For some folks, family means everything to them. Unfortunately, that's not the case for everyone. Tired of their toxic parents, siblings, and other relatives, these people share the moment they realized it was time to officially cut off all ties with them. Content has been edited for clarity purposes.
There’s always a reason why some family members aren’t worth the effort. Content has been edited for clarity.
“You Should Forgive Your Dad”
“My father is an addict and a narcissist. My whole childhood he rarely played a significant role and when I did see him, he had every excuse as to why. As I got a little older, I started to second guess the context of earlier events and to hear him repeat self-serving lies to people that I knew weren’t true.
Then he started getting incarcerated. His disappearing for a weekend or even a week at a time was one thing, but him spending weeks or months in rehab or prison was a whole different thing. My mother finally kicked him to the curb. Any of the times I bothered to be around him after that, he always tried to act more like a friend than a parent.
One of the last times he got arrested and went to prison was for a period of months. I didn’t talk to him for a stretch and then when I did again, I told him that if he ever touched another illegal substance then we were done. He would no longer be my father or have any place in my life.
Fast forward a few years and I was just laid off from a job I really enjoyed. I had just walked into my apartment and was basically in tears knowing I had to tell my roommate that I lost my job and had no idea where my rent was going to come from in 10 days. Then I got a phone call from my sister to say that my dad had gotten arrested and was going away for seven years.
He had let me down my whole life. He had made his addiction everyone else’s fault. He bad-mouthed his friends, his family, my mother, her family, everybody. He missed every memorable and important event from my childhood. He never paid a cent of child support so I grew up poor with a single mother, trying to pay for herself and three kids. He even once took some of my stuff and sold it, presumably for dope money. I had overlooked, or at least accepted, all of that. But that news and that gut-punch of disappointment on what was already a very bad day were just too much. I told her I didn’t care and to let him know not to contact me if/when he got out.
Unfortunately, he did eventually get out. I sincerely hoped he would just die in prison so he could stop hurting and disappointing my siblings. He has since gotten all kinds of people to feel sorry for him through a mix of his annoyingly effective charisma and also an abundance of lies, but I had held firm in not saying a word to him. He has tried sending me letters and every single one was tossed in a bonfire unopened.
And honestly, it felt great. People always said dumb things like, ‘But he’s still your father. You only get one,’ or ‘You should forgive him for your own sake,’ but that’s all rubbish.
The thing I did for my sake was removing the toxic person. It was 100 percent the right move and my only regret was that I didn’t do it much sooner and save some of the extra heartaches. And yeah you do only get one father. You also only get one gallbladder. And if it starts to become toxic and dangerous to your health, then they cut it out of your body so you can continue living a healthy and happy life.
So moral of the story: Don’t wait to cut out toxic people. Do it and don’t regret it because you deserve to be happy without them.”
The Mother Who Stole Christmas
“The last year of my mother-in-law’s life, my mother was jealous and hateful of the attention we were giving my husband’s super sweet mom.
My mom was going to move the day after Christmas even though we told her we couldn’t help because both of us had jobs that week between Christmas and New Years Day. But she was particularly crucial in getting things set up. Well, she had a car accident on Christmas Eve and still wanted to move in two days despite her broken ribs. When we told her she should postpone until we could help, she screamed and called us selfish and hateful (including my husband, who is neither).
On Christmas day, she made our houseful of guests uncomfortable because she was mad and fuming. She had spoiled every Christmas in my life, but this was the last straw for my husband. He said she would not be welcome on Christmas day anymore. We’ve been married 30-something years and he’s been on my side with her for all of it, but losing his mom made him reach the point that he was just done.
I told her I would still help her out, but wouldn’t be socializing anymore. One afternoon she asked why, and I told her I just couldn’t hear my mother call me names anymore, such as selfish, uncaring, heartless, cruel, and so on. And do you know what her reply was?
‘Well, that comes from a place of hurt,’ she said.
Had she said something like, ‘I say things I don’t mean when I’m upset,’ then we would have probably continued limping along.
