1.
So he really just picked a kid at random. Thanos really started beef with a baby. If that isn’t pure evil, I don’t know what is. That being said, “Ha! You’re cold now,” is pretty mild for the Mad Titan.
2.
I’m sorry, did Thanos KILL David’s father on his 5th birthday?! Honestly, that’s more messed up than killing half of the world’s population. That kid is going to be scarred for life.
3.
Honestly, this is really mild compared to killing David’s father and basically ruining his childhood. With that being said, Thanos sending a super mean breakup text to David’s girlfriend is about the worst thing he could do to a 16-year-old. I’m honestly shocked he didn’t kill her.
4.
Ah, back to the killing. The body count definitely takes a step up at 21. To be fair, David is considered an adult at that age. However, did Thanos Heaven’s Gate style poison his entire birthday party?! David will never be able to trust a drink again.
5.
Getting into grad school is a huge accomplishment. David should be really proud of himself especially given everything he’s been through. This is going to take him a step up in his career and could be a huge turning point in his life. Oh, what’s that? Thanos burned it down on his birthday?! Of course he did.
6.
Again, given the birthday gifts Thanos has given David in the past, this one is pretty mild. Firing someone on their birthday is just wrong. However, killing someone’s cat is even more wrong. Compared to his father and every single one of his friends, not so bad though. David’s former employer honestly got off easy on this one.
7.
If you were wondering how this fits into the Infinity War timeline, now you know. Most people look at 30 as the beginning of the end of their life. David, on the other hand, might just now be able to enjoy his birthdays. Was Thanos taking one day off from looking for Infinity Stones every year to just destroy David’s life? You have to respect his commitment.
8.
30 going on 31 must have been a really good year for David. Then Thanos miraculously returned from the dead and made a crater around his house, likely killing all of his neighbors. Life really has a way of evening itself out. Surely David contacted the Avengers after that one.
9.
Thanos really said, “No don’t kill yourself, terrorizing you on your birthday is too fun aha.” How could he even tell there was a waterline there? David has really let himself and his house go in the time since we last saw him. Then Thanos came in and said, “But what if I flooded it?” Given how brutal some of his previous birthday gifts were, a flooded house isn’t so bad. Unfortunately, David was already hanging on by a thread. Maybe shoot the Avengers an email.
