Another Day, Another Horrible Boss
Let’s face it. We’ve all had an awful boss, but how many of us actually do something about it? Be honest. Maybe we’ve talked trash or dragged our feet on a stupid task when in all honesty you probably wanted to wring them by the neck. It’s okay! The workforce is not precisely meritocratic. All too often morons get put into positions of power.
Unfortunately, life’s consequences keep us from slapping that awful manager in the face after being a complete prick to you. But every once in a while, the gentle worker gets even. Every once in a while somebody makes the boss man pay through the nose and honestly, it’s pretty dang inspiring to watch.
Enter the story of “Finn”, a simple guy from the Netherlands who got pushed around a bit too much by his dictator of a boss. We’ve heard a story all too often, but trust us when we say this revenge has an absolutely brilliant payoff. Tyrants deserve everything that comes to them, and Finn’s boss who we will nickname “Napoleon” is due for some karma. He will not only lose everything in his life but just like his namesake, will be exiled to some lousy place in the middle of nowhere. It’s an office revenge story of historic proportions.
Napoleon The Narcissist
So first off, Finn is a 35-year-old guy who works in Belgium for a wholesale company. He was second in command at this firm with the head honcho being Napoleon the prick. “He also responds to ‘Satan’ and ‘Antichrist’,” Finn adds.
There are also some other characters in this story too. Introducing Finn’s girlfriend, “Samantha” and Finn’s simple-minded co-worker, “Norma.” There is also Napoleon’s wife, “Cindy.” So now you have a gist of the characters of this story we can get back to the real star, Napoleon the tyrant.
In short, Napoleon was an arrogant air-head who really had no business leading such a large corporate branch. He was also a bit of a micro-manager and played ridiculous mind tricks on his team for no reason.
On one occasion, Finn received a phone call from a gentleman with a horrible fake French accent.
“The person on the other side of the line introduced himself as ‘an important manager of your biggest competitor.’ For such an important manager his French was really bad, so I already figured something was fishy. And why would a competitor call me and introduce himself as being ‘an important person?’” Finn recalled. In the end, he had every right to sense that something was off.
Turned out the “manager” was offering Finn a job with the competition in exchange for company secrets. Finn promptly declined the offer and hung up. Weird, right? Well, not even an hour later Finn received another phone call but this time from Napoleon.
“One hour later I get called into Napoleon’s office. He then confronted me with the phone call and told me he was ‘testing’ me to see if I was loyal to the company and to him. He ended this baffling conversation with the words ‘and I will continue to test you from time to time in the future,’” Finn says.
What a weirdo. During one of the busiest workdays, Napoleon had taken the time to prank call one of his subordinates for the heck of it. Anyway, this paints a picture of how ridiculous this dude is. On top of this, Napoleon was also an older, mustachioed man who stood a few inches below Finn.
As the weeks went on, things only got worse for Finn. His boss began taking off work earlier and earlier, even leaving the office at 2 pm once a week for his weekly “Thai spa.” Being below him, Finn couldn’t really do much and of course, the skipped workload fell on his plate. He also had “special meetings” with the bigwigs in Brussels on Fridays where he got to skip out early too.
After this continued for a while Finn noticed something peculiar. Each day Napoleon was gone…so was Norma the young office girl. That’s when the gears began to turn for dear Finn.
Lower Than Low
Anyways, time passed and before long it was time for the company New Years’ party. Morale had not improved at the branch under Napoleon’s leadership but production did go up, largely due to a major competitor going under. The narcissistic Napoleon though took it upon himself to take the credit.
So at the New Years’ party, it’s company tradition to give out awards to those recognized for their success. Up onstage was Lukas, the company CEO, when he called up Napoleon for the manager of the year award. He had been in charge of one of the best branches after all. Finn shook his head in disgust. He was about to experience a ridiculous amount of brown-nosing.
“Instead of thanking his employees, this sack of turds started thanking the CEO for the faith he had given him, thanked his pregnant wife and then he started complimenting himself. I nearly vomited. It was disgusting to watch. Honestly, Napoleon reminded me a bit of Steve Carell of The Office at this point. But the evil version with an even bigger ego,” Finn dished. It was also the night Finn learned Napoleon was married to the CEO’s daughter. Nepotism at its finest!
Somehow, Napoleon managed to make him the most hateable person at any given time. That’s why a few weeks later when Finn stumbled on some information on him he jumped at the chance.
While working late once again due to Napoleon skipping out early, Finn glanced over at the security camera feed and was in instant shock. On the screen was none other than Napoleon and Norma the office girl locking lips in the parking lot. Finn’s memory flashed back to the New Years’ party– didn’t this prick thank his pregnant wife at that ceremony who’s also the CEO’s daughter? And here he was shaking it up with the young office girl?! This dude was lower than low! Who cheats on their pregnant wife? Finn was disgusted.