Anyway, my brother and his family were coming in, and I was going to host Christmas dinner on December 22nd when they were in town. Before Thanksgiving, I got her snitty text that if she was going to be alone on Christmas, she might as well be alone on Thanksgiving also.
Normally that would have sent me in an olive branch mode, but instead, I just sent back ‘Okay.’
I never saw her again except for once which was somewhat accidental. Not that she didn’t try re-engaging over the coming years, she did, a lot. But I never could. She died this year.”
Grandma Needed Her Eyes Checked
“When I was in preschool, I could distinctly remember every day after my mom dropped me off, the adults that worked there would take me to a back room and strip me down. They were looking for bruises apparently (this was in the ’80s). I never questioned it or anything until I got older and realized that was strange.
In first grade, my grandmother and grandfather picked me up from school (this was strange since they lived in Iowa and I was in Mississippi) and put me in their RV for a ‘joy ride’ which turned out to go on until night. I remember my grandma telling me to know that she loved me and that she was doing this because I deserved better. Again, I did not understand what was going on. I was just excited to be in an RV and not in school. That night we pulled into a parking lot and my mom and dad pulled me from the RV, put me in the back seat, then ‘talked’ to them. By ‘talk,’ I remember yelling and such.
There were a lot more little things she did, but those two stood out the most. I didn’t find out anything about why these things happened until my grandfather died. And I asked why we weren’t going to the funeral (the grandfather wasn’t my mom’s dad. He was my grandma’s husband number six I believe).
My mom explained to me that my grandmother hated her for divorcing a doctor and then getting married to a man and living in dirty Mississippi. She felt my mom’s horrible decision to do this meant that, in my grandmother’s eyes, my mom was not fit to take care of me and that she could do better. Apparently, the reason for what they did to me in pre-school was because my grandmother had called them and told them my mother was mistreating me. So they were looking for ‘evidence,’ I guess.
I still had no idea how my parents were able to get me back from my grandparents.”
New Year, New Life Without Brother
“My brother was five years older than me and always had a bit of a temper. When I was stationed in Arizona, he lost his job because he picked a fight with his boss. I let him live with me for a while but realized he wasn’t working and was selling his mechanic’s tools for pennies on the dollar so he could watch tv, smoke, and drink.
Then one day, my dog got out of the house and took off down the street. My brother drove down the street looking for him, but a neighbor apparently pulled out in front of my brother’s truck, so my brother got ticked off, drove up behind him at the stop sign, and used his truck to push the neighbor’s car into oncoming traffic. The neighbor drove into the nearest driveway and ran out to see if he could use a phone (this was way before cell phones) and called the cops.
I came home to see cop cars in front of my house. I walked in and started getting grilled because of the description given by the neighbor. It sounded more like me than my brother. I had a very provable alibi, so they started looking at my brother. He told the cops obvious lies. The cop told him he wasn’t going to arrest him tonight, but he was giving a criminal charge. That meant my brother had to show up at court which made my brother start mouthing off to the cops. I stepped in, told him to shut up and let the cops leave to do their jobs.
After that, I told him he was putting my military career in jeopardy and he had until the end of the year to get a job and to get out. He did nothing, but on New Year’s Eve, I told him I was going to a party and he better be moved out when I came back.
That was the last time I spoke to him in years. He was abusive to my sister, my mother, and me when he was younger. He nearly got into a fight with my sister at my parent’s funeral (another cop calling on us) so I was done.”
Where Was Grandma And Grandpa?
“My son got his back sliced when he fell off a landscaping wall in my parents’ backyard. I found out they didn’t watch him at all. So he sat in their backyard crying, freaking out, and bleeding until they brought him back to our house. They didn’t even notice or care that something was wrong with him, they just dropped him off. I immediately helped my son with medicine and bandaged him up, left him to my wife to care for, then went to my parents’ house to show what had happened with pictures and to yell at them. They denied any fault for what happened and tried to say he was like that before he came over.
I told them they were not allowed to see my kids unless it was at my house when I allowed them to be there. They were all up in arms about that saying that I was using the kids against them and trying to manipulate them.
