We can’t believe some of these songs are on here! Content has been edited for clarity purposes.
1. “Havana” by Camila Cabello
“That song makes me want to stab my inner ears repeatedly with a dull, rusty object. Like, quit freakin’ saying, ‘Ohhh nah nah’ in between basically every line.
It’s the cheapest, laziest way to write a freakin’ song, to just be that repetitive.”
2. “Girls Like You” by Maroon 5
“The lyrics all sound like they were written by sixth graders and is a grave insult to ‘Songs About Jane’. I feel this way about every Maroon 5 song that has come out in the past five years.”
3. “Roar” by Katy Perry
“She sings like a plastic bag. And her music sounds like it came out of a plastic bag.”
4. “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke
“It makes the listener feel dirty, like a thin layer of grime is covering their skin or something.”
5. “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten
“I’m a cancer patient. Please stop playing this garbage.”
6. “Can’t Stop The Feeling” by Justin Timberlake
“It’s like if strip malls or commercials were a song. It’s just extremely lazily composed to be as ‘pleasant’ and lowest common denominator as possible. I’m not even a music snob who dislikes pop just for being fun, but that one was just egregiously artificial.”
7. “Friday” by Rebecca Black
“When I was in high school, the principal decided to play this in between periods, on the speaker, until they reached a certain amount for a fundraiser. Us being broke high schoolers, this lasted a over a week until the teachers gave in as well and raised the money. So their business model was torture people until they give you money.”
8. “Baby Shark” by The Kiboomers
“After having one child and enduring years of that song on a daily basis (digging into my brain like a flesh-eating bacteria), no human in their right mind will want to have a second child. This song might be the best thing to ever happen to the planet.”
9. “Hey Soul Sister” by Train
“I don’t mind anything else by Train, but this song makes me want to stab an ice pick in my ears. It was overplayed when it came out, and just the start of it makes me irrationally angry.”
10. “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé
“Beyonce has an entire team of lyrics writers, music engineers, etc.. and THIS is what they come up with?!”
11. “Let It Go” by Idina Menzel
“This song is the hold music for my PSYCHIATRIST’S office. Like, I need help with the extreme depression, my dude. That trash song is not helping.”
12. “Savage Love” by Jason Derulo
“Sounds like clowns farting in a bathroom sink, and it ticks me off.”
13. “Yummy” by Justin Bieber
“I keep thinking to myself, ‘There has to be something he released I liked. No one can be in the game this long and not produce something good.’
And yet, I can’t name a single track of his I like. Not a one.”
14. “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus
“That song gives me period cramps!”
15. “Gucci Gang” by Lil Pump
“I drove a school bus a few years ago where the high school kids couldn’t get enough of this song and kept playing it over and over on their terrible phone speakers.
That song drives me into a rage when I hear it now.”
16. “Someone Like You” by Adele
“I hate the lyrics for romanticizing unhealthy behaviour.
‘I heard that you’re settled down, that you found a girl and you’re married now, ‘ followed by, ‘I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited but I couldn’t stay away…’
NOPE, don’t romanticize that nonsense. It’s not romantic, and it’s not healthy for anyone.
Later in the song, she says, ‘I wish nothing but the best for you.’ If that’s the case, then the best thing you could do for your ex is NOT show up at their door unannounced when you know they’re married. Respect their new life and relationship.”
17. “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” by Silentó
“What made this song even worse was that it was EVERYWHERE. I remember babysitting my cousin and having Nickelodeon on and it was even there. And school dances too. I had never been so grateful for the public’s short attention span until that song came around.”
