From HOAs to regular neighbors no one is safe from the insanity. Something about living close to people or seemingly having power over people creates entitled monsters. Whether it’s the universe or you, something has to be done. Content edited for clarity.
Expose Them All
“Several years ago I moved into an HOA neighborhood. I worked tirelessly to get the HOA up to par with current times. It was 30 years behind the times.
Finally got a full HOA Board, homeowners who were willing to volunteer to help with various duties so dues wouldn’t go up, moved to hire a property management company so the Board could make decisions and moved the Board to get a Reserve Study done and a financial audit. None of this had been done in 30 years. Also, moved the Board to go after HOA dues and fines from a home that hadn’t paid dues in more than 12 years! I was fairly certain all of these movements would pass and the HOA would finally be up to par.
Once all that was accomplished and up and running, I volunteered to be on the HOA Architectural Review Committee (ARC) as I believed the next step was to get the neighborhood to keep up home values with changes they wanted to make to their properties. This Committee would also be key to re-writing the formal HOA documents to align with city, state, county, and US laws and codes.
I talked with the current ARC president who agreed that he wanted me on the Committee. In the next Board meeting, the president nominated me for the ARC position.
To our surprise, the Board indicated at the very end of the meeting that they would hold a ‘closed-door meeting’ to discuss me. And discuss me they did.
A friend who worked at the site where our HOA meetings were held, stood outside the meeting (there was no door to the room) and called me so I could listen to the ‘closed-door meeting.’
I was appalled at the Board member’s comments. Two lawyers, a politician, and a doctor sat on the HOA Board and made derogatory comments about me. I was not approved for the Committee.
None of the comments were true or accurate and were what I would nicely call, mean-spirited. The next day, I received an email (the president couldn’t even pick up the phone and call me) indicating I was not voted onto the AR Committee. Note: none of the Board knew me as I was new to the neighborhood.
Even though they didn’t know me well, I couldn’t figure out why they would create such a toxic atmosphere toward a newcomer. I decided to find a way I could expose their unethical ways. It was easier than I thought.
I didn’t question the Board members about the meeting. I went back to the HOA documents which specified that ‘closed door’ meetings weren’t to be held unless it was a specific issue to protect the privacy of the vendor, etc. Caught them red-handed so to speak. So I drafted a letter to the State Attorney General and named names including the attorneys, the politician, and the doctor (all who were under licensing requirements) on the Board.
I indicated their unethical behavior whereby the president recruited HOA Board members with the promise that they could sit on the Board and not do any work, as long as they voted as a block with the president. I knew this to be fact as the HOA President told me (after the fact) that was how he did it to get Board members. The politician was running for an election and his name was labeled as being unethical as well so he was plenty angry. The lawyers were livid that their names had been given to the Attorney General as being unethical and devious. The doctor was also angry that he had been lumped into the bunch, but he started it with his unethical behavior by making the ‘deal’ with the potential Board members.
Finally, the board members realized they were beaten. The Board members started asking for volunteers from the homeowners. I circulated the Attorney General letter so they would know that this ‘closed door’ meeting was held to spread gossip about me.
So no one has volunteered and everyone has begun asking the Board members ‘what were you thinking?’
In addition, at each Board meeting whereby they ask for volunteers, someone always asks, ‘If I volunteer, is the Board going to hold a ‘closed-door’ meeting to discuss me?’
I just sit back and smile.”
Expect The Unexpected
“My friend lived in an HOA where the people on the board had their own little clique that could do anything they wanted but, they would threaten and sue anyone else who tried to do the same thing. One day, while in the process of trying to have some work done on their home, one of the HOA board members came by and put a stop work order on the property. In this particular instance, the work was inside of the home so the HOA had no say in the matter but this board member decided that they didn’t like the construction noise and they wanted to stop it. Simple as that, they decided they could just interrupt personal home renovations.
However, they definitely didn’t expect a legal counteraction.
By this time my friend had been collecting evidence of harassment and proof of inequitable behaviors (do as we say, not as we do) by the board. So they took them to court and sued the HOA. When they won the order, my friend requested that as part of the settlement, the board members should be required to pay the fines out of their own pocket and not be allowed to use the HOA funds or HOA insurance to cover the costs and restitution that was won. My friends also made it a requirement that the board members must recuse themselves from their positions. Because my friend proved that the Board Members were acting outside of the HOA bylaws and had been abusing their position of power, the judge agreed and enforced the ruling that the board members must pay out of their own pockets. Needless to say, all of them ended up selling their homes and moving out of the neighborhood after the judgment was issued. The new HOA board voted to disband the HOA.”
