While the convenience of buffets may sound appealing, the food isn't always the best quality.
The Chocolate Fountain Was Tainted!
“A few years back, when Golden Corral first rolled out the chocolate fountains, I went there and was going to try it out.
As I was walking up to the fountain and I started to contemplate what I was going to have, a toddler takes his drink and just pours it into the fountain and ruins it.
The manager comes over and is going ballistic because they had just set it up for the day and now they would have to replace the chocolate. Shortly after, this man comes up and decides he wants some chocolate brownies, but he can’t as the machine is being purged in the back of the place, so what does he do? The guy just puts his tray down and leaves the restaurant, goes to the toddler’s family’s car and slashes their tires. He was never caught.
That man was a different kind of devoted that the world needs.”
There Was A Whole Lobster In The Food?
“My family decided to go to Easter Brunch with my (then) girlfriend’s family. They had chosen a specific place that was a ‘tradition’ for their family.
Upon arrival, we now see that this place is a shack, a sweaty mess-hall of terror. Think a ’70s ski resort that hasn’t seen the business end of a mop for more than a decade.
Children are screaming, dogs are barking (running loose), and there is a fully grown woman crying in the corner.
Wanting to give this my best shot, I put on my brave face and tell everyone I’ll find us a table. This is where I am promptly greeted by the host: A man in an Easter Bunny costume. There are gravy stains down the front. He looks like a nightmare version of a Christmas Story. Parts of his pink hide are torn.
He finds us a table, but he is not polite. Wanting to make a good impression, I remark that the place has a lot of character. ‘Character.’
My own brother is giggling. He was 25 years old.
We saunter up to the buffet, and I stir around in the food, but then the ladle is caught. When I pull it up, there is a lobster. A whole lobster at the bottom of the pot. Wanting to make the best of a bad situation, I pose the lobster to make it look like it’s trying to escape.
The rest of the brunch goes exactly as you would expect it. To this day, on occasion, my brother still brings up the legend ‘Ezzah Bunny.’
‘Character.'”
They Had To Restrict The Milk!
“I worked at a Sunday buffet in high school (the late ’90s). It was $7 a person. I could tell you some stories.
We essentially charged them, brought drinks, then bussed the table. My favorite was the 400-pound lady, who would come in by herself, ask for four glasses of milk, and wave you down whenever she finished one for a refill. She would eat about five plates of our macaroni and cheese (probably the worst thing on the buffet), at some point slam all four glasses of milk, then proceed to puke milk, cheese, and noodles all over the bathroom.
She would then sit and drink milk and eat macaroni for another hour or two, then leave a hand full of change for the tip. We all drew straws whenever she came in for who got to clean up the mess.
One day she came in and I only gave her one milk, she said she wanted four, and I assured her I would bring another one when she was finished with the first, she insisted that: ‘The rules say I get as much milk as I want!’ Well, there were no posted rules. I refused and ended up getting written up for not being hospitable.
From that point on, I would just drop a gallon of milk on her table every time she came in (which she usually finished), but refused to clean up the puke mess. Whenever my boss tried to get me to do it in her passive-aggressive way, I said: ‘Maybe we shouldn’t offer unlimited milk refills if people are just going to puke it all over the bathroom every week.'”
The Men’s Bathroom Got Destroyed
“About six years ago, several friends and I decided to have an eating contest at this Chinese restaurant. When I say I am friends with some huge guys, we’re talking every single one of them is 300 to 400 pounds, and there’s five of them with me (at 201 pounds). As soon as we walk in, the host shutters nervously because he knows that whatever he’s about to witness, none of it can be good. He still seats us, albeit reluctantly, and asks the manager to keep an eye on our table.
What happens is exactly as expected. Plate after plate gets devoured and stacked within minutes. I even make a respectable showing of seven plates, but it’s a paltry sum in comparison to my friends. Most notably, these two brothers each put away 14 plates. People in the restaurant are marveling and staring at the combined stacks, as we had asked the waiter not to take any of them away until we finished with them all. In the end, there was something like 68 plates stacked.
Everyone manages to hold it all down, too. As we’re sitting there, all waiting for the other one to get sick and vomit, no one does. Finally, we’re like: ‘Well, let’s get out of here and go into a food coma then,’ and we agree. But three of them decide they need to pee first. We all head into the bathroom, laughing and commenting on the sheer grossness of what just unfolded.
