I personally don’t think anything should be considered too petty to break up with someone over as it’s your choice to be in a relationship. However, some of these are pretty petty!
All content has been edited for clarity.
Imagine Not Enjoying The Zoo
“I literally broke up with my ex after spending a day at the zoo.
I paid for everything (tickets, parking, food, gift shop, etc.) all of which weren’t cheap. Obviously, it wasn’t the first time I had paid for every single aspect of one of our activities but he typically had the nerve to at least act grateful for mooching off me.
He had the nerve to say our trip to the zoo was ‘boring’ on the ride home.”
We All Know Someone Like This
“It wasn’t my pettiness but a girl I went on a few dates with wouldn’t date me because she wanted to be the ‘artistic’ one in the relationship.
She was worried that me being a musician would spoil that for her. The funny thing is, she had no artistic talent whatsoever, she just wanted to live an artsy, whimsical life.”
Don’t Get Too Comfortable
“I ended things with a guy over various other reasons, but the most annoying was how many times he told me, ‘He would leave me for Miranda Lambert in a heartbeat.’
Okay, I get some people have a ‘list’ of celebrities they would leave their significant other over, mostly as a joke. But this was like every day. Just randomly. Not related to the conversations we were having at the time and he meant it.
He made sure I understood that if for some god-forsaken reason Miranda Lambert walked in through the front door, I was gone.”
This One Was A Good Call
“We only went on one date but he named his cat Creamy. It wasn’t even the name but the way he said it grossed me out.”
I Could See This Getting Old Fast
“She talks to people like they’re a hundred meters away from her.”
I Would Break Up With Them Too
“She wouldn’t clear the excess time off the microwave display.”
Filmed In Front Of A Live Studio Audience
“She insisted on hanging out at home. She lived with like 6 people, and they always had friends over. I felt like a boyfriend extra on Friends or Seinfeld.”
I Think This Is PTSD
“My grandparents were very Southern. When I was a kid, I spent the night at their house and heard them ‘wrestling.’
I heard my grandpa say my grandma’s name, Sarah, but with his accent, he said, ‘Ooh Say-ruh!’
I met a girl named Sarah who was also Southern. When she introduced herself as ‘Say-ruh’ I had to nope out. It just gave me the heebie-jeebies.”
I’m Sorry, What?
“She had the same first name and last name as my grandpa.”
This One Isn’t Petty
“cUs sHe TeXteD LiKe dIs! :):):):) :p:p:p:p =))))))”
Back To The Pettiness
“She didn’t like museums.”
Both Of These Are Madness
“He wore fake glasses and didn’t like vegetables.”
You Couldn’t Just Remember The Page Number?
“I almost broke up with a girl when she was trying to be seductive and yanked my book out of my hand and closed it losing my spot.”
I Could See This One Getting Weird
“She had the feminine version of my name and that’s just too cutesy.”
We Also All Know Someone Like This
“I had a guy break up with me in high school because God told him to.
I was like, ‘Uh okay guess I can’t argue with that one.'”
This Is Hilarious
“Live, laugh, love style home decor.”
The Description Is Killing Me
“I’m not single anymore, but I was told I was petty for breaking up with a guy because he had a terrible O face.
It was haunting. Horrifying. Like he was simultaneously finishing and having his junk chopped off.”
This Might Be The Pettiest One
“Weird ears. I’ve also quit a therapist over this.”
So That Was A Lie
“My wife once told me she couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t around the same level of intelligence as she. I have no idea how I’m going to keep it a secret that I’m an idiot the rest of our lives.”
Again With The Vivid Descriptions
“I can’t date anyone with lip injections. It felt super unnatural kissing her. Like kissing a baboon with rigor mortis.”
She Had To Be Testing Them
“She ate pizza with her hands. No, not like you think. She would scoop up the toppings in a messy pile and like an animal, claw them up and eat them then rip the bread and eat it. We were at a fancy Italian place and I got horrified.”
Yikes
“Years ago, I stopped dating someone once I realized he had weird nails.”