Kill ‘Em With Kindness
“This was the most satisfying act of revenge I ever got on a nasty neighbor.
We had moved into a trailer park just before my first child was born. My next-door neighbor, Ruth, was a foul-tempered old lady who hated everyone. She lived alone and for good reason. Her son lived not far away but he rarely visited her because they were semi-estranged.
I didn’t meet Ruth right away because I am a loner myself and was having a difficult pregnancy. Then even after the baby was born I rarely left the house for several months. The only time I saw Ruth was when she was outside tending her flowers, which were numerous and beautiful. Whenever she saw me she’d give me the evil eye.
Finally, I began to get out when my baby was learning to walk. He had a fascination with stairs so I let him climb them whenever he wanted. We had stairs on our front porch so he got plenty of practice. One day we had been walking in the neighborhood and were almost home when he saw Ruth’s porch steps and made a beeline for them. I hadn’t seen her that day so I figured it would be no problem to let him climb to the top before going to our house.
The minute he touched her steps, she was at the door. She must have been watching us out the window.
‘Get your kid off my property! He has no right trespassing here!’ she screamed.
I was taken aback and embarrassed, and poor ‘Arlo’ looked so dismayed at her mean face and harsh tone that I thought he was going to cry. I picked him up and said, ‘I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again,’ and quickly retreated to my house.
I was beyond ANGRY! She yelled at my poor innocent baby and made him want to cry. We were stuck living next to her indefinitely and it upset me that she was sending such negative energy our way for no reason. I made up my mind right then and there that I was going to neutralize this threat if it was the last thing I did. So I hatched a plan. I didn’t care how long it took—I was going to play the long game. My family was going to come out on top in this situation. I left no room for failure.
The next time I saw her tending her garden I went out on the porch and called out to her, ‘Your name is Ruth, right? I’m Marcia. You met my son the other day. He’s Alex.’
She glared at me.
‘My husband’s name is Jerry. He’s in the Navy,’ I continued waiting for her to speak.
However, there were still no words, just a baleful stare.
‘You have such a beautiful garden! It’s a joy to live next to it. What is that one called?’ I pointed.
‘Don’t you know what an Iris is??’ She barked.
‘Well, I’ve seen them before but I didn’t know what they were called,’ I replied calmly.
She turned her back. I went back inside. The plan was beginning.
Every time I saw her outside, I’d pop my head out the door, saying something cheery like, ‘Hi Ruth! Beautiful day, huh?’ or, ‘Good morning Ruth! I can smell your geraniums from here!’
After several weeks of this, she started talking to me, mostly to complain about how horrible her neighbors were, how her son didn’t care if she lived or died, how her daughter-in-law was a rancid witch, how many medical problems she had that kept her miserable, etc.
I always kindly responded with, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry you feel that way. That must be really hard to take. You must get lonely and scared sometimes.’
More time went by and she started talking about her flowers—what they were called, the stories behind where she’d gotten her bulbs and starts, how long the irises had been established, which colors were the rarest, etc.
Eventually, I figured the time was right to move to the next part of my plan. I chose a time when I knew she was home. By this time I was expecting my next child. I took Alex to her porch and let him climb the steps, and I was right behind him. Ruth’s front door flew open and there she stood with a face like thunder. Alex held out a plate full of cookies.
‘Alex and I baked these for you this morning. I hope you like sweets,’ I said sickly sweet.
Poor Ruth looked utterly confused. She hesitantly took the plate.
‘Sorry we can’t stay and chat but I’ve got some errands to run. See you later!’ I said hurrying away from her porch.
Alex and I clambered down her steps and back to our house. A few days later Alex and I went to retrieve our plate. Ruth came to the door with our plate and a half-eaten bag of tortilla chips that she gave us. She greeted Alex warmly and he smiled at her. The chips turned out to be stale, but it’s the thought that counts right?
Soon we were chatting happily over the fence and Ruth was giving us weird little presents. She started inviting us inside (she was a hoarder so I tried to avoid these invitations). She learned to love Alex and was very excited about the birth of my daughter, Mariah.
You see, my mother had told me before I ever had a child that she wanted nothing to do with any child I might ever have. My husband’s parents were terrible people and lived thousands of miles away, so my kids had no grandparents. Because Ruth had been such a difficult person all her life, her son stayed away, her daughter-in-law detested her and she’d rarely seen her grandkids and had no relationship with them. Ruth became my kids’ grandma, and they became her reason to smile.
My revenge was complete. I had killed off the mean old lady and set a loving grandma in her place. Little did Ruth know that she helped me remove the threat to my family’s well-being by being willing to open her heart. She was beloved by my family and felt loved by us for the rest of her days.”
