How many times when you order pizza do you think about what kind of things that pizza delivery worker has seen? Probably a low number. Well, pizza delivery workers see customers in their natural habit and sometimes these customers make a pretty bad impression that they'll will never forget.
“While in my early 20’s, I delivered for PJ’s in the Hampton area of Virginia. My service area included a ‘low income’ area, Fort Monroe (a fortress with an actual moat!) a college campus, a yacht club, and just regular customers. I had a lot of fun with all the different people I met. Here are a couple of highlights: 1. One Sunday, HOOTERS called. Apparently the ladies wanted pizza…..during business hours! When I walked in with the order, I was taken care of VERY well by the waitresses! The customers enjoyed the show..lol! It was all for fun, and nothing inappropriate happened. However, I was asked to autograph their shirts. They paid for the order in wings! 2. Some bored military police gave me a personal escort at Fort Monroe… lights flashing, the whole nine! I was delivering to a family gathering at the enlisted housing area. 3. I have bartered extra pizza’s for gas and burger king. At the time, a large supreme was worth a tank of gas! 4. I have delivered to storm damaged areas. Being near the coast, we had a few tropical storms come through, and wipe out power, etc. If we still had power, pizza orders would flood in. I would have to drive around downed trees, flooded streets, and other obstacles to get to the customers. Tips were really good on these days!” (Source).
Anything Off The Table
“I needed a job. Badly. I was a junior in college living off-campus and had to pay for a lot on my own. I applied to a pizza place down the street as a delivery driver. I loved pizza, I had a car, and I needed the tip money, so why not? Well, there’s a reason young women are not usually food delivery drivers. My first customer on my first day was a man at a hotel next door. I parked outside, went into the lobby, and told the person at the front desk I had pizza for XYZ. I guess he heard his name because the guy came out from the pool area on the same floor and said it was his, but his wallet was upstairs. I’d worked in customer service for several years, and since I knew that the customer’s convenience is at the top of the list, my first reaction was to say this: ‘Oh, you don’t have to come back down. Let me follow you up’. I immediately regretted it. But I already said it. So we go up and I stand in the doorway of his hotel room. He’s fetching his wallet and I’m holding the food. ‘Come in and put the food on the table here’, he said. He was digging through a jacket or something for the money. So I did. I put the food down and he handed me the cash. I was about to leave, but then he asked me about things to do in the area. I didn’t say much. I headed back to the door and said to have a good night. He said, ‘So let me ask you something’. He approached me. I thought the worst possible things. ‘Is there anything I can get off the table here?’ I blinked. ‘No’, I said slowly. ‘I don’t think so.’ ‘Ah, okay. Worth a try.’ I ran out of that room and down to my car – a safe place. I completed my one other delivery and quit immediately after. I figured that that type of job could put me in at least a few horrible situations” (Source).
Everyone Needs A Coax Cable
“I worked at Domino’s and Pizza Hut. I’ve been tipped non-cash before, such as beer and drugs (though I didn’t accept the drugs). I once got tipped a cable (coaxial) splitter. Once a guy was talking to me about his temptation to rob me when I pulled my money out to give him change, which was an awkward conversation. Once a friend ordered and he asked me to pick him up some beer on my way there, and so I did. I’m sure I could have got in trouble for that if they ever caught me. I’ve been offered a slice of the pizza I just delivered to a customer, and if I remember right, I accepted one time. I know there are other ‘strange’ moments, but I can’t think of them off the top of my head. Upsetting moments include when people try and rip me off, such as taking the pizza without paying, but I never let that happen. Also when I deliver pizza to a home where they’re doing drugs (such as smoking pot) and there’s a baby in the crib, that really upsets me” (Source).
“The store I spent most of my time working for was in East Lansing. East Lansing is the home of Michigan State University. During the school year, there are always plenty of house parties raging on the weekends and during football games. Once I showed up to an address with a few sandwiches in tow. Nobody answered the door, so I started walking back to my car to dial the contact number. All of a sudden I heard whooping and screeching coming from the backyard. Two or three guys ran out – naked except for cowboy hats and big leather boots – chased each other around the front yard, and then circled back. A few minutes later, the customer peered their head out from behind the door and waved me over” (Source).
“I had a delivery to a nondescript row of apartments late on a Friday night. I rang the bell and heard somebody stumbling towards the front door. When the hinges swung back, there was a topless woman standing in front of me. ‘I told you I’d do it!’ she shrieked. I heard some laughter coming from another room” (Source).
