Unfortunately, when you find a great person to spend the rest of your life with, their family may not be so great. While it’s typically not a deal breaker, having a rough relationship with your in-laws is definitely stressful. People reveal the moment they realized their in-laws didn’t just dislike them, they hated them. This content has been edited for clarity.
See Ya Sister
“After I joined my husband’s family, I realized he had been ignored most of his life. His sister was the ‘golden child’ and most of the family were narcissists, or worse. He seemed to be the only ‘normal’ one.
When his dad died, we spent almost every weekend for months working on things. The last straw of ten years of drama and chaos ended in his dad’s house. My SIL (sister-in-law) went off the deep end and scared my teenage son because it looked like she was about to swing on me. She was mad at me for taking a few photos to give to her when she listed the house.
“This is MY father’s house!” she screeched.
Throughout the whole process, it was all about her and no one else got to mourn or suffer the loss. Fine. I cut her off.
She started getting in my husband’s face asking what my problem was. My MIL picked fights at the funeral home. I was done. I already cut my SIL out of our lives and my MIL was barely in our lives. It was good because I hated how I felt at all times. I didn’t like myself with them.
Two months after the house incident, my SIL found out she was expecting her second child. A few months later at the family Christmas Party, I left early with my family as we always did because we get up early. One of my husband’s cousins called and let me know how my SIL said I stopped talking to her because I had miscarriages in the past and she was able to carry her child to term.
My MIL, who knew the real reason why confirmed my SIL’s statement and they used my pain to make themselves look better and put me down. Again, this was after a decade of drama like that. How low does one person have to go to use the pain of someone’s miscarriages to make themselves feel better? I struggled with infertility and had lost nine pregnancies, one-time twins. It was really hard on my husband and me.
So that was my last Christmas Party with the family. I cut everyone off, blocked them everywhere, and only kept the phone number of my MIL open because my husband had to make his own choices. I wouldn’t be a person who told him he couldn’t see his mother.
I never saw my SIL’s first child a lot because it seemed like a checklist for her because her husband said he wanted his kids to know us more. I only met her second child once or twice when she wasn’t around. I hate that, but I have to put my family in a place they cannot be hurt.
I’ve never been happier now that the dust is cleared. I know a lot of people who know my SIL though and I hear a lot of things. She still tries to tell tales but knowing that drama, I stay far away. It was enough hurt to make my husband finally cut ties and keep limited contact, too.”
Wise Words
“My FIL is a narcissistic little prick. I’m really not shocked my MIL divorced him. She told me firsthand about all of the horrible things he’s done. He never tried to get to know me personally or made any effort to be friendly. I was just kind of there to him. He could care less for me.
Something you should know about me is that I am an incredibly private person. I don’t open up to everyone about everything I like, my thoughts, or even opinions. I like to be in the background of conversations and don’t like attending public functions. I’m just super chill and like to be left alone at home with my husband, and my husband is the exact same way.
Anyway, my husband and I were getting ready to have our first child. We decided when I was only one or two months pregnant that we wanted to postpone having any visitors for a while after she was born. One of our cats gets stressed easily and pees on the carpet with every move and every new pet we’ve brought in before she got used to it. So we knew that bringing in a baby would stress her out and be an overall adjustment for all of us.
For the sake of our sanity in wanting a peaceful home, we thought we should focus on getting our baby introduced to our pets, especially our stressed-out little fur girl, and give me privacy to heal from prying eyes.
We told all our friends and family we didn’t want visitors for at least 2–4 months after she was born. Everyone understood, respected, and approved of our decision except my in-laws. My MIL was overall just really sad that she wasn’t going to see her grandchild for a while, but didn’t insult us or try to talk us out of it.
My FIL, on the other hand, woof. We had shared the news in a group chat with my husband’s family. My MIL, FIL, and two SILs were in the message along with myself and my husband. He literally bombarded the group chat and my husband with texts about how narcissistic and selfish I was being. He went on to say that I was using my own child as a means of control. Seriously! I’m not joking. It was the most disrespectful I’d ever been treated by ANYONE.
It hurt so bad to hear him say those things. I already knew he didn’t like me because of how he’d treated me the past eight years, but what he said proved he didn’t just dislike me, he hated me. He was always giving me the cold shoulder and acting like I didn’t exist. He would exclude me from conversations, plans, or anything that took a married couple to make a decision about.
I knew in my heart that whatever kind of relationship his dad let me have with him, it was over. I told him I needed space and time to recover from how hurtful he had been. I planned to come back to him in full force later when I wasn’t a mess of tears.