The first and most noticeable thing is that one of the stalls is totally clogged up with crap and toilet paper. Someone did some serious work on that toilet. Our one friend heads to the secondary stall, while the others head to the urinals. After he finishes peeing, one of the brothers heads over to wash his hands but slips on this huge pile of hand soap accumulated near the sink, and flops right on his back. The comedy of this reaction is overpowering. Everyone bursts into a fit of laughter. Even better, because of how slick the floor is, he just keeps sliding back down every time he tries to stand up. It’s like watching a turtle that can’t flip itself back over. Cue the nastiness.
His brother gets into such a hysterical laughing fit that he starts projectile vomiting. He pukes into the sink, and directly onto his floor-bound brother. The brother on the floor, between being puked on and the ungodly disgusting smell, starts puking horizontally along the floor. Between the two of them, they must puke up several gallons and pounds of food. Our friend who is in the stall, can’t even see what’s happening, but he can hear it. He proceeds to start vomiting in the stall into his own pants while he’s still taking a dump. My friend and I, utterly appalled by what we’re witnessing, run to get an employee.
As the employee runs back with us, his eyes are in absolute horror. There’s vomit everywhere. Between the brother vomiting horizontally on the floor, and the one vomiting into the sink and the mirror and the walls, the bathroom looks like a war zone. The guy in the bathroom can’t stand up because his pants are filled with chunky vomit, so he’s trapped in there. The abject horror on the attendant’s face is indescribable, and I cannot imagine how he felt. His reaction, when he saw the one brother on the floor, covered in vomit and hand soap? He vomited on the wall and the trash can.
The employee went to the front desk, grabbed a sign, and put up the ‘Out of Order’ sign on the front door to the restroom, and then wrote up another sign for the front door saying: ‘Sorry, our men’s restrooms are temporarily out of order!’ When it was all said and done, it looked like the Exorcist has vomited along the entire floor, most of the walls, the mirrors, into the sinks, and around the urinals. It was, to this day, the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen.
The kicker: There was a totally random guy in the last stall who had never said a single thing, who just sat there for the entire ordeal in absolute silence. After the employee put up the sign, he walked out of the stall, looked at us, and said: ‘Screw all of you people,’ and just left.
I haven’t been back to an all-you-can-eat establishment, that wasn’t a Brazilian steakhouse, since this day. And it’s all because of the horrible memories I have associated with them.”
Six Years Worth Of Buffet Drama
“I have worked at a Chinese buffet for six years; here are my top picks:
1) A kid put chocolate pudding on his plate, licked the big spoon used for pouring it (the one used by everybody), and put it back in the pudding. I saw him and had to change everything.
2) A guy about 18 years old at the ice cream counter didn’t have time to react and puked in the ice cream cans and on the floor. Looked at it, said nothing, and just walked away back to his table.
3) Some dudes who were out of it came in around 6 p.m., ate full plates in 20 minutes, and puked everything under their table. We had to move every client out of this section because the smell was so bad. I had to put a mask on to clean everything.
4) An extremely fat guy brought a big bag of candies (kind of smarties), took it out of his pocket, put a ton of em on his desserts, and put the candy bag back in his pocket. I was his waiter and I think he told me about four times that we should have these candies in the buffet so he wouldn’t have to bring his own.
5) An old lady put a plate full of chicken wings in her purse. No bags; just bare chicken wings directly in there.
6) A regular client asked me where was the coffee flavored cake (we have a rotation for desserts, so that cake wasn’t there that day). I told him and he asked me if I could get some for him in the back. After he insisted a few more times, I finally gave up and grabbed a piece in the fridge and gave him.
7) We charge for the drink, but it’s all you can drink. We see plenty of people drinking about 10 full glasses of Pepsi and they complain when I bring the bill and we charge them $2.50 for it. Some even insisted to talk to my manager.
8) We serve take-outs, and someone came to get his order. He looked at the buffet and asked me ‘do you think I could grab something to eat real quick?’ while smiling. We often get this asked as a joke, so naturally, I play their game and answered ‘yes of course!’ The guy walked over there, took an entire egg from our salad bar, ate it in one bite, then came back to pay his take-out. I had no idea what to say, and he just left like that.
9) We have an employee who does omelets and eggs on demand, and one guy came and asked my coworker for eggs over. Naturally, she asks: ‘one or two?’ and the guy answered: ‘Eight.’ She initially thought it was a joke, but the guy wasn’t laughing at all. She finally did all eight eggs for him, and he ate them all in two minutes.”
I probably have more but those are the most obvious one. We have to deal with puke at least once a week. I don’t care anymore and find these situations rather funny.