Awkwardly Flirtatious Women
“Another time I was working downtown near the state capitol building. I had another apartment delivery, again on a late-night. The customer seemed drunk and invited me in to the sign the bill. Instead of signing off and letting me go, her and her friends kept asking questions like, ‘are you single?’ an ‘I gave you a tip, but do you want something else, too?’ I was 18 and completely petrified. I can’t remember what I said, but I practically had to run out. They were probably just drunk and messing around, but it was still a bizarre encounter” (Source).
The Mysterious Hand
“When I worked for a pizza joint, there was a guy who’d order like clockwork almost every single day. He lived in an assisted living facility and never tipped; getting his ticket was always a chore. He’d order the same thing every time, too – an ice cream sundae and about fifteen packets of mayonnaise. The buzzer to his room was worn down from all the deliverymen and women constantly coming in and out. Once you got up to him, he’d crack the door open just a sliver, reach his hand out to take the food, and then slam it shut. Sometimes, if you were very unlucky, you’d see the outline of his naked body when the door opened” (Source).
“I used to work for Domino’s and one day we got a call for half a dozen pies, basic party order, couple meat, couple all the way a cheese and a veggie. I look at the address and realize it it literally 2 minutes straight up the road and it’s the location of a local lodge. I shrug and help make the order since it was slow then pack them up and head over to the lodge building. This lodge which is named after a horned animal is an odd building, 4 stories high with no windows on the first 2 floors, which always struck me as odd, but I grab the pizza crate and find the door. Now these lodges are populated by old white men as a matter of course (all member are required to be over 40 years old and at least 40 pounds overweight I think) but the door is answered by a 20-something woman in a bikini and body glitter. She tells me to follow her and I do, passing through a room full of old white dudes and bikini models sans bikinis. It seems the lodge was having an event that required a dozen or more strippers, at least I gave them the benefit of the doubt and call them strippers. I got an interesting show and a nice tip for that half mile trip” (Source).
“In college I worked for a very busy place that catered to college students. We were close to the dorms and on a Friday night, taking stacks of orders, I could deliver 30-50 pizzas in an hour. Even with lousy tips, at $.50 per pizza, it was good money. A call came in for a small one topping, which we delivered for $4.23 with tax. It ALWAYS meant a fiver, so I’d be getting about a buck for that delivery. This pizza was on the edge of our delivery zone and I knew I would be losing about 20 bucks in other deliveries to take it out there. But that’s the breaks sometimes. I can hear a TV on the other side of the door, but no one answers my knocking. I keep banging on the heavy door, assuming the person on the other side is drunk and passed out. No answer. I bang hard enough to split a knuckle. No answer. I fume all the way back to the store, nursing my bloody knuckle. When I get there I run into a friend in the parking lot. He says, ‘How’s your night been?’ I reply, ‘Great until the drunk motherf—– at 4311 South Thomas street didn’t answer his motherf—– door!’ I then throw the pizza against my car. My friends laugh and I realize I’m making a spectacle of myself in a fairly crowded parking lot, so I shut up and go inside, slamming the pizza back in the warmer. There are several people at the counter picking up orders, including a guy I recognized from the parking lot as he was wearing a very bright Hawaiian shirt. I furiously pound on the computer, removing the pizza from my ‘hook’, making it no longer my delivery. When I go to check the order number, the pizza is gone. I ask the manager what happened to it, and he said, ‘It was that guy’s, I just gave it to him’. It was the Hawaiian shirt guy, who clearly heard me call out his address and throw his pizza. He bought it without complaint. I guess he didn’t want to face the wrath of the raging pizza guy” (Source).
“Years ago I was delivering pizza for Domino’s in McLean, Virginia. This was before GPS so we had to look up unfamiliar addresses on a big tax map mounted on the wall of the store. I got an order for an unfamiliar address and when I looked it up on the tax map, there was no detail. I figured out where the address must be, so I just headed out. This was in the day of the 30 minute guarantee. I turned onto the road of the address and it was thickly wooded on both sides of the road, with no houses. Suddenly I came upon a wide opening that had two small, and completely empty, parking lots on each side of the road. At the other end of the clearing was a guardhouse. As I drove toward guardhouse a guard came running out with one hand on his sidearm and the other extended toward me, palm out telling me to stop, which of course I did. He carefully approached the car, keeping the pillar of my windshield between us. He asked what I wanted. I pointed to the big Dominos triangle on top of my car and said I had a pizza to deliver. He told me to back up and pull into the parking lot on the right. I did this and retrieved the pizza from the back seat. He was already approaching me and asked how much the pizza was. I told him and he gave me enough cash to cover it plus a pretty good tip. I asked him if he was the one who ordered the pizza. He hesitated and then said, ‘Of course’, obviously lying. Best prank that has ever been played on me because I got a good tip and a good story. I had just delivered a pizza to CIA headquarters” (Source).
