What is supposed to be the happiest day of somebody’s life is very often the most embarrassing or dramatic. These people share the drama behind why they got uninvited to a wedding.
This Bride Needs To Get Her Story Straight
“My sister asked me to be her maid of honor. I was surprised because we were never close. I figured she would have asked our other sister, who lived in the same city, to be maid of honor. The sister who was getting married said, no, Laura had had her own wedding and our other sister had been Laura’s maid of honor. She wanted me to have a chance to be her maid of honor. I’m the youngest and there’d always been an emotional gap between my three older sisters and me.
I thought that was nice and I said, sure.
She was planning a low-key wedding in her friend’s backyard.
A few weeks before the wedding, I was visiting, and she said, ‘Let’s go over to Bonnie’s house, I need to pick something up from her.’ Bonnie was the friend that had the backyard.
So we go. It’s a big house in the suburbs with a huge yard. My sister and Bonnie are talking and my sister suddenly says, ‘Bonnie, you’re my best friend, will you please be my maid of honor?’
I didn’t say anything. This sister and I had never gotten along well. I wasn’t shocked that she’d prefer someone else. I was pretty astounded, though, that she’d ask this person right in front of me.
I figured that behavior didn’t even deserve a response. So I said nothing.
The next day, though, I was talking to Laura and told her what had happened. She was like… ‘WHAT?’
Laura talked to Andrea about it, (all right, she had a name), and Andrea was like, ‘Oh…yeah…I guess that wasn’t good.’
I don’t know why she did that. I don’t know if she even remembered that she’d ever asked me.
I do know that at some point she’d decided she didn’t want our father at the wedding. Her fiancé came from a somewhat snooty New York family, and our father was brain-damaged. He looked strange and said awkward, embarrassing things. She was embarrassed for them to meet him.
He’d suffered a brain injury in a car accident while driving under the influence.
So, a couple of weeks after replacing me as MOH, she told my mother that she’d decided to get married to a Justice of the Peace and not have a reception at all. They would only have Laura and Bonnie at the ceremony, she said.
That was what she told me, too.
THEN, two weeks before the wedding, Laura calls my mother and tells her that story was a lie. Andrea was having a ceremony and reception at Bonnie’s house all along. She just didn’t want my parents, and I guess me, to be there. (I don’t know if that was because she didn’t like me much, or if I would have blown their cover.)
Laura had still been invited. But she’d been feeling guilty about it and decided she couldn’t go through with it. She told Andrea that if my parents and I couldn’t be there, Laura wouldn’t go, either. She told Andrea it wasn’t right.
Oh, and my third sister was also still invited, but she apparently had no such qualms. She never wanted to make waves.
After Laura told Andrea that, Andrea decided she had to re-invite us all.
My mom and I weren’t happy about it. We didn’t even want to go. At all.
But we did go. We didn’t want to make a big family rift about it.
My mother was terribly hurt. I’m not sure how long it took my mom to feel okay with Andrea again. She may always have felt distant from Andrea after that. I understood how Andrea felt about the dad issue, but obviously, she didn’t handle it well.
Andrea said she felt really bad about it. I don’t understand how it all happened that way. I don’t think she apologized to me. She said it was a mistake to lie to my mother and me.
Our other sister, who didn’t make waves, died tragically about twenty years later. The wedding issue is water under the bridge.
But I guess you can see from this answer that I still feel a little bad about it, too.”
The Kiss That Killed The Friendship
“I was invited to attend a wedding by my friend and work colleague. On her hen night we eventually met up with the stag party and I got chatting to and eventually kissed one of the stags. It was nothing serious and I was planning on going home alone. I realized I had missed the last bus back to my own town. The guy I had been chatting with said he would share a taxi with me as he was staying with the stag and hen.
I then realized that he was the brother of the bridegroom. I also realized he was married and was very annoyed with him. Then my mobile phone rings and I answer only to have the bride-to-be scream at me that I should be ashamed of myself for flirting with the best man. I explained that I was not aware of who he was and that nothing other than some kissing had taken place. I told her to ask the taxi driver to confirm that we had instructed him to drop me off first and then proceed to her house so her future BIL could stay at her house as arranged.