He knew he had unearthed some very sensitive information here but for now, Finn would keep it in his back pocket. He was playing a long game. The time to strike would come soon but for now, Finn waited with his ace card.
The Last Straw
It’s probably no surprise, but Napoleon was stingy when it came to vacation days. If you requested a day off, he would let it stay in limbo until unapproving it at the last minute. Finn had missed many trips due to his boss’s stinginess, but he had a plan to join his girlfriend in Greece for the summer. In fact, he had learned a little lesson from Napoleon himself.
After putting in his PTO request, Finn decided to pay Napoleon a call, except this time he didn’t use his usual Dutch accent. Just like his weirdo boss had done to him before, Finn called Napoleon pretending to be a manager from the competition asking about his resume.
“The plan was for Napoleon to know I was looking for another job and he could lose me, forcing him to do HIS job HIMSELF. Scary stuff for the lazy bum, so the plan was for him to give me my days off, to please me,” Finn hoped.
Stupid Napoleon took the bait and used his “important person” voice. Then he denigrated Finn calling him a “lazy and sloppy employee.”
“It wasn’t pretty. In order to prevent me from getting another job, captain a-hole over here decided to talk bad about me to potential new employers,” said Finn. “What a prick! What a horrible waste of oxygen this guy was!”
But the plan did work! Just like clockwork Finn’s vacation day was approved the next morning! Maybe this Napoleon idiot wasn’t too bad? All you had to do was manipulate him a bit! Finn thought he had achieved victory over his arch-nemesis, but the success was short-lived. After he had booked tickets and a hotel for his trip, ole Napoleon went back on his word one month before Finn was going to head to Greece. The scoundrel! When Finn confronted him about it the next day, he was almost speechless at his boss’s reasoning. Apparently, the guy had a “big” conference to go to in Prague the same week. So, Finn would have to stay behind to hold the fort.
Finn sighed but asked Napoleon to give him the rejection on paper to show his girlfriend. His boss laughed but agreed, unaware his second in command was building a case against him. This was Napoleon’s final strike. Finn was building a plan to set into motion very soon.
Baiting The Moron
Thing was, Finn already knew Napoleon was lying through his teeth. Just a hunch, but he knew there wasn’t some big conference in Prague. He just needed the proof. Finn had also decided he had to leave this job ASAP. Not only was he being overworked but he was given no room for promotion since Napoleon had shown up. But before he bid the lousy job farewell, he wanted to enact some revenge on his dear old boss.
That’s when lady luck walked into the room. While Finn was stuck at home and his girlfriend was living it up in Athens, she sent him a rather interesting post online. Turns out, Samantha was friends on Facebook with Norma from college…and she had posted pics of her on vacation with none other than NAPOLEON! Smooching!
Finn knew exactly what he had to do next:
“So my girlfriend was in Athens without me and Napoleon was in Switzerland getting laid. I was stuck at work and things were difficult because we were understaffed. I decided to email all branch managers (plus the big boss who never responds) asking for extra help and I couldn’t ask my manager because he is on a business trip and asked not to be disturbed.”
Lukas the CEO responded almost immediately, offering extra help for Finn and promising to discuss the matter with Napoleon since there was no conference planned. The next day, Finn received an angry phone call from yours truly. The CEO calling Napoleon had taken him by surprise, and now he was lashing out at Finn. Knowing how his boss is when he’s angry, Finn decided to record the entire call, and boy did he get a doozy.
“You are nothing. I can squash you like a fly. If I decide to take your holiday, there’s nothing you can do about it. You gonna sit there like a little girl and take it all like the wuss you are. Lukas doesn’t need to know I told you I was on a business trip. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. You leave that senile old fart out of this, you hear me?” Napoleon roared.
Finn smiled from ear to ear. That last line was all the dirt he needed on the prick. Finn couldn’t believe his luck; this guy really was not only the most hateable boss on the planet but easily the most incriminating! The case he had against Napoleon was nearly foolproof. He had him where he wanted. Now Finn just had to take things one step further.
Springing The Trap
Despite the Facebook pics, Finn needed more proof. He wanted his case to be as airtight as possible so he had to go deeper. And by deeper, he really needed to do some lurking into the life of Napoleon. For someone at such a senior level in the company, Finn’s boss wasn’t very smart. In fact, he had even entrusted Finn with his personal email just so he could do his job for him.
When Finn remembered this, a lightbulb lit up in his head. He was going to search through Napoleon’s email for any more proof of his affair. By doing this, Finn discovered Mr. Happily Married was in fact on Tinder! But there was even more. On top of seeing Norma, the old fool was also chatting with a woman from the Philippines. Nosey Finn couldn’t help but trace all the messages and emails to the very beginning. It turned out he had been talking to Norma and the other woman since before his precious wife Cindy was even pregnant.
