Just Another Day Waddling Down The Pet Food Isle
“I worked in a supermarket. One day while stocking shelves my manager and I noticed a strange smell, we couldn’t find the source so kept working.
A couple of hours later and it was still hanging around, eventually we emptied the last trolley of stock which had been sitting in an aisle for a while (small supermarket) and we found a blob of human poop on a box of cat food, and then two or three more on the shelves next to the trolley.
We checked the cameras and there was this seemingly normal 50 something year old lady, walked in, put a few things in her basket, then started walking / waddling oddly down the pet food aisle and then all of a sudden just casually reached into the back of her pants, pulled some poop out, chucked it on the stock trolley, walked another few paces and did the same then from memory she even proceeded through the checkout and out of the store.
The manager asked me to clean it up to which I offered my immediate resignation (as a joke, he was my mate but there was no way I was dealing with that) so he had to clean it up and we ended up throwing out a lot of stock and most of the fruit and veg stock.
I’ve told so many people this story, I still find it so bizarre to this day.”
Only After Everyone Has Left
“Worked as an assistant manager at a grocery retailer. The store is closing and few employees are left. I’m finishing paperwork and happen to look up at the monitor displaying 16 different cameras.
The one in the deli caught my eye because I happened to notice the deli employee filling a sink. Didn’t think anything of it an kept on going with my work. Looked at the time and was thinking, okay everyone should be out. Look through the cameras and see the girl in the deli… Bathing in the sink.
An absolute feeling of dread comes over me. What do I do…
I wait until she’s done, burn the video, sterilize the sink, bleach the sink, pour boiling water over the sink, and scrub it until my hands hurt, then leave the store in night crews hands.
Next morning, speak with the store manager and show him the video. Pull the girl upstairs and let her go for violating all sorts of health and safety violations.
Turns out, her water was turned off and she needed to bathe for her date… With her parole officer the next morning.
Things people do when they think others aren’t watching.”
The Night Shift
“Worked fast food as a manager. Had a night employee complain that the two other employees would disappear in the office for 30 min every night. Pulled the security tape. She gave him head. Had to fire them both. Sucked cause I was stuck working nights till I hired a replacement.”
The World’s Best Panini
“One time at work I went to the Starbucks down the street and got a delicious panini. I was so excited for this panini. Double smoked bacon and chicken. Delish. I was working the closing shift so I was tired and just wanted to eat my panini. I pulled the little paper bag out and what I assume was the heat from the food had melted the adhesive holding the bag together and my delicious panini is now all over the break room floor. Immediately my soul crushes, then right afterward, I’m like ‘Forget this!’ and picked it right back up and ate it. It was delicious.
A few weeks later my coworkers are chatting away and whatever, one of them offhandedly mentions that our GM watches all the security cam footage on the days she isn’t at work.
She wasn’t at work that day my panini exploded everywhere.
She probably saw me eating the whole sandwich off the ground like a savage.”
That Was Unexpected, Even For Traffic
“I was managing a fast food restaurant at a rest stop on the highway. I had access to all of the cameras, inside and out, including one pointed right at the exit to enter back onto the highway. This guy was trying to merge back onto the highway in the middle of rush hour. He had been sitting there so long, waiting for someone to let him in that he just pulled out a little hand puppet and started yelling at traffic with it.”
Definitious Fergalicious
“An old boss that ran a pizza restaurant got tired of people not doing their jobs. While on the road with him to pick up new prep tables and such he had me check the cameras to make sure everyone clocked in was working.
- One girl up front was eating mint after mint for like 5 minutes.
- One girl in the back just dead faced staring at her phone.
- Last one, a dude, in the back mock dancing to a Fergie music video.
Called up the store, told them to, ‘stop sucking down mints and get back to work, and that a chubby white boy dancing to Fergie wasn’t appropriate for a restaurant kitchen.’
Got the stink eye from one of them but the other two thought it was hilarious since they got to catch Fergie-boy mid-dance.”
Delivering Pizza And Its Deadly Encounters
“I used to deliver pizza.
The boss decided (after the second armed robbery) that there needed to be security cameras.
The first thing he caught on footage was the employee (that had been held up a week prior), close down the shop after hours, clean everything, count all the money and put it in the safe for morning deposit…then pull out a bottle of Jack and cry his heart out, while shaking and hiding under counter.”
Crisis Control: Dropped Loafs
“I was working in a horrible Tex-Mex restaurant. We had an old, old man who was one of our bussers. He wasn’t a very good busser, but no one wanted to fire him. It wasn’t exactly like he could do much else if he lost his job.
We had recently been training a new manager, the guy was young but very competent. Well, around 3 o’clock, after the lunch rush has died down, I see our codger shuffling around with his bus tub when he stops for a few seconds, and then straightens his left leg and does a little shake.
His loaf falls out of his pant leg onto the floor in the middle of our main dining area. And he waddles away going about clearing tables. Luckily there are only 2 tables still eating and they aren’t too near the brown crime.
I don’t know what to do here. Do I confront him? Do I get someone to clean it up? There is no chance I am doing it myself.
I end up giving our new manager a crisis control practical challenge. He didn’t believe me at first, but his face when he locked eyes on the offending turd is something I will never forget.”
