Some people have strange tastes, then there are these people...
(Content edited for clarity.)
Ranchero
“We have a soup and salad deal at my restaurant.
‘What dressing would you like?’
‘Ranch.’
‘What soup?’
‘Ranch.’
He literally just wanted a bowl of ranch dressing for his soup…he comes in a lot now, we call him the ranchero.”
The Math Was Not Strong With This One
“Working in a Pizza Hut, the customer asked how big our regular size was.
‘It’s 11 inches.’
‘Yeah, but how many slices is that?’
‘It’s six slices.’
‘Oh, I don’t know if I can manage that many.’
‘We can cut it into four slices if you like?’
‘Great. Thanks. I’ll have that!’
The Order Started Normal At First
“There was a morbidly obese woman who came in. She waddled like a duck to the line and was gasping for breath. When she ordered, she got five Philly Cheesesteaks footlongs. My initial reaction was she was getting them for her family. However, when we were putting veggies on them and they were all identical, it seemed a bit odd. Then she sat down with her $48 worth of sandwiches, five bags of chips and a large drink and ate THEM ALL. These are the largest sandwiches you can get at Subway. Of course, about a quarter of her meal ended up on the floor and she stepped in the steak pile on the ground and tracked it through the store.
Another time, this girl came in and got a footlong with only olives on it. Tons and tons of olives. Nothing else.”
Death By Styrofoam
“I used to work at a Thai restaurant and this lady came in one day and ordered panang chicken to-go. For those who haven’t had panang, it’s a stir-fried curry dish (so there’s a lot of sauce). She then proceeded to ask if I had anything other than the styrofoam boxes to serve it in, and I told her I did not. She then went into a long rant about how the chemicals in the styrofoam would seep into the food, which would cause cancer.
I told her I was sorry and that if she wanted, we could put it in the plastic containers that the curry comes in, or line the styrofoam box with Saran wrap to which she said ‘SARAN WRAP?! That’s even worse!’
At that point, I apologized again and told her there was nothing else I could put it in, so she asked if I could just completely wrap the box in napkins so the food wouldn’t touch it. So then I had to explain that the sauce would essentially disintegrate the napkins, resulting in the food both touching the styrofoam, and there being bits of napkin in the food.
She decided to just eat in.”
The Stuff Of Legends
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“I worked the drive-thru at Jack-in-the-Box while in high school. Trashed people rolling through were fairly common on the weekends. Many of them, in their wasted stupor, would confuse our monster tacos with hot dogs and would order hot dogs. One time someone got all pissy with me because he wanted a hot dog. So, we made him a ‘hot dog’ and gave it to him. Three bites into his taco, he said: ‘Was that so effing hard?’ I walked away from the window to clean some dishes.
A few minutes later, I happened to look in the direction of the drive-thru. I could not see the window, but above the window was a timer that would go from green numbers (okay) to yellow (need to speed things up) to red (the customer has been there too long). I saw the numbers flashing red because they were at 13 minutes. I did not hear any cars come through on my headset, so I was confused. I walked up to the window, and the guy who gave me crap about the hot dogs was there, passed out in his car. So we called the cops. They showed up. One cop had to come into the restaurant so he could talk to the guy as passed out dude parked too close to the window for the cop (a portly fellow) to get to his driver’s window. When the cop tapped the guy, while hanging out of the drive-thru window, the guy woke up and started screaming at the cop because all of the meat in his hot dog was mush. Again, it was a taco, and anyone who has had a taco here will understand. It basically is meat flavored mush. He was livid and threw the second ‘hot dog’ at the cop. It then dawned on him that this man was a cop, he had been drinking and was also driving. I kid you not, he then climbed into the passenger seat and started asking where the driver went, as the car started rolling forward into a bush. He was adamant that he was never driving.
This is the gold stand-up comics tell about, and I got to live it for an hour of my life in 2002.”