She spoke to him and seemed to calm down. I got dropped off and went straight to bed. The following day I found a handwritten letter telling me that she could not trust me and that I was no longer invited to her wedding. She would obviously be professional at work but no longer wanted anything to do with me. I was surprised and upset for about 24 hours.
On the day of her wedding my daughter and I had a great day out and I never once thought about the wedding. Obviously, things at work were difficult and when I was leaving to move she was meant to give a speech about me. She made some excuse about her knee hurting her and went off to the local hospital. No one made a speech and I made a quick escape. I don’t miss her as a friend but I do regret not having the chance to sit down and tell her the truth. I feel I was painted in a very bad light.”
Disinvited For Having A Child?!
“Yes. I was due to be a bridesmaid for a friend in 2011. I had my first baby in Aug 2010 and became severely postnatally depressed. I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t want anyone coming to my house… I was paranoid and really quite ill.
Subsequently, I missed the bride-to-be’s hen weekend. It was a full weekend and only about eight weeks after I’d given birth. I was not ready or able to leave my precious baby girl! So I backed out of the weekend. The ‘chief’ bridesmaid made it clear that the bride-to-be was upset but nothing else was said and I assumed it was forgotten.
Fast forward to Jan 2011. We had our daughter Christened, inviting only family and a couple of friends who were to be god-parents. I shared a few pics on Facebook because it was obviously a proud and happy moment for my husband and me! The next morning I received an email from the bride-to-be. I was uninvited to be a bridesmaid and uninvited to her wedding. Apparently, the pictures had made her angry because she hadn’t been part of the christening. She’s not in any way religious and lived hundreds of miles away. I didn’t imagine it would be an issue. She said I had ‘upset her several times’ since the birth of my little girl and that this was the last straw. She, and her family and partner, all ‘unfriended’ me on FB and she cut all ties.
I was devastated that she could be so cruel. She knew all about my PND, which I was undergoing treatment for by that point.
Now, with eight years of hindsight, I realize that she wasn’t a friend. She was toxic and I didn’t deserve or need her or her treatment of me. Life is better without a ‘friend’ like that.
Whatever has happened- you didn’t elaborate and I assume you have your reasons- take heart that it’s most likely better for you to be out of that situation.”
Well, That’s Super Inconsiderate
“In college, someone I considered a really good friend called me to tell me she and her boyfriend of five years were getting married on July 4. She has four sisters and didn’t want to get in a fight with them about who would be Maid of Honor, so she asked me to be her Maid of Honor and her sisters would be bridesmaids.
So I spent months planning to attend all the events and saved up money (I lived 1,500 miles away) to fly home for the wedding.
June comes around and I’m talking to my mom who tells me my sister of all people (she became friends with this girl during college when they attended the same school) is going to be officiating the wedding and only family is invited. This was news to me. I tried calling my friend but she wouldn’t answer.
I called my sister and asked her what the deal was and she told me this girl decided to just have a backyard wedding. Ok, but she asked me to be her Maid of Honor to which my sister said that it was her wedding and she can do what she wants. True, but at least have the decency to tell the person you asked to let them know you changed your mind.
So not only had I been uninvited to the wedding and stripped of my Maid of Honor duties, but I had to find out from my mom, that my sister was going to officiate and the bride and groom wouldn’t even answer my calls.
I ended up going home later that summer just to visit and the friend called me to see if I wanted to come over. I told her after the way she treated me, we weren’t friends and not to call me again. This was almost 20 years ago. We’re friends on Facebook, but I haven’t said a word to her since that summer.”
Dang, Darla. That’s Cold.
“My close friend Darla (not her real name) and I used to get together weekly when she began dating Brad (not his real name).
Every week I’d hear this and that about Brad. As time went on, things with Brad got more serious. He proposed, she said yes, and when she talked about the wedding she’d mention me being there: ‘I can’t wait till you see the venue, you won’t believe how good the cake we selected will taste, etc.’
Months later, I was speaking to a mutual friend and realized Darla’s wedding invitations had gone out and I didn’t receive one. My friend asked if I’d be taking my boyfriend and when I told her I hadn’t been invited, she said I probably just hadn’t received mine in the mail yet.
