Lying is never a good thing. No matter what the lie is, it will always come back to haunt someone. These Redditors learned the hard way that even silly white lies can come back to bite someone in the rear. Read on to find out what ridiculous lies they told and what they did keep them going. And remember, honesty is always the best policy.
Content has been edited for clarity.
Mugs Only
“In high school, I invited a girl over to my house and offered her something to drink. I brought out two mugs of whatever beverage it was and she asked why I grabbed mugs. The truth was they were the closest thing, but I said deadpan, ‘I only ever drink out of mugs.’
Why did I say this? I have no idea, but I had to keep it up the next two years while I dated her. I remember one time I was at her house and grabbed a normal cup for water when her mom said, ‘I thought you only ever drank out of mugs.’
I replied with, ‘Uh, yeah…but I saw this was still dirty, so I thought I would clean it off for you,’ and my idiot self proceeded to hand wash a single cup in silence before putting it back and grabbing a mug.
I received three mugs as gifts. I hate mugs now.”
The Tattooed Fish
“My buddy bought a small Northern Pike (fish) for his tank, but it ended up being too large. Took it to my parents house to release it behind their place. My mom saw it, asked what we were doing, and I told her it was a pet we were going to raise.
Later, she asked me why I would waste money on a pet fish we would never see again, so I quickly came up with the lie that we had it tattooed, so we could easily identity our Pike if it was ever caught.
It’s been over 10 years now, and most of my family is in on it now, except mom. She has told neighbors to watch out for our fish, wanted to put something in the community letter, brings it up often. Random people will ask me about it.
There have been so many embellishments and details added over the years, it has hit the point where she will kill me if she ever finds out. It almost always comes up at big family holidays, someone asking if we have caught it yet. One day I’ll have to photoshop a Pike with the appropriate tattoo.”
“I’m Dreading The Day When The Truth Will Come Out”
“My daughter (when she was about 7) asked why me and my sister had long names but our brother, Shaun, has a short name. I told her that Shaun was short for Shaunhamptonson and I convinced my brother to go along with it.
Somehow it came up at her primary school and a teacher asked me about it in front of her, so as not to embarrass my daughter, I told the teacher it was true and the lie was then set in stone. My daughter is 13 now and I know she’ll be really embarrassed if I now tell her the truth, so I’m dreading the day when the truth comes out.”
The Truth About June Bugs
“I have a friend whose dad told her all sorts of things and it’s so funny. My favorite is this one time we were sitting on my patio and June bugs were flying around all crazy running into walls like they do. She remarked that they do that because they don’t have eyes. Everyone was like…what? We just blankly stared.
Someone asked her to clarify. She repeated very surely, ‘June bugs don’t have eyes.’ Her dad said so when she was little. Someone actually caught one and held it up to her in the light so she could get a closer look. Her world came crashing down around her.
A few weeks later, we were eating lunch with her dad. She turned to her dad, stone cold, while he was mid-sandwich bite and said, ‘Dad, why did you tell me when I was little that June bugs don’t have eyes?’ He nearly choked. He asked her what she was talking about. But he knew. She asked him again.
‘Oh, I didn’t tell you that. That was your brother.’ She insisted it wasn’t.
Meanwhile, I am holding back all the laughter. He was trying so hard to slip out of his web of lies but she caught him.”
“Now I Can See Colors”
“When I first met my ex, she was talking about her (girl) friend who was colorblind. I made an offhand comment about that’s rare, ‘colorblindness is usually in guys like me.’ She thought I meant I was colorblind…and instead of correcting her right away in front of her friends I somehow decided to let it go and correct her later. Except I forgot.
Long story short, for two years I had to pretend to have trouble with reds and greens because after I didn’t correct her right away. There was really no good time to.
I’m glad we broke up, because now I can see colors.”
A True Wingman
“My roommate brought home a smoking hot girl from the bar, but she was about as smart as a bag of hammers. We’re all chit chatting as he’s making his moves and I’m wing-manning like a pro. Thinking this girl was surely not going to make it past 9 am next morning, I went rogue and told her that I was struck by lightning and now couldn’t feel hot or cold. I darn near gave myself frostbite and 2nd degree burns holding onto an icepack and running my hand under the hot tap.