There Are Only So Many Miracles In A Day
“When I was working at McDonald’s, someone wanted an ice cream cone without the cone. I said why not get a sundae, and he refused, claiming he only had $0.50.
Okay, that’s cool dude, would you like to come in, get your mouth under the tap, I’ll count to three, and you can spin?”
Mmm, Smoldering Chunk Of Coal
“I worked at Hungry Howie’s Pizza for a long, long time and have gotten so many weird ones.
- One guy ordered extra extra extra sauce every time, to the point where we couldn’t get it out of the pan without spilling scalding hot sauce everywhere.
- One guy always asked for his pizza to be run through the oven THREE TIMES to where it came out looking like a smoldering chunk of coal. He would also fly into a fit of rage when asked ‘… Are you sure?’ ‘YES I’M SURE, JUST MAKE IT.’
- One lady always ordered a sausage pizza with cinnamon flavored crust. Gross.
- We also had a lady that would order a chef salad and then ask us to place it under the heat lamps to warm it up until she got there. Wat?”
Watch The World Burn
“Wasted guy at Denny’s was HUGE and barely squeezed into the booth. He sat across from his regular sized good looking friend and some hot girl it looked like he just picked up at the bar.
The fat dude orders a sampler, a meat lovers skillet, hash browns coveted and smothered (cheese, opinions, gravy), a slice of peanut butter pie and a hot fudge brownie. I was in awe; that is a TON of food.
He scarfs it down and then proceeds to throw up all over the table and booth. The girl gets sick and runs to the bathroom, the buddy is concerned and horrified at the same time as a wave of chocolate, Jack, and eggs spills into his lap.
The restaurant is going bananas. The fat dude takes his arm and scrapes the gallons of vomit off the table like a squeegee. He is still blackout or close to it. He blabbers incoherently until we can make out he’s ordering another sampler. I got him one more because I like to watch the world burn.
The friend left a big tip and tipped the busboy. I don’t think the girl ever came back.”
As If Getting The Steak At Waffle House Wasn’t Bad Enough…
“I worked at Waffle House. I often worked the afternoon to the late night shift. After 9 p.m. the rowdy crowd would start to come in. This day, in particular, I decided to work overtime, so I got to see our usual drinkers.
In walked a man dressed as a pirate with a bushy beard and an eye patch. I prayed that he didn’t sit in my section. Alas, the gods were not listening, and he sat at one of my tables. I scurried to the table and hurriedly introduced myself as his waitress and quickly got his drink.
He ordered two burnt waffles without butter, his eggs to be cooked as it were for the gods, his hashbrowns golden, and his bacon soft and chewy. He wanted half a pot of coffee and six glasses of water.
He ate it ALL and ordered a steak as rare as we could cook it without being raw. He squeezed the blood from the steak into his coffee and drank it down. He then requested change for the jukebox and played Michael McDonald’s song ‘I Keep Forgetting.’ After singing, he began to dance around, and when the song ended, he promptly paid for his food, handed me my tip, smacked my rear, and gave me his number. He then sang a dirty limerick as he ran out.”
When Is It Too Many Pickles?
“I worked at Chickfila and had an order pop up on the screen that basically read:
1 CKN SAND
+++++++++++++ PICK
+++++++++++++ PICK
This meant the cashier keyed in the maximum amount of additions TWICE for pickles. We kept the pickles in a container that probably held about three pounds of pickles on the line and he got two salad boxes with every single pickle. Our manager called us pricks. Turns out the cashier was new and the old man in the drive-thru was really angry… oh well.”
The Time When You Want To Get The Order Wrong
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“A former girlfriend told me a guy used to come in and order ‘A hamburger, fries and a bj.’ Apparently, he was blatant. He’d do it with a straight face. And he’d do it in a group of other people.
At first, she said she laughed and tried to just shake it off. Since no one else would react she said she thought she was hearing things. But she said it happened repeatedly. Eventually, she got to know what the guy looked like and would pass him off to another waiter or waitress. She said eventually one of the other waiters (male) said the guy said the same thing to him.