He only apologized to his son for talking badly about me! After that, he would continue to text my husband about random stuff like he had moved on already. My husband would only ever respond to his texts telling him that he needed to apologize to me. This went on for three weeks. Finally, I got the crappest apology ever,
‘I know words hurt, I’m sorry for mine.’
I didn’t respond to him for a full month. When I did, I let him have it. I was polite but very diplomatic in my approach. I basically told him I would not tolerate any more insults or beratings from him and that I was not above cutting him off from my life and my daughter’s life. He never responded back to me, and I don’t expect him to.
My husband later told me how his dad gave him unsolicited marriage advice for years. I guess he felt that my husband needed to hear how ‘a good marriage’ worked even though his one and only blew up in his face. I’m sure it was some great words of wisdom.”
Once A Narcissist, Always A Narcissist
“My MIL invited me, my husband, and his two young boys from a previous marriage to spend a week with her and my FIL in North Carolina. It was a stop they were making on their drive back from their coming winter in Florida as we lived in Canada.
While sitting with friends and family watching the boys at their weekly baseball game, we had to tell my MIL that the boy’s mother wasn’t willing to allow them to leave Canada. After expressing her dissatisfaction with the situation, my husband and I said that we’d still be willing to visit them in North Carolina.
‘No, that’s okay,’ said my MIL.
‘So we’re not welcome without the boys?’ I asked.
‘EXACTLY!’ she replied.
That’s one of her milder insults. I have been with my husband for over 20 years and for the entire time, she has manipulated everyone to get what she wants. My stepsons who are now grown up have no interest in my MIL and FIL. They complain that they are boring and too serious.
When the boys lived with their mother within walking distance of my inlaws, they never voluntarily went to visit them and, like us, only saw them on holidays and occasional birthdays.
When my oldest stepson married, my MIL insisted on doing a reading for the ceremony. She said she knew she wouldn’t be invited to the rehearsal dinner if she didn’t force her way in. She seemed to always want to be the center of attention.
When we started visiting more often, she always had a written agenda of things she HAD to discuss with us. It was like a business meeting about things we didn’t care about. There was never music, fun, or lighthearted moments with people enjoying each other’s company. If my husband ever said anything complimentary about me, she would combat it with stories of how wonderful she was.
There are many more accounts of her poor behavior, some very disturbing. We have realized after doing a lot of reading that she’s a controlling narcissist and my poor FIL has had to deal with it the entire marriage. Sad.”
My Poor Wife
“There is plenty that has been said about my wife by my family. I’m a Caucasian male and my wife is mixed half-Asian and half-Caucasian. Either right before I got married or after, my mom told my daughter,
‘I don’t understand why your dad can’t find a nice white woman to marry.’
I was livid with my mom for saying this. I understood my mother had a problem with any of her kids marrying outside our race. But to say that to my teenage daughter who is only half Caucasian, how was that supposed to make her feel?
I once had rotator cuff repair surgery and was home with my wife after being released from the surgical center. My mom and sisters live in another state and they called to ask how I was doing. I was in too much pain to talk to anyone so my wife spoke to my mother for me. She was heading out to get us something to eat right before the phone rang. When she told my mom she needed to go to pick up food, I heard my mom say,
‘You should be cooking instead of spending money eating out so much. You could be sending all of that money to me!’
I was fuming mad but in too much discomfort to handle it at the time. When my wife got off the phone, I told her I would talk to her about it later.
My wife and I were decorating parts of the house and picked out a shade of purple to paint the formal living room. When my mom and sisters come from out of town for a visit, I showed them the room to hear their thoughts.
Mom said, ‘Formal living rooms are not painted purple, that is so tacky!’ Later came another talk with my mother.
Last year, I got a call from my sisters informing me they were planning on coming to visit and had bought airline tickets. They never discussed it with me beforehand to make sure it was okay. I told them I could not see them since it was during my wife’s birthday. Plus, my wife just had surgery and we were in the middle of lockdown. Both of my sisters were still living their lives carefree, not being cautious, or following protocols.
I told them they should have called to ask if it was a good time to come. Both of them got angry and were hurt listening to what I said. I also told them they were disrespectful and inconsiderate to not include me in their plans if they had planned on visiting with me. This caused a bigger argument when my wife got on the phone with me. One of my sisters said,
‘The world does not revolve around her!’
I had enough of listening to them and could not believe the lack of respect they had for my wife and me.
I stood firm and told them, ‘Your lives may not revolve around her, but my life does!’
