Have you ever had that one kid in class that would literally never speak a word? Well, then you may know that when they do finally choose to speak up, some hilarious, weird or downright disturbing things can come out of their mouths.
Mad Dog Mike Will Get You
“So this isn’t so much what he SAID. The seniors played ‘locker pinball’ with the underclassmen. It’s exactly what it sounds like. They bounced one little guy constantly. Made him late for class a lot because they’d keep him bouncing so long.
Well, one day they were bouncing him and he super politely said, ‘Please stop, you’re hurting me.’ Obviously the seniors bounced him harder. Apparently, that was this kid’s breaking point because he leaped onto the nearest senior, who just happened to be our star basketball forward. The little freshman BIT into the senior’s neck and literally tore a mouth full of skin off. He just stood there…with this piece of bloody skin on his shirt…GROWLING at everyone.
Needless to say, no one ever f—ed with Mad Dog Mike after that…”
Nugget Kid’s Clap Back
“This dumb kid who constantly messed with people was in line with the quiet kid and the quiet kid’s friend. The quiet kid is a bit overweight so when he gets up to the lunch lady and gets his chicken nuggets, the guy says, ‘You don’t want extra nuggets, big guy?’
The quiet kid out of nowhere just starts ranting: ‘No I am all set, but what are you up to this weekend? You wanna hang out? Grab some food? Maybe do it a bit? I like to be on top and you look like a bottom, what do you say wanna go tonight?’
The entire line is dead silent. The guy starts getting all angry and acting like he’s gonna start a fight and the quiet kid says, ‘Ok fine you can be the top, baby.’
The kid leaves to the entire line laughing at his expense. No idea if the quiet kid was gay or he just knew that even jokingly suggesting the kid was gay would upset him more than anything. But I do know he left the line with his delicious chicken nuggets and a huge smile on his face.”
Became An Infamous Killer
“I took a class with Seung-Hui Cho, the Virginia Tech shooter, one semester before the shooting. The class was called Contemporary Horror. It was a one-time elective offered by my favorite professor; We read horror novels and watched horror films and discussed the craft of creating scary stories, but also how they reflected or represented their era’s fears. It was a great class. There were only about 15 students and it was discussion heavy.
Cho was one of them. I honestly never noticed him, even in that small class, until halfway through the semester. He wasn’t quiet; he was silent. So on the day we all finally noticed him, our professor asked him something directly…and Cho just stared at him. I can’t remember the question, but the nature of it meant silence was potentially an acceptable and funny response. So we all laughed…Except for Cho. He just kept staring at our professor. Our laughter awkwardly died, and after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, our professor just said, ‘Oookay,’ and moved on. It was so strange. But I forgot about that weird moment until after his rampage.
That professor later told me that Cho’s papers had been disturbing, but the nature of our course meant the envelope was being pushed a bit, and it had never been bad enough to suggest he’d do what he did. That professor was a good man, and he admitted he struggled with not blaming himself on some level for 1) not identifying how severe Cho’s mental health problems were and 2) for the graphic and terrible nature of some of what we watched in that class which may have inspired Cho. He knew that was bull crap, but a part of him couldn’t help but feel some blame. It was terribly sad.”
She Had Enough
“One of my students hardly said a word all year until a couple weeks ago. I was trying to get a group of talkative ones under control and she had enough. She yelled out ‘SHUT THE F— UP! IM TRYING TO WORK YOU F—ING A–HOLES!’
An awkward silence followed because I didn’t know how to handle the normally studious and quiet one losing it…”
A Yearbook Quote You Probably Shouldn’t Use
“The quietest kid at school had the quote ‘I will rip out your spleen’ in the yearbook…
Turns out that he was not happy like I remembered…he looked psychotic!
He Will Think About It
“I was (and still am) a geek and I got bullied a lot in school. The Columbine Massacre happened when I was in 8th grade, and all of the sudden everyone started thinking a bit more carefully about the ramifications of spending years physically and psychologically torturing kids who were too small or afraid to fight back.
I didn’t make the connection at the time…the bullying kind of fizzled out for me in high school, and I just thought it was because everyone was getting more mature and empathetic and growing less cliquey. I was delighted that some of the popular people were suddenly being so generous and friendly with me.