This Is Pretty Bad
“Eyes too far apart. All I could think about was Sid from Ice Age.”
You Just Couldn’t Get Past It?
“I broke up with a really attractive girl when I was younger because she didn’t swing her arms when she walked. It just looked weird and reminded me of a gorilla. It was a really stupid reason, I know, but it just looked so stupid and I couldn’t overcome it.”
I’m Sure They Have Some Stories
“Having dated two, I now have a ‘no nurses’ rule.”
How Much Love Are We Talking?
“Minions. We really hit it off but I couldn’t look past the love of minions. I can’t stand them.”
This Couldn’t Be The Real Reason
“My boss’s daughter’s ex-boyfriend broke up with her because they had a Dyson and he said he wouldn’t be able to keep up with her extravagant lifestyle.”
Phone Eats First
“She didn’t even let me take a sip of my drink until she got a picture of everything the waitress had brought out.”
Maybe She’s An Awkward Laugher?
“I showed a woman The Green Mile and she laughed during Del’s horrific execution. I’d never believed in getting the ‘ick’ until that moment.”
Okay Austin Powers
“She said I drove slow on our date. She likes men that live ‘dangerously.’
It snowed heavily while we were at a fancy dinner. I was in my father’s car because I had just gotten back from serving in Iraq.
She called me a week later, I said I need a woman that is more down-to-earth.”
This Is Just Strange
“He ate with closed fists around his utensils like a toddler and his face right up to his food like someone was going to steal it.”
This Feels Like A Lie
“She said I was ‘too religious,’ meanwhile she was studying theology at a religious college.
I am not religious at all.”
I Could See This Being A Dealbreaker
“I went on a date with a girl and it went really well. At the end of the date, we went to kiss.
She attacked my face like a zombie trying to eat my brain. It was like the worst, cheesiest, adult film-style kiss.
I finally had to grab her head and hold it still to get a decent kiss in, but I couldn’t go through with it again and had to bail on her.”
Thinking Ahead
“I dated a guy and on one date, he pulled out Sudafed nasal spray. He said he had bad sinuses.
I too had Sudafed nasal spray and bad sinuses. I decided to cut it short so as to not breed the chronic rhinitis.”
Specifically Grilled Cheese?
“I didn’t like the way she ate a grilled cheese sandwich.
There were more reasons but this was the deal-breaker.”
Now This Is Petty
“Friends with voices that annoy me.”
Why Do People Do This?
“I dated a woman who would always write everything using text abbreviations, e.g. ‘I want 2B with U 2nite BB’ Texts, emails, cards, notes, everything she wrote that I saw for the 2-plus years we were together was written like this, and she was in her late 20s at the time.
It always bothered me whenever I would see this. I was ashamed that I felt this way because it seemed super petty, and I never said anything about it. I felt that mentioning it to her would only make her feel pressured to change something that she clearly enjoyed doing, and that was to her a sign of familiarity and affection!
Towards the end of our relationship, I got a more serious email from her and it was written in a normal, grown-up way. It was so refreshing to read that email. Even though we were about to break up for other reasons I felt for the first time that I was communicating with an adult!”
This Is Reasonable
“She had a large tattoo of a half-zombie girl on her back. In intimate moments, I would feel like the tattoo’s eyes were on me the whole time and it gave me the creeps.
It’s one of the very few moments where I felt like I needed to make up an excuse to peace out.
It was hard actively trying not to lose my focus when that happened, so no regrets about weaseling my way out.”
This Is A Big Red Flag
“If their social media is nothing but selfies, especially if they’re striking the same pose in every shot. I had a match like that and it honestly creeped me out.”
There’s Someone Out There For Her
“She annoyed me and it’s actually the reason why I broke it off. I figured she was trying way too hard because of nerves, but as time progressed, it just got worse.
I felt like I had to apologize to everyone she spoke to because of how cringy she was. I was too embarrassed to introduce her to my family because of it.