I responded, ‘I don’t trust you with my kids. You neglected them and one got severely hurt. There will not be ‘a next time’ as there shouldn’t have been ‘a this time.’ I’m not using them, I’m advocating for them. And I’m not letting them stay in the care of people who let one be injured crying, and bleeding alone with no one to care for him. I’m not being manipulative, you’re being neglectful and entitled. And if you don’t see a problem with your actions then I’m not interested in having you in our lives anymore.’
We haven’t talked since.”
Congratulations?
“When I was nine, my mom told me that she had wanted an abortion with me but they weren’t readily available in 1959 so I was ‘lucky.’ Over the years it was on and off with her. I would swear her out of my life and then let her back in. I was blamed for everything that was wrong in her life and everyone else’s.
When I was 15, my father committed suicide, leaving us with this ‘mother.’ She dragged us to church as she was convinced his suicide would send us to the pit beneath the earth. That was where we met a wonderful couple with three kids of their own, relatively close to our ages and exact order, two girls then a boy. Turned out they lived close to us and all of the neighborhood kids knew them and hung out at their house. We started to do the same. If it hadn’t been for that family, I would have serious doubts as to whether or not the three of us would have survived.
When I was in my mid-50’s, she screamed at me on the phone and repeated more than once that she hated me.
I reminded her that since she wanted an abortion in 1959, then told her, ‘Congratulations! You just received your abortion.’
I now would allow a text here and there but we don’t speak and I am totally fine with the situation.”
18 And Free
“I slowly started having less and less contact with my parents when I went into foster care at 15. The final straw was long before that, but legally I couldn’t block them out of my life until I turned 18. However, I could ‘wean’ myself off them bit by bit until that day came.
I think the final straw was probably the day I finally got out. My mother had called the police saying I threatened to kill my younger siblings. I had been locked in my room since I came home from school that day and hadn’t even spoken to anyone else. The cop that came that night gave me a choice on how I could finally leave that cold-hearted situation and I took it. The final straw was when I walked downstairs with the cop and she was tearfully saying how I shouldn’t go and how much she would miss me and on and on.
After all the years of horror she put me through, I was just done and I knew as soon as I could I would be cutting her and her husband out of my life.
I went straight to no contact the day I turned 18 and haven’t spoken to either of them for seven years. It was one of the best decisions I had ever made.”
Dad Jokes Gone Wrong
“My dad was a pretty big prick all his life to just about everyone around him. He’s entitled and rude and likes to believe that as long as it’s the truth, he is allowed to say anything and no one is allowed to get angry.
It was his birthday and I had traveled about an hour and a half on two different modes of transit to come help celebrate.
When I walked into the restaurant where he was already sitting, I said, ‘Happy birthday dad!’
He responded, ‘You’ve gotten so fat.’
It wasn’t even an attempt at a joke. He just thought it was okay to say whatever he thought was true. This was the final straw in a giant hay barrel of terribly demeaning behavior from him.
Four years later, I have no doubt that I did the right thing. It turns out that all I had ever really been doing was fulfilling the social contract of being a ‘good son’ to a person who could barely bring himself to be civil to me. I figured 20+ years of that was more than he deserved and blocked him on every platform and haven’t seen him since.”
Hello? Mom?
“I had been in the hospital for over a month, nearly dying from a rare disorder. My dad came and spent time with me almost every day, whereas my mom? Not even a phone call. When I finally got out and was at home, I called her to update her on what had been going on with me and she dominated the whole conversation. She somehow made the entire situation about her, how worried she was and what she would have done if that happened to her.
Then my two-year-old child ran up to me and was hugging my leg. As I looked down into the eyes of my baby, I realized I couldn’t even imagine if my baby had just gone through what I did and not visit, not call, or make every conversation about me. That was pretty much the last time I ever talked to my mom.
My sister had already cut our mom from her life, and that moment was when it dawned on me that my mom really doesn’t care about us or actually love us. A loving mother would never have treated their children the way that woman treated us.”
He Deserved The Worst Son Award
“I cut my uncle out of my life the day my grandma died. She had terminal lung cancer and for the last three months of her life, she lived out in complete agony. My mother and I moved in with her to care for her full time. I was only 18 years old, working, and still in school. It took so much out of me. And my uncle didn’t once offer us a hand.