It wasn’t until one of these people asked me if I’d kill her if I brought a weapon to school and shot everyone… I realized that a lot of the recent ‘kindness’ the popular kids were suddenly displaying towards me was not necessarily coming from a genuine place. I was deeply insulted that anyone ever thought I would do anything like that, and deeply hurt that the other kids didn’t actually like me…they were just afraid of me and were being nice to me out of fear.
A lot of the other established nerdy kids were in the same boat as me, including this one kid Pat. I didn’t know him very well, but he was frail, pale, bespectacled, highly intelligent, and quiet as a churchmouse, so he was already on my radar as a potential ally. We were in a SAT prep course together, and I started sitting next to him. He didn’t say much of anything to me or anyone for a few weeks.
Then, one day as we were all settling in and waiting for the teacher, one of the popular girls who was particularly bubbly and not particularly gifted with intelligence said, ‘Pat, I USED to think you were going to come to the school and SHOOT everyone, but NOW I know I was WRONG.’
Pat looked down towards his desk, stroked his chin thoughtfully, and said…
‘We’ll see.’
And the rest is history. Pat and I are still close friends to this day.”
Iconic Trumpet Kid
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“I was in marching band in high school, probably 7 years ago now, and we had this huge muscular guy as our brass instructor. He would always yell at us to ‘NAIL THESE CHORDS’ or ‘YOU ARE NOT PLAYING LOUD ENOUGH!’
There was this little Asian trumpet kid that was so innocent and nice; he barely ever spoke a word. One really really hot afternoon, our instructor was being especially loud, and said, ‘WHY DON’T THE TRUMPETS BLOW HARD ENOUGH?’
Dead silence across the field as all the brass are waiting for next instructions. Then we hear:
‘Why doesn’t your mom blow this d— hard enough?’ from quiet trumpet kid. Needless to say, we all laughed, got push ups and laughed some more.”
She Made Everyone Tear Up
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“I will never forget this as long as I live – it was like perfect cinema in real life.
This quiet, weird girl in 10th or 11th grade always wore this giant coat and looked messy. She was a bigger girl and had a sister who was super pretty and skinny and popular.
Anyway, this big, awkward, quiet, friendless girl shows up at a talent show at the school. People weren’t being obviously mean, but there was definitely an air of what the ef? when she came out on stage in her big messy coat and disheveled clothes.
She sat at the piano and started to play, and sing, and just, my god… It was surreal. She sang this haunting bluesy song no one had ever heard before and the auditorium just went dead silent. I distinctly remember tearing up and I’m tearing up now 20 years later just remembering it.
Who the heck knew…”
All He Wanted Was The Time
“So this one kid, who barely ever said two words one day asked the teacher for the time (it was at some after-school thing and there was no clock). The teacher said the classic ‘Time for you to get a watch,’ which for some reason was funny to everyone else.
The quiet kid did NOT laugh. He looked the teacher dead in the eyes, and once everyone quieted down, he said, ‘So are you gonna tell me the F—IN’ time, or what?'”
Way Out Of Left Field
“We were having an elective course and we ran out of stuff to do so we wound up having story time. My friend walked up to the front and started telling us about how he once got pretty badly injured. Basically, he was walking into his friend’s house, slipped on some black ice, faceplanted on it and his front teeth tore off most of his front lip and broke off. He ran into the house babbling and bleeding (he was like 11 and was missing part of his face so he wasn’t 100% coherent at the time) and his friend’s mom took one look, ran into her bedroom, locked the door, and didn’t do anything until my friend’s dad arrived and started screaming at her. My friend said he still has no idea why the grown adult woman couldn’t handle the situation any better.
So then we all started making guesses and an analyses.
Cue the quiet kid raising his magnificent head and blessing us with enlightenment:
‘…maybe she just needed to finger herself real quick…'”
Don’t Mess With Him Again
“In middle school, the quiet kid, Steven, had an arch rival named Robbie. In class Robbie always seemed to come out on top of their little scuffles, mostly because Steven couldn’t really formulate or execute a ‘burn’ or a ‘comeback’. He just rolled over and let Robbie get his insults in until the teacher stepped in.