Classic Karma
“As a drummer for nearly 40 years, my trouble with the neighbors was always over the noise. As I acquired some decent skills the friction wasn’t as severe. I tried to practice when the neighbors were at work but even then somebody would inevitably get irritated.
One time I had the practice room in the basement. A band member had helped me set up a basic home recording studio so we could make demos. None of the local clubs would hire a band without a sample of their recording music. My bandmates and I had insulated everything so you could only hear a low rumble outside. But the neighbor liked country music and we were just a bunch of pot-smoking metalheads. The problem was my bandmates didn’t take any disrespect from rednecks and some of my neighbors’ friends had started calling us derogatory names.
That specific neighbor called the police on us multiple times. But the police couldn’t do anything. The officer would just come by and tell us the neighbors called and complained. We weren’t in violation of any laws. They usually said we sounded good. One officer said it wasn’t that loud and asked if I had some other dispute with the neighbor. There was none that I knew of other than he just didn’t like my type of music.
My neighbor was divorced but had 3 teenagers. One of his sons used to stare at me like he wanted to come over and check out my drums. Although it could have been that I always had a pair of drumsticks in hand and often walked around practicing twirling them. Somebody told me that you can’t just be a good musician. You have to be entertaining to watch.
My revenge was like a gift of payback from the universe. I couldn’t have planned it better myself.
I had tried to work out a schedule with the neighbor but he just wanted to threaten me with violence. He was only trying to intimidate me and it wasn’t working.
One weekend my band was playing at an outdoor charity event. It was in a vacant parking lot next to a huge flea market, which was having an art and craft fair. There were a few bands and we got to headline because we had an incredibly good yet slightly insane guitarist. He had one of the most extensive vocabularies on his instrument that I had ever heard.
We took the stage and our set was going great. Then I happened to spot my neighbor and he didn’t look at all happy. He was there with what looked like his ex, her new significant other, and his 3 children. I’m sure they were at the art and craft fair and the kids wanted to check out the music. There he was in the crowd. Actually hearing for the first time what he had so vehemently opposed. At the end of each song, his family applauded with others in the crowd. Imagine the feeling I had when I realized my neighbor was in absolute misery at that moment. It was easier for him to hate me when he thought I didn’t know anything about music.
After the set was the best part. My neighbor’s son, the one that always stared at me, wanted his mom to know I was the neighbor that lived next to his dad. I was the one who played the drums. So I met my neighbor’s ex and her boyfriend without the intervention of my neighbor. I gave the young teen a free introduction to the drum set on the spot. Then I gave him the drumsticks I had just used for that particular show. This is just something I’ve always done. Someone inspired me to play drums and so I’m just passing it along.
The neighbor stopped calling the police after that incident. And kind of stayed out of sight. I never saw his children after that.
My revenge had always been to keep playing and striving to make better quality music regardless of my neighbor’s efforts to silence me. As it turned out, fate gave me the opportunity to rub my neighbor’s nose in the fact that my band was actually entertaining to watch and listen to. And even his own family supported the right for our music to be heard.”
Cadillac Ranch
“I had a classic Cadillac that I had been restoring. I had already completed all of the interior and exterior bodywork and paint. I had the engine out and was slowly rebuilding it. The car sat in my driveway beside my garage. This is about the time a new neighbor moved in across the street from me. A few days after he moved in I received a violation of the city ordinance that ‘all vehicles on private property must be fully registered and licensed.’
When I called the city wondering why, after more than 2 years, they were hassling me I was told there had been a complaint. I decided not to press the issue and just threw a cover over the car. A week later I got another violation. Apparently, the cover wasn’t enough. Again, I didn’t press the issue. I moved the car to my backyard and parked it between 2 sheds with the cover. But I received yet another violation and this time there was a fine. I was done with these violations. It was time to do something about it.
So, I took it to court. I was told that the ordinance was clear. No vehicle could be parked on private property unless it was properly licensed. It was part of the blight laws. It cost me $250. I was frustrated, to say the least. But I calmly plotted my plan.
I got even with the city and my new neighbor. I owned the lot next to my house and generally used it for family gatherings. I now decided that this would make a great place for an art exhibit. I moved the car to the front of that lot, put it on a foundation, and painted it purple, pink, and green. I said it was an art sculpture and let them take me to court. I took a pic of Cadillac Ranch in Texas as one of my exhibits to prove that my car was a piece of art. The judge agreed and that work of ‘art’ stayed in my yard for the next 8 years until I moved.”