Make Eye Contact
“Back in the ’80’s, freshman year of college, I worked at Domino’s, and was one of two girls among about 8 guys. About the third delivery I took out went to a house that had a two step stoop. I rang the bell and stepped back as the screen door opened out so I was standing on the bottom step just waiting. The door opens, I look up, and the guy had come to the door COMPLETELY NUDE. I look up and was right in eyeline of well…you know. I just looked up into his face and kind of croaked ‘Pizza delivery???!!!’ He laughs, pats himself and says, ‘Oh, ha ha, I must have left my money in my pants’. He comes back with a towel on and gives me $50 and tells me just to keep it. On the way back to the store I realized I had seen this guy before…he was the brother of my assistant manager. I realized I had been set up. I decided to just act like nothing happened. I get back and they’re all standing there with that, ‘Come on, come on….see what she’s going to do’ look on their faces. One guy says, ‘How’d it go?’ I said, ‘How’d what go?’ He said, ‘That delivery? Anything iiiiiiiiiiinteresting?’ I said, ‘Yeah, it was weird…that guy kind of looked like your brother, John (not his real name)’. John says, ‘Oh, yeah?’ I walked right up to him then, looked him up and DOWN and said, ‘Huh…must be a family trait?’ and extended my pinky finger. Left him a little red faced and the rest of the guys in a pile guffawing” (Source).
“A few years ago I ordered a pizza. As soon as I hang the phone up, rain started pouring down intensely (I think this was the time my apartment on a 5th floor kind of flooded because of the rain but that’s another story). Given that on previous occasions pizza deliveries were suspended when there was bad weather, I assumed they wouldn’t send anything to my place that day so I prepared myself something to eat and spent the evening watching TV or reading or playing video games. About two and a half hours later there was a knock on my door and I opened it to a drenched guy in a Hazmat-like poncho holding a pizza while saying ‘I’m sorry it took so long to get here. It’s raining a little bit but don’t worry, your pizza is dry. Cold, but dry. And it’s free because of the delay’ I told him I’d pay him anyway and he refused to take my money, but accepted it after asking him to take it as a tip for himself. I think it’s been the most expensive cold pizza I’ve ever bought but he deserved it” (Source).
“My strangest experience involved a bunch of devils, an oak tree, and a ‘secret’ party. My last year of college, I was splitting my extra-curricular time between DJing for a local radio station and delivering pies for Gumby’s Pizza while still in attendance at UVA. Gumby’s was a great gig and the store would loan you an illuminated car topper to advertise your presence as you drove around the University area. On my way back to the shop after a delivery run, I came around a corner when a strange sight appeared before me. Four men, dressed in red capes and devil’s horns, were walking in the street, lugging a ~15 foot long section of an oak tree branch (complete with leaves!) over their shoulders as they trudged up the hill. Although I was right next to the University campus, my instinct was to treat this as a dangerous situation, even if it looked like a group of rowdy college kids pulling some sort of elaborate prank. I veered wide around the industrious devils as I passed them, glancing over to see what exactly they were doing. And that’s when they noticed me, or rather, my illuminated Gumby’s sign on top of my car. Almost in unison, they gave a loud shout, dropped their tree branch, and started chasing after my car. I don’t know about you, but when four men in devil costumes start to chase me, I get the hell out of Dodge, ASAP. Luckily, they were on foot, and my car surged away from them as my foot mashed the gas pedal to the floor, my heart in my throat. Once the devils saw their quarry was going to escape, they slowed to a walk, then turned and resumed hauling their tree branch to who knows where, for who knows what purpose. Not long after, I was back inside the store, having just finished relating the tale of my ‘great escape’ to the other employees, when the phone rang. As it was my turn to take the next order, I answered and began punching in the details on the computer. My curiosity was piqued when they wanted to order 12 extra-large pizzas, but it wasn’t until they gave the on-campus address and told me to ‘just look for the devils when you get there’ that everything clicked into place. I spoke up, ‘Wait, I just saw four guys dressed as devils carrying a tree up the road near there.’ To which the guy on the phone responded, ‘Dude, that was me! Wait, you were the guy driving the Gumby’s car? We were trying to get your attention to order some pizzas!’ After a little more back-and-forth, laughing at the coincidence, they made me promise to ensure I was the one to deliver their order when it was ready, promising a nice tip in return. I worked out a deal with the other two drivers, giving up a few choice deliveries in return for the monster 10-pie order. When the delivery was finally ready, I loaded up my car and set out in search of the devils. It wasn’t too difficult to find them, given that the UVA Lawn was overrun with people in what was obviously a huge party, with over half the attendees either in red or wearing some sort of devil accouterment. I even saw some of my friends and classmates there, and soon discovered this was a party hosted by the IMP Society, a secret society at UVA known for both philanthropy and outlandish pranks. I conscripted a friend I saw there to help me carry the pizzas out to the party, and when all was said and done, I had an extra $100 in tips in my pocket, along with an invite to return to the party after my shift was over. Not a bad way to end the night, all because a few men dressed up as devils, carrying a tree branch, saw my car topper and decided their night would not be complete without some delicious delivery pizza! I never DIDfind out what they were doing with that tree branch, though” (Source).