One day I was walking behind Robbie after that class and Steven quietly crept up behind him. Before Robbie could even turn around, he got as close as possible and said, ‘If I was to come into your house and kill you while you were sleeping, I doubt anyone would even notice…’ then he disappeared into the darkness of the science hallway.
I don’t remember the exact words, but that was pretty dang close. I was about 55% shocked, 30% laughing hysterically on the inside, and 15% terrified. Robbie never made fun of ol’ Stevie again.”
His Heartwarming Goodbye
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“There was this guy, named Carl. He was a middle-aged Asian man who was graduating from our rehab program. We didn’t even know it was his graduation day until he stood up to say his goodbye. We all got nervous because of all the things we’d been open about, even the worst things that had happened to us and the worst things we’d done. Meanwhile, this diminutive man in thick glasses had literally never said a word.
He said something like, ‘I feel like each and every one of you is my family. No one has ever understood my pain and my struggle the way you people do. I love all of you. I mean that. I love all of you, so much. Thank you for everything.’
Blew my 22-year-old mind right out the front of my face. I have never since doubted that the quiet ones are participating in their way as much as the rest of us.”
His Secret Spiteful Humor
“When I was in football in high school, the varsity team (all the juniors and seniors) went to a ‘boot camp.’ During that boot camp, everyone camped out on the property of a cabin owned by one of the coaches. We got divided into teams, and there was a running competition for the duration of the camp; we would have various events or activities where we would compete for points. Most of them were things where we would have physical competition, such as races or tug of war, etc.
One day, the coaches decided to do something a little different and we all were tasked with having our teams perform some kind of skit with the coaches as judges. My team really had no idea what to do, but someone came up with the idea of having a guy, let’s call him Mike, give a speech.
Mike was one of the most soft-spoken guys I had ever met. I had played football with the guy for years, and he averaged about a sentence per week. We figured this would be brilliant because no one would see this coming. When we suggested it, he just grinned and said, ‘Ok, let’s do it.’
So, we went up to the ‘stage,’ and the rest of the team and I introduced Mike as a real stand up guy who was just awesome. Mike came on stage and proceeded to rip on us as lousy teammates who were incompetent and annoying. Everyone was so shocked at this, that they laughed until they cried, and we ended up winning first in that event.”
She Wasn’t Taking Any Of His Attitude
“There was this one quiet girl in my class. She would never say anything (this was around 3rd or 4th grade) but I would always try and get her to talk. I would be nice to her like when she had no paper in her binder I’d take notice and give her some before she could ask. When she was searching for a pencil in her bag I gave her an extra one I had. It was like small little acts, like picking up her pencil when she dropped it, etc.
Then at lunch, this kid was picking on me (I was short, weak, and very emotional back then) when she came out of nowhere and told the guy, ‘I’ll give you three seconds to walk away.’ I was stunned because those were the first words I’ve ever heard her say. The guy slapped me, and she did a straight kick to his balls after that. I was honored. And shocked she ever said anything. She never said anything after that but I did say thanks.”
He Should’ve Taken On The Challenge
“There was a quite kid in my algebra class. He would talk if you mentioned computers or video game so naturally, I got along with him pretty well.
One day, 3 upper-classmen were talking to him about why he was so quiet. He wasn’t saying much of anything and I couldn’t even hear him a couple desks away.
What I did hear:
Upperclassmen- ‘I’ll give you twenty dollars if you yell at the top of your lungs… ANYTHING.’
Quiet kid- ‘What? Why?’
UCM- ‘…because you’re so quiet…I just want to know if you can raise your voice.”
Quiet kid- ‘No, there’s no point.’
That kid literally turned down twenty dollars to challenge the norm about himself and all he would have had to do is yell.”
The Year-Long Assignment Kid
“The kid was quiet but joined Forensics (not the crime kind… the ‘do a short bit of acting for competition’ kind, usually goes hand-in-hand with debate). The kid was so quiet, that my teacher actually told me my year-long assignment would be to talk to him to get him to start talking.