A Bad Experience At The Brazilian Steakhouse
“I once went to a Brazilian steakhouse. For those unfamiliar with the custom, it is all you can eat salad bar, and then you sit at the table and the Passadores (or waiters if you want to be rude about it) bring out perfectly cooked and spiced meats to your table. They ask if you would like to try some and cut you off a small portion. The Passadores pass through in rotations until you move a small place card on your table from green to red. When its red they pass you by, and you can eat and talk and flip back to green at your leisure. I love these places. However, they are expensive, so I can only go on my birthday or special occasions. You also tend to dress a bit nicer as these are cloth napkin style places.
So with all this in mind, there I was, on my birthday with my friends and family having a good meal. In the booth across from us sat a man. This was no ordinary man though, this was a man on a personal mission to destroy this Churrascaria through the force of eating. He was there before us and wore workout pants, an extra large shirt with no sleeves, flip flops, and I kid you not, a visor. Like one of those green visors, you see people who pretend to be accountants wear.
Luckily for my party, he was after us in the rotation, however, he made sure to humph every time a Passadore stopped at our table and gave a slice of deliciously cooked meat to one of the people at our table.
‘This stuff is cold by the time it gets to me!’ He would complain. So the Passadores altered courses and made sure to hit his table first. No big deal. After all let this one dude get his meat before they serve our table of six. It was no skin off our backs and everyone in my party was well fed and contemplating sending up the red flag of surrender to the men bringing us the row after row of meat.
A few of us were still getting meat every now and then, but the entire party was dying down. However, the dude in the visor was still going. He was eating meat like a t-rex barely even chewing. This dude was an eating machine.
He was already extraordinary enough to have my curiosity, but this is the part of the story where he gets my full attention. He had just finished more meat when he looked up at me and made eye contact for what felt like an eternity. He was looking right at me, but not seeing me. His eyes were staring off and getting large. He looked panicked, stood up, suddenly ripped the visor off his head, heaved over at the waist and covered the floor with the most impressive amount of vomit I have ever seen. The sound of the vomit hitting the floor was loud enough to make overpower all the ambient conversations and noise of the restaurant.
Two of the girls at my table screamed and stood up. One of my friends dry heaved. I thought for a brief moment he would sympathy puke which would have caused a chain reaction of puke so gnarly it would have made the news. Luckily, he held it in.
The manager came, and several janitors followed and cleaned it up almost immediately. One with carpet shampoo, two with buckets and one with some trays. The busboys sprayed some air freshener, changed the table linen, and all in all, did a good job covering up this massive biological crime scene we all witnessed.
The man in the visor was moved to a table in the back. He did not leave. HE DID NOT LEAVE. He simply sat down at that new table and flipped the little card from red to green.”
She Ruined The Peach Cobbler!
“I worked at a buffet. I have seen people purposely mess stuff up.
A middle-aged woman put a spoonful of Cajun rice in the peach cobbler then walked away like she had just achieved the greatest victory. People grabbing things with their hands, and then asking to speak with a manager because they burned themselves. ‘Salads’ constructed of only ham cubes, croutons, a river of thousand island dressing, and sprinkled with two fist fulls of cheddar cheese. People who make mountains of food instead of sectioning their plates like normal people.
It was a dark time in my life.”
Drama At The Pizza Buffet
“A guy started shouting at me/everything around him because I was struggling to cut a piece of pizza to put it on my plate.
I was in a Pizza Hut that does the all you can eat buffet, and they had just brought out fresh pizzas, so everyone swarmed up and formed an orderly line. I was at the front of the line, and the pizza I was trying to get a piece of wasn’t cut all the way through, so I tried to use the little spatula that they give you to cut a slice off this pizza for myself, which isn’t easy.
So there I am, struggling to cut a bit of pizza with a line forming behind me, and up walks this absolute giant of a man. He was very fat.
He cuts the line and walks up next to me, basically burning a hole in the pizza I’m trying to cut with his eyes. At this point, the people behind me have been waiting about 10 seconds for me to cut this slice of pizza. This guy staring at me/the pizza makes me nervous, and I start fumbling, even more, trying to cut this slice, and he says, loudly, ‘Oh my gosh! How long is this going to take?’
People start looking over and I just look at my friend who is next to me in the line with a deer in the headlights look.
At this point, the guy’s friends’ get up from their chairs and walk over to him and try to calm him down.
‘Calm down, man, it’s only pizza.’ ‘I KNOW ITS ONLY PIZZA AND THAT’S WHY!’
I finally managed to get a slice cut off and I just rocketed back to my table, this guy is still ranting and raving about how long I took getting pizza.
Here’s the thing, there were at least four other pizzas there that he could have gone for, but he wanted the one I was at so bad that he felt the need to skip the line and then shout about how long one person was taken to get a slice of this specific pizza.”