She was otherwise a really wonderful person, kind, caring, and generous. She just said things like, ‘Haha you mangy sob,’ when joking around with me or my friends. I thought only pirates spoke like that.
I feel utterly horrible that I broke things off with her, but every time she spoke, it was like nails on a chalkboard to me. I didn’t feel like it was fair to her to date someone who felt like that towards her. We have mutual friends and she still tells them that she’s very confused as to why I broke things off with her.
She’s been single ever since. I feel so bad even now writing this out.”
I Could See That Getting Creepy
“She had a hyperrealistic Joaquin Phoenix Joker tattoo on her thigh. It was well done and looked great but I just couldn’t get past it.”
Surely That’s Not The Real Reason
“The tiles on his bathroom floor were too extravagant.”
This Is The Funniest Reason
“Her favorite song was The Shape of You by Ed Sheeran.”
Who Wasn’t Petty At 19?
“I instantly noped out of an otherwise fine blind date when she ordered apple juice, off-menu, at a fancy restaurant. 19-year-old me only knew apple juice as a toddler’s drink, and I just couldn’t get past it.
I’m no longer that petty. But I did make the mistake of mentioning this to my wife once, many years ago. And she now makes a habit of ordering apple juice whenever we’re at a fancy restaurant, just to see if I squirm.”
You Did The Right Thing
“They put ketchup on their tacos.”
His Name Was Colin Robinson
“Someone who talks incessantly.
I dated a guy who complained and moaned that he didn’t talk to his friends or his family because they ‘didn’t listen.’ He was very limited when speaking to them. In his defense, they were pricks anyway, especially his dad.
Anyway, I spent a lot of time with this guy and had a lovely time for the most part. But after some months went by, the talking became so burdensome I could barely stand it. I don’t mean 5-minute monologues about a bad day, either. I’m talking about 2 hours’ worth of just blather. Talking about nothing and everything. Frenetic. Frantic. Talking my ear off with no regard for me getting a word in edgewise.
Absolutely exhausting. I still refer to him as ‘the emotional vampire.’ He could suck the fun out of a room faster than anyone I’ve ever met.”
You Know Exactly Who They’re Talking About
“If they’re super into Disney stuff. It creeps me out for some reason.”
This Is A Wild Move
“He wore tighty whitey style underwear. I couldn’t shake the image of a little boy who pulls his pants down to his ankles to pee.”
He Nose What He Wants
“Not me but a now-married friend of mine wouldn’t go near a woman if he didn’t like her nose. Not if he found it ugly or anything just if he didn’t like it.”
Cyborg Behavior
“Eating their peas one at a time.”
These People Are THE Worst
“People that like to ‘debate’ too much. I’m all for having your own opinion but when someone thinks they have to be the devil’s advocate constantly? No thanks.”
First-Team All-Petty
“They pronounce the word ‘expresso’ when they mean ‘espresso,’ or ‘expecially’ instead of ‘especially.'”
Everybody Makes Mistakes
“Their ex is literally a garbage human being and the fact that they once found them attractive enough to want to date them grosses me out.”
It Sounds Like More Than The Voice
“Her voice. She sang beautifully but her voice when speaking was super gravelly. It was like she went out of her way to speak in the laziest way possible. I don’t even know how to describe it, you’d have to hear it.
I told a friend at work about it and they were like, ‘You’re crazy!’
I played a video where she was speaking, and the friend was immediately like, ‘Nevermind, that’s awful.’
I mean, I broke up with her for many reasons including massive levels of toxicity, but the voice initially was, like, not okay. I thought I could deal with it, but when all the other stuff came to light, I really started to resent it.”
Everyone Felt Bad For The Homeschool Kids
“She wanted to homeschool any future kids. I was homeschooled. I couldn’t do that to my kids.”
That’s Ironic
“He had kinda messed up teeth and his last name was tooth.”
The Chef Part Sounds Pretty Cool
“Basing their entire personality on their profession or a hobby.
I was with a girl who worked as a chef and I couldn’t cook a hot pocket around her without her deep-diving into how to make the hot pocket a 5-star meal.”