Not sure if he ever got what he ordered. He probably deserved a punch in the face.”
There’s A Right Way To Order, But A Wrong Way Too
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“I live near Louie’s Lunch in New Haven, Conn., which is recognized as the birthplace of the hamburger. The place is still open today, serving the burgers like they originally made them: two pieces of toast and a patty of meat cooked in their special cast iron cookers. You can have cheese, onions, and a slice of tomato on it, and that’s it. If you ask for ketchup you will be told to leave. Their philosophy is ‘we invented this thing, we will serve it like it was originally and if you don’t like our options eff off and go somewhere else.’
One day, I was waiting for my delicious burgers, and these two women in business suits came in for lunch. The place was packed as usual, and these two women were taking forever to order. The first woman went to the counter and had the following conversation:
Woman: ‘Can I get a burger with cheese and lettuce and mustard and ketchup, on a whole wheat bun and a side of fries?’
Owner: ‘We don’t serve fries, we have potato chips. And we only allow cheese onions or a tomato on your burger. We only use white bread as well.’
The woman stared at him like he said he could blow himself and repeated her order. The owner then proceeded to tell her again what was available.
Woman: ‘I don’t get it. I want Fries.’
Owner: ‘We don’t have fries here.’
Woman: ‘So you’re out of fries? Or…’
The owner looked at me and said, ‘Did I stutter or is it her?’ He then looked back at the woman and said, ‘Ma’am, we don’t serve fries we have chips. We serve our burgers as my grandfather made them: onions tomato and cheese on white bread. If you don’t want any of those we can remove them but that’s it.’
Woman: ‘But what if I want options?’
The owner then points to a sign on the wall that says, ‘We make burgers OUR way. If you want it YOUR way, go to Burger King,’ and proceeded to skip over the woman and take the orders of the people behind her. The woman was angry and left saying how this dump ‘won’t last long if they treat customers like that’ and stomped out.
Obviously, she didn’t know this place was over 100 years old.”
Should A Baby Be Eating That?
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“Back when I worked at Papa Johns in high school, a lady would come in weekly and order a pizza with no cheese. This request was somewhat common by other customers as my store had a large volume of sales, so there was diversity in the orders. Yet hers was strange as she was ordering the pizza to feed her newborn who could not ingest a single shred of cheese, and she made it VERY clear it was a serious matter. My manager would wash his hands for a few minutes, use a dough tray to make the pizza, and then use a clean cutter to cut the pizza. It was scary.”
DO NOT Sell That Milkshake
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“I was working the drive-thru at McDonald’s one day when a woman pulled up to the speaker and started placing her order. I could hear a man’s voice asking for a milkshake and she kept telling him no and for me to disregard that. I heard a car door slam and she started screaming ‘DO NOT SELL HIM A MILKSHAKE.’ The guy was at the front counter buying one. She continued to scream for me to stop him while I had a line of cars backed up around the building. She finally moved when he got back into the car with his milkshake. She then gave me a dirty look when she got to my window to pay for her food and drove off without saying a word.”
People Are Stranger Than One Could Ever Imagine
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“I work at McDonald’s and had one guy order a burger with every patty and sauce we had, and another guy who wanted just a bun. However, he wanted it served in a cup.
My all-time favorite though was a woman who ordered a McChicken with extra lettuce and mayo, minus the bun and the chicken…so it was just a box with lettuce and mayo in it.
After a year of working there, I have come to the conclusion that people are much, much stranger than I thought possible.”
A New Take On An Old Wrap
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“I used to work at a Tropical Smoothie. There was one guy who would regularly come in and order a wrap with chicken, ranch, buffalo sauce, lettuce, tomato, and mozzarella. This was a good wrap except he wanted it blended with our high power blenders and served in a cup…”
There’s A Secret To Chipotle
“I worked at Chipotle for a couple years. I had this older Japanese gentleman who would regularly come in with pre-portioned bags of weird stuff that Japanese people like to eat, like seaweed and eel.