She was fascinated, entertained, and inebriated… The holy trinity for one nighters. Eventually, my roommate took her upstairs. Turns out he would go on to date her for two years and I had to keep that going whenever she brought her friends over.
The things bros will do for their fellow bros.”
The Most Heartbreaking Lie
“My coworkers still think I have a year old baby.
I was in an extremely emotionally abusive and manipulating relationship. Looking back at the pictures of me are unsettling. My face was jaundiced and I just looked depressed.
So let’s get to the meat and potatoes. Unbeknownst to me, my ex-girlfriend faked being pregnant or had a fairly early miscarriage that she hid from me. Fast forward to the due date, she texted me saying that she went into labor and that she had the baby. For context: this was just one text message and I was at work. I start jumping up and down telling my coworkers that I’m a dad and I run outta work. I kept calling her to see where she was so I could visit her and the baby. She didn’t respond.
Not responding was nothing new to her. There was always some excuse. She didn’t show up to my family reunion because ‘she was in jail for an old warrant’ or my mom’s wedding because ‘she missed her flight’ or when my mom came into town to visit because she accidentally slammed her hand in the car door (She actually did do this but not on accident. She legit broke her hand to not see my mom). Even though this was her M.O., her not responding still had a devastating affect on me. I was a wreck thinking the baby or she died. My family friends and coworkers kept asking me if the baby was okay. Trying to cover up the abuse, I lied and said yes.
Finally after several days, she comes home in the middle of the night and says the baby was stillborn. I was devastated. I wanted to see my baby. I called every hospital so I could see my RJ before she was cremated. But there was no record of ‘ex’s name’ being admitted or a stillborn being delivered in any of the hospitals in a large radius around me.
I ended up having a breakdown in a hospital lobby. A receptionist took pity on me and called a hospital patient counselor (or something to that effect). She hears my story with great patience. Tells me she’ll be back in a few minutes and explains to me without violating HIPPA, that my ex was never pregnant, there is no baby, and that I have been given fake ultrasounds for the duration (and that my ex had lied about being a doctor. She failed out of med school).
I came clean to my family and friends about my ex’s deceit, but I couldn’t to my work because I had taken all the family leave to recover mentally. I assumed I could’ve been fired for telling them that there is no baby. Now I have someone every day or so asking me how my dead, imaginary kid is doing and I have to respond. It’s killing me on the inside.”
Blondes Have More Fun, Right?
“When I first met my boyfriend (now husband), he made a comment about my blonde hair. Something about me being just another girl that dyes her hair blonde. Everybody was blonde that decade.
The comment made me mad, so I said he was wrong and it was natural. I figured I could say whatever I wanted and it wouldn’t matter since he’d go his way I’d go mine and that would be that. We started dating shortly after and I didn’t want him to know I was a liar, so I’d touch up my roots on his days off and hide all of the evidence, even when we lived together. He never, ever suspected a thing.
Years went by. We got married. We had a kid and I didn’t want to be blonde anymore, but I was already in too deep to turn back at that point. How could I explain going through all of that to keep up such a small lie? So I started dyeing my roots a slightly darker shade of blonde bit by bit and over time til I got the color close enough back to my natural color that I could stop dyeing it altogether without being called out about it. It worked.
Years later, we were talking about hair for whatever random reason and he was like, ‘Remember when you used to be blonde?’
I was like, ‘Yeah! It’s weird how much darker your hair gets with age.’
He shall never know.”
The Best Snow Day Ever
“The first time I played in snow was when I was 18 when a freak snow storm hit. By the time I woke up, though, it had mostly melted just enough to make a terrible snowman.
Last winter it snowed again. It was the first time I ever saw it coming down and it was enough for a crunch sound when stepped on. I was with my significant other and I asked her, ‘Oh, is that what snow sounds like when you step in it?’
She freaked out and asked, ‘IS THIS YOUR FIRST TIME IN SNOW?!’
