole time while I tried to avoid being berated and touched by this drunk a–, know-it-all, ‘god complex’ creep. Then that group invited me out to bowling after I ran out and it actually turned out to be a really great night” (Source)!
No Wallet, More Problems
“I worked a a sushi restaurant and the guy ordered the most expensive combinations off the menu. He was trying to impress the girl the whole way through, only to find that he didn’t bring his wallet when the bill came. The girl had expected the guy to pay. The girl stalked off saying, ‘I don’t need this s–t’. And the guy had to wait for his buddy to come pay” (Source).
Put To Sleep
“This happened a few weeks ago at the bar where my boyfriend is working. So, a boy and a girl sit together drinking beer, and you’ll think this will be a good date, but NO. The guy got drunk after a few hours and the girl was so bored, that she was scrolling and chatting with other people on Facebook. After a while, the guy leaned his head back and fell asleep. Everyone noticed him and started laughing, while the girl paid for her drink and left” (Source).
Thank God They Didn’t Ride Together
“My friends took me to a restaurant for my birthday a couple years ago. We were sat next to a couple that were obviously on a first date. It seemed like they met online. Didn’t pay much attention to them because I was with my friends. However, my ears perked up when the girl started to go on about how Jesus Christ is her one true savior. Everyone at my table seemed to freeze and start to listen.Throughout the course of BOTH of our meals, this guy tried to have a theological debate with this girl. Wrong move, because if you’re OK with dating someone regardless of their religion, you know to ditch this convo right quick on a first date. This girl probably didn’t shape up to this guy’s expectations because he remained steadfast in trying to convince this girl that there are other outlets of faith and understanding besides Christianity. As you would expect, the girl was just as stubborn with trying to convince him to accept Jesus into his life. I felt so bad for both of them because their date had turned into a sh_tfest and neither of them knew when to stop. Even though the guy was the main instigator, I felt bad for him because I live in a very urban/suburban area and people with such staunch attitudes about religion are spread pretty thin. Both their party and mine left at about the same time (they had been seated and served before us, but they were too busy being at each other’s throats to eat properly). Wouldn’t you know it, I was even there to hear their awkward goodbye conversation, because they were standing outside one of their cars. The guy basically just told the girl to open her mind and that he wouldn’t be contacting her again. I’m just glad they drove separately because I don’t want to know how much longer their argument could have gone on” (Source).
