It's amazing how stupid people can be. Even the most generous of managers reach a point with terrible employees. The stories behind these firing tales are insane.
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
Banana Thief
“He stole a bunch of bananas. Seriously. It was a college dining hall. He was an employee of the dining hall and got free meals while on-shift. He was not working that day, but he walked into the serving area, hid a bunch of bananas in his bag, and tried to pass the cashier only paying for what was on his tray. When confronted and asked if he ‘had forgotten anything, maybe in his bag?’ he denied having anything else. Fired on the spot. The worst part, he was on a meal plan (a kind of debit system, except you never get the money back at the end of the semester if you don’t spend it). He had plenty of money for the semester. I have no idea why he felt the need to steal bananas.”
A Real Dummy
“Good way to get fired? Eat a bunch of pain pills, come in to work as stoned as one can be while still standing, and then chase a pair of tongs into the deep fryer with his bare hands.
Not just hand. Hands.
He got mad when we told him he had to go to the hospital, so he ‘quit,’ and walked out – just to go down the street to Taco Bell, where he got a job application and a taco box.
Then he came back to our restaurant and asked to borrow a pen, and offered me a taco in exchange for it.
I took the taco and called the ambulance. It was a weird day.”
Jailbird Blues
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“I hired a girl to work in a bagel store, who on her first day told me she couldn’t touch any of the meats because she was vegan.
Had another guy show up for work his first day, was doing fine, seemed to be good with the job. I went to the office to get some paperwork for him to fill out, and he was gone. Never came back, didn’t steal anything, no explanation at all.
The bad one was I had to fire a girl for not showing up for several days in a row, saw in a newspaper the next week that she had been in jail the whole time because she had locked her kids in a closet while she was buying blow.”
In The Back Having A Good Time
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“My college town hamburger joint got busy as heck on the weekends. We had a five-man crew on a Saturday night, and about an hour and a half into service, I noticed my fry boy was taking a long time bringing back frozen appetizers from the cooler. I left expo in a huff and stomped to the back to yell at him and threw open the walk-in door. This short, Irish, leprechaun-looking dumb-dumb was getting his junk serviced by the barely-legal new girl.
Fired him after the dinner rush.”
Those Pizzas Will Stay In His Car For Years
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“When I managed a pizza chain store out of high school, one of the drivers was having a bad time of it and was ‘taking it out’ on the road while on delivery. On his first delivery, he ran over a customer’s dog, on the next delivery he did a burnout in front of the customer’s house, on the third delivery he ran a red light and got pulled over.
I pulled him aside, asked him if there was anything we (the company) could do to help, time off, etc. He told me to eff off.
I gave him warning to keep his behavior in check, or there would be repercussions.
On his fourth, and final delivery for the night, he did a burnout while leaving the store, hit a police car, and went on a 20-minute police chase. During the chase, I simply texted him, ‘I hope the customer paid for that pizza, because it’s your severance, don’t come back.’ I got no reply, but then again, he spent the night in jail and wound up going to prison for a couple of years for some outstanding domestic violence stuff.
He never delivered. The customer called after 30 minutes with no delivery, so we gave him a couple of free pizzas and profuse apologies. I would hate to imagine the state of the pizza in his car right now because we have impound laws for hooning in Australia, so if he went to jail on top of that, it was likely in his car for at least three years in the impound.”
An Apology Is A Must
“I used to work at a 24-hour diner chain. I spent two nights (possibly the worst nights of my working life) working the overnight shift. For some unfathomable reason, this restaurant’s policy was to schedule three people to work from 2 to 7 a.m.: a manager, a cook, and a server/cashier. The server/cashier was expected to run the entire dining floor, the drive-thru, make all of the (very popular) milkshakes, do all the leftover dishes, mop the floor, fill the condiments, and put together all the plates. The first night I worked, we were packed, and the cook was a no-show, so in addition to all that I was also cooking all the food. When the cook showed up the next night, my manager fired him on the spot and made him apologize to me.”
Helicopter Parent Ruins The Day
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“We had a young girl start in the deli counter of the supermarket where I worked. Her family was Lebanese, and the first day the girl’s mother was hanging around the counter watching everything. After a while, the deli manager asked if she was okay.