And when we asked him for help he was essentially like, ‘Ew, no. She smells like pee.’
In the days leading up to her death when she was pretty much a vegetable, he finally came round to discuss how her money was going to be handled. Demanding he was entitled to more than us because he was the eldest. Despite the fact that he was incredibly well-off, didn’t do anything to help my grandma while she was dying, and the fact my mother and I were essentially living in poverty at the time. All he cared about was her money.
It has been two years since she died and all of that stuff is still being sorted out. I refuse to talk to him now. I hate him. He’s such a heartless pig who couldn’t even be upset about his mother dying because he was so excited at the prospect of receiving money.”
He Called Her 118 Times!
“I always knew my father was a narcissist but I hit my breaking point in 2016 when he made a suicide attempt. But it wasn’t.
Once I was in the hospital, the team hosted a family meeting with us all. My sister was teleconferenced in from another state. The team talked to us like babies and told us to have compassion for our father because he was having a hard time with the divorce.
I asked, ‘Divorce from who?’
They said, ‘Your mother. This has been a trying time.’
I replied, ‘They got divorced in 1989. Do you seriously think that is a relevant issue when this attempt coincides with him burning through the money from his mother’s death last year on dope?’
I never got an answer for that question but my realization at that moment was perfectly clear. My father had been a leech his whole life. He leeched off my mom. He worked under the table for decades to avoid child support. He went through jobs and friends like I change underwear. He eventually moved in to care for his mother and refused to work. She used to call me crying when he would be mean. She died after a fall while my father was helping her to dress.
I didn’t actively cut off contact. I just decided to see if he would initiate contact if I stopped my weekly calls. It took eight months. He called on my birthday and I let it go to voicemail but that poked the narcissistic bear and he proceeded to call my phone 118 times that day. Knowing that you can’t just give in, I didn’t answer. He eventually stopped leaving angry voicemails.
A year later, an aunt reached out to see if I would step up and care for my father and have him move into my house. Why? Because he had been leeching and couch surfing through all his siblings and they were burnt out. I said that I would consider it if he paid up his outstanding child support to my mother. And that folks, was the last I had ever heard of him or about him and that was 2017. I don’t know if anyone would bother telling me if he died. We never had a relationship with his side of the family. No social media contact. My mom’s house phone is the same one she got in the 1970s, so they might call her?”
Subject Line: Hi Mom, Did You Miss Me?
“I cut off my mother when I was in my early 20s. She was an addict and a neglectful parent. The last straw was her showing up wasted at sunrise, screaming at me about doing chores in a house she didn’t live in. She called the cops, claiming I was threatening to hit her.
It’s a long, stupid story and ended with me telling her, ‘You do this, and I’ll never speak to you again.’
She called my bluff, but I wasn’t bluffing. Well, maybe I was because earlier this year I asked a family member (who I was also estranged from but for very different reasons) for her email. I guess I just wanted to see if maybe she missed me? Maybe I could get closure? Maybe she changed? Maybe she was sorry? Maybe she got cleaned up and was back to singing, painting, reading, writing, and decoupaging the way she used to – the way she taught me before it all went downhill.
After a few emails back and forth over the past few months (some of which were poorly spelled, nonsensical, erratic, and well, just wrong factually speaking).
I bit the bullet and asked, ‘Are you still drinking?’
After a few days, I got a reply. No email body, just a subject line that said, ‘Yes.’
My soul wanted to cry, but my physical self couldn’t. Her only child, my only parent. She spent all the years we were apart fostering a relationship that mattered to her, her real love with her addictions. I’m currently 10 years older than she was when she had me. The same age she was when her addictions really took over.
I responded thanking her for her honesty, but that I couldn’t continue communication under these circumstances. She’s in her 60s now, and I can’t envision ever seeing her again. Honestly, I don’t know if I feel a lot, a reasonable amount, or nothing at all. I could write pages and pages and pages. It’s just messed up. It’s messed up and it’s sad that there’s nothing I can do for her. I can only heal myself.”