I Don’t Know Exactly What This Is But Co-Sign
“If all they listen to is pop-country.”
This Sheltered Kid Came A Long Way
“I was raised as a fairly sheltered kid in a very non-diverse American suburb. When I was around 20, I went on a date with a guy named Manuel. Although I had several valid reasons for not pursuing a third date, I’m ashamed to say that I distinctly recall feeling weird about the prospect of getting into a relationship with a guy named Manuel because it felt weird for me to pronounce his name. Yes, I was that sheltered.
Almost 15 years later, after having lived the past 8 years of my life in a South Asian country, and 5 years into a committed relationship with a man from this country whose name is as far from Western culture as it gets, I cringe so hard at the thought process I had at that time.”
Do You Love Pizza Too Much?
“They didn’t like pizza. Not like they couldn’t have pizza for a dietary reason. They could have as much as they wanted and just didn’t like it. It still upsets me to this day.”
How Many Times Has This Happened?
“If I’m coming around the corner and they jump out and scare me it’s over. There’s no coming back from that. I refuse to live in fear.”
This Guy Rules
“He was a coward. He couldn’t walk through a dark room at night, couldn’t watch a horror movie with ghosts or gore in it. He literally sat up in bed screaming like he was dying several times because I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and he thought I was a ghost when I was getting back into bed.”
She Sounds Like A Winner
“My sister-in-law took her bf to a concert he didn’t want to go to for his birthday. Mary J. Blige and the like. They have cultural differences, so despite her 30-year career, he has never heard of let alone listened to a Mary J Blige song in his life. I believe Rihanna and some other RnB artists were also featured. Mind you, this is largely for women.
So she took him to a concert that is largely for women on his birthday. Just want to summarize here.
He enjoyed himself. He loved it. He was singing along with songs that were easier to learn/recite the first time listening.
She hated that he enjoyed himself. She thought it weird that he enjoyed songs that are ‘for women.’ Mind you, she took him there for his birthday. To this concert.
So she took him to a concert that is largely for women on his birthday, and she did not expect nor did she want him to enjoy it. Just want to summarize here.
She is breaking up with him because of it. I couldn’t be more mystified.”
I Have No Words
“I once turned a guy down because his bedroom voice had a speech impediment. In public, he spoke fine. If he had a speech impediment 100% of the time I would have still dated him, but it was like he flipped a switch, and when we were alone to start intimate time he talked like a ‘widdle kid.’ He still used big words, full sentences, and proper grammar, but didn’t pronounce things right. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to kink or that was just him relaxing and slipping into relaxed mode. My attraction to him immediately dried out, shriveled up, and died when he asked me to ‘wide him.’ 21-year-old me didn’t know how to approach it so I said to go and bailed.
I felt awful and wondered if he maybe had a speech impediment and I didn’t notice. A friend of mine has a stutter and I literally never knew until he told me. I brought it up to friends and no he didn’t have one they were aware of. I saw him in public a few times, he talked normally, and we never talked about it or the night we almost hooked up.
A few weeks later, I heard he hooked up with a girl I had a lab with. She actually approached me and asked me, ‘Umm okay so did he ask you to wide him?’
It turned out she did actually hook up with him but felt icky the whole time for obvious reasons.”
Relax On The Haircuts
“He would get bad haircuts, and just as his hair was growing out and starting to look okay, he would get another haircut.”
As You Should
“I once broke up with a girl because she wouldn’t stop eating chips while on the phone with me.”
Quite The Assumption
“Her mom was not attractive. On the other hand, she was absolutely gorgeous and was a super-fit soccer player. Her mom was still decently young and just incredibly unappealing.
I thought she would look like her mom when she grew up.
To be fair I was 17, it was stupid and I should’ve just stuck with her, but it was also just an excuse as a kid in high school not to be stuck in a long-term relationship.”
That’s A New One
“On the opposite side, I was dumped because I was a vegetarian. She said we were incompatible because to her a fulfilling relationship is being able to split an order of wings.”
