Is love just a click away? These dating app horror stories say otherwise. People share their sh*ttiest experience dating online. Content has been edited for clarity.
First Date Kiss
“I went on a date with a handsome, smart, funny guy who was getting his Ph.D. in mechanical engineering. We had a fantastic time… though he did get a little awkward with his humor at times.
Normally I don’t kiss on the first date, but I had such a nice time, so when he walked me back to my car and went in for the kiss, I reciprocated.
Ouch. Terrible. Couldn’t get away.
I made up some half-assed excuse, ‘I gotta go let the dog out’ and left.
The next morning I woke up with a bruised lip.
Five days later, I went to the ER, sicker than I’d ever been. Turned out I had mono AND strep throat. I wrote him a text apologizing, saying that he might want to go to the doctor… his response?
‘LOL. I had that.’
He gave it to me.”
Crazy Chick
“I was messaged by a girl on POF (Plenty of Fish). Let’s call her ‘Ashley.’ It was one of those conversations that immediately took off, and we talked for at least 4 hours straight. We then decided to go get dinner. She was even better in person—beautiful, witty, laughed at my stupid jokes, and the whole bit. We exchanged goodbyes, and that was the end of our evening.
We texted until about midnight when she said, ‘You’re going to hate me. We should just be friends.’
So, I was like, ‘Okay, whatever.’
She called me the next day and apologized, so I gave her a second chance. At the end of that date, we started making out like we were in middle school, and she stopped us before we got too far, saying she wasn’t ready for that yet.
‘Okay, cool,’ I thought, ‘I can respect that.’
I got home, and she texted me, saying that I was just going to use her if we had hooked up, and she called me a pig.
Um… okay.
The next day, I got a text from Ashley’s phone, asking if I knew where she was since I was the last person she had talked to. Her ‘friend’ went to her house, where Ashley had apparently left her phone and her car, and the front door was wide open. So, I told this mystery person to call the cops. When she refused, I said that I would, and lo and behold, Ashley showed up.
‘I had just gone for a walk. Didn’t know you cared about me so much, lol.’
Yeah, okay, I’m done with this situation.
The next day, I went to work. I usually left my phone in my truck until lunch, so when I went out for lunch at noon, I had 115 new texts and 48 missed calls. Yup, that’s it. I’m done. So, I blocked her number, and that was it. Wrong again.
She knew where I worked and the rough time I got off work, which was almost an hour and a half from where she lived. She tried following me home. I took a roundabout way of getting home, and ran a few red lights, but managed to lose her.
It’s been almost a year, and I haven’t heard from her since.”
“He Had Only Posted A Face Shot”
“I’m a plus-size girl, and I always post a current body shot because I didn’t like people wasting my time if they weren’t going to be into me. So, I was talking to this guy who seemed nice enough, and he asked me to join him for dinner. Okay, sure. He had only posted a face shot.
When we met, he was easily clearing over 450 pounds. I wasn’t really into that, but I stuck it out because he seemed like a nice person. We started with coffee and then walked over to the restaurant. Now, I’m no athlete, but I do enjoy hiking and rough woods camping. I might not be winning any marathons, but I can walk for miles. This poor dude was wheezing within 20 feet of walking. It was clearly a struggle for him. I felt bad for the guy, and I tried to be open-minded, but I couldn’t see myself dating someone that unhealthy. We arrived at the restaurant (which was really good), and he began telling me about himself and his life.
He went on about his roommate, who was dating a crackhead. They would engage in intimate activities all over the place with their doors wide open, do all sorts of hard drugs, and were just generally inconsiderate. He also mentioned that we could make out later, and he would be the dominant partner. I told him I had to leave after dinner and left as soon as it was politely possible.
6-7 months later, I decided to try my luck again, this time with a photographer. We got along okay, the conversation flowed well, and during the date, he asked me about my worst dating experiences. I brought up the larger guy from before and mentioned the wheezing and the awkward push to be dominant, and he asked if the guy’s name was XXX. It turned out I was on a date with the guy’s roommate.
After that, I decided not to use dating sites anymore.”
“She Liked Older Guys”
“I went along with a friend on her first date with this guy she had met on OKC (ok cupid). She was nervous about meeting him alone, so he told her to bring a friend, and he’d bring one of his friends. She told the guy I wasn’t single, but he said that didn’t matter. His friend was cool with it and just liked to meet new people. I also liked to meet new people, and I was willing to help her out, so I agreed.
Fast forward to the bar. The guy showed up, and he had to be as old as my dad. Which, whatever, she liked older guys. He still seemed kind of too old for her, but it wasn’t my business. He also came alone. Perhaps he figured he’d score two women at once this way.
He sat down, and everything went to hell IMMEDIATELY. The guy kept telling me how gorgeous I was while trying to touch my friend—trying to get her to hug him, putting his hand on her knee, telling her to smile, and stuff like that. He was just being really obnoxious. She finally told him he needed to stop touching her; he told her to relax and kept winking at us. He told me I needed to ‘control’ her.
He kept telling us we were ‘so gorgeous’ and ‘so beautiful’ over and over again, as though he’d hit the magic number of compliments and we’d just rip our clothes off right then and there. My friend and I were exchanging serious looks.
So I tried to engage him—asked him to tell me about himself, his job (‘I make a lot of money.’ Wink.), what he liked to do in his free time, etc. He just kept giving us vague, stupid answers, as if he was being coy, and he kept repeating how pretty we were. Seeing that we weren’t going for it, he started telling us (somewhat irritably) that we were ‘just on scholarship.’ I asked him what that meant, and he just winked again. This guy was something else.
So I said, ‘Let me tell you what I think that means—I think you’re upset that we’re not excited that a man of your age and means is spending time trying to woo us. We’re only behaving this way because we’re young and attractive. Is that what you’re trying to say?’
He said no. I started to ask him again what ‘on scholarship’ meant, and he interrupted me—held up his finger—and said, ‘You’re gorgeous, but you really need to stop talking.’
DATE OVER.
My friend and I were shocked. He WINKED AGAIN like he hadn’t just told me to shut my mouth.
My friend said, ‘Okay, we’re done here. Goodnight.’
We stood up and went to another table in the same bar. He didn’t follow us, though he did come by later to apologize. APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED, UGH. I saw him around the bar later, trying to foist his ‘charms’ on other young women hanging about and having just about as much luck. What a douche.”
Outdated Photo
“This woman seemed really cool. We were both 25; she had just finished her master’s and was job hunting. She was fit, witty, and had piercings. I was a fan.
We met. Well, ‘fit’ was apparently 5 years prior, but she was ‘trying to get back to her normal weight,’ so she thought it was appropriate to use older photos. I’m talking a 70-85lb difference from the photo to reality. I’m a pretty fit guy and have always been fairly health-conscious, so this didn’t appeal to me, but we could be friends.
She was witty, though, so we talked. Where was the wit? I tossed her a couple of verbal jousts. Nothing. Turns out her roommate had been helping her reply to messages. That’s cool; I can be friends with nice people who aren’t witty.
Okay, well, her nose ring was actually a weirdly shiny wart that she tried to pass off as a nose ring because she was embarrassed by it.
But all of this wasn’t the worst part. We were out for dinner and went to a decent gourmet pizza joint. Low lights, thin crusts, and wine. Without asking, she reached over and started picking toppings off my pizza. Pardon me, but keep your damn hands off my prosciutto! It was unforgivable.”