She said that she was there to make sure her daughter was okay. The deli manager politely told her that she would be fine and she could go home, but the mother refused. After a little while longer, the deli manager insisted that she go home because she didn’t appreciate being watched as she did her job and interacted with the new girl. The woman still refused.
The deli manager then gave her an ultimatum – go home now, or you can take your daughter with you. That was the girl’s first and last day at the supermarket.”
“You Can’t Fire Me, I Quit!”
“I ran a delivery sub shop and fired people for many crazy reasons. I could go on and on with outrageous stories.
The silliest was when one of my delivery drivers got dropped off at work. When I asked her why she didn’t have a car to take deliveries, she didn’t see why it was even an issue. ‘Okay just go ahead and walk back home then, bye Felicia.’
Then there was this guy selling illegal substances on his deliveries, like, c’mon dude.
The best story is actually about a lady (twice my age) who quit because I wrote her up. She missed a shift, and normally that’s automatic termination, but I decided I’d let her catch a break. Honestly, I just felt bad for her. But the next day when she came in she started screaming and demanding an apology for disrespecting her, and when I denied my need to apologize, she ripped off her shirt, threw it in my face and stormed out to the bus station to wait for a ride home. Like, what? She rode the bus to work so she could quit and ride it back home.
Every day was an adventure at that job, that’s for sure.”
Lazy Lazy Lazy
“I used to manage a Pizza Hut. Long day at work was coming to an end when I told a new guy to vacuum the dining area. Came back 10 minutes later and heard the vacuum running but couldn’t see it or the new guy. I looked at the bar and saw the new guy vacuuming while laying down. I wanted to give him points for creativity, but he had been horrible all day, so I let him go.”
Not As Funny As He Thinks
“I used to work at a popular coffee chain, and we had this supervisor who was an actor in all these local community theater things and wanted to get into stand up comedy. Well, if somebody was funny, he got ticked off that he wasn’t the one in the limelight. A new guy was hired who was funny, and the supervisor was always a jerk to him, giving him the worst jobs and picking on him. One night, the supervisor was being a complete jerk, and a bunch of us piped up to tell him to chill out. Something snapped. The supervisor lost it, went in the backroom and grabbed a bunch of frozen donuts and just came out and was throwing them at funny guy angrily and just swearing at him and berating him. Then he just walked out the back door and walked off down the street.
We all thought he quit on the spot, but he just went to smoke and came back 10 minutes later. By that point, someone called the manager, and she came in and canned him on the spot, and he broke down crying in what had to be the most pathetic, snot ridden scene I’ve ever witnessed. Awesome.”
Hired And Fired The Same Way
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“Small sub/ice cream shop. One of the first nice days of summer, a high school girl (her first job) was a no call no show and turned her phone off.
I assumed she quit until she came in for her next scheduled shift a couple of days later like nothing happened (five minutes late of course).
She didn’t seem even to understand when I told her that she didn’t work there anymore.
The semi-shocking part is that her cousin got fired the same way.
Both of them were hires of the previous manager, who got fired two weeks before that.”
Out To Lunch
“I had an employee apologize to two different tables for forgetting to enter their food order. They had been waiting for 45 minutes, and nothing had been entered into the system.
We looked at the camera system because he had been acting weird all day. After he wrote down their order, he proceeded to go outside and fire up a joint. He was apparently too high to remember to put in the order.
It was his first and last day.”
The Crisis Hits Home
“When I managed a small local coffee shop, the new girl, while in the break room, shook her container of prescription pain pills and said she popped them whenever she felt anxious, but it was not a problem.
It became a problem when her boyfriend came storming into the shop one day and started screaming about his pill stash that went missing, and she began screaming back and threatened to take the entire bottle in front of all of the customers.
Yeah, see ya.”
Like Eddie Murphy In That One Movie
“I hired a kid that was barely 18 years old to be a general guest service rep at the bowling center I used to manage – wipe down tables and return bowling balls to the settee racks. He was nervous during the interview but still answered the (very general) questions pretty well. So, I decided to give him a chance. This young man was the definition of instant regret.