As months passed until the wedding, I had to endure a few awkward conversations with people – who assumed they’d see me at the wedding – finding out that I wasn’t invited.
Eventually, the bride called me to apologize. She said they had to limit the guest list to a couple of hundred people and I didn’t make the cut. She tried to say it nicely, but there really isn’t a nice way to say something like that.
I was hurt to discover we weren’t actually close friends, but merely warm acquaintances. If it had been me planning my wedding before hers, I would have asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. Not inviting her to my wedding would have been unthinkable.
A couple of days before the wedding, she called to let me know some guests had canceled at the last minute and asked if we’d like to attend. I declined.”
Way To Invite Yourself
“Two neighbors and their two children uninvited came to my daughter’s wedding. These people were very difficult as neighbors. The woman homeschooled her children in an ultra-religious homeschool format. This included no slacks or jeans on her girls and household skills and religion, not education were emphasized. My daughter is an attorney and was in law school at the time. This neighbor was highly critical of my daughter’s career choice as being unwomanly and unGodly. Women were to be wives and mothers, period. The neighbor ranted about this as I picked up my mail at my mailbox at the end of my driveway on more than one occasion.
She’d preach biblical doctrine at the same time. These folks had the right to raise their children according to their values, yet did not agree that others shared in those rights to raise their kids normally. Their views, they believed, were the right ones. These folks also argued about everything in the neighborhood. It was not just against us. This included when people put out their trash cans at the end of their driveway for collection. They sent us all a letter that they wanted the cans out on Monday morning at 6 am, instead of on Sunday night. It was just crazy.
They even talked to our Minister. My future son-in-law lived with us for six months before the wedding. My daughter and her fiancé were saving to buy a house and pay off student loans. We had four bedrooms. My husband and I had the master bedroom. My daughter, son, and future son-in-law each had a bedroom of their own. They were not living in the same room.
The neighbors called our minister with their religious concerns. They told him that they felt our daughter was immoral because her fiancé was in our home as unmarried. The neighbors said they were concerned that their children would be gravely affected by what they considered blatant immorality. Our pastor called me and said these people wanted him to cancel the wedding. He was amazed at these people’s boldness and craziness. He was not canceling the wedding. He said it was the oddest, craziest call he’d ever received.
The neighbors knew the date and place of the wedding. The announcement of the wedding was in the newspaper. The family came uninvited to the Church and sat through the wedding. Their behavior was rude and bold. After the wedding service was over my husband told them we had not planned food for them at the reception and that they could not attend. The food alone was $75 per person. I was not going to pay for uninvited guests.
We then, a few months later, decided to sell our house and move to another neighborhood. We have never experienced neighbors like these people ever again. Hopefully, you will never experience neighbors like this too.”
How Did She Move On So Fast?
“Yes, this happened to me.
I have a friend. She was once in one of my adult ed classes as a student but we became friends. Her fiance at the time had MS and I was quite friendly with him too. I went to their wedding. It was one of the last times he walked.
We stayed friends throughout his illness, and although I wasn’t always there by any means I did visit and try to help. When he passed away, his family was absolutely ghastly to her, and I was there with practical help, particularly with the funeral. It was a horrible situation because she was made to leave her home with only four weeks’ notice. She moved in with her parents to a different part of the country, so we saw less of each other.
Within six months of his passing, she was dating again. Fair enough; it’s good that her grief didn’t stop her from having a life and having some fun. But, only just a year after he passed away, she announced she was getting married again to a guy she had met online, and she wanted me to come to the wedding.
I’m afraid my reaction wasn’t good. Frankly, I thought she was crazy. She had loved her late husband very dearly, but the four years she was married to him hadn’t been easy because of his illness and his family’s attitude to her. I couldn’t see how she could go from all the grief and healing from the pain to jumping into another relationship with a man she barely knew. I wondered if they wanted children, in which case I could see the urgency as she’s in her mid-40s, but that wasn’t the case. I also wondered how you could marry a man you met online so soon; she had only known him a few months.
