Ah, Valentine's Day. The one night where every restaurant will be jam-packed with couples. You can eavesdrop and hear many interesting things from the different relationships around you.
Below, people share the craziest conversations they've overheard while dining out on Valentine's Day. Check them out!
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
Hope In A Subway
“It was late and I really hungry, so I figured I’d go to the nearest Subway.
There was just one couple in the entire place, sitting and eating (Subway isn’t exactly the most romantic place for a Valentine’s Day dinner). Seemed like they were in their mid-30’s. No phones, no texting. Just talking.
After ordering my takeaway and on my way out, I heard the guy say ‘I promise, next year will be better.’ I couldn’t hear anything after that but the girl was smiling.
I was really happy that there are people out there who are trying despite their personal/financial problems. There is still hope for this world!”
He Better Not Get Down On One Knee…
“‘Calamari, crispy bacon onion rings, pineapple upsidedown cake? If these ring-shaped foods are an indicator of what you may try after our dinner Charles, I will poop a circle on your plate and walk out on you, I swear to God.'”
Keeping His Head Up
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“I went for a pizza last night. While I was waiting, a man sitting next to me asked me if I ordered the heart pizza? I say, ‘No, just a regular one. You?’ And he said, ‘Yeah, my wife loves it.’
I told him that was cool and I wished him and his wife a happy Valentine’s Day. He said, ‘Thanks, she loved this holiday, she now celebrates it in the company of God.’
I felt really bad for that man but at least he was kind of optimistic about his loss.”
Nothing Was Right For Miss Priss
“Ooh ooh I have a really good one…
First, the girl’s marg was too ‘bitter’ so they needed to order a new one. Okay, no big deal. Food comes out pretty quickly. They had to send back one of the small plates because it had bell peppers on it, she’s allergic to bell peppers, can they have another one without peppers? Sure.
At this point, a manager comes by to make sure everything is okay after the drink fiasco and learns about the bell pepper issue. Server comes back and says that bell pepper is actually cooked into the dish’s sauce, would she like to order something else? No, it’s okay, she only allergic to raw bell peppers. There’s an oil that goes away once it’s cooked. Okay…
After dinner, the guy says to her, ‘I just wanted to let you know, for your Valentine’s Day present, I’m going to pay for your Sirius radio for the next year!’
‘Oh… (long awkward pause) I guess I was kinda expecting a little … more …’ Poor guy looks shocked. She goes on, ‘I thought with you getting your raise this year, we’d be going to Miami.’
‘Well, this isn’t your present or anything and nothing is set in stone, but I’m working on planning the Miami trip.’
She’s still disappointed. This goes on for a little while. Finally, she accepts the gift and seems content.
It’s clear the guy doesn’t have a ton of money but wanted to do something thoughtful. And this restaurant was not exaxtly cheap ($100+ check for hubby and me) so this was probably supposed to be like, a super nice dinner for them. I felt bad for the dude.”
Potatoes, Rice, Ruined
“I overheard this on Valentine’s Day from the table behind me.
Him: ‘Do you like rice?’
Her: ‘I dunno really, what’s it made out of?’
Him: ‘Potato I think?’
Her ‘No, I don’t like it then.’
My toes nearly burst through the bottom of my shoes I was that angry. I didn’t turn round so I’ve no idea what they looked like, but they sounded like they were in their early twenties and hadn’t paid a lot of attention to their teachers”
This Can’t Go Wrong
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“I’m dining in a restaurant when I hear a woman say:
‘What do you mean you had someone on the side and she’s pregnant!?’
How the woman said that as calmly as she did without just beating the dude in the head ’til the white meat showed, I don’t know.
The funny thing was that she was way, way out of his league.”
Alllllrighty Then
“Last year we overheard a woman sharply say to her companion (I’d guess boyfriend, not spouse): ‘I’m not going to have you mess up my hair just because you want to get your man juice all over my face!’ She was obviously a bit frustrated and snarked it back at him…a bit loudly.
My wife had some pasta sauce come out her nose which made it even more funny. We’re pretty sure the couple figured out we’d heard them.”
What Is This Game?
“Two couples at the table next to us. One of the girls led a guy in with a blindfold on. I find this intriguing.
They order drinks. He still has the blindfold on. Funny.
Then dinner is served. The guy is fumbling around with the utensils trying to eat his Chimichanga. Much of it gets on his shirt.
He took it off after dinner though. None of us could figure out what it was.”
Yikes…
“Sat at a table next to a woman (African-American) and her date who went on a tirade about how Asian people were all racist against black people and will scheme and trick them out of money because they don’t want to ‘steal the money of their own race.’ She used an example of how every Asian-ran store will discriminate against black people so they can’t ever make returns and how she should have the right to change her mind about any product and return it for a full refund.
She then started talking about how Asian immigrants are taught how to ‘handle blacks’ when they move to America and that’s why they always try and rip them off. And that the only reason why the average person doesn’t know about this huge conspiracy is because they all always ‘speak Asian’ to each other so no one can understand them.