I repeated to them again that I would not see them and that they should have called before booking flights.
There are plenty of other examples I could give where my family was hateful and inconsiderate to my wife. The ones I listed are just the top ones.
The one positive thing I can end with is my mom eventually came around to accepting my wife. It took over a decade to happen, but it did happen. She sat down with my wife, apologized for everything, and said she loved her like a daughter. That made me smile because I knew it was heartfelt.”
Hidden Tears
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“I got married about three months ago. My MIL came after a few weeks for some medical reasons. One afternoon, after lunch, she said out of nowhere,
‘Dear wife, by the time you started having kids, here or overseas, please watch your daughter so she doesn’t turn out busty like you,’ (I’m a size G cup).
She said I should press my daughter’s chest in the first few years of her adolescence so that she wouldn’t bloom early. She said she didn’t like my chest and that it was way too big. I felt horrible and ashamed considering that I’ve always been so insecure about it.
My husband was there that afternoon so I didn’t want to escalate the issue. I told her I could not do what she suggested to my daughter as I considered it child abuse. I also said that being busty did not prevent me from finding a good husband like her son. I cried all through the day but hid it from my husband.
He loves his mother so much but he would have been really angry with her if he knew I was hurt. He tried to talk about the incident when we were alone later that night but I just kind of dismissed it because I would have broken down in tears. All through her stay, I avoided clothes that drew any attention to my chest. I am also strongly considering reduction surgery although I might not be able to afford it for a few years.”
Toxic Mom, Toxic Son
“My ex-MIL (mother-in-law) was a piece of work. My ex-husband was a horrible excuse for a human being. An abusive narcissistic sociopath would be the best way to describe him. For almost 10 years, he broke me down and made me feel like I was worthless. I remember at one point I had just accepted that it was my life and that I wasn’t worth anything more than how worthless he made me feel.
The last couple of years we were together, we lived with my MIL. She watched firsthand how he treated me and never said a word, just made excuses. For example, the time he put me through a window and I had to be rushed to the hospital with a major head injury his mom told the hospital I had tripped.
They had the most messed up, toxic relationship I’d ever seen. The way they would fight, the things they’d say to each other, and the fact that it was just normal to them was mind-blowing. She never held him accountable for anything and everything was always someone else’s fault. She had ultimately created a monster.
After yet another incident where I had to go to the hospital and be stitched back up, I had had enough. Something clicked inside me and I was done. For the next month or so while I tried to find a place for myself and my children, life was next-level bad. His anger intensified. His bullying wasn’t working, though, as my mind was made up and I finally took my kids and got out of that house.
After I left, he kept trying to convince me to come back. He tried every tactic he knew, but I stood my ground. He realized it wasn’t going to work and gave up. Not long after, he passed away in his mom’s home.
I ended up having to plan his funeral and tell his kids. The day of the funeral rolled around and it was one of the worst days of my life. I was standing by the casket hearing 100 times over, ‘So sorry for your loss.’ All of a sudden, some girl he had cheated on me with and her friend cut the line and started charging toward me. They got into my face while standing next to the casket and started telling me I was nothing (among other things).
My MIL was standing just a few feet away. I was obviously upset and many other people were horrified by what just happened. She turned to the girls and said,
‘Make yourselves comfortable, she’ll just have to deal with it.’
I didn’t expect much from the woman but are you kidding me? I made it through the rest of the day because I had to. Her disrespect continued in the days after the funeral. When I said something to her about how she’d been treating me wasn’t acceptable, she said,
‘I’ll treat you however I want and it’s gonna be like this because you need me. I have rights!’
Nope! Wrong thing to say to me. I’d been through enough. I informed her that just because her son treated me horribly doesn’t mean she was entitled to treat me the same way. I told her I was the one with all the rights and she had none. I also said I didn’t need her and that her toxicity would never be welcome in my kids’ lives.
My MIL tried getting a lawyer to force me to let her see my kids but it didn’t work out so well. She knew she couldn’t say I was a negligent mother and ended up getting a harsh reality check from her lawyer. She had no rights!
It’s been over 11 years. I’ve stood firm on that choice. I raised my kids and made a great life for us all on my own. I’m proud of my kids. They’re amazing people and would not be who they are today if their father or his mom had anything to do with it.”
Spoiled Rotten
“My MIL is a rather rotund woman herself, as was my mom at the time. She started ranting to my best friend, her husband, her mom, my husband, my FIL, and my parents about how much weight I’d gained over the last few years. She said I really didn’t need to be eating ‘junk food.’ I was out of the room when she was saying all of that.