For some reason, I said yes. She said it made her very happy that she got to experience my first snow day with me. I brushed it off and thought, ‘Well, this makes her happy so I’ll keep it to myself.’ But oh man, she has told that story enthusiastically more than once, and how honored she was to experience such a crucial moment in my life. No pun intended, I thought I was in deep and only getting deeper with this lie.
I recently came clean about it and we had a good laugh (after feeling anxious she was going to feel betrayed). This was after a year of keeping up the lie.”
The First Rule Of Fight Club
“First day of college, I meet my new roommate. He hangs a Fight Club poster up and asks me if I like Fight Club. I said yes, of course. We had several conversations over the next couple years (we only lived together for one) about Fight Club and numerous references were made to it. Thing is, I’ve never seen Fight Club.
Eventually it was just a curiosity thing, how long could I go? I’ve still never seen it, even though I know the plot pretty dang well from multiple hour-long conversations about it.”
“I’m In Too Deep”
“I have a Jewish last name despite not being Jewish at all. Living in Australia, I don’t encounter too many other devoted Jews that notice. Until I went to a new dentist one day.
He assumed I was fully part of the Jewish community and started giving me special treatment. Discounts. Saying goodbye in some Hebrew saying and asking what I was doing over the various Jewish holidays.
I never explicitly said I was Jewish or wasn’t Jewish, I just answered quite neutral because I didn’t want to offend him in his assumptions. It’s been about a few years now and I’ve had to research some sayings and holidays so I know what he’s talking about when I turn up for a check up.
I’m in too deep, but he is a great dentist.”
“Everyone Just Thinks I’m A Terrible Listener”
“I’m deaf in my right ear, but the company I work for would remove me from my position if they found out.
I work in a factory. My position is the highest hourly in the plant, and we run a series of machines. These machine have safety sensors that make sound.
The series of machines is about 200 feet long and each has it’s own alarm. The problem is that there is no indicator light for the alarm because the company decided to cut those parts for redundancy.
A few years ago, we had someone like me, deaf in one ear, who reached into the machine despite the alarm going off. Because debris builds up over the speaker, it becomes difficult to hear unless you are right up on it.
To prevent that, the job requires you to be able to hear a certain frequency range, which some people can’t.
Every year, we do a hearing test and every year if I don’t hear a beep after 3 seconds, I just click the button.
For the last four years, my right side report has shown an increase in hearing in my right ear, so they sent me to a specialist to get a more randomized testing. I told the doctor when safety wasn’t in the room and he understood my plight, helping me by raising his hand while I was in the booth when he returned.
My wife knows. Everyone else thinks I’m a terrible listener.”
Some Sons Don’t Grow Up To Be Like Their Fathers
“I’ve lied to my Dad for years when he asks about my ‘conquests.’ I think he was something of a playboy when he was younger and really likes the idea of his son sleeping around with lots of women, and maybe even living vicariously through me since he’s married. Ever since I was a teenager, he’s been encouraging me to go out there and just plow as many women as I can, doesn’t matter who.
I’m almost 30 years old now, and I’ve never brought any girlfriends home to meet my parents or told them any names of girlfriends. I tell him things like, ‘Yeah, I’ve been with plenty of chicks, but with dating apps nowadays, relationships are so fleeting.’ Excuses like that.
Truth is, I’ve never been with anyone. Ever. I’ve honestly never even approached a woman to ask her on a date. I don’t think I ever will. He’s gotta be super suspicious about my lack of love life, but if he knew the full extent of just how unsuccessful I’ve been with women, he’d be so disappointed.
He certainly must have some doubts since I’ve never brought up any names. He probably has noticed how quick I am to change the subject when he brings it up. But I think he wants so bad for me to be banging tons of women that he willfully accepts the fantasy of me doing it with strangers on Tinder, rather than believe that I never get laid at all.”
He Never Thought He Would See Them Again
“My friend went by himself to a bar a few months ago and thought it would be fun to use a Scottish accent and try to convince people he met that he was from Scotland. He’s pretty good at impressions and easily convinced a group of people he met.