I’m looking forward to the headline that breaks that the KKK has inducted its first black member.”
Painful To Watch
“Oh, this was so cringy at the bar in the restaurant lobby…
Her: ‘…and it said it was one of the top 20 places to get married on the lake!’
Him: ‘OK’
Her: ‘But I can’t get married on an odd-numbered year so it has to be either 2018 or 2020.’
Her: [pause, then excitedly] ‘I’m just SOOO curious about how you’re gonna do it!’
Him: ‘Why are we talking about this here?’
Her: ‘I just like.. wanna know how you’re gonna plan it out!’
Him: ‘Do you think I don’t have a plan?’
At this point, I had gotten my drink and I had to get away from that. It was painful.”
GOSH
“They were having a huge fight because the guy cut his tater-tots into smaller pieces before eating them. She apparantly, had gone to debutante school or some crap and was aghast. 45 minutes of fighting over that. To his credit though, these taters were 5 times normal size and you only got 5 as I would describe the restaurant as a romantic, semi-classy, crab shack. Still…”
Rage Mode, Engage
“I went to the restaurant I work at because I get a discount. Of course, we got a really nice dinner at a generously discounted price. When I thanked my manager for taking almost $20 off of the bill my manager said, ‘You deserve it, thank you for working so hard.’ The table next to us was pissed. The woman had maybe two or three too many drinks and started screaming in my manager’s face. Her husband tried to calm her down and she swung at him multiple times. She was yelling that it wasn’t fair that I got a discount because I didn’t do anything. She insulted me and my significant other and called my manager an idiot.
I have never heard my manager bark an order to anyone. I’ve never heard him raise his voice. But when she turned to swing at him he got in her face and barked at her to follow him. She immediately went from a scrapper to terrified little girl and followed him with her head down. The police came and took her home. It was quite an interesting show with dinner.”
The Impromptu Champions
“Every Tuesday I go to my local gastro-pub to play trivia with my sister and a few of our friends. Despite this particular Tuesday being Valentine’s Day, the host reassured us that there would, in fact, be trivia that evening.
After sitting at the bar for roughly 30 minutes waiting for our table in the trivia section to open, we are finally seated (2 person table, 4 people, the edge of the room. Apparently, they way overbooked with reservations for the night). Dead center in the sectioned off room there is a long table with three elderly couples sitting. First thing I notice is one of the gentlemen wearing a bright red suit with a pink brimmed hat. It becomes obvious that this table is a triple-date of lifelong friends. Adorable, right? It immediately became clear that they had absolutely no idea that Trivia was about to begin, all around them, with an incredibly loud hostess yelling across the room for two hours.
Trivia starts, and you can tell that there is a general feeling of awkwardness within the room as a group of 30 people were about to start a game whilst completely surrounding a table of older couples just trying to enjoy their candlelit prix fixe dinner. To our tables surprise, they opt into trivia by grabbing a pencil and answer sheet and proceed to kick the crap out of every other team. Before everyone started packing up to leave, old guy #2 walks around with a heart-shaped candy dish (that he brought from home) spooning conversation hearts onto everyone’s tables. By this time my heart was melting and I feared that I had fallen in love with an unavailable man that was 50 years older than me. Just my luck. I didn’t think these six city slickers could get any cooler until Old Man #3 pulls out two red ribbon twirlers and starts twirling them around the room!”
How Could They?!
“It wasn’t a conversation, but I was at Outback and saw someone put ketchup on a $30 steak. I was disgusted.”
35 Years And All I’ve Heard Is Sighing
“We had another couple over for pizza and a movie. We are old.
I heard my friend (the woman) sigh loudly during the movie. So I got up and asked her to help me in the kitchen.
She then revealed how much she loathes watching movies with her husband and she didn’t know what to do about such a simple complaint. But she’s been watching movies at home with her husband every weekend for the past 35 years.
Um…never too late to change? I had no idea what to say to her.
I really don’t know why she loathes it so, but it might help if he watched something other than the same John Wayne movies, though.”
A Life Saved
“I was in an emergency room.
I was being treated for a dog bite when a young girl (college age) and her girlfriend came in and sat on the bed next to me. It looked like she had maybe been in a fight or perhaps had an accident on a bike. Physical injuries. The doctors pulled the little hanging curtains between our beds and I presume started to examine her. Since there was only the hanging curtain between us I could hear everything she told the doc. Apparently, she had taken a nasty spill down some stairs. The doctor leaves and then I can hear the girl and her girlfriend quietly talking. It’s very clear that the girlfriend of the injured girl is telling her to tell the doctor what actually happened.
I can’t recall every detail of what they said but it was very clear that the boyfriend of the injured girl was responsible for her injuries and the friend wanted her to tell the doctors the truth. The injured girl was refusing to comply saying things like ‘It won’t happen again’. From the bits I heard this wasn’t the first time it had happened.