One day, a rather large woman came in with her family, and he refused to believe that she was ‘really that big.’ This kid straight up walked up to her, in front of her family, and asked her if she was wearing a ‘fat suit.’ I wish I could make it up, but that’s just too far out there – even for me.”
A Serious Craving
“A server with 10 years of experience walked by hot food that was ready to go out for a 25-top table to go have a smoke. We are a small restaurant and servers usually take out their own food, and I stress that taking out food as quickly as possible once it is done should be a top priority. Not to this girl – walked right through the kitchen and said, ‘I’ll be right back,’ to the astonished, seasoned cooks. Took out the food myself and fired her when she walked back in.”
The Dummy In Front
“I had a kid who worked the front counter of my shop who was perhaps the densest idiots I have ever seen. I had to speak to him several times because his default position was to stand behind the register and stare into space, even when customers were waiting to order.
One day, while opening, I asked him to go over the opening checklist and make sure everything was complete.
I went about my business, but five minutes later I look over at him, and he was still staring at the checklist. He looked up at me, nodded and said, ‘Looks good to me!’
When I asked if he was sure everything was finished, he pointed to the list and showed me where things were checked off.
I sat and explained to him that those check marks had been made weeks before, and didn’t mean those tasks had been completed today. I had to hand hold him through the whole list.
Later on that day, I asked him to check on the drink cooler to make sure it was stocked. He leaned out from the counter, looked at the cooler, then back at me and nodded. ‘Looks good!'”
A Real Idiot
“I worked at a pizza place. We had a new server working on a busy night. The manager ran outside for a smoke after being stuck inside for four hours, then the phone rang. The new server answered, and the person complained about their pizza being delivered cold. The new server said that he didn’t know what to tell them and that they should microwave it, then hung up. The manager wasn’t happy when the customer called back.
That guy didn’t get fired from that though, and a week later we had to throw out the entire salad bar because he flipped a switch on it that was labeled ‘DON’T TOUCH’ when taking it down the night before. Openers didn’t realize it the next morning, and the following night we had a salad bar at room temperature.”
Not Even Allowed On The Property!
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“I work at a fast food joint. No one liked this kid, he was very annoying, very rude, and didn’t like being told what to do. I complained about being tired one day after working two ten-hour shifts in a row, and he said it’s because I talk too much. We also knew he was a thief, but he never stole money or anything from the company.
He was on his last legs and my manager asked him not to come in anymore. The kid came in to get his check with his friend, who ordered a sandwich. The cashier put the sandwich on the tray, and the kid took his friend’s sandwich and booked it out the door.
I saw his paycheck stapled to a sheet of paper saying he was formally fired and was no longer allowed on the property or cops would be called.”
Don’t Fall For The Bananas In The Tail Pipe Trick
“A dumb kid who worked for me had recently seen ‘Beverly Hills Cop’ and thought the whole banana-in-the-tailpipe gag was hilarious! So he shoved a bunch of bananas (five or six of them) into the exhaust of his buddy’s car out in the parking lot.
Well, he thought it was his buddy’s car. It turned out it belonged to a rather fragile woman we also worked with, who freaked out big time at the thought of carbon monoxide poisoning.
Long story short: She calmed down eventually, and the doofus lost his job.”
Continuously Missing Money
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“While managing a Subway, I came in Wednesday morning with my assistant manager to do weekly inventory and our twice a week safe deposit. Everyone at the store was well aware of this date.
We counted the safe drawers and deposits, and we were about $600 short. I immediately called the closer, no answer. We reviewed the cameras and saw that she propped the back door open and then closed up for the night.
Thirty minutes later two people entered the back, grabbed the safe keys, and grabbed a decent amount of cash. They were smart and avoided parking in our lot but I talked to the neighboring business and asked for their camera feed, and sure enough, the employee and a former employee pulled into that lot, put masks on and walked over.
I called the cops, told them she’d be in for a shift in a bit. She showed up, got arrested and fired. Her claim: she needed rent money, and she was going to put it back on Friday when she got paid. I had to remind her she worked less than 20 hours a week and didn’t make enough. She started crying her eyes out.
I saw her a year later at another Subway, talked to the manager, he too was missing money weekly from the safe. I still get angry messages on Facebook from her through mutual friends eight years later.”
