In the intricate dance of relationships, particularly those with mother-in-laws (MILs), there’s always room for a misstep or two.
In this engaging compilation, individuals turn to the vast expanse of the internet to share their encounters and ask a crucial question: “Was I an a**hole to my MIL?”
Join us as we delve into the tales of these candid interactions, exploring the boundaries, dynamics, and occasional moments of friction that come with family connections.
All content has been edited for clarity.
There’s A Very Important Detail Here
“I generally get along with my mother-in-law (MIL), but conflicts do arise from time to time. Our only significant disagreement occurred a few years ago during a family vacation, when we had a major argument. The crux of the matter was that I ended up missing an ‘important’ family dinner at the restaurant where my MIL and FIL had met. Usually, when I’m on vacation, I prefer a more spontaneous approach, exploring and having fun rather than following strict schedules. Due to this, I got distracted and ended up missing the dinner.
Recently, I discovered that my MIL and all my sisters-in-law (SILs) are planning a trip to California this summer. Apparently, they’ve been arranging this since last year, and curiously, I was deliberately excluded from all the planning. When I inquired about it, one of my SILs informed me that I wasn’t invited because of the unresolved issue from the dinner disagreement years ago.
I believe in addressing problems directly and not engaging in petty conflicts, so I decided to call my MIL last night. At first, she denied that it was personal, suggesting that the exclusion was based on my tendency to avoid extensive pre-planned itineraries. I pointed out that I could still join them and participate in the scheduled activities that I found interesting while enjoying the beach and the hotel on my own. She then retorted that she wasn’t willing to cover flight and hotel expenses for me, only for me to ‘defy everyone’s plans.’ The conversation escalated quickly, and she ended up accusing me of ruining her anniversary trip with my selfishness and inability to accommodate others. I called her out on this unfair accusation, leading to a heated argument before I eventually hung up.
I sent texts to all my SILs expressing my disappointment in their decision to exclude me solely due to my MIL’s grudge and her controlling tendencies. Today, I woke up to a barrage of messages, telling me to grow up and revealing that my exclusion wasn’t solely my MIL’s doing.
My husband is fully supportive of me, but apparently, he also faced a confrontation from my MIL today, and he’s now opting to stay out of the ongoing feud.
I’m now starting to question whether my direct approach in addressing this issue was excessive, and whether I should have taken the high road instead. However, the uncertainty remains.
Am I in the wrong?”
That’s A No For Me
“I (26f) am currently in the midst of planning my wedding to my fiancé (27m), which is just a few months away. Our preparations are going wonderfully, and I can’t express how much I love him and how excited I am to spend my life with him. The relationship between him and my family is great, and while there are some aspects of his family that I don’t particularly connect with, for the most part, I genuinely care for them.
A little background context: my fiancé has an older brother with a significant age gap. Between him and my fiancé, my future mother-in-law experienced three heartbreaking miscarriages and stillbirths. Consequently, she channeled all her maternal affection onto my fiancé. Growing up, he hadn’t even tasted fruits or vegetables because his parents never insisted on it when he was young. As he assumed they were unappealing, I managed to change his perspective, and he now enjoys them.
While assembling our guest list, we sought input from our families regarding which relatives to invite and how many. Unexpectedly, my future mother-in-law raised a request that took us aback. She asked us to “invite” my fiancé’s deceased brother and sisters to the wedding. Puzzled, we inquired further, and it turned out she wanted framed photographs of the departed infants placed on the pews during our wedding ceremony, followed by reserving seats for them at the reception.
To be honest, I was deeply unsettled by this proposal. Our intention is to host a fairly intimate wedding at a beautiful venue, accommodating around 30-50 guests. I envisioned these seats being occupied by our close friends and cherished family members, not by individuals who never had the chance to meet us or be a part of our lives. My fiancé shares my sentiment, acknowledging that dedicating three out of the 50 seats to those who have passed seems excessive. He suggested a compromise – allowing his mother to display all three photos in a single seat.
From my perspective, the idea of including any of these photographs seems uncomfortable and peculiar. We are embarking on a new chapter together, with aspirations of building our own family. The notion of having these images present almost feels like an ominous sign. Nonetheless, I understand the significance this request holds for his mother, and considering her perspective, it appears to be a relatively small request. Worth noting is that my fiancé’s parents are contributing to 75% of the wedding expenses, and this is the sole request she has made.”