The Kid’s Bowl Of Ice Cream
“I met the devil in the form of a 6-year-old at Golden Corral.
I was at the buffet about two months ago, standing at the dessert bar when this incredibly obese little kid comes up to me and tugs on my purse and asks me to help him get a bowl of ice cream. I’m weirded out; where are the kid’s parents, and why is he asking a stranger for help? But I get it for him, regardless.
He smiled at me, and then I swear to god his eyes flashed red. He takes the bowl and throws it at my face.
I couldn’t help but scream, which got the attention of that entire half of the restaurant, and then I just stood there, melty chocolate dripping off my chin and onto the floor. The kid giggles, like an evil little clown doll, and runs away into the men’s bathroom. I swear, I almost ran after him.
We were refunded for our meal and we left before they were able to lure the idiot out of the bathroom; I heard that it took 15 minutes for the parents to step forward, even though they saw the entire thing happen.
Learn to control your children, idiots.”
Absurd Amount Of Lasagna
“I was working wedding functions. They had a buffet dinner then later on a buffet late snack set. Two guys did something that day that showed me the depths of gluttony.
The first guy was a tall skinny dude in his early 20s. I assume he was a college student from the shabby suit and the amount of greed that he showed me. Come dinner time, he must have been determined to get his money’s worth and went up a total of 18 times and each time came back with a full plate of meat and potatoes; there was determination in his eyes as he wolfed it all down, as his parents watched in disappointment as their son ate more than the rest of the table combined. I, however, was impressed at what he did. At least he wouldn’t need to eat ramen for a while.
The second guy, however, was a bit different. He was easily 500 pounds and was sweating as he sat down. It was painful and terrifying to watch this grotesque behemoth wobble up to the buffet with a plate in each hand, piggy eyes scouring the food looking for its next victim. This man ate us out of lasagna. That doesn’t sound much, however, it was a 700-person function with the equivalent of pickup trucks’ worth of lasagna in the back. I watched him eat a plate, and it was less eat than inhaling. Sweating profusely the whole time, this greasy smelly sweat that several other wedding goers commented on. His wife watched nonchalantly as if his destruction of the lasagna was an everyday thing.
The staff was contemplating throwing him out when it happened, the jerk soiled himself at the table. He gave no care as he physically pooped himself. The assistant manager broke down crying as four security members attempted to carry this man out whilst he protested; one of the security members had a bad time as the vigorous movement of the human jello ball upset his stomach and the poor bouncer got covered head to toe in second-hand lasagna. That was the worst display of greed and gluttony I’ve ever seen.”
He’s Not Allowed Back At The Chinese Buffet
“I’ll share a story about someone who my mother and I once invited to go to a buffet with us.
So this guy, we’ll call him Mark, accepts our offer to go to a Chinese buffet for takeout. I don’t know if most Chinese buffet places do this or not, but at least at this place, you could get a pound of whatever food you wanted for $5 and take it home with you instead of eating there.
So the three of us split up to get what we want from the different buffet tables. And then I notice that Mark is walking around with his little takeout box in front of his face. I walk over closer to him and I see him eating a watermelon slice. And then he sits the remains of the watermelon back on the buffet table.
Then he walks down to those Chinese donut things and pops one into his mouth. And then he walks over to the chicken wings and starts eating chicken wings and putting the bones back on the buffet table.
So I go over to my mom and say, ‘Do you see what Mark is doing?’ So she goes over and peeks and starts scolding him under her breath. He’s like: ‘It’s fine! I do this all the time!’
So then mom walks away from him, angrily. And then one of the employees walks over to my mom. He tells her that he sees what Mark is doing, and he sees that we’re not too happy to see him doing it either, so if my mom tells Mark to leave, they won’t call the cops.
So mom walks over to Mark and tells him to leave. He actually gets offended. Like, we’re somehow being rude to him to tell him to stop eating off the buffet line and putting bones and stuff back onto it.
So he puts some stuff into his container and walks it over to the front where they weigh the food and you pay. The cashier is giving him a dirty look the whole time but doesn’t say anything. He pays for his own food, we pay for ours and we walk out and get back in the car.
We both say ‘We can’t believe you, Mark! We’re never taking you out anywhere again!’
Meanwhile, he reaches into his pockets. And starts pulling out chicken wings.
And as he does this, he says ‘So what? Those people are out to rip you off anyway. They deserve it.’ Then he insults the workers even more.
My mom nearly made him walk home. She was so angry. But she screamed at him the whole way back.”