The next day Napoleon returned back to work as if nothing had happened. Finn kept his cool, monitoring his email for any more evidence and waiting for the right time to strike. Later that day he stumbled upon an email confirmation for a restaurant reservation for two on Friday. Yep, he had been skipping work early to go out on dates with Norma.
“Gotcha again!” thought Finn.
On top of this, Finn had also printed off the vacation photos and sealed them in an envelope addressed to Napoleon’s wife, Cindy. He also included a note explaining the whole situation. The plan was ready to go in motion. The only thing left was timing.
The next morning, Finn dropped off the envelope in Cindy’s mailbox, rang the doorbell, and scurried off to work. Step one was complete.
Step two, when Finn arrived he drafted an email to Lukas the CEO complaining Napoleon had been missing too much work and had personally bad-mouthed him. Included in the email was an audio file of their recorded conversation. Finn smugly hit send on the email and waited a whole 15 minutes until the CEO of the company called him absolutely FURIOUS. But his anger soon turned to gratefulness. Lukas was glad he had an employee looking out for him.
When Finn said he was worried about any repercussions from Napoleon, Lukas assured him he had everything under control.
“We got that snake just where we need him,” he replied. “I’ll be visiting my daughter after work and we’ll have a serious conversation.”
Finn’s eyes widened. HIS DAUGHTER?! The same one who he had just revealed was being cheated on?! Finn couldn’t believe his luck. All his ducks were lined up in a row.
Finn looked up at his desk to see Napoleon and Norma both completely unaware of the storm headed their way. At noon, just on the dot, the two left early for work and went their ways.
At 4 pm, Lukas the CEO entered the office.
“Finn, my boy. Where is your manager, Napoleon?” he asked.
Finn, being a clever fellow, played dumb.
“Oh him? Not sure! He said he had to leave early for a meeting out of town,” he replied. “He always leaves at noon, every Friday, because he’s meeting you every week in Brussels. Or at least, that’s what he told us.”
Lukas looked dumbfounded. This was all new information to him. The CEO called his daughter to ask where her husband was. Thanks to Finn including that dinner rez in the envelope, she knew exactly where.
“Thanks, honey,” Lukas said. “I know just where the restaurant is. I’m going to pay that husband of yours a visit.”
Before leaving Lukas pointed a finger at Finn.
“Keep up the good work, kid.”
Finn clocked off for the weekend but he couldn’t relax; his mind was racing. When he returned on Monday, his old friend Napoleon was nowhere to be found. A devilish smile cracked across his face. Mission accomplished. When he asked around, some guy from HR told him he didn’t show up to work for some mysterious reason.
“Oh yeah, the damage has already been done,” Finn surmised to himself. As much bluster and frustration as Napoleon had caused, he was gone like a whisper. Pretty satisfied with himself, Finn carried on with work and eventually became the head manager himself. Soon, Napoleon became a long-forgotten memory until the topic turned up at a business lunch years later.
Finn’s colleagues chatted about the firing of the century. Talked about how Napoleon had been not only cheating out the company but cheating on the CEO’s daughter. Then they talked about the epic showdown at the restaurant that occurred between Lukas, Cindy, Napoleon, and Norma.
“Oh, how I wanted to be a fly on the wall when it all went down. I’d give my left leg to see this whole event unfolding before my eyes,” he lamented. Finn, being a great actor, kept his mouth shut and played dumb. It was later revealed Cindy divorced Napoleon, while Lukas, afraid of a legal battle, decided not to fire his ex-son-in-law. Instead, he demoted him to the lowest position in the company and sent him to a post somewhere in the middle of southern Belgium, where everybody spoke French. Thing was, Napoleon didn’t speak a lick of French so he was practically useless and quit after a month.
Now, the once high and mighty Napoleon was working a low-wage job at some convenience store. Just like the actual Napoleon, this one was exiled to a lousy, crummy place in the middle of nowhere. Good riddance!
Finn wanted to interject but now he felt no need to. He was living large and had already won his Waterloo against the infantile Napoleon. Karma always has a way and boy did it find its way to bite the old prick in end.
“I do not feel bad for that sack of garbage. Not one bit! I’m not the kind of person who enjoys other people’s misery, nor am I a sociopath, but this guy really boiled my kidneys. I never met such a narcissist, self-centered moron in my entire life and he wanted to destroy my life and the lives of many other people,” Finn explained. “As far as I’m concerned, I stopped him before he could do any more damage and saved my own career in the process.”
With the clink of glasses and silverware over the conversation, Finn breathed a sigh of relief at the luncheon. Things were right in the world.