The Voice Of God Compels You
“Our grocery store had these 3′ high, hollow, 5′ wide, round steel posts coming out of the sales floor at the back of the store where the exits to the backroom were. The posts were there so that if someone made a bad turn using an electric pallet jack turning into or out of the backroom, the pallet jack would just bounce harmlessly off the post rather than taking out part of a wall or a refrigeration case.
A few of us employees were up in the camera room one evening talking with one of the security guys and checking out the video feeds when we noticed this goofy teenage kid who seemed fascinated by the hole in the top of one of the posts. He kept staring down it and reaching down it until, finally, he stuck his whole arm down the top of the steel post all the way to his shoulder. There couldn’t have been anything in there except bits of trash people would have dropped in over the years, so I don’t know what the kid was thinking: he looked to be kind of daydreaming or at least lost in a world of his own.
Anyway, it was still early evening and the store was full of people so maybe it wasn’t the most professional thing to do, but the security guy got on the store intercom and said:
‘Hey kid… get your hand out of that hole!’
The kid jumped up, pulled his arm out of the hole and was looking around in all directions with this shocked look on his face. It was pretty hilarious.”
The Only Clue Was A Giant Rock
“This was unexplained until the footage was reviewed.
Brother-in-law owns a pub. One night, all the alarms start going off. This is unusual because if you were breaking into a place, and the alarm goes off, you would quickly grab something and run away. For all of the alarms to go off, you would have to have a whole bunch of people running amok through the pub or one person who doesn’t care about the alarms.
He calls the police and races to the pub. One of the front doors has been smashed to pieces. A giant rock is lying on the floor. One of the bar areas has been disturbed. A lockbox is missing. The pub appears to be empty. He stands outside the door so no-one else can get in.
The police arrive and do a sweep. Nothing further is found. They review the footage to find:
A man staggers up to the door, carrying a giant rock. It does not take a big rock to smash a glass door. The rock was bigger than a basketball.
The man holds the rock above his head and throws it through the glass door. He casually steps through the smashed glass; alarm sounds but man does not appear to notice or care.
In no particular hurry, the man then walks behind the bar, opens a fridge and pulls out a bottle of cider. He drinks it and leaves the bottle on the bar.
He then starts looking around for money and finds a lockbox with a couple of thousand dollars in it for a footy tipping competition.
He puts the box on the bar and grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels, before casually strolling out into the night holding the bottle and the lockbox.
The police found him at the railway station. He was asleep on the bench with the money from the lockbox in his pocket. Next to him was a bin containing a broken lockbox and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
I can only assume this criminal mastermind thought he was pulling off the heist of the century in his ridiculous stupor.
I should point out that to this day they have no idea where the giant rock came from. The pub is opposite a park which does not appear to have any landscaping rocks and the nearest house would be over 150m away. It took two people to remove the rock.”
The Hash Slinging Streaker
“My boss owns several retail stores, which I work in, and an ice cream shop on a downtown strip. One day I had the most creepy person come in. Big tall man in combat boots and long trench coat. With a red woman’s wig and tons of blush on his cheeks and bright red lipstick. I’m a gay female with plenty of diverse friends so nonissue.
The creepy part was the fact his hands were moving through the clothes as if he was pretending to look through them but his eyes were on me. The entire time. Through the entire store. I had other customers at the time but was giving him my best ‘don’t steal anything I see you’ stare so eventually he left.
I call to warn our other retail store, she said he was in there doing the exact same thing and had been in a neighboring store as well. Everyone did the same as me, gave him the look and he left.
Well, our poor ice cream worker who was alone in her store and only 18 years old was apparently the situation he was looking for. They have video cameras and my boss eventually let me watch it so this is what I saw.
He walks in and hides behind one of the freezers for a minute. Then walks toward the girl, throws the trench coat wide open.
He is only wearing a white bra with two holes cut out in the middle. It was difficult to make out the downstairs situation with white lingerie on but I never saw a bulge. He starts aggressively rubbing himself through the holes in the bra and approaching her. He stops right in front of the counter she is behind and just stands there staring and pinching his chest.
Her face is just solid shock. Her jaw drops. She panics for a few seconds, yells something at him, and picks up the phone to call the police. He never speaks, stays for another minute then runs out.
Police never caught him and there were no other reports of it happening at our locations.”
The Safest Sushi Roll
“I worked at a sushi restaurant that had a camera on the backdoor with the monitor in the kitchen. We would see all kinds of crazy non-sense happen but one evening sticks out.
We had this couple come in for what looked like a first date, they seemed pretty normal. The server later told me that they were asking for what to try as first-timers because they hadn’t tried sushi before. Normally servers go with the OG Cali and everything is fine.
Well, after about 5 minutes of eating the guy gets up and runs to the back assumingly because he didn’t see the bathroom sign and pukes in our alleyway. Like projectile on the wall, and scattered as if he was making a mural. Comes back into the restaurant and puts down some money and leaves without the girl but with puke all over him.
Allergies man.”
The Cleanest Pub On Earth
“I used to run a pub that had CCTV cameras.
I’ve seen:
- People ‘doing it’ on the pool table with ~10 people watching.
- People doing lines of coke off the pool table.
- An old woman taking a poop on a bench.
- A guy fall asleep on the ground in the middle of the carpark, he slept for about 5 hours before getting up and walking away.
- A guy have a heart attack.
And a multitude of fights and other stupidity. Oh, and a guy pleasuring himself with a Henry vacuum cleaner.”