My mom was fighting cancer at the time, but my dad had to hold her back from nailing my MIL in the mouth. Points for my husband, who jumped to my defense and told his mother to back off. She then proceeded to lay into my FIL for whatever she thought he’d just done.
I heard all about this second-hand, accidentally, from my best friend’s mom (she thought my husband told me about it). Later, I also heard all about her saying how stupid my husband and I were and how she was happy we never had kids to be dumber than us.
She’s just disrespectful to everyone, but she’s perfect. She still makes snide comments about how spoiled I am because I leave the bread heels in the loaf so the ends don’t dry out – as most people I know do. ‘I must not have ever understood what it’s like to be truly hungry.’
Most of her issues with me are around food. I was spoiled if I declined a meal even if it was because I’d already eaten. ‘She and her boys ate what was put in front of them. They didn’t get to say no.’ Little did she know it was the same with my parents. I either ate what was fixed or went hungry.
When Mom started running my grandparents’ business, there was a bit more flexibility in my meals as part of the deal was a café. If having a couple of choices makes me spoiled, then I own that, proudly.”
Strike Three
“My husband and I married young. We lived in two different states. His brother was living in my state and dating one of my best friends, which is how we met. When we married, my husband chose to live in my state but he knew his mother would never let us live in peace. She was critical of everything I did, but I expected that and didn’t let it bother me.
When our youngest child was six months old, my husband was killed in an accident. I had him cremated and that was strike one. When we held services in my state, it was strike two. Strike three happened when the service wasn’t Catholic. His mom exploded in the middle of the memorial.
She pointed her finger at me and blamed me for her son’s death.
“You made him live in your state and he was working late because you wouldn’t quit school and be a real mom,” she yelled.
It was horrible. My oldest child was only five and he was traumatized by the whole thing. The odd thing is that we ended up moving to her state, not for her though. My brother and sister lived in that state because of people they had met through my husband.
I attempted to let my children visit my mother-in-law. On one visit, I had to call the police because she wouldn’t relinquish them. She called me a bad mother and would not give them back.
The last time I had to pick up my children at the hospital. While arguing with my oldest, she fed my youngest a peanut butter sandwich. My six-year-old had to use an epi pen on his one-year-old brother who has a severe peanut allergy. My mother-in-law yelled at me in the hospital and said I made the baby this way. Security had to take her out.”
“Appearances Really Mattered To Her”
“My mother-in-law complained to her friends that her son could have done better for himself, as I was just a shop girl. She knew I worked for Marks and Spencer, a big British retail chain. While I was at her house one day, one of her friends said to me,
‘I hear you work for Marks, dear. Where?’
‘In London,’ I said.
‘What do you do?’ she asked.
‘I’m in charge of men’s shirts,’ I responded.
‘Which Store?’ she asked looking puzzled.
‘All of them. 250 Home Trade, Canada, Paris, and Brussels and Export. I’m the Distribution Manager,’ I responded.
My mother-in-law then started telling everyone that I had a very important job at Marks and Spencer. A bit of an exaggeration, but it was a responsible and well-paid job. Appearances really mattered to her.
After we were married, she then complained about how I came home very late on a Friday night and her son had to get his own dinner. When she discovered it was because I sang in the BBC Symphony Chorus, it became,
‘We’re watching the Proms tonight on the TV. It’s my daughter-in-law’s choir, you know.’
The Proms is short for Promenade Concerts, a season of nightly concerts with a big range of international performers.
The sad thing was that it shouldn’t have mattered if I was just a store associate or in the local choir instead of a prestigious one. Her son loved me, I loved singing, and that should have been enough.”
Give It Up
“At a dinner at our house one evening, my FIL started grilling me about my family as a kid and growing up. They were things I didn’t like to talk about at all and everyone present knew it, including him. MIL started chiming in as well. They kept asking question after question, probing more and more.
It was getting really uncomfortable. They wouldn’t accept my one-word answers or attempts to change the subject. I even said I didn’t like talking about it but my FIL would not give up, even when my husband ask him to. Finally, I dissolved into tears and ran into the bedroom crying so hard I couldn’t see.
I could hear my husband yelling at him and then came in and rubbed my back which made me feel better. When I went back outside, I refused to talk to my FIL. He tried apologizing but I told him I wasn’t discussing the matter again. The next morning, he tried to apologize again, but in a backhanded way. This time, I stared him down which was no easy task, and said,
‘I told you I wasn’t discussing it.’
‘Why not?’ he asked.
I calmly got up and left the room.”