I worked on the line, so he would hand over these bags and request for us to put them in his burrito. Normally this would make me angry because it disrupts the whole process and other customers get annoyed with me, but I always obliged because customer service and all.
One day, I asked him to bring in some extra seaweed because I was curious how it would taste. I ate my lunch burrito that day with the seaweed, and it was surprisingly delicious. I have moved on to bigger and better things in my career since then, but I always make sure I have dried seaweed in my pantry in case I go to Chipotle.”
The Joys Of The Golden Arches
“I had some memorable moments while on the job at McDonald’s. One day the sun had already set and the dinner crowd had just left so I started to sweep the floors.
An old man with a cane opened the door and slowly, with small steps, approached the counter. Careful not to alarm him, I softly placed the broom against the wall and slowly positioned myself in front of the cash register. All he wanted was a single apple pie which I believe with tax was about $0.70.
To be nice, I told him that we offered two apple pies for $1, which was a $1.09 after tax. We ended up arguing back and forth in circles about how if two apple pies were a dollar why wasn’t one $0.50. I’d repeat that it was the way the company priced it, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I folded after a few minutes. It wasn’t going anywhere, so I told him I would charge him for one, but that he could pay $0.30 extra and get another one and save it for later. He bought two pies.
I remember his final words being along the lines of him feeling bad for ripping off McDonald’s and that I should have one of the apple pies for myself. That was the first time I had ever had one and it was splendid. We both ate them smiling while standing at the cash register, and I figured I’d give him another one for being a good sport.”
Stephen Hawking Is Spinning In His Grave
“I used to work in a takeaway, and we had a meal with fries covered in curry sauce. No biggie. It was cheap and loads of kids ate it. However, one day this girl who couldn’t be more than 12 asked for chips and curry sauce, but she wanted the chips to be crispy and dry underneath the curry sauce.
I just stood there in silence and said okay. I went home in despair after that night.
So, in essence, my customer wanted me to alter the laws of physics for £2.10.”
Onions, So Many Onions
“When I was 15, I worked at a Sonic drive-in. A guy asked for a hot dog with extra onions. The cook put about twice as many onions as usual, but the guy sent it back saying it didn’t have enough onions. The hot dogs came in a little paper bag. The cook took the paper bag, tilted it with the opening up, poured it full of onions, and gave it back to me. I had to take it out to the guy. He said, ‘Now that is a lot of onions!'”
If It’s Not Star Cut, It’s Not Cut At All
“I work in a pizza place, and we usually cut the pizza into squares instead of a star cut. The other day, I cut a pizza in our regular squares and didn’t notice that the buyer wanted a star cut. After delivering it, half an hour later, we got a call that he was mad that his pizza wasn’t star cut and refused to eat it.
First world pizza eaters.”
Two Special Stories For The Price Of One
“I have two stories, both while working at Five Guys.
1) I was working the register when a family walked up to the counter, the majority of the family ordering burgers. The father ordered last and looked at me with a serious look on his face and asked, ‘You guys sell pizza?’ I calmly explained to him the only thing we serve is on the menu above my head. He finally decided to order a burger as well.
2) Joe Jacoby, the old Redskins player, and his sales team came in for dinner after a big meeting. Everyone ordered and Joe was a gentleman ordering last. He asked for two hot dogs with everything. If you’ve ever eaten at Five Guys, you’d know asking for everything on an item is worse than saying that at Subway. I asked if Joe had seen all the toppings we offered, including raw and cooked onions. He had a huge grin on his face and said, ‘I know what you have; hit me with everything.’ Joe got two hot dogs with everything including BBQ and hot sauce. These dogs were so big, the person at the wrapper station yelled at me to come get them and take them to Joe myself. He ate every last bite of both of them and the two servings of fries that come standard at Five Guys. I wish I could eat like that.”