Now in my ‘room,’ the tech comes back to resume cleaning out my wound. I make eye contact with him and motion him closer so I can whisper in his ear. ‘It’s the boyfriend’ while I motion to the ‘room’ next to me. He gets what I’m saying. Nods. Leaves. No less than 30 seconds later the injured girl’s doctor walks into her ‘room’ and blatantly asks ‘Where you assaulted?’
Quiet.
Then tears.
The doctor leaves the room. Looks at me. He says thank you and walks away. I have no idea whatever happened. By the time I was leaving the ER, two officers were in her space and were talking with her much more softly than before so I couldn’t hear much.
That’s my only eavesdropping story. I hope I helped the girl and that she got out.”
Here Comes Clueless
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“The 50-something-year-old guy, after getting the bill: ‘Wow, this is an expensive place.’
His 50-something-year old wife: ‘Well it is Valentine’s Day, and I’m worth it!’
Guy, going completely pale in the face: ‘It’s Valentine’s Day?!’
Dude. There are flowers on every table and balloons that say ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ all over the restaurant. Come on.”
Setting A Standard
“I heard nothing.
An older couple seated next to us ate their meals in complete silence. I’d like to believe they’ve developed some kind of telepathy after having been together for decades, but they just seemed so… sad.
Maybe they enjoy a nice quiet meal together, then talk smack on everyone and everything on their way home. Maybe one is hard of hearing, making conversation in a public place difficult. Maybe they just like being together and enjoying the silence. Or maybe after 44 years of Harold chewing with his mouth open and Sylvia being rude to the wait staff, they’ve settled into a quiet apathy just to fill their bellies without having to watch Wheel of Fortune for one freaking night. I don’t know, but we felt a definite sad vibe, sad enough that after they left, my boyfriend said, ‘I don’t ever want us to become that.'”
Love In The ER
“I ended up at the Emergency wing. So no other dining tables to overhear, but we could hear everything from the curtained off sections in there. My girlfriend tried to sleep it off while on the bed, but some of the noises were scary, some scandalizing, and some outright hilarious:
A guy was there with his wife. When the nurse came around to check for him, he complained that his bed was damp. The nurse asked him, quite loudly actually – ‘Is something leaking?’ Followed by, ‘Where did this come from?’ Followed by, ‘From YOUR DONG?’
Safe to say my girlfriend didn’t care about her pain anymore, she just wanted to get out and shot me daggers for laughing.
This was pretty late at night, I’d say around 3 am or so. Some guy was in there with his friends, he didn’t get a bed in the emergency room, so they crowded a couple of seats. One of his friends, a girl, was rather obnoxiously loud talking about useless things. Then I heard the most satisfying sentiment come from one curtained-off bed, when a man, clearly unimpressed by what the girl had to say, shouted: ‘SHUT THE EFF UP.’ It was glorious. I think everyone said a silent thank you to him. I know I did.
It’s safe to say it was a unique Valentine’s Day.”
Two Very Different Stories
“This happened a few years ago. My wife and I went out to eat and drink at the bar. This older looking lady came in with this guy that looked much younger. She started drinking heavily and was loud. She was hitting on the bartender and the guys around her. The dude that she was with seemed like he wasn’t fazed at all.
They get seated behind us and she’s hitting on the waiter, and is all over the dude that she’s with. Assuming that she didn’t puke, they probably had a great time later.
That same night we saw a guy sitting by himself at a table with a flower. We were very curious about his story and we really hoped he didn’t get stood up.”
Divorce, Divorce Everywhere!
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“We stayed in this year, after driving home after work in what seemed like double the traffic we both agreed that frozen pizza and drinks at home were perfectly romantic.
Last year though, we went out and we managed to pick a restaurant that had quite a few groups of singles in the bar area. There was one loud woman who had too much to drink and her friend talking to the bartender about how she married and divorced the same man four times, she was in the middle of divorce number four.
And then a group of three guys came in, one was in the middle of a divorce and was fairly angry that his soon to be ex-stayed home all day and never put out. His friends sat there stuck listening to this man viciously spew absolute hatred toward that woman.
Normally my husband and I talk and joke throughout dinner but we sat there quietly listening to all these people around us, talking with our eyes, ‘Did you just hear that!?’ I eyebrowed back, ‘I know!'”
It’s Just Facts
“This happened on Valentine’s Day a few years ago at a restaurant I used to work at. It was a busy night when I noticed that an old acquaintance from high school showed up. This girl was always very mature for her age and I remember her frankly talking about losing her V-Card at the age of 16 in one of our psychology classes.
So while her date goes to the bathroom, I stop by to say hello and to quickly catch up. She told me that this date’s kind of dull and that this guy isn’t getting any when they get back to his place. All of this was said very matter-of-factly by the way. I wished her the best and went off to do my work.”