The problem is that he continued to run into them at the bar and had to continue his lie out of embarrassment. He’s even hung out with a few of them since and is becoming friends with them. He currently is having trouble deciding how to tell them because he actually really likes them and wants to be honest, but it’s been way too long that he’s kept up the lie.
He even apparently helped one of them when they were having a really rough depressive episode. He stayed in character the whole time…”
When You REALLY Hate Mushrooms
“I thoroughly dislike mushrooms. Not the psychadelic ones, just regular old eating mushrooms. It’s a deep and baseless hatred that I’ve carried with me for as long as I can remember.
An ex-girlfriend was always making fun of me, so I made up a story about an abusive babysitter who would force them down my throat, giving me mushroom PTSD of sorts. Of course, she told my mother, who confronted me and I stupidly kept spinning my web of lies to the point that now my mother tells the story in horror. Now, pretty much everybody in my life thinks I was traumatized into hating mushrooms, including my current wife and all of my group of friends.”
Stealing His Mom’s Origin Story
“My lie is that I was born in Vietnam. I am 1/4 Vietnamese, so people always ask me what my race is and where I am from.
During Sophomore year of high school, I had just moved to a new city. I assumed I would move soon again because my mom was dating a man in this new town (a guy who I originally did not like, but grew to love like a father). I made a friend group about two weeks into the school year and they asked the inevitable question, ‘Where are you from?’ I blurted out Vietnam.
My mom was born in Vietnam, so I took her story and claimed it as my own. Born in Saigon and moved to America when I was three. I only said this because I didn’t think they would be my friends for very long. As it turns out, I never ended up leaving that school. I graduated with that same friend group, and to this day they all believe I am from Vietnam.”
He Lied To Cover Up An Even Bigger Secret
“I use steroids and when I travel with gear, I bring insulin/glucose monitor/etc. as a reason for having my syringes and vials. Well, a friend was staying with me and saw my box of pin-prick finger jab thingies arrive in the mail, and I didn’t want to tell him I was using gear, so I told him I was diabetic.
Then one day when we were out, I had too much to drink and was slurring my speech. He was concerned about me, so he told my other friends that I’m secretly diabetic and maybe I needed sugar or something.
So then I had to tell everyone that I’m diabetic, but I take good care of myself and not to be concerned. Now, I’m open about my steroid use, but I’m too embarrassed to tell everyone I’m not a real diabetic.”
Who Doesn’t Like Chocolate?!
“I was a fairly overweight kid growing up. When I got to high school, I decided to make a change so I watched what I ate and started exercising regularly. A few months in, I started finally making friends and was at one of my friend’s birthday parties. Her mom made a homemade chocolate cake for her party. We sang happy birthday and naturally her mom asked if I wanted a piece; I politely said no thanks, but she insisted that I take a piece of her ‘famous’ cake.
I didn’t want to be rude and deny the piece of cake that I actually wanted. I was also embarrassed to say that I was on a strict diet, so I told her that I didn’t like chocolate. She thought that was weird and told the rest of our group of friends.
Fast forward 9 years and I still have the same group of friends. We get together every once in awhile and they continuously bring up the fact of how strange it is I don’t like chocolate. I’ve taken the lie so deep now that my family and current girlfriend also think I don’t like chocolate.
I secretly will indulge in a piece every now and again when I’m positive no one’s watching. It’s too late to turn back now. I’ll likely have to take this lie to the grave.”
Much Worse Than A Migraine
“Starting today I’ll have to maintain a lie about a friend/colleague’s death.
He took the last two days off with a ‘migraine.’ He was secretly depressed and in emotional pain having lost his girlfriend to cancer earlier this year and his housemate found him a few hours ago, having committed suicide.
The two days he took off, combined with some time he took a few weeks ago, was straining the relationship with our client he was working with to the point that if he didn’t show up tomorrow, they were cancelling his PO.
Tomorrow, we have to go and tell the client that wanted to fire him off site that he died. We’re not going to tell them he committed suicide, we’re going to spare his dignity and tell a white lie that he passed suddenly, likely an aneurysm (believable due to the migraine story).”