“Always around Christmas Eve, girls would be flirtatious (trust me, I’m was not the kind of guy girls would have given the time of day when I delivered pizzas) and I got really good tips. I delivered pizza driving down a broken up dirt road to a bunch of hillbillies (I lived in KY when I worked at Pizza Hut). They were fun. I delivered pizza to a woman and her boyfriend and best friend thought I was a guy who was trying to pick up his girl. She screamed at him, ‘That’s the pizza guy!’ just before him and his friend charged me to bean me in the head with his baseball bat. If she didn’t scream that, he would have killed me” (Source).
Prom Proposal Delivery
“Once delivered a response to a prom invitation. Took a pizza with the word ‘yes’ written in pepperonis on it to some guy at work. Because the girl didn’t want the answer messed up, she asked that we not cut it. So when I got there, I took out the pizza and actually opened the box for him to show him the answer (he was understandably confused when I told him I had a pizza for him). He was rather happy about it, though I hope that he was able to find a knife somewhere to cut it” (Source).
“Had the opportunity to meet the most disgusting person I’ve ever seen. Obese, though at least able to walk. Wearing sandals, which did nothing to hide her absolutely disgusting toenails (at least on the toes that still had them, one or two were gone). Fingernails weren’t much better. Missing several teeth. And her hair was an absolute rat’s nest. I’m not sure if the smell that made my stomach churn was from her breath, her BO, or just her apartment. I met a couple of men who were almost as bad, but she’s the one who stood out the most” (Source).
The Sardines Are For The Dog
“One family that we delivered to would almost always order a side of sardines. Only time we ever used the little fish, that I knew of. I’m pretty sure that they fed them to their dog” (Source).
Wrong Coupon Sir
“When I was working for Domino’s I had a delivery to a certain apartment complex. I gave them the pizza, and they handed me a coupon. ‘Umm…this coupon is for Pizza Hut’, I said. ‘Yes’, they responded. ‘That’s who we ordered it from.’ As I stood there, confused, another delivery driver arrived behind me. From Pizza Hut. It turned out I was at the right apartment number, wrong building. My actual customer had ordered a pizza from us at about the same time. He also had a coupon” (Source).
Don’t Drink Too Much
“I was a pizza delivery guy in college at Kansas State back in the early 90’s and the most memorable for me was a delivery to a house late on a weekend night. I showed up at the door, which was standing wide open and I could see a guy sprawled out unconscious on the floor in the living room. My first thought was ‘Holy $&-#, I hope this guy isn’t dead!’ All kinds of thoughts of foul play went through my head and not sure what to do I went in and tried to wake him. I finally determined he was alive and there was no blood so then my thought was about getting stiffed on the deal. After seeing the empty bottles and cans laying around I noticed a very sloppily written check made out to my pizza company laying on the table next to him so I just set the pizza there, took the check and shut the door as I left. I’m assuming he at least got to eat the pizza for breakfast! My craziest delivery for sure” (Source).
The Garage Is Where The Party Is At
“Saw a lot of stuff… Saw a lucky guy finish off the night with a threesome in front of our garage. Had a few customers insist on taking shots with them and their friends at parties. Had customers ask if I wanted to get high with them. Had two girls steal a pizza from me but as soon as I told them to stop, they did. They sat on the ground like two little kids pretending they didn’t do anything. I felt like a parent taking back my pizza. Customers try and use me as a taxi/Uber. Had a drunk guy walk into my car thinking I was Uber. Delivered pizza to the hottest girls I graduated high school with. Luckily, I could tell them that I was also a graduate researcher and not just the pizza boy. Had sex with a few hot customers… jk I wish. If I was a better flirt maybe. There was lots of other stuff but these were the ones I remember best” (Source).
How Does That Fit In The House
“Delivered a pizza to a home that had gasoline odors drifting out the front door. They invited me in while they went to get cash. I was greeted by this. Not this exact one but a top fuel dragster. The wing was gone from the front and the front tires were at the front door. The engine and rear tires were in the kitchen in a state of repair on the other side of the house. Parts all over the counters. Possibly a rebuild? The rear wing stuck out the back door. I’ll never forget that. I always wondered if there was a wife involved in that decision” (Source).