A Bit Of An Overreaction
“I have three children. While my mother-in-law (MIL) is quite close to my 24-year-old son, she isn’t particularly connected to my daughters. To clarify, I don’t perceive this as a gender-related issue, as she’s closer to her own daughter than to my husband. My son established a bond with her during his teenage years, but other than that, she’s maintained some distance from my kids due to her personal feelings about me.
My 13-year-old daughter, ‘Hannah,’ is currently passionate about social justice matters and expresses her views openly. I sense that MIL believes I should instruct her to keep her opinions to herself. However, my parenting style differs, as I encourage my children to speak their minds. Recently, we gathered for a pre-Christmas dinner with my husband’s family, as MIL has chosen not to spend Christmas with us – though that’s a separate story altogether.
During this gathering, MIL informed my husband that her stepson was attempting to sue them, claiming that she had taken something from his family (a claim she can refute with receipts; she didn’t actually steal anything). My son was surprised, exclaiming, ‘You have a stepson?’ MIL explained that my father-in-law (FIL) ‘technically has two children’ from his previous marriage. However, they were distant during their childhood and FIL distanced himself from them as adults due to their hostility towards his decision to marry his secretary. My son’s fiancée found it amusing that MIL had been FIL’s secretary, finding the situation quite cliché. FIL joined in the laughter, playfully recounting how she was a rather lousy secretary, refusing to do even the simplest tasks. We all shared a chuckle because, knowing MIL’s personality, it was quite comical. We’ve always joked about her extreme laziness and defiance, even dubbing her fortunate that she never had to hold a job since even McDonald’s wouldn’t tolerate her behavior.
Hannah then expressed her discontent, remarking that such a situation isn’t funny and marrying one’s boss can be toxic and abusive. MIL questioned if Hannah was accusing FIL of being abusive, and Hannah clarified that although their marriage doesn’t appear abusive, marrying a boss isn’t acceptable. MIL retorted, ‘Oh, shut the f*** up.’
Enraged by her response, I announced that we were leaving. My husband requested an apology from MIL, which she refused to offer. She asserted that we were indulging Hannah and that someone needed to be honest with her. I turned to Hannah and inquired about her feelings, to which she responded that she never wanted to see MIL again. I supported her decision, considering that we don’t frequently interact with MIL, and Hannah is old enough to stay home alone. My husband believes I’m exacerbating the issue, arguing that Hannah was rude to criticize a marriage that has thrived for over 40 years, asserting that Hannah is imposing 2021 ideals onto MIL. He acknowledged that MIL was also impolite but argued that it doesn’t warrant completely cutting her out. Similarly, my son thinks I’m overreacting, but considering MIL is financially contributing to his wedding, he’s inclined to side with her. For now, I stand by Hannah’s feelings.”
A Slight Invasion Of Privacy
“So, my mother-in-law (just to clarify, I’m a woman, lol) came to stay with us for a few weeks while her home is being renovated for Christmas.
The issue is that she has been unexpectedly walking in on me while I’m in the bathroom. Thankfully, she hasn’t caught me without clothes because I started noticing her behavior after the second time in a week.
She would enter without warning, then turn and say, ‘Oh, sorry,’ before quickly closing the door. I attempted to discuss this with my husband, but he brushed me off and then outright said, ‘So what if she accidentally saw you without clothes? She’s faaaammmillly!!’ Yes, he actually said that!
We do have a lock on the bathroom door, and I could have used it, but I have a past trauma related to being locked in a room. My brother once locked me in the bathroom when I was 5, and it has left me with some lingering anxieties.
So, I came up with this plan. I would enter the bathroom as if I were going to use it and wait for her to come in (because let’s face it, at this point, it seems deliberate). When she ‘accidentally’ barges in, she would find me in an odd or awkward position. For example, doing a ballet stance, standing on the toilet, or even facing the wall with my hands up (fully clothed, of course). I thought it would be amusing to see her initial confusion as she tried to figure out what I was doing. At first, it was hilarious to witness her perplexed reaction, but she later told my husband about it, claiming that ‘she caught me practicing rituals in the bathroom.’ I clarified the situation and explained my reasoning. However, my husband was furious. He accused me of being childish and said that I had made his mom feel ‘terrified’ or ‘weirded out’ by my behavior. He insisted I should have acted maturely and just locked the door instead of resorting to mind games.”