The kid was funny. I thought he was insanely awesome. I’d heard about him from other people but never met him. He did cartoons and stop-animation and had the DEEPEST voice I’d ever heard. He had a bunch of elephant jokes on his calculator that made me laugh. I actually had a bit of a crush on him and thought he was cute, but I had a boyfriend and we were VERY different (I was a stoner/drinker, he was pretty straight-laced).
Anywho. He didn’t talk much. No matter how much I annoyed him.
I ended up spraining my ankle at some point and was sitting there, bugging the heck out of him, trying to get him to react. He and I were the only ones in the room for some reason. In the midst of my annoying him, he grabbed my crutches and hobbled around the room, saying, ‘Oh, hello, I’m Kate and I’m so super annoying! I just talk and talk and talk and talk and no one can make me quit talking. Isn’t that funny?’ This went on for about two minutes, I’m rolling because it’s so out of character and he’s funny even if he’s making fun of me (I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB, DANG IT!). He stops. People come back in the room.
No one saw it!!!! Except me!
We talked more TOGETHER after that, not just me blabbing at him with no reciprocation.
We are FB friends now and I will bring it up every now and then. He says he doesn’t remember that really, but I think he’s messing with me.
One of my favorite people ever.”
Mom Jokes Always Win
“Playing rugby, this guy fails completely at line out. Someone shouts jokingly, ‘Does anyone know any good players to replace Patrick?”
The quietest guy on the team, never hear him say anything:
‘Maybe Patrick’s Mum can help…’
Proceed to fall on floor.”
A Different Way To Do A Presentation
“This kid was giving a presentation in class, then pulled out a screwdriver and said: ‘I could kill you, you, you, you, and you! Right now.’ If I remember correctly it was on safety, but he still got suspended…”
When Your Jam Comes On
“I was the quiet kid in this scenario:
I was a skinny, white kid and I was working at Jimmy John’s with a bunch of outgoing and loud black kids. While we were closing, I was doing the dishes and everyone else was doing their jobs. When we would close, they would blare rap music through the restaurant speakers. They would always rap the words and be really loud during the songs. So during one of the songs, when it got quiet, I randomly just yelled at the top of my lungs, ‘WOOOO!! THIS IS MY S—!’ And then I just went back to doing the dishes.
Everyone looked at me as if I had lobsters crawling out of my ears.”
Way To Conform To Gender Stereotypes
“We were discussing the Kitty Genovese murder case and how nobody called the police and/or tried to help her, so our teacher asked us what could be some reasons.
Quiet kid: ‘Because she was out of the kitchen.'”
Surprises At The Senior Party Karaoke
“I went to middle school and high school with this boy named Daniel. Never once heard him say a word, a friend of mine said he would whisper sometimes.
The night of our senior party we heard some music coming over from the corner where the karaoke machine was set up. At first, no one really noticed him because people had been singing on it all night and most people stopped paying attention. But this was different because no one was singing and the music was playing, the DJ stopped the music and started the song again.
Daniel was standing there looking frightened but this time around when the song started…he began to sing. Everyone in the room stopped what they were doing and just crowded around him. He wasn’t a great singer by any means, but 99% of the people in the room hadn’t ever heard him talk. When the song was over everyone started clapping and cheering and he walked away with a big smile on his face.”
Throwing The Eminem Shade
“We sat in the classroom in 5th grade. My friend had done a powerpoint presentation about Eminem. He talked about how Eminem lived in a trailer as a young boy. And the quiet, straight-A student stood up and said, ‘Just like you.’ Then the quiet kid asked to use the toilet. No one understood anything of what had just happened.
We lived in North Europe…there is practically no one that lives in a trailer here. My friend didn’t.”
Sassing Back The Teacher
“This was when I was in my first semester of college. There was this girl who never said a word. The teacher would ask her questions, she would just not say a word. I can honestly never remember her even making a noise.
One day the teacher got upset, he felt like she was ignoring him and that she was being disrespectful so he, like a jerk, said, ‘Did no one teach you how to speak?’
She stood up, walked up to the whiteboard, grabbed his marker and wrote: ‘I am mute, you foolish effer.’
Apparently, no one ever told the teacher that she had a disability.
But she was one brave girl for taking his marker out of his hand and writing that. LOL.”