I’m afraid that, instead of being diplomatic, I pretty much told her what I thought. Naturally, she told me that if I was going to be negative I could stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. So I did. And naturally, after that, I was no longer welcome at the wedding. Another aspect of this was that I found some of her politics rather upsetting and offensive, so it was good to take a break.
A few months later she called me because she was coming to my part of the world. We met again and had a heart-to-heart, and now we are friends again (we just stay off politics). She seems very happy, and I am glad for her after everything she’s been through. I’m also glad that our friendship has survived. Now I am more wary and diplomatic in what I say around her. She isn’t so well herself, and the time may come when she may need me again. I hope I can be a good friend to her once more.”
So Much For That Friendship
“While living in Montreal and planning our vacation to the Maritimes Province/east coast of Canada, a wedding invitation arrived from one of my friends, who were getting married in… the Maritimes!
Perfect! How many of his Montreal friends were going to be able to travel 1,400 km to attend his wedding? I wasn’t absolutely sure, but my husband and I sure were going to be there! I called him up (RSVP was either by email or phone).
He was ecstatic! His fiancée was from the Maritimes but had relocated to Montreal, so having the wedding in her hometown with her big family made sense. But as his friends were all in Montreal, he was thrilled SOMEONE from his team could make it. We chatted some more than hung up, promising to see each other at the wedding.
An hour later he calls me and oh so sheepishly rescinds the invitation. His wife-to-be was not expecting any of his Montréal friends to actually make the trip, so the venue and meal were only booked to accommodate her local friends and family. Having us join would be inconvenient. (Even though we’d been invited.)
I said I understood. (I was a little bit hurt.)
My husband and I still went on our vacation to the Maritimes and spent the day of his wedding not half an hour away from his oh-so-calculated nuptials.
But that was basically it for the friendship, naturally. I did bump into him a few years ago, and it was a little awkward. Maybe I should have sent a gift, but I’m not THAT nice.”
He Said Goodbye To That Friend
“My ‘best friend’ and college roommate was getting married and asked me to be his best man. We had been active in the Christian fellowship on our campus.
A couple of months before the wedding, I had a series of events that prompted me to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I didn’t tell my friend, but he found out anyway.
About a week later, he told me I couldn’t be in his wedding party, because ‘only Christians can be in my wedding.’ When I got to the church, an usher sat me in the back row by myself, and I watched someone I had invited to my relatives’ homes several times and who I truly loved, and stood by for five years, get married without his best friend standing by. I had never even seen the best man in all the years that I had known the groom.
A couple of years later when I married, I invited him to the reception at my wife’s parents’ home. He brought anti-Mormon tracts and was handing them out to my guests. I had to ask him to leave. That was 37 years ago, and I’ve never seen him since.”
Forget About The Family
“Yes and not just me, my entire side of the family.
My brother was getting married to a very evil and manipulative woman who made it no secret how much she disliked our family and they were going to have the wedding in her home state of Alabama close to her hometown. My entire family, including them at the time, live in the St. Louis metro area so it would be a decent trip for all of us. The wedding invitation included a list of the places they were registered at and that each of us invited was required to buy from. Nothing from any of the few places they were registered had anything under $100 on it and most things were $250 and up. Needless to say this ruffled some feathers and the family started talking amongst each other. I’m guessing that word got back to the evil one from someone talking to my brother about it and how many of us couldn’t afford a gift of that caliber on top of having spent so much to attend the wedding.
About a month before the wedding every single one of us in my family received a photocopied slip of paper uninviting us to the wedding. Now I know one of our Aunts and Uncle were planning on going and taking our Grandma as was our Mom. My little family was barely making ends meet so we were not putting a roof over our heads and food on the plate was our top priority. When this uninvitation came the anger and hurt in the family could be felt for miles. Not only were we being uninvited it was by a typed and photocopied note. People who were unable to attend but planned on sending gifts were no longer. Our Mom and Grandma were heartbroken.
In the end we still all remained uninvited but Mom flew down anyway and attended the wedding alone. We all had bail money ready in case she needed it though.
So that’s the story of me being uninvited to my own brother’s wedding. I no longer talk to him or his wife and have actually disowned him but that’s a different story for another time.